How to catch a sidewinder
by SeverusSPrince
Summary: Snape falls for someone a little too like himself. Will all hell break loose or will our PM finally find happiness? This is a good old-fashioned love story, but not too sentimental. PLEASE, please review, good or bad, it means ALOT to me! CHAPT 14 UP! yeh
1. Waiting Impatiently

**disclaimer:** _Anything recognisable in this story belongs to J.K. Rowling. I did not steal it from her. I just borrowed it without permission, and with no intent of returning it._

_there is a difference._

_Authors notes: this story was born around 3 am one night I was sick in bed, and was reading stories here, when my internet connection failed me. (the horror!). To cope with the withdrawals, I started writing my story. I set it as romance/ humor kind of randomly.. because frankly I feel it roams a little back and forth between all kinds of genres. _

_I hope you like it though. The first two chapters are a bit slow, but get through them and its starts snowballing from the third one._

_ I would also like to thank my excellent beta _**loveseverussnape.**_ We are both first timers, but any remaning mistakes should be blamed on me and the ooo s are just an attempt at breaking up the solid block of text a little. I couldnt figure out how else to do it. if you have any tips for me, they will be more than welcome. Enjoy_

ooo

**Chapter one: waiting impatiently**

ooo

It was november.

It had snowed a few days before, but as always the rain had come and melted most of the snow away. Now there were only a few piles here and there, and since it was still very cold the remaining snow had turned hard and icy.

It was not very late, only around 11 pm, yet it was pitch black and the parking lot outside the apartment buildings was completely deserted. No doubt a direct consequence of the frosty and harsh weather.

Then in an instant it started to snow again, and just as it did, a girl stepped out into the parking lot. She looked around, then smiled to herself, as if happy to find that she was all alone.

She took a pack of cigarrettes out of her coat pocket and lit one.

She pulled at it with long, calm puffs and exhaled angrily. She seemed lost in her own world and fully preoccupied with watching the smoke as it rose, coiled, and twisted amongst the snowflakes before it slowly dissolved.

She was actually more a woman than a girl though. She was 26 and a first year chemistry student at the local university. It was her fourth subject in five years. It was also her seventh town in the past nine years. Every time it was the same. She had high hopes as she moved in to a new apartment, enrolled for a new subject or got a new job, and every time she would grow so restless that it threatened to suffocate her.

This year it was almost a new record for her. She had only been here since August, and already boredom and loneliness was driving her crazy. It wasn't that she didn't have any friends, she had hoards of them, spread all over the world. 'Friends' may be stretching it a bit far. There were many people she knew well, but who didn't know her at all.

The heavy snow stopped. It had quickly laid a perfect blanket of white all over, and a sense of peace fell over the parking lot. She didn't notice this as her insides raged on. _« I'm so sick of this!»_, she thought and kicked a towering pile of icy, hard snow to the ground, though it hurt her foot more than it helped her frustrations.

What she was sick of was waiting. Throughout the past week, she had not left her apartment, except to come down for a cigarette. She would fill her days with random activities like reading, drawing, and cleaning. She was usually a very active person, and staying at home for a week was really difficult for her. She had no idea what she was waiting for, but every evening she would make herself a pot of tea, sit down and wait for a knock on her door.

ooo

She had always had strong instincts. It was like she always knew when to call, what to say, and where to go. There had always been something like a little voice whispering inside her. That voice had kept her an outsider for as long as she could remember. Always whispering that she didn't belong, that she wasn't like them, them being practically everyone she had ever met, including most of her family.

That voice always forced her to try and look beyond what she could actually see. When she was younger she would complain to her grandfather. He was the person she felt closest to.

« The world feels too solid, it dosen't feel right», she would say, and he would smile and say that she only felt that way because she was a rainbow in a grey world. Later on, she stopped complaining, but the feeling of not belonging never stopped. She continued to look for a sign, any sign that there was more behind the scenes. Had the people around her really known how much time and energy she spent longing for more, they would say she was obsessed. Some might even say she was going crazy, but she knew she wasn't. That voice inside her kept telling her she was right not to give up. It was the same voice she listened to now, telling her to wait.

It had been a week now, and even she, who was so desperate for her instincts to be correct was starting to feel stupid. She felt like some idiotic girl that still believed in Santa. She pulled on her cigarette one last time and flicked it into the snow. She was just about to turn to go back in when her phone rang. A quick glance showed it was her sister. She picked up and hung up on her at once. It was planned between them. It meant that she was in no mood to talk, but at least she was still alive. Her sister didn't call again.

ooo

She decided to have another cigarette, and just as she lit it she felt it. It felt like someone suddenly lit a fire inside her. A fire that gently roared inside her, almost warming her up in the winter snow. She looked around. The parking lot was still as deserted as ever, but when her eyes fell to a shadow between to streetlights, her heart skipped a beat. Someone was there. She was sure of it. She couldn't see anyone standing there. There was no one standing there, but she felt it so strongly. She could feel eyes watching her, observing her every move. _«Look beyond whats not there»_, the voice inside her whispered softly. She pulled at her cigarette again and cleared her throat. Hesitating a second before she spoke. « Well...? Are you just going to stand there and stare, or are you actually going to say something?», she said out loud, maybe a little louder than first intended.

ooo

When he was assigned the mission, he had downright refused. The first time ever he had refused to follow a direct order. The reason was that this had nothing to do with him. It was not his job to round up strays. It was not his responsibility to bring her back. He didn't care what world she belonged in.

« I am far too busy for such nonsense. Can't you ask the mutt to do it? He sits around all day with nothing to do», he complained in a snarl that would have scared most people. The response came with a smile, « I can, but I want you, and only you, to do it». He objected in vain for almost a week, before he had to see the battle as lost.

So he found himself standing in the shadows watching her. She had come out just as he had arrived and he knew at once that it had to be her. He watched as she lit up her first cigarette and kicked the snow pile She was wearing a fitted, long pencil grey wool coat with white fur trimmings around the collar and sleeves. He had meant to walk up to her at once and get it over with as soon as possible, but for some reason he just remained hidden and watched her.

Her hair was black, curly and long, falling just above her breasts. Her skin was a light shade of olive brown and her lips were full and pink. His first thought was that she seemed older than she was. She looked tired and bored. He watched her as she paid far too much attention to the smoke she exhaled, and he watched as her phone rang. He watched her turn and step outside again, examining her nails with a sigh before putting a second cigarette in her mouth. He was so preoccupied with observing her that he didn't think anything of it when she stopped and looked straight at him. He looked back and held her gaze, and almost jumped when she spoke.

ooo

* * *

She held her breath a few seconds, before starting to feel really stupid. _« Talking to the air, whats next?»_, she thought and was glad no one was around to see that she might in fact really be loosing it. Then, slowly, the outline of a man appeared, right next to the streetlight she had been looking at.

He stepped into the light and now she saw him clearly. Raven black hair down to his shoulders, his black robes flowing as he made his way to her. He wore a cloak with the hood down, and a gust of wind made it billow around him. He had black eyes, framed with thick, long black lashes and his skin was milky white and smooth, except for the lines in the corners of his eyes and the frown between his eyebrows. She noticed then that he had an old fashioned wooden broom in his hand. The corners of her mouth twitched as she forced back a smile. _« I must be going mad»_, she thought just as he stopped in front of her.

« So I take it you are Sarah Kessler?», he said calmly and with a certain amount of deliberate arrogance. He gave her a look as if he had caught her spying and not the other way around.

She looked up at him. He was tall, very tall. She was tall for a girl, yet she reached only to the tip of his large nose. « Yes, I am», she said with steady voice and held his gaze. He might have won their little staring contest, had it not been for his desire to get this over quickly, and the fact that the wind was cutting through his robes and cloak. It was far colder than he had expected it to be.

He reached behind her, opened the door and held it open for her. « Shall we?», he said, still speaking arrogantly. With a slight smile Sarah closed the door carefully and gave him a vaguely curious, almost offended look. « If you expect me to let a perfect stranger into my home, you must come up with something slightly more impressive than appearing out of thin air», she said in an arrogant tone to match his. His frown deepened.

He had been so embarrassed by the fact that she had caught him staring at her, that he had forgot to introduce himself. « I am Severus Snape, the potions master at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, and-», he started to say, but the earnest smile that Sarah's face broke into, made him stop speaking. He was nothing short of surprised that such a statement could make her smile like that.

Sarah's amazement was short-lived and she quickly pulled herself together again, and wiped the idiotic grin off her face. « Well, lets not stand here in the cold», she said in a voice no colder than the temperature. She opened the door and walked in to wait for him by the lift. As he stepped in to the lobby, the first thing he noticed was that her hair was in fact not black at all. It was a deep shade of chocolate brown. So dark that outside in the night it looked black.

ooo

She held the door for him this time, and they didn't say a word as they waited for it to reach the fifteenth floor. He walked beside her down a long narrow corridor of identical white doors, until she stopped outside door number 1501.

She went in and the only thing close to an invitation to follow her Snape recieved, was that she left the door open behind her. He came into the living room just in time to see her hastily pick up a book from the sofa and stuff it into a bag. For a second she seemed uncomfortable about something, but it vanished in an instant.

« Are you expecting someone?», he asked as his eyes fell upon a tray set with two cups and a teapot. She unbuttoned her coat and threw it carelessly on the back of a chair, before sitting down in her white leather love seat and gesturing for him to sit in the armchair across from her.

« I was expecting you», she said while she poured him some tea and handed him the cup.

The tea was fresh, hot and strong. It smelled slightly of jasmine and warmed him in an instant. He sipped it as his eyes roamed the room. It was a middle sized room, with the kitchen in one end and the living room in the other.

The room was decorated entirely in black and white. The only color being a few green potted plants here and there and a vase of tulips on the coffee-table. They were fake, but made so perfectly that you wouldn't know that they weren't real unless you touched them. A low bookcase had been placed in the middle and worked as sort of a divider between the two areas. On top of the bookcase there was a rack holding three swords. One long and two slightly shorter ones. The wall behind the love seat was also completely covered in overloaded bookshelves that looked one sheet of paper away from falling down.

In a corner of the kitchen there was a large dining table, or what was originally intended as a dining table. It was clear though that she used it as a desk, because it was flooded with papers, and more books. The extreme clutter on her desk stood in bright contrast to the pristine and perfectly organised kitchen. He took a another sip of tea, and looked back at her. « How could you possibly have been expecting me?», he asked earnestly. After all he himself hadn't even known that he would come until about half an hour ago, when he had finally given up and decided to follow orders. « I just knew», she replied with a small smirk on her face. Snape snorted in disbelief. She tilted her head slightly and shot him a mischievous little smile. « Come now, Professor Snape, don't you believe in magic?». It almost made him choke on his tea.

ooo

Sarah finished her tea quietly, set down her cup and refilled his. Then she curled her legs underneath her and leaned casually against the armrest of the sofa.

« So why are you here Professor?», she asked politely.

_« Why indeed, Albus?»_, he thought. This whole situation was making him extremely uncomfortable. For all his abilities, all the missions he had been on throughout the years, this one left him feeling completely incompetent. He looked at her. She was looking at him, with fierce chocolate brown eyes that threatened to pierce right to the depths of his soul. She was patiently waiting for his reply. He looked away. « Miss Kessler, you were born a witch. When you were seven, it was decided that for your own safety, you should have your powers bound and live life as a muggle. I am here to offer you a choice. You can either continue to live your life as you have, in which case I will erase your memory of tonight, or you can come with me and have your magic unbound and live life as a witch», he said, then paused.

Sarah just looked at him and said nothing. Her face was without expression, but there was a certain glimmer in her eyes. _« Oh merlin, don't you dare start to cry woman!»_, he thought and felt even more awkward than before. Sarah didn't start to cry though. In fact Sarah didn't do or say anything at all. For several minutes, she just looked at him, and it soon became apparent to him that even thought she was still staring right at him, her mind was miles away. Curiosity beckoned him to explore her mind to see what she was thinking of, but another voice was telling him that it was not a good idea. He recognised the voice, the only one he had never been able to block out.

« I KNEW IT!», Sarah exclaimed and ripped him out of his own thoughts. She had in an instant jumped off the couch and was now pacing the room, growling to herself. « All my life, all my bloody life I knew I didn't belong. Fuck it! I bloody knew!». Then she suddenly froze and turned to look at Snape with wide, horror struck eyes. She turned a light shade of red as she cleared her throat, and sat back down on the couch. She returned to the calm, composed person she had been a few minutes ago. « But why were my powe-», she started to ask, her voice once again ice cold and polite.

« There's no time for questions!», Snape snapped. The urge to get out of this situation was overwhelming. He had done his part. Dumbledore could do the rest. « There is very little time and far to much to do», he lied, « make your decision. Are you coming with me or not?». He got up and picked up his cloak which lay neatly folded over the arm of his chair. With one graceful motion, he unfolded it and draped it over his shoulders. He was impatient and expected her to hesitate.

Through the paper thin walls they heard the neighbours baby start to cry. Unknown to Snape the wails were tearing Sarah to shreds on the inside. She closed her eyes for a second, _« Make your damn baby shut up!»_, then she opened them again and her look was determined and confident.

« Yes, I am», she said.

« Fine, pack a few things. Only the most necessary. You might be gone for a few days», he told her. Sarah reached for her bag and overturned it, spilling all its contents on the couch before disappearing through a door he assumed led to her bedroom. While waiting for her, he noticed a book amongst the things that had been in her bag. Only part of the title was visible. 'the Half-Blood Prince', it said, and he knew now why she had so hastily packed the book away. Sarah was back in an instant and threw her coat on. Then she threw him a look as if to say, 'come on then'. Snape looked back down at the book and then up at her again, and raised his eyebrows at her along with a mean little smirk.

« I almost forgot my keys», Sarah said casually and ignored his attempt at embarrassing her. She took her keys and went ahead into the hall. Slightly disgruntled that he hadn't been able to throw her off one bit, he followed her. Without another word they made their way back down to the parking lot

ooo

After checking around to make sure the coast was clear, Snape mounted his broom and told her to get on. Sarah looked at the broom, which to her looked no more sturdy than a twig. « Are we flying to Britain on _that_?!», she asked. He gave her another mean smirk. _« Whats wrong? Are you scared?»_.

« Is that a problem, Miss Kessler?», he asked. « No, of course not», she said and jumped on the broom behind him. « Fine then, hold on», he said and took off a split second later. The acceleration was so fast, they were past the clouds before Sarah had time to realise that they were airborne

Snape soon realised that Sarah had her arms wrapped around his waist, and was clinging for her life.

« Am I flying too fast?», he asked. « Did you say something? I think I dozed off for a second», came the ice cool reply. He sped up and felt her grip on him tighten. This made him speed up even more.

After about an hour, he was going so fast and Sarah was holding him so tightly, that he could actually feel her heart pounding against his back.

_« Just admit that you are scared, and I'll slow down»_, he thought.

Again he asked her if he was going too fast for her, but again the reply was no. Although this time her calm voice sounded strained, and forced. For some reason it bothered him, that she refused to admit it. He went even faster, and faster, but Sarah still wouldn't admit to being scared. He gritted his teeth in frustration. He, who had dreaded her tears earlier, now wanted nothing more than for her to cry and ask him to slow down. Wondering how far they had come, he dropped down below the clouds to see where they were. After a quick search for landmarks, he discovered that he had been so obsessed with trying to break Sarah, that he had overshot Hogwarts by at least a couple of dozen kilometers. Silently cursing he turned and headed back.

Sarah caught on instantly. « Forgotten where you live?», she teased him, and regretted it at once, because Snape replied by doubling his speed.

Her breath hitched and her heart was beating heavily and irregularly. She closed her eyes, clenched her fists and feared that if she held on to Snape any harder, she might break his ribs. « Are you alright?», he asked and the wind was gushing past her ears so fast that she barely heard him. « Just enjoying the view», she shouted back, her voice a couple of notches higher than normal. The view being countrysides and towns that they passed so fast that it was nothing but blurs of light and dark.

Suddenly, without warning, Snape let the broom fall into a vertical nosedive, going as fast as ever. Stupidly Sarah opened her eyes to see that the ground was growing closer at a literally neck breaking speed. Yet Snape was showing no signs of slowing down. She chewed on her lip to keep from screaming. They were only a few meters away from crashing into the graveled pathway, and still he was not slowing down. Then, half a second before they would have slammed into the ground, Snape straighted the broom again and touched down as lightly as a feather.

_« holy fuck! You crazy son of a bitch!»_, Sarah thought as she desperately tried to stop hyperventilating.

ooo

As her heart rate slowed down, she looked around and was stunned.

There was the Hogwarts castle, with her towers rising high into the clouds. As she looked at the building, her first thought was that it seemed to defy pretty much any and every law of physics and engineering. The only thing missing was if it had been hovering upside down in the air.

« Unbelievable...», she muttered inaudibly

« Do you mind?!», Snape growled at her. Puzzled for a split second, she realised to her horror that she was still gripping on to him quite tightly. « Oh! Sorry!», she said, let go and jumped off the broom. He dismounted as well, with grace and fluid motions, like he always moved. Sarah turned to him, crossed her arms and looked straight at him.

Almost as if to prove to him that despite his insane flying and the fact that she forgot to let go of him, he had not thrown her off balance for a second. Even though underneath her serene exterior, her heart was still fluttering like a hummingbird and her stomach was threatening to betray her. Snape shot her a quick look, but found that he couldn't look her in the eyes, and he couldn't figure out why he was the one feeling embarrassed. He turned away from her, and started to walk up to the castle.

Sarah followed, and as they walked up the path she looked around, and now it was dawning on her where she was, and what this meant. The voice inside her was screaming with joy. No matter what happened from this moment on, life would never be boring again, that was sure. Then she felt her eyes watering. She was so excited and happy, so overwhelmed, that she just wanted to sit down on the ground and cry. Sarah bit her lips and forced the tears away. She would definitely not cry in front of HIM. Never.

They walked down the many dark and quiet corridors of the castle, headed for the headmasters office. Snape was walking so fast, that Sarah nearly had to jog to keep up with him, but she was determined to keep up. For some reason, she didn't want to show him that she might not handle his pace. Just like during their flight, she refused to have him slow down on her behalf. This was very typical of Sarah, always wanting to be the strongest. In fact, if she had any idea where the headmasters office was, she would probably have quickened her pace and walked ahead of him. Just to show him she could.

They finally reached a stone gargoyle that Sarah instantly recognised. With a grimace Snape said, « Banana pancakes». With a little smile, Sarah thought about the song with the same name, and wondered if Dumbledore had ever heard it.

ooo

The headmasters office was, just as the rest of the castle, familiar in a sense, yet strange and unknown. The room was round and the ceiling was high above them.

A polished white marble staircase circled around against the wall and went up three whole floors. Perched on the railing, somewhere between the second and third floor was a beautiful red bird. She recognised the phoenix at once. There were at least fifty doors leading to who knows where, and practically every inch of the walls were covered with portraits of men and women. The largest portrait was hung directly behind the desk, over a gigantic fireplace and between the only two giant windows in the room. It was the schools previous headmaster, and Sarah felt that she as many times as she had read the books, she should know what his name might be, but right now her mind was a blank. In front of the roaring fire stood the man himself, Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore. Midnight blue robes, adorned with little silver stars, his unnaturally long hair and beard was silvery white as well. He was the first thing from the magical world that was exactly as he had been described and Sarah had pictured. Right down to the half moon spectacles and the twinkling blue eyes behind them.

ooo

« You've arrived a lot earlier than I expected», he said to Snape, « I do hope you took into consideration that this was her first time on a broom?», he added somewhat accusingly, as if he already knew that Snape had flown like a deranged man with a death-wish. Then he turned to Sarah, and his face broke into a smile. « Sarah Kessler!», he said with such warmth and familiarity that it almost shocked her. He walked up to her with his arms outstretched and actually hugged her.

« I do hope the flight wasn't too... unsettling?», he asked her, and gave Snape that accusing look again. Sarah who was wondering why on earth he had hugged her, smiled and said, « Not at all, I almost fell asleep», then she turned to Snape, « there was really no need to fly so slowly, just because of me».

_« You liar! You were terrified!»_. Snape thought to himself as he clenched his jaws to keep from saying something.

« Really? Thats good to hear», Dumbledore said and smiled at the both of them before turning his attention back to Sarah. « I cant believe it! The last time you were here, you were only seven, and look at you now, all grown up!», he exclaimed. « the last time...?», Sarah said curiously.

_« There was a last time?»._

« Why yes, when your grandfather and I...», Dumbledore turned to Snape and smiled, but it was a very different smile than his previous one. « I am sorry, Sarah, but you must excuse the professor and I. I remembered I have something urgent I need to discuss with him. There is fresh tea in the pot and you may use the silver bowl as an ashtray», he said, and both him and Snape left the room.

ooo

Sarah hesitated for only a second before she went up to the desk, poured herself a cup and took out a cigarette. She knew that they were standing right behind the door, even though she couldn't hear a thing. She sat down in one of the two large, comfortable chintz armchairs in front of the desk and blew smoke rings up at the ceiling. She looked around the room and noticed that the portraits were in fact moving. Most were asleep, and some of the frames were empty. She thought of where she actually was, and could almost hear her best friend's voice and how he would react to all this.

She smoked two cigarettes while waiting for the two men to come back in. She still couldn't hear anything of what was going on behind the door, but she had a strong feeling that Snape was being lectured. Finally, just as she was putting out her second cigarette, they came back into the office.

Dumbledore came to sit behind his desk, and gestured for Snape to sit as well, but he remained standing behind the empty chair. Stiff as a guard awaiting orders.

The headmaster rummaged through the papers and scrolls on his desk, picked a particularly thick roll of parchment and handed it to Snape. « The ritual instructions, along with the recipe for her potion is all in there. If you are not too tired from your flight, I suggest you start at once. Meanwhile I can explain things to Sarah», he said.

« Of course, headmaster», Snape said and without another word, he turned and left.

ooo

« I take it you are surprised by all this», Dumbledore said casually as he refilled her teacup and poured himself one. One look at him and Sarah knew that she could quit the act. « Of course not. Fictional, and not to mention dead, characters show up on my door every other day», she said a bit more sarcastically than intended. He peered at her. « Biscuit?», he said and offered her a plate of assorted goodies. She politely declined. « Are you sure?», he said. « Yes, never really been a fan of biscuits», she said with a smile. « Really? Well, thats a shame. They are rather delicious», Dumbledore replied and helped himself to a second one, « so I understand that Severus didn't really elaborate on the detalis of you situation?». « To be honest, all he said was that I was a witch and that I now had a chance to choose which world I wanted to live in», she said.

« And yet you trusted him enough to come with him without any further questions, or even proof that he was who he said he was?», Dumbledore asked with a clear hint of amusement in his tone. « Well, Headmaster-» « Please, call me Albus», Dumbledore interrupted her. « How could I not have come? How could I possibly have chosen to stay behind and never find out what would have happened if I had dared to go with him? Even if it turned out to be a lie», she said. He nodded, « True indeed».

«You mentioned my grandfather?», Sarah asked. Curious and impatient to find out what the details of her situation, as Dumbledore had put it, were. « Yes, I believe we should start there. Your grandfather, Branan Kessler, was a wizard. He came from one of the old wizarding families, maybe not the richest, or the oldest, but a respectable family none the less. I knew him well. We shared a dorm room during our school years and became close friends. He was quite the wizard, your grandfather, and very popular with the ladies, which is what got your family into the mess in the first place. The summer after we graduated, he married the most beautiful girl in our year. Maureen MacMathan. For years their marriage seemed idyllic, and perfect, but there was turmoil underneath the surface. There always is. Maureen was desperate to have children, she longed to be a mother, but your grandfather refused. He did not want children, he didn't even want to hear of it. He told her that if she wanted to be with him, then she would have to forget about ever having children».

Dumbledore paused to give Sarah a chance to ask questions, but Sarah didn't have any questions, she just wanted him to go on, and so he did.

« Her love for Branan, made her reluctantly give up her dreams of motherhood. Then, fifteen years into their marriage, he confided in me that not only had he had an affair with another witch, a ravenclaw three years younger than us, for the past two years, but that she was now pregnant and he wanted to leave Maureen to marry his mistress and start a family with her. That witch was Helen Quigley, your grandmother», he said and again paused. Sarah had never heard any this before of course, and was slightly gaping. « How did Maureen react?», she asked, as if he was telling her an exciting bedtime story. Dumbledore shook his head. « Very badly, I am afraid. Yes, when he told Maureen the truth, she was furious and heartbroken. Not only had he lied, and been unfaithful, but he was willing to give Helen the very thing he had denied her for years.

A child. It made her realise that he loved Helen more than he had ever loved her, and that hurt her more than anything. She granted him the divorce he wanted so badly, but in her bitterness, she cursed him, and his soon to be wife».

« I dont blame her...», Sarah muttered, « the bastard!», she added and had clearly forgotten that it was her own grandfather she was talking about. « Sarah, your grandfather was a good man. He just made a few bad choices in his youth. I would say the same about both Maureen and Helen. None of them really indended to hurt anyone. They were just young and acted foolishly on the impulses of their heart. Now, where were we? Oh yes. Maureens curse resulted in Helen loosing the baby. Not even a year later, she was pregnant again, and again she lost it. Your grandfather was a healer, and more than capable of helping her, but nothing he did helped. Finally after ten years and six failed pregnancies, you father was born. David Septimus Kessler».

ooo

Sarah nodded. This story she knew, at least partly. Her grandmother had told her about her six abortions, and explained that, that was why her fathers middle name was 'Septimus', which meant 'the seventh', but she had never heard the story like this before. « But if my father had wizard parents, shouldn't he...», she started to ask.

« I was getting to that. The seventh time the curse showed itself in a different way. Your father was born a squib. This broke your grandfathers heart. Not because he was disappointed, but because this meant that his only child would grow up and live in a world very different from his own. Of course, your fathers story you might already know. When he turned the proper age, he was sent to a muggle boarding school, and from there he went on to the university and met your mother. Their first child, your sister Roxanna was born a squib as well, and your grandfather thought nothing of it. It was just the bitterness and the curse that lived on. Then you and your brother were born, and maybe it was the tragedy surrounding that birth, that broke the curse, I dont really know why, but the both of you were born wizards».

Again Dumbledore paused, refilled their teas, offered Sarah biscuits once again, which she once again politely declined and lit up an old pipe that he withdrew from the folds of his robes. Sarah took out her cigarettes and look at him, when he gave her a slight approving nod, she lit one, and waited for him to continue.

« I will never forget it. The day your grandfather burst into this very office, interrupted a rather important staff meeting and announced to me that he would like to sign up his grandchildren to go to Hogwarts when the time came. Of course, as you were not born in Britain, your names would have automatically come up on the list for the magic school in your country, but he wanted you to go to his old school. He was so happy, and so proud!».

« Then why did he bind my powers?», Sarah asked quietly.

ooo

Dumbledore's brief smile faded, and his face turned solemn. « Sarah, do you remember how your brother died?». Sarah looked at Dumbledore. She didn't like talking about her twin brother. Almost twenty years had passed, and still she felt cut in half. « I remember that we were expecting guests that day. Darius and I were playing in the living room, waiting for our friend to arrive. Roxy and my father were in the garden. We started arguing over something, I dont remember what, but suddenly there were flames everywhere, and then I was outside in the garden, watching the chaos, as the house burned down, and there were people and firemen running around, screaming and shouting at each other». Sarah had never spoken about that day. She lit another cigarette with her first one.

« I remember when they carried his body out of what was left of the house, and the look on my fathers face when he saw him», she said. Still perfectly calm she inhaled the smoke deeper than she usually did, then held her breath for a few seconds, before exhaling it slowly. « I was always told that there had been a malfunction in the electrical circuits that caused the fire, but I suppose you are about to tell me what really happened». For the first time that night, there was a clear bitterness in Sarah's voice.

As exciting as all of this was, she was tired, and all this looking back was bothering her.

« If this is too much all at once, Sarah, then we can leave it here and finish talking in the morning», Dumbledore offered her. Sarah shook her head.

Dumbledore went on, « You see, wizard children have no control over their magic. Sometimes they emit surges of wandless magic. It is quite random, but stress or excitement can be a triggering factor. You brother was a very powerful young wizard, Sarah. Already as an infant, magic would burst from him, completely uncontrolled. This is a very rare thing, with most wizards, those surges wont start until they are two, three years old».

« Are you saying that the fire was his fault?!», Sarah exclaimed, rather angrily. «Of course not! How could it be his fault? He had no control of what he did. When it happened, he probably didn't even realise that his magic had caused it. It was nothing more than a tragic accident», Dumbledore said.

« Do you mind if we skip this, and go straight to why my powers were bound?», Sarah said. She didn't want to hear another word about her brother, or what really had happened. Dumbledore gave her an understanding smile. « After what happened, your grandfather feared for your life. To him, the accident was further proof that Maureens curse lived on stronger than ever. Your magic was not out of control like Darius' was, nor as powerful, but Branan was so worried, as was your father. The risk of loosing yet another of his loved ones, proved too much for him. Together they contacted me and told me about their decision to bind your powers. For your own safety. They asked for my help, and I gave it to them».

ooo

Sarah had a million and two questions. « I was almost eight! As much as I remember about my brother, I dont remember any unusual, or magical things happening around him...», she exclaimed not knowing where to start. « Well, I am responsible for that», Dumbledore said. « I thought it best to erase certain memories, both yours and Roxanna's, so you could easier feel at home in the muggle-world».

« But I never felt at home! Up to this very day, I felt that I didn't belong there!», Sarah cried.

« I know that Sarah. Whenever I spoke to your grandfather over the years, he expressed concerns that he might have made a horrible mistake, and in binding your powers done you more harm than good. When you were still a child and believed in magic, he hadn't thought it odd. All children believe, muggle or wizard, but as you grew up, and still held on to your beliefs that there was more to the world than what you could see, thats when he started worrying. You seemed so unhappy, and unable to adjust, no matter how much time passed. Thats why, when your grandmother passed away, he left the magical world and came to live with your family. He wanted to keep an eye on you. The very last time I saw your grandfather in person, was at Maureen's funeral. That time he was hopeful and told me that you had just turned eighteen, and seemed to finally have found your way in life. Two years later, he wrote to me, and told me about your little incident-». « You know about that?», Sarah asked shamefully.

« Yes, but dont worry, I am the only one at this school that knows, and I have no problem keeping it that way», Dumbledore assured her. « When he wrote me, he all but begged me to help him release your magic again. He had realised that you would never belong in that world, and he couldn't lie to you anymore. Unfortunately, at that time we were at the brink of a second war, and my reply to him was that he remained patient. Bringing you into our world when it's future was so uncertain would have been idiotic, specially after all he had done to keep you safe».

ooo

Dumbledore took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes. « To be honest Sarah, I had serious doubts about this, bringing you back, but when I saw you the day Branan was buried, I understood what he meant», Dumbledore meant to say more, but the look of shock on Sarah's face made him stop.

« I remember you! You were wearing a grey suit, your face was different, your hair was blond and you had a moustache, but it was you...», Sarah was gaping at him.

Dumbledore smiled and nodded. « That was me, with a little help from a Polyjuice Potion».

« I remember it so well. We were all standing around his grave, and Roxy was so mad at me, because we were at our grandfathers funeral, and all I could talk about was the fact that you were wearing a Gryffindor tie!», Sarah said excited, « and it wasn't just the tie! The second I saw you talking to my father, everything was telling me that you were no ordinary man! It was driving me out of my mind for months!».

« Well, it is an old custom to wear your house colors at a fellow house mates burial», Dumbledore said humbly.

« Sarah, at that funeral I could clearly see that you misery ran far deeper than the loss of your grandfather. Feeling partly responsible for that, I decided that when the war was over I would send for you, which brings us to this night.

ooo

Dumbledore turned and looked out the window. The sky outside was blue. It was dawn. « Well, I believe thats more enough for one night. Let me show you to your room, you need your rest for tonight». He got up and gestured for Sarah to follow him. « But, Headmaster...»

« Albus», he said. « Albus... what about the books?», Sarah asked as she got up.

« Ah, the books... the books are quite the conundrum», Dumbledore said as he held the door for her, « the magical community didn't really become aware of the phenomenon until the first movie was made, and by that time it had grown far to large to be erased, as it were. It is not the first time books with such intimate details about our world has made it out to the muggle one, but those were books written by wizards, or at least people with connections to our world. However, upon further investigation of the author, it soon became clear that she was a muggle, with no wizarding history or relations of any kind. That, and the fact that the books seemingly foretold a possible future for our world, left us to one conclusion. Can you guess what that might be?».

He looked at Sarah with a very 'teacher-esque' expression. « I guess the logical answer would be that she has some sort of precognitive abilities, but dont you have to be a witch to be a Seer?», Sarah replied as the perfect student, « but what do you mean, 'a possible future'?, I thought all this happened years ago?».

Dumbledore came to an abrupt stop. The staircase in front of them was gone. « Blasted moving stairs! If I ever find out which genius amongst the previous headmasters had that idea, I 'll have his portrait moved to the broom closet», he mumbled angrily. Sarah suppressed a giggle. « Come on this way», he said and led her down another way.

As he walked, he explained.

« Not at all. Young Harry was in his first year, when we learned about the books, and she had already written four by then. I dont pretend to know why she changed the dates. One would have to ask miss Rowling herself. As for Sight, that is an ability unrelated to magic. It is not even really magic, but something derived from the human soul. My theory is that she does in fact have Sight, to some extent. She has been given visions, from a world she didn't know of, or believe, and saw them as ideas for a children's book». He stopped in front of an oak door, looked at Sarah, and shook his head. Then he moved on to the next door. « This will be better», he said and guided her in.

« But.. Headmaster.», Sarah muttered. « Albus!», he almost commanded.

« Albus! How can the books be true? I mean, obviously they're true but then again, they can't be, because..well...you are here, and ...he is here», Sarah said, referring to Snape.

« It dosent surprise me that she changed so much. The real story wouldn't have been suitable for adults even, let alone children...».

« But what really happened then?», Sarah pressed on.

« Sarah, sit down», Dumbledore said and Sarah flopped down on the bed. « You must understand that you are coming into this world a mere months after a devastating war. We have suffered unimaginable losses. The wounds have barely had time to begin healing. I suggest leaving those books in the muggle-world, where they belong.

It does not matter what parts of the books are true. Just leave it behind. Let it be». Now Dumbledore was the one sounding bitter, and angry.

« If it had been entirely up to me, I would have waited a few more years before sending for you, but others meant that it had to be now».

« Others?», Sarah wondered. « Dont think about that now. Get some sleep, you'll need your rest». Dumbledore brushed her off, then before she could say anything else,

he excused himself and disappeared out the door.

ooo

Sarah looked around. The room reminded her of a small yet very comfortable hotel room. It was dominated by a large fourposter bed and a glorious fireplace, that Dumbledore had lit for her when they first entered the room. She dumped her bag on a large leather ottoman under the only window in the room. Then she caught sight of her self in the vanity sets mirror.

To say that her hair was windswept, would have been the understatement of the year.

She was too tired to do anything about it, instead she opened the window and bent out as far as she dared. The November morning air was ice cold and delicious. The windowsill was rather wide, so Sarah climbed up and sat down with her legs dangling out the window. She looked around the castle grounds and laughed.

_« Where the hell am I?»._

The grounds were large enough to fit a small village. The dawn light glimmered across the surface of the great lake, making it look like a lake of molten silver. Her eyes moved to a vast forest, backed up by several heavy mountains in the distance. Just by the edge of the forest, there was a small cottage, with a pumpkin patch and a few sheds behind the house itself. At her far right she spotted the corner of a green house, but she didn't dare lean far enough out to see it properly.

Again she fished for her cigarettes, and cursed when she realised that she was down to her last one. She put the cigarette in her mouth, crumpled the empty pack and threw it into the room behind her.

_« I have to call Leo! He'll freak out»_, she thought and took out her phone from her other pocket, but just as she did, she froze and felt really stupid. Then she figured she would call her sister instead, but her phone wouldn't work. Remembering something she had read about all the magic at Hogwarts interfeering with muggle gadgets, she gave up and put her phone away.

The calm silence of the morning was soon broken by a large group of kids, making their way to the cottage she assumed was Hagrid's hut. Some of the kids turned right and headed for the greenhouse. Amongst them a boy spotted her and pointed up at her. His friends turned to see, and Sarah let herself fall back into the room. As she lied half on the floor, half on the ottoman and felt pain soaring through her body, she wondered why the hell that had seemed like a good idea. For a while she just lied there, thought of all the kids in their school robes and house scarves, and smiled.

Finally she dragged herself off the floor, undressed and climbed under the warm covers on the bed. She curled up in bed, hugging her pillow as she always did and was sure that after the night she had had, she never be able to fall asleep. Then she yawned, closed her eyes, and was gone.


	2. Unbinding

**Disclaimer:** _do I really need to write one for every single chapter? Rowlings! Not mine, except story, and Miss. Kessler, who are the products of my underdeveloped brain._

ooo

**Chapter two: Unbinding**

Sarah woke slowly, shivering from a gust of cold wind through the open window.  
_« Oh, that was the best dream...»_. Sarah poked her head out from under the covers and opened her eyes with a wide smile. To her shock, she was not looking up at her apartments white concrete ceiling, but a lavender and cream colored canopy.  
She sat up with a jolt. _« That was no dream!». _She got out of bed and walked up to the window.  
It was all still there. The great lake, Hagrids hut, the Forbidden Forest, everything. Finally it dawned on her for real. It was real. She was really here. « I am at Hogwarts!», she nearly screamed.  
She jumped around and did some weird little dance of joy, before she noticed a dinner tray on a small table in front of the fire. She could have sworn that the table and two comfortable chairs had not been there earlier when she went to bed.

Not bothering to get dressed, she sat down and filled up on roast beef, pudding, fresh fruits and something delicious that she figured had to be butterbeer.

ooo

Finally full, she closed the window and headed for the shower. The warm water felt like a warm, comforting blanket. She thought of the previous night, and Snape. It was just so obvious to her that he had flown like that just to show off. Just to scare her. « Git!», she muttered to herself as she turned the shower off and wrapped herself in a gigantic, thick, fluffy bath towel.

When she came back out into the room, the tray of food was gone and replaced with tea and biscuits. _« house elves»,_ she thought with a little smile, drank two cups in record time and completely ignored the biscuits. Then she went to her bag and started unpacking face cream, body lotion, perfume and an array of beauty products essential to all women.

ooo

With a timing to perfect to be accidental, there was a knock on her door just as she was pulling a jumper over her head. She opened the door to find Dumbledore beaming at her outside.  
« Are you ready?», he asked. Sarah nodded and closed the door behind her. She followed him down corridors and shortcuts through tapestries, and down secret spiraling staircases, until she found herself deep in the heart of the school dungeons, standing outside a thousand year old oak door with a plaque that simply said: 'Potions'.

Dumbledore knocked and the door opened with a slight creak  
« Severus, is everything ready?»  
« Everything is as to your instructions, Headmaster» Snape replied, not even looking at Sarah.  
«Hello, Professor» Sarah said, almost to make a point. Snape glanced at her, « hello » he said quickly and indifferently before heading back into the classroom.

ooo

Snape retreated back into the classroom, and checked on the potion steaming away in the small cauldron on his desk. Sarah and Dumbledore followed. Dumbledore went up to Snapes desk and Sarah remained standing in the middle of the room, turning around and taking in every inch of the room. There were no windows, but three doors in the room. One was the door they came in through, and she couldn't even imagine what lay hidden behind the other two. All four walls were covered in shelves, cabinets and cases. All of them mismatched and different, as if throughout the years each potions master had added one. All of them were overloaded with jars, bottles and other containers in practically every size, shape and color imaginable. Sarah walked down a row and read the names on the jars that were labeled. 'lizard lungs', crocodile hearts', 'harpy feathers', 'toenails', and 'vanilla', were only a few of the countless ingredients.

« Wow...», she muttered, unaware that the two wizards both lifted their heads and watched her.  
« Wow», she said again, a little louder, and turned to look at Dumbledore. The second she turned to them, Snape turned his back and pretended to focus back on the potion. « This is by far the most interesting room I've ever been in...!», she said to Dumbledore. As his back was turned to them, neither of them noticed the slight smile that Snape was trying to suppress.

ooo

She continued to examine the room, the students desks had been removed, instead there was a single long table, long enough that she could lie on it. It made her think of a surgery bed. And for the first time she felt nervous. « So... what exactly does unbinding involve?», she asked the two wizards, and failed to keep the nervous tone out of her voice.

« In ways, it is quite a simple ritual. You drink the potion, then there are certain spells and incantations, then we wait for your powers and your body to once again merge as one. Sarah, I feel I need to warn you. It might be painful», Dumbledore said. Sarah didn't believe his last statement for a second. That voice inside of her was saying that it would be the single, most painful experience ever.

Dumbledore was still talking to her, « Of course, I am sure Professor Snape has all he needs to make this as... comfortable as possible for you».

When Sarah looked to Snape, she was hoping for some sign, some sort of reassurance that he would indeed look after her. Instead she got to see Snape take out a silk cloth and roll it out to reveal several different knives and daggers. He took out one, examined it's sharpness, and reached for another one.

He glanced up and when he noticed she was looking at him, he quickly looked down again, with a frown. Sarah didn't like the idea of being at his mercy, and wondered why Dumbledore even had him involved in all of this. It was obvious that he had nothing to do with any of this, and there was no doubt that the headmaster was himself more than capable of doing this.

« Are you sure you want to do this, Sarah?», Dumbledore asked her. « Once you do this, there is no going back to the life you used to live. If you need time, to think about this... remember what I told you about our world today. If you want to wait..».

Sarah shook her head. Even dying would be better than going back to where she used to be.

« No, no waiting. I am ready now», she said. « Alright, in that case, she's all yours, Severus», Dumbledore said with a certain smile and left the room.

ooo

Snape looked at the woman standing in front of him. Again she was clearly frightened, he could see that, yet she seemed determined not to show it. She was strong, stronger than he had imagined.

She was looking straight at him, with the same gaze she gave him back in her apartment

Fierce chocolate brown eyes. He could not look into them._ «Why not? She is just a girl»_, and then he caught the scent of jasmine in the air. He looked away, he could not look her in the eyes.

«lie down on the table, and drink this». He almost shoved a glass goblet into her hands, it was small, and contained a dark green potion. She wondered what was in it, how it was made. Maybe one day she would get to ask him. She got up onto the table, with ease, then lifted the goblet, but thought of something and lowered it again. « Do I drink it all?» she asked, again trying to sound unafraid, but her voice was unsteady, and her hand was shaking ever so slightly.

«Yes!» Snape snapped. She glanced at him and thought _«dumbass!»_ then emptied the goblet all at once. It tasted like grass.

ooo

Her head felt heavy at once, she had meant to give the empty goblet to Snape, who was now standing beside her, but it slipped out of her hand and shattered on the stone floor. She lay back and everything faded into a blur. She had no sense of time or place, she could hear murmurs, the occasional light flash before her eyes, and incoherent images. They could be memories, maybe dreams. She couldn't think, and she felt herself fall into darkness.

And then, light! Beams of light were shooting out of her fingertips, ripping her skin apart until she was engulfed in light. So bright she could not see, all was white, she had melted into the light, her body was on fire. She screamed but could not hear herself. She screamed louder. What was this pain? Her cells were being ripped apart, every cell on fire, she was on fire! she screamed once again, agony! she could almost make out a shadow above her, but the light was scorching her eyes she had to close them, and her screams drowned out the worried murmurs for the dark shadow standing over her.

She screamed til she had no voice. She had no thoughts, she had no feeling left, and perfectly numb, she once again fell into utter darkness.

ooo

Snape was pacing her room, for three days he had stood over her.

For three days she had screamed endlessly, her body twisting in agony. He had tried to calm her.

Tried every spell, every incantation he could possibly think of but it had not helped. Nothing had helped. She was calm now, sleeping, but he could still hear her cries of pain. It made him sick to think about it. He was angry with Dumbledore, _« Why had he not warned her properly? Why did he not warn me? Might be painful he had said, and assured her that everything would be alright. Well, everything was most certainly not alright!»_ He started pacing more angrily than ever. He was surprised she had even survived the first night. Her body had been so hot, he could not touch her. At one point he had actually been expecting her to catch fire.

He could still hear her pain, he could almost feel it, his stomach churned.

She gave a slight whimper, and he stopped pacing. She looked peaceful now, she had calmed sometime in during the night, and it was now almost noon, yet he could not bring himself to leave her side. He thought about her, down in the dungeons. So eager at first, exploring the classroom, his classroom. He was so curious about her. He wondered who she was. He knew about her background. Dumbledore had told him about her grandparents, intending that he be the one to tell her about it, but he wondered about her.

Then he looked down at her again, lying there, motionless. She had been so scared, he suddenly remembered her hand shaking as she drank the potion, and how she had tried to hide it with all her might.

He carefully sat down on the bed next to her. Her hair, that had been so radiant and flowing around her, was now tangled and matte. Her cheeks were blushed, she still had a bit of a fever. To his own amazement, he found himself thinking, that even now, she was stunningly gorgeous. He fought the urge to reach out and touch her, and he lost.

He reached and brushed a strand of hair away from her face. He stroked her face with the tips of his fingers. Her skin was so soft. Again he wondered why, when Dumbledore had insisted he be the one to do this, he had not told him exactly what was involved.

ooo

The door opened and he quickly got to his feet. « I think you should get some rest, Severus» Dumbledore said, looking at him with some amusement, « there is nothing more we can do now, but wait until she wakes up».

Snape said nothing, he looked from Dumbledore to the bed. He reached for his cloak which lay across the back of a chair, but then he withdrew his arm. « If you dont mind, headmaster, I think I will stay», he said, then cleared his throat, « it would be unwise to leave her unattended, just in case».

Dumbledore raised an eyebrow and looked clearly amused now.

« Whatever you think is best, Severus. Dont worry, I'll take care of your classes, and do notify me of any change», he said and left again.

Snape sat down on the chair, and leaned his head back. Until Dumbledore had mentioned it, he had forgotten all about his classes. He closed his eyes and again he could smell jasmine. A turn of his head told him he was leaning against Sarah's coat which lay across the back of the chair he was sitting in.

As he leaned back once more, he thought of her again. She was so set on showing her self strong and unbreakable, and she was indeed, but there was still something very delicate there, under the surface.

ooo

ooo

A stream of midday sun hit Sarah's eyes, and she woke up. Her head felt heavy and every muscle in her body was sore and aching. She blinked again and again, trying to focus her eyes. Dumbledore was sitting next to her on the bed. She tried to sit up, but her head was spinning like a tornado, and she fell back. Dumbledore helped her up so a sitting position. She looked around the room. She wasn't in the dungeons anymore, but in her own room. Someone was standing at the far end of the room. Snape. He had his arms crossed and his head was bent down just enough so that his hair hid his face.

Sarah looked at her hands. There were deep cuts on all of her fingertips. She remembered how the light had ripped her skin apart, and how much it had hurt, but the cuts were too identical and perfect. She wanted to ask Dumbledore how long she had been out, but when she opened her mouth, she had no voice. All of a sudden she remembered the screaming. She had thought that had been just a dream, but know realised that it had been her own screams.

Dumbledore gave her a bottle. A light blue potion this time. He told her to drink it, said that it would help her. She drank it without hesitation, and as soon as she swallowed, she started feeling better.

« How long have I been sleeping?», she finally managed to ask. Her voice still cracked and low.  
« It's been nearly a week since the night in the dungeons», Dumbledore replied, « how are you feeling?». « Well...I guess I am fine», Sarah almost didn't catch what he had said. Her focus was on Snape. She could almost remember him sitting beside her on the bed, but was unsure if it was a dream or if that had happened as well.

« Well, did it work?», she asked in her now normal voice. With a laugh, Dumbledore said, « of course it did!». She smiled and was about to ask something, but caught sight of Snape glaring at her.

As opposed to Dumbledore, who was beaming at her, he seemed downright angry about something.

« I take it you would like to freshen up, and perhaps eat something first, and then, if you feel up to it, we can talk about your future». Sarah asked what Dumbledore meant.

« Now that your powers are back, you need to learn how to yield the magic», he said.

Sarah glanced over at Snape, who was now glaring at something in the ceiling. She bent close to Dumbledore and whispered as low as she could, « I dont have to go to school with the eleven yearolds, do I?». Again Dumbledore laughed, « your father asked me the exact same question!»

Sarah wondered when he had talked to her father.

« I talked to him yesterday, and assured him that you have been in the best of care. Why, Professor Snape didn't leave your side for a second. Not even after I ordered him to get some rest. Isn't that right, Severus?», Dumbledore turned and grinned at Snape, who looked as though any minute, steam would come out his ears.

Sarah looked at Snape. « Thank you», she said quietly and meant it, but he didn't answer. He didn't even look at her.

ooo

« well, I should think that you would like some time to yourself now, yes?» Dumbledore stood up. She nodded, realising that she hadn't had any food in a week, nor had she showered. _« Oh god, I must look a right mess»_ she thought. Dumbledore was at the door now, and Snape had gone.

«when you are ready, come to my office and we shall continue our talk there. Do you remember the password?»

«Yes, banana pancakes» she said with a smile. « Thats right» Dumbledore gave her a wink and left the room. She waited a few minutes, afraid to move her body, before the urge to wash became too strong. When she got out of bed, she found she moved with amazing ease, her aches and pain were all gone. Even the wounds on her fingertips had healed without a trace.

«_What had been in that potion? It was almost like magic»,_ She laughed, «_it WAS magic!»_

She took of her clothes and went into the bathroom.

As she showered she wondered about Snape. She had a hard time believing that he had watched over her like that. It sort of went against anything she had ever imagined him to be like. She thought about the pain, and wondered if he had heard her scream. She was sure the screams had only been in her head, as she could hardly hear them herself. Then she wondered if he had helped ease her pain, and what it would have been like if he hadn't been there.

She could not imagine, she dared not.

She dried herself off, wrapped a towel around her hair and got dressed. She looked over at the table, once again a tray of food had been left there, without her notice. Then she saw the black cloak, hanging over the chair. In his hurry to leave the room, Snape had forgotten it. Curious, she put it on.

It was huge, and when she put the hood up, she disappeared completely in a cloud of black wool. Suddenly she feared that he would return to fetch his cloak, and something told her that he wouldn't be pleased if he found her prancing around in it. She took it off and folded it back over the chair.

She ate fast, not because she was starving, even though she was, but because she was so eager to get out of the room, and explore the castle on her way to Dumbledore's office. She went back into the bathroom and took off the towel around her hair. She glanced in the mirror and was shocked.

It was blonde! She stood there, gaping at her own reflection for a moment then remembered something she had read in the books.

« I'm a metamorphmagus?!», she exclaimed. She had not seen that one coming. Yet another surprise, added to the lifetimes worth she had received the past week.

She closed her eyed and concentrated so hard that she was trembling, and as suspected, when she opened her eyes, her hair was a vivid shade of green. She was delighted, and closed her eyes again, thinking of a different color. Again it changed. She laughed out loud! After a variety of colors and lengths, she settled on her own color and curls, but longer than it had ever been, down to her waist. She had always dreamed of waistlenght hair.

Finally she left the room and went to see Dumbledore again.

ooo

«Come in» he said and she opened the door carefully. He was sitting behind his desk, and Snape was sitting in one of the two chairs in front of it. He did not turn around, and said nothing as she came in and at Dumbledore beckon sat down in the chair next to him.

« I see you have already discovered some of your abilities» he smiled at her, looking at her hair, which was now almost twice the length it had been earlier the same day.

She beamed « Yes, after I showered, I suddenly discovered that it had turned blond. Thats why I'm perhaps a bit late, it's quite fun, being able to change my appearance at will. But I guess I need to learn a drying spell, as there are no electric hairdryers here.»

«Oh, not to worry, I can help you today» Dumbledore said, and with a wave of his wand, she felt her hair dry, and form perfect curls, « your grandfather was one as well, you know, inherited it from his mother I believe».

Snape, who to this point had been determined not to look at her, still embarrassed about Dumbledore's comment about how he had not left her side, glanced at her.

His insides fell at ease when he saw that she did not look frail and sickly anymore, in fact, he could almost swear that she was glowing. He glanced over at her a few more times, until he noticed Dumbledore looking at him, he had seen him look at her. He quickly looked away, fixing his eyes on a cloud outside in the sky.

Dumbledore had indeed noticed Snapes stolen glances, but said nothing, just smiled to himself, then looked back at Sarah.

ooo

« Sarah, I am going to offer you an assisting position to the Muggle Studies teacher, Professor Burnett. She is not as young as she used to be, and has asked for someone to help share the load, and who would know more about muggle life than you? It will come with a small salary of course. Also the Professors have generously agreed to give up an evening each, in order to give the lessons you need, we will start with the very basics first; Charms, Transfiguration, Herbology, Defence against the Dark Arts and of course Potions» Dumbledore gestured toward Snape.

« Now am I correct in assuming that you will accept my offer?»

She smiled and gave a nod. «Well then there are a few things we need to do. First I must tell you that your grandfathers family have a vault at Gringotts. The key to it has been in your fathers care, and he will give this to you when you go back home. You will of course be needing a wand, books and supplies for your courses. I have a complete list for you here.» Dumbledore handed her a rather long piece of parchment. « You will find that I have enclosed some books that are from other subjects, than the ones you will be taking initially These are subjects which are based more on theory than practice, and I am quite sure you will have no problem studying them at your own leisure».

Dumbledore paused, ruffled through some papers and made some notes on a roll of parchment, before moving on.

ooo

« Professor Snape, has graciously agreed to take you back home. You will have some time to settle your affairs, I believe you have a job back home? Yes and school. Well then lets say a month to make the necessary arrangements, and I take it you will want to spend Christmas with you family»,

he waited for her reply, she nodded, and he went on « well then, someone will be back to fetch on boxing day, after which you will proceed to Diagon Alley to purchase the things you need, and you will be back here, I think it is best for you to have time to get to know the school and the teachers before the new term starts. How does that sound to you dear?».

« That sounds great, but I am sure I can get to London on my own, and back up here. I wouldn't want to trouble anyone», Sarah replied.

« That's true, and kind of you, Sarah. However, it would be a lot faster and easier, if you had someone with you to show you around, not mention travel with. Muggle transport is rather slow in comparison. Besides I have already talked to Professor Snape about this, and he would be more than happy to accompany you. It would be no trouble for him at all», said Dumbledore.

Snape, who was still seemingly enthralled by the clouds outside, turned to look at Dumbledore.

This was the first he had heard about him being the one to take her to get her things, and he was certainly not 'more than happy to do it'. In fact it would be a lot of trouble for him to spend his days off, flying around with her. His eyes met Dumbledore's. The old wizard was smiling at him, and Snape knew that there would be no point in objecting to this, so he turned his attention back to the skies outside.

« Alright then...», Sarah said hesitantly, « I'll be waiting for you on boxing day, Professor».

« Excellent!», Dumbledore said happily. Snape, however, ignored her.

« Well, then I think that's it. Severus, as Sarah has her magic now, you can apparate back with her. There will be no need to take her on a broom». Dumbledore winked discreetly at Sarah, who appeared not react in anyway. Hadn't Snape been there, she would have probably kissed Dumbledore out of gratitude. There was no way she ever wanted to get back on a broom again.

ooo

Dumbledore wrapped things up, and followed them to his door. After a quick goodbye, Sarah was again standing outside the stone gargoyle, facing Snape.

« Do you have everything you need?», he asked. It was first thing he had said to her all day.

« My bag is still in my room», she replied. « fine, if you can manage the simple task of finding your way on your own, I will go to my own quarters to fetch a cloak. Get your bag, and meet me outside the gates in five minutes», he ordered.

Sarah ignored his little insult and headed for her room without a word.

« That's five minutes! I do not have all day!», Snape called after her. « Yes, sir!», she called back without bothering to turn.

The second she turned a corner, and was sure he couldn't see her, she started sprinting. She had her mind set on being the first at the gates, and she still had to pack her things.

Back in her room she found her bag packed and waiting for her, along with a note from Dumbledore.

He had instructed a house elf to pack her things, and cast an undetectable extension charm on it.

To make packing her things for boxing day a little easier. She threw on her coat, took her bag, and ran for it. On her way she wondered why the halls were deserted, then it came to her that the whole school was busy in class. She reached the entrance hall quickly, but just as she came out, she spotted a black silhouette waiting for her by the gate. « Dammit!», she growled and sped up.

ooo

When she reached Snape, he had his arms crossed and an eyebrow raised. He smirked at her, almost as if to say: 'I win'. She smiled back, and asked how they would apparate.

« All you need to do is hold on, and leave the rest to me», he said rather impatiently.

She snorted and rolled her eyes. _« It was just a question...git»._

He might have noticed, because when he spoke again, his tone was almost polite.

« Miss. Kessler, as you have no wand, it is vital that you hold on and under no circumstances let go».

Sarah responded with a single nod. _« Hold on, dont let go. I can do that»_

Then Snape stepped right up to her, and put his arms around her waist. « Ready?».

Sarah nodded again. She seemed to have lost her ability to speak.

He was just a little too close to her, holding her just a little too hard. Suddenly she wished they had flown instead. At least then she wouldn't have to stand in his arms like this, face to face.

Unknown to Sarah, Snape was thinking almost the exact same thing. He too would much rather have flown, than have to hold her like this. She took hold of his arms. The incredible awkwardness of the position they were in, would have to be ignored. She wondered what would happen if they let go. If it was possible that he might loose her along the way.

She didn't have time to finish her thought before Snape turned on the spot, still holding her.

ooo

Sarah felt as if she had just been caught under an avalanche. In an instant they were surrounded by darkness, and there was a crushing pressure from every direction. She couldn't breathe, and Snape tightening his hold on her, did nothing to help. She responded by driving her fingers into his biceps.

She was choking. Her body was desperate to draw breath, but the pressure refused to let her chest expand to take in air. If there even was air. Then, just as she was sure she would choke to death, the pressure eased and they were standing in the small woods behind her apartment building.

Remembering last time, she let go of him as soon as they arrived, but the ground was covered in wet slippery leaves, and she slipped. He grabbed her, to prevent her from falling, and for a second she was in his arms again. Snape could smell the sweet smell of jasmine.

Their eyes met for the briefest of moments, before both looked away and broke apart. «I take you can find your way from here?» he said, impatiently. No sooner had she said yes, than he murmured a quick «Goodbye», turned and was gone.


	3. Boxing day

**Disclaimer:** _yes, it is still Rowlings characters I'm playing with._

ooo

**Chapter three: Boxing day**

ooo

Sarah was lying on her bed, sharing a cigarette with her sister, who was lying next to her.  
They looked much the same. She too had dark brown hair and chocolate brown eyes. They had the same perfect nose and the same full lips, the same height. She was a little older, and compared to Sarahs usual waistlenght hair, the womans hair was much shorter, reaching only above her chest.

« When was he supposed to be here?», Roxanna asked as she handed the cigarette back to her younger sister. « Around noon», Sarah said and blew smoke towards one of the posters on her wall.

She had spent the last month preparing for today. She had quit her job, left school, canceled the lease on her apartment and was back in her hometown. She had been there a week now, doing little other than waiting for boxing day.

Her bag was waiting in the corner, stuffed with her books, clothes and everything else she wanted to bring. The extension charm had done its part to help. Without that she would probably have needed three trunks, just to carry her books. Roxanna got up and started pacing the room, wondering how Sarah could be so calm. Snape was more than five hours late, and Roxanna seemed on the brink of hysteria.

With a massive sigh, Roxanna slumped back down on the bed. « I cant believe you are so calm! He should have been here hours ago! What if he forgot? What if something happened? How can you not be worried? Why dont you call him and see where he is?!»

Sarah sat up and slapped her sister upside the head, « Call him? Would that be on the cell-phone he doesn't have?».

At that moment the doorbell rang. Roxanna jumped off the bed, « What if thats him!?».

« You wont know if you don't open the door now, will you?», Sarah said and let her self fall back on the bed. Roxanna was out the door in a second, and from the loud thump, she probably jumped down the stairs. Sarah lied in bed and finished her cigarette. Unlike her overly excited sister, she was calm and almost sleepy.

ooo

« He is here!», Roxanna squealed as she entered the room again a few minutes later.

Sarah pulled herself off the bed. « How should I have my hair?». She had grown tired of the short, lilac hair she had been sporting the past couple of days.

« You dont have time to think about your hair! He's waiting! Go!»

« No, I think I want to change my hair first. Waiting a few minutes, wont kill him».

Now it was Roxanna's turn to slap Sarah upside the head. « Sarah the vindictive», she teased.

Sarah turned her hair blonde and spent a little too long examining herself in the mirror.

« dont go blonde, how about a deep wine red?», Roxanna suggested, more for a laugh than anything.

Sarah tried it, and didn't hate it too much.

« So what do you think of him?»

« He is no Alan Rickman, and a bit younger than I expected», Roxanna said and suggested that Sarah turn her hair straight. « Please! No one is a Rickman...», Sarah snorted.

« Stephen is a Rickman...», Roxanna said airily.

Again Sarah snorted. « You have to say that, you're engaged to him». Then she focused back on her hair.

« You hair looks fine! Will you go already? Before he leaves without you!».

Roxanna practically shoved her sister out the door.  
« Eager to get rid of me?», Sarah laughed as she finally went downstairs.

ooo

Snape was standing in the hallway talking to Sarah's father, when he saw her come down the stairs beaming at them both. He stopped mid sentence, as he realised that he had forgotten how beautiful she was. He quickly pulled himself together again, and snapped at her, « I thought you would be ready by now!»

« Oh, I am ready» she said back, in a sweet voice, pretending she didn't hear the harsh tone in his.

Moving a little slower than she usually would have, she put on a white coat, and spent far to much time buttoning up and making sure her belt was tight enough.

Roxanna came running down the stairs. « You forgot your bag!».

« Are you ready now?», Snape snarled. « Yes», Sarah replied. Again in a voice dripping with honey, again ignoring his growl. Sarah gave her father and sister a quick hug.

Snape put his arms around her, inhaled her jasmine perfume and turned on the spot.

Then the darkness was crushing down on her again. It was nowhere near as scary as the last time, but still unpleasant and Snape holding her so hard it hurt.

ooo

They apparated into a back alley to leading to the main street of Diagon Alley.

« Do you have your list?», he asked, all of a sudden in a much nicer tone

She reached into her pocket and withdrew a folded piece of parchment.

« Yes, sir!» she said, almost jokingly.

«We will need gold, so Gringotts first, then we'll work our way down the list».

She agreed, and they went out into the main street and made their way towards Gringotts.

ooo

The Kessler family vault consisted of two rooms. In the first there were three rather large chests of gold. 215,982 galleons according to the goblin accompanying them.

With a sneer, the goblin further informed her that it was not exactly an insane fortune, but enough to get her by. Sarah wasn't really paying attention to him anyway.

She stepped into the second, much larger room. It looked like a storage room. The room was filled to the brink with furniture, trunks, paintings, everything and anything that had been in her grandfathers house before he had sold it to come live with them. She opened a trunk to find it full of books. So was the second trunk she opened.

She kneeled down to examine some of the titles. Two of the books caught her attention at once. She took them out, but barely got a chance to flip the first page, before Snape was calling for her, sounding rather angry.

She stuffed the two books in her bag, and went to see what he wanted.

« How much gold do you wish to take with you?», the goblin asked her. Sarah had no idea.

« What do you think, Professor?»

« Give her five hundred galleons, that should last a while», he said to the goblin.

As the goblin was counting up gold for her, Sarah turned to go back into the other room, but Snape stopped her. « Miss Kessler, we do not have all day», he said, and went outside to wait for her.

_« Yes, we do», _she thought, but didn't protest. She took the moneybag from the goblin and let him guide her out.

ooo

There weren't too many people out and about today, and she was happy about this. As exciting as it was, being here in Diagon Alley, she could not wait to get back to Hogwarts, climb into her bed, and pour over her books.

Shopping with the infamous professor, turned out to be an almost enjoyable experience. He hardly said two words, but at least he was not snapping at her anymore, and even his brisk hurried pace slowed down, and he seemed more relaxed. He had even almost smiled when her wand turned out to be ebony and dragon heart string.

« That's a very good wand, temperamental, but very accurate. I believe its the same as yours, Professor», Olivander had pointed out. «It is», he had replied quietly.

She had looked down on the beautiful black wand that had seemed to merge with her hand the instant she touched it. They had the same wand, did that mean that she could have the same excellence in potions as he had? She hoped so! It was already so intriguing to her.

They had worked their way through the list, she now had parcels full of robes, cauldrons, quills, ink, and a brand new fully stocked potions set, that she secretly and desperately yearned to wear out.

She needed her books, and a few other little things, and they could be heading home. Home.

It was weird calling Hogwarts home, but thats what it was now, wasn't it?

_«Yes it was home»_, she thought and smiled.

She found she wasn't bothered at all about the fact that he talked so little. She wasn't exactly the person for small talk, so she didn't say much to him either.

Infact she quite liked this comfortable silence between them.

ooo

Entering Flourish and Blotts for the first time, was an experience Sarah would never forget. Rows upon rows upon rows of books. Books seemed to cover every inch of the shop!

«Look at this place!» she said in awe, «I could live here...»

« Wait till you see the library at Hogwarts» he said and this time she could actually see a faint smile on his lips.

«Severus!», a man said behind them. Both Sarah and Snape turned simultaneously to see who it was.

«Hello, Lupin», Snape said in a slightly cold, yet polite tone.

« Hello, Snape» said another man emerging from behind a bookshelf. Sarah could immediately see who it was. He had hair just like Sarah, so dark brown one would mistake for black, reaching just below his shoulders, it was straight and silky with perfect curls forming at the tips with a sort of casual elegance, a twinkle in his grey eyes, and a confident smile on his juicy lips.

_« He is gorgeous!» _She thought to herself, trying not to stare and drool.

Sirius Black, in the flesh, more godlike in his beauty than she had ever imagined.

He caught her eye, then looked back at Snape and said, « Why Snape, it is certainly not every day one sees such an astounding beauty by your side!», then he took her free hand, and kissed it ever so gently, and introduced himself. She blushed, and from the corner of her eye, she saw Snapes face turn to stone. Lupin turned to her now, with a smile more humble than Sirius'.

« You must be Sarah» he said and shook her hand heartily, « Dumbledore said we might meet you here. I understand you will be assisting Professor Burnett, whilst studying at Hogwarts?» She gave a nod. « Well then, I am Remus Lupin, and I will be your Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher. As we will be colleagues as well, you can call me Remus». Sarah beamed at him.

ooo

« Shall we go find your books?», Snape interrupted, and was about to lead her further into the store, but Sirius took Sarahs arm with his own and kept her there.  
« Tell me, how does it feel, being ripped from one reality and tossed into a new one?», he asked her before she even had time to react to Snapes suggestion.

It turned out that both Lupin and Sirius already knew most of Sarah's background, thanks to Dumbledore no doubt, but Sirius seemed eager to know more.

Sarah chatted away and didnt notice that the potions master seemed bothered and uncomfortable.

He was fidgeting, and looked desperate to get away. Nor did she notice that the more annoyed Snape looked, the more eager Sirius became to learn more about her.

« If you give me the list, I can get the books, while you stay here and chat!» Snape finally snapped at her, in the same harsh, sarcastic voice as before. He snatched the book list out of her hand and disappeared behind a bookshelf.

«But...» she had started, but he was already gone. Seeing the hurt look on her face, Sirius nudged her and said, «don't mind him, he is just a cranky, old git!»

«No, he is not!» Sarah replied, and forgetting all politeness, she went on, « He was actually quite pleasant and cheerful until you lot showed up».

Sirius and Lupin laughed, and Sarah could not help but to laugh too. She knew that calling Snape cheerful, was not stretching the truth, it was down right lying.

«Well, at least you have a sense of humor, you'll be needing that, trust me» Sirius winked at her, and she was lost in thoughts of how none of her fantasies had ever done him justice. He was the very definition of handsome.

ooo

Then the subject of the unbinding ritual came up. Both wizards knew about it, but neither had ever had the opportunity to partake in one, so specially Lupin was really curious about it.

Of course Sarah had been unconcious almost the entire time, but told them what the experience had been for her, and making it sound downright pleasant compared to what it really had been like.

She neglected to mention that according to Dumbledore, Snape hadn't left her bedside for a second. After all, she still had a hard time believing that herself. Instead she went on about how it had been first entering the potions classroom, and how facinated she was by all the jars, and flagons.

How chemistry, which was the muggle equivalent to potions, she explained, had always been her favorite and best subject in school.

« And I just can't wait for my lessons to start!» she exclaimed eagerly.

« Miss Kessler, I am leaving now. Will you join me or do you wish to finish up on your own?»

Sarah turned to see Snape, frowning behind her. She barely had time for a quick goodbye, before she almost had to run to catch up with him.

Snape didnt say a single word to her for the rest of the day. Which wasnt much different from earlier, except that the comfort Sarah had enjoyed so much was gone, and replaced by a tension so heavy, one would have needed a chainsaw to cut through it.

ooo

When they finally returned to Hogwarts, Dumbledore was waiting for them in the entrance hall.

It was late, and both the castle and grounds were lit up only by a few torchlights here and there.

As soon as they greeted him, Snape bid them good night and hurried off down a flight of stairs.

« Thank you for today!», Sarah called after him, but he either ignored her, or he didnt hear her.

Dumbledore gave her the same kind of wink and smile that Sirius had given her at Flourish and Blotts. The kind that said: 'don't let him get to you'.

« Shall I walk you to your room then?», he added in a broader smile. He offered to help her with her parcels as well, but Sarah declined. She had no trouble carrying them on her own.

As they walked, Dumbledore explained that last time she had been in one of the guestrooms, and that now she would be staying in the eastwing, where the staffs quarters were.

The room he led her to this time was more a small apartment than a single room. They came into a living room, with a grey marble fireplace and two green and gold velvet baroque style sofas in front of it. Over the fireplace, hung the Slytherin emblem, in all its silver and green glory.

Between the sofas there was a small coffetable, painted gold, with carvings that matched. There was also a small dining table with four chairs, that seemed made to match the sofas as well. The curtains of the rooms three large windows, were also from the same green velvet with gold embroideries.

ooo

« Beyond that door is the bedroom, the one on the left is the study, and over there is the bathroom».

Sarah lay the parcles down on the dining table and looked around.

« Isnt this a bit much? For just me, I mean?», she asked and calculated that her new quarters were bigger than her old apartment.

« It is the only vacant room in the staff wing», Dumbledore said, « there are only four rooms of this size, reserved for the heads of house. However, Severus chose his quarters elsewhere, and prefers them, and no one else has asked to move in here, so it has been sitting empty for eighteen years».

« Where does that door lead?». Sarah had stepped into the study and noticed a door on the opposite wall.

« That used to lead to the Slytherin common room. All the heads have a door like that in their rooms. Instant access in case of emergencies and such. Of course, it has been closed off and the connection moved to Severus' room, but if you find somewhere in the castle you wish to have connected to the door, just ask», Dumbledore replied and lit the fire for her, then he stepped into her bedroom and did the same in the identical but smaller fireplace in there.

« Any questions?», he asked when back in the living room. Sarah shook her head.

« Right, if there is anything you need, just call for a houseelf», and with that he wished her a good night and left.

ooo

Sarah undressed and threw her clothes carelessy onto the living room floor before going into the bedroom. She was too tired to bother unpacking, or even brushing her teeth.

When she saw the bedroom, she shuddered. The room was enterely decorated in the same gaudy baroque style as the living room. The same green velvet hung from the windows, and from the giant fourposter bed. Every piece of furniture was carved, goldpainted wood, and all Sarah could think was if she would be allowed to redecorate the room.

She climbed into the bed, which was standing on an elevated part of the floor, and with the three matresses was so high up that she literally had to climb in. The sheets were soft, luxurious cotton, but again in that same green and gold combination that dominated. Sarah cursed the former head of Slytherin and his pompous, and flashy taste.

As she settled down, she thought of the day shopping, and her grandfathers vault. Well, technically it was her vault now. She became annoyed with Snape for not letting her explore the second room further, and then she remembered how he had almost acted like a normal human today, before, like lighting out of a blue sky, he had transformed back into a growling mongrel.

Just because she spent five minutes talking to Sirius and Lupin.

She fell asleep thinking that Sirius was indeed right. _« Snape was a cranky, old git»._

ooo

At the crack of dawn, sunlight fell in through the east facing window of Sarah's new bedroom.

She dragged herself out of bed and into the bathroom. A full bladder could be quite commanding.

When she came back out, there was a little more light in the room and she was little more awake.

She noticed that her parcels were gone. So was her clothes which she had left in a pile the previous night.

A quick look around explained everything. All of her things had been unpacked and neatly placed on the shelves in the study, or in the dresser and closet in the bedroom. Last nights clothes were folded neatly on one of the chairs in the bedroom, and they smelled freshly laundered. She searched through the cabinets in the bathroom, and found her toothbrush, along with the rest of her cosmetics.

As she was getting ready, someone knocked on her door. She threw on a bathrobe, and went to open the door, still brushing her teeth. It was Lupin, looking as tired as she felt.

« I thought I'd escort you to breakfast», he said, sounding much more awake and cheerful than he looked. Sarah nodded and waved him into the room, before going back to the bathroom.

« So what do you think of Slughorn's old room?», he asked in a suggestive tone.

Sarah came back out of the bathroom and vanished off into her bedroom to get dressed.

« I like it...», she lied, not too convinsingly.

Soon she came out, fully dressed. « It's a great room! It's just...»

« Absolutely hideous?», Lupin suggested. « Something like that», Sarah laughed.

« If you need help transfiguring the furniture, just let me know, or you could ask the houseelves. They are really good at decorative stuff, if you just explain clearly what you want».

Sarah nodded and looked around, she would definately have to change the room as soon as possible.

ooo

When they entered the great hall it was almost empty.

There were some students there, but very few as most students spent the holidays with their families. The curved staff table however was full of people. She was introduced to every one, and Lupin took her to sit next to him on the end of the table. She glanced around the great hall, and the wizards and hoped she didnt look too much like a tourist.

She felt a bit nervous a first, sitting at the staff table, everyone around her, so knowledgable and experienced, and she knew less than the two firstyears sitting at the Ravenclaw table.

But she found comfort in Lupin, was next to her, and talked to her as if they were old friends, even though she had only met him for the first time yesterday. Soon she felt more at ease, and dared talk to the other professors around the table.

Some were just as she had expected to be, including Mcgonagall, Flitwick and Sprout. Then there was Sinistra, who she had always imagined as a relatively young, beautiful witch, was old and wispy.

Professor Vector, who Sarah had read was a witch, was infact a wizard, and Professor Binns was certainly no ghost. Although, over the following weeks, Sarah would find out that he was boring enough to be one.

Sarahs eyes roamed the length of the table, she noticed Hagrid was not there, and Snape sitting at the opposite end of the table, had ignored her completely since she had entered the hall. She made a mental note of not saying a single word to him, unless he spoke first.

Sarah looked at Snape. He was lost in a book, and his plate was untouched.

She couldnt help but bite back a smile, there was something very familiar about that image.

ooo

As Dumbledore was leaving the table, he handed her a roll of parchment. It was her lesson plans for the entire semester. She was to start with Transfiguration on the following Monday, Charms on Tuesday, then Herbology, Defence against the Dark Arts and finally Potions on Fridays.  
Each lesson started at three, and lasted six hours, with a one hour break for dinner at seven.

Further down the roll were list of which chapters she would need to read in order to prepare for each individual class. In addition to the booklist she had already been given, Dumbledore had added a list of librabry books that were not in the ciriculum, but would be a useful to read anyway. The list of potions books alone went on for five inches. Apparently all the professors expected her to cover the theoretical on her own, and only focus on practical and spellcasting during lessons.

Apart from her lessons, she had decided that she would also study magical history, ancient runes, arithmancy and astronomy on her own. These were subjects she could easily learn from books, without really needing to attend classes. Besides all the teaches had assured her that if she had questions, or needed some deeper explination, she could come talk to them.

ooo

Sarah spent the week between Christmas and New Years Eve, exploring the castle between meals, and she was often found in the staff room, so lost into a book she probably would not have looked up even if a troll danced by in a tutu. She got along well enough with the other teachers, mostly with Lupin, as he was after all the one closest to her age.

But she enjoyed spending time alone, walking around and just looking. She had not yet dared venture down into the dungeons though, she felt that was his territory, and would not want to intrude if she was not welcome.

She had even been to see Professor Burnett on Wednesday and they had made up next terms lesson plans together.

She had not talked to Snape, or even seen him except at meals, and that one time in the staff room when she had been sitting in one of the armchairs facing the fire, and was so engulfed in her potions book, that she hadnt noticed him come in and sit down on one of the sofas in the room. Snape had been so deeply devoted to his own book that he had not spotted her either. Only after several hours when they both had, coincidentally, decided to get up at the same time, had they become aware of the others presence. He had seen the potions book in her hand and looked as if he wanted to say someting, but instead he had just left the room.

ooo

On the surface everything seemed perfectly fine, but there were things troubling Sarah as well.

Mainly the fact that ever since her unbinding, she had a hard time sleeping properly. Not every night, but some nights she would have nightmares. Well, they werent really nightmares, more disdurbing dreams. The night before New Years Eve, Sarah again woke up from a cloudy mess of dreams.

It was always the same. It felt like her mind was haunted.

Sarah got out of bed, and opened the window to get some of that icecold midnight air in. The view of her new room was over the great lake, which in the night looked like nothing more than a boundless mass of black. The grim view didnt do much to help her mood, so Sarah threw on one of her newlybought cloaks over the huge t shirt she slept in, pulled on a pair of jeans and set out into the halls of the school.

It might have seemed that Sarah was wandering aimlessly, but she knew exactly where she wanted to go. As high up as possible, which meant the astronomy tower.

When up there she stood in one of the glass-less vindows and inhailed the night air as deeply as she could. She pulled the cloak tighter around her, but became aware that the cloak was made of a finer, denser wool than the two she had bought. When she looked down at her feet, the bottom two inches of the cloak were dragging on the floor. It was clearly far too big for her. This was not her cloak.

She remembered that the last time she was here, the houseelves had packed her bag for her, and they must have thought it was her cloak hanging on the back of the chair. When she returned home, she hadnt unpacked either, just fished out the things she needed and let the rest stay in the bag.

Right now she didnt really care who's cloak it was. It was freezing in the tower, and the cloak was soft and warm. She crouched down on the floor with her back to the wall, pulled the hood up and wrapped the cloak even tighter around herself. The cloak smelled like a kitchen pantry. Peppermint, rosemary, liqourice, anise, vanilla, coriander and cumin. The was a familiarity and safety in that smell.

Sarah pulled her knees up to her chest, and rested her head on them. The cloak became like a sort of cocoon, covering her completely and sheltering her from the outside.

ooo

Sarah was not the only one that couldnt sleep that night. Someone else was also wandering the halls, feeling the strange beckon of the astronomy tower.

« Are you alright?», a soft gentle voice asked, and there was a hand on her shoulder.

«Miss. Kessler, is everything ok?» a slightly nervous tone in the voice, the hand gripping her shoulder tightly.

She opened her eyes, and found herself staring into a pair of black, unfamiliar eyes. They weren't the slits of angry black she had become used to, but wide, and almost placid. There was a little more light in the tower now. It was close to dawn. She must have slept for hours.

«Professor Snape, I- », but he cut her off, « you seem alright to me». He shrugged and turned to leave.

«No, Professor, please dont go». He stopped, but did not turn around.

« Please, will you stay here with me? You dont have to talk to me, but will you please sit with me for a while?»

She needed him right now, she needed company but not conversation. She needed that same comfortable silence they had found in Diagon Alley, the unspoken understanding.

He had meant to leave, to tell her he did not have time for such noncence. Sitting in the astronomy tower in the middle of the night, looking at the walls. But then there was the slight quiver in her voice, the earnest plea for him to stay. He remembered her screams of pain. She needed him.

He said nothing, barely even looked at her, but sat down on the floor next to her.

They sat there side by side, without speaking, neither of them felt the need to say anything.

ooo

More light was pouring in through the windows now, it was dawn. She was resting her head on his shoulder. He was inhaling her subtile perfume with every breath.The rest of the night had passed, without a single word uttered between them, yet he felt so close to her for some reason. It was strange how the silence had created a connection between them.

He reached for her hand, and just as he took it, he noticed the scars on her wrist and forearm.

Sarah felt his gaze and quickly withdrew her hand, and was up on her feet in a split second.

The comfort was broken. She was red in the face. He got up too, he was daring himself to say something, anything. She thanked him gratiously for helping her through the night, and almost ran down the stairs and was gone. At first he was infuriated, here he had sat with her half the night, and she just ran out on him like that. And to make matters worse, just as he had finally dared take her hand, she had shrugged it back!

Then he thought of the scars on her wrist, and lower arm. They were deep and badly healed.

A feeling of understanding came over him. He pulled up the sleeve of his left arm and looked at it.

He realised he would probably have reacted the exact same way, if he had noticed her staring at his arm. He pulled his sleeve back down and headed down towards his rooms to change before breakfast.

On the way he couldnt keep her out of his mind. It was so obvious what those scars meant, and again he thought that there was something very tender underneath the fortress she apparently set up.

ooo

She was sitting at the table as he entered, he noticed she too had changed clothes. Lupin was telling her something, but she did not seem to hear. She glanced at him, saw him looking at her, and smiled at him, ever so slighty, as if to apologise for running out on him. He gave her a little nod.

_« It's alright. I understand»._

ooo

Sarah was deep in her own thoughts at the breakfast table. She could still not shrug off the dreams of the night before. It was a right mess of expressions. Like there were a thousand voices speaking to her at once, and the scene kept changing. Jumping from one to another, so fast it was like random pictures with no connection to eachother.

«And then Sirius sprouted breasts and ran off to join the circus»

«Oh thats great» she muttered, but somehow that didnt seem quite right. «I'm sorry, what did you say?» she looked at Lupin, who was laughing. « you havent heard a word I've said all morning have you? I just said it to see if you were listening»

« I'm sorry, Remus, I hardly slept at all last night, and ... well nevermind that. What were you saying that I didn't catch?» she turned towards him to show he had her full attention.

He laughed again. She liked Remus because he always laughed, and was so open and easy to talk to. He had become her closest friend within a week.

« I was asking if you would like to come with me to the forbidden forrest. After breakfast, I have some business there, and i thought you might like it. Seeing as you've never been there.»

« A guided tour in the forbidden forrest...? I'd love that! Have you finished eating? Can we go?»

she got up from her chair immediately, and pulled him with her. They excused themselves quickly and hurried out into the grounds, Lupin laughing at her eagerness to explore, he had barely had two bites of his food before she had virtually dragged him out of the hall.

ooo

The woods surronding the Hogwarts grounds seemed endless. The trees so tall that it was almost completely dark. They had been wandering for a few hours now, and Sarah was exhausted, but there was so much to see here. Remus was leading the way though bushes and stopping every now and then, to examine something, and scribble some notes on the roll of parchment he had with him. Sometimes they would come a cross a long thread of silver hair, caught on a branch or a bush that he would pick up and put in the pouch he was carrying with him.

«Unicornhair», he had explained, « it gets pulled out as they pass»

She knew this already, but pretended not to.

Lupin stopped, they had reached a clearing in the woods, «Time for a rest, I think?».

They sat down on a huge tree root that was sticking out of the ground and the snow. She pondered upon how old a tree must be to have roots this big.

Lupin reached into a fold of his cloak and pulled out a thermos. He conjured up two cups and poured them both tea. Sarah was astounded. « How? When did you..?», she was practically speechless.

He gave her a secretive grin, « I always come prepared», he teased.

Sarah reached into her own pocket and took out her cigarettes. « Hand over one of those», Lupin beckoned her. She tossed him one. « didn't think you were the type to smoke», she said as he lit hers then his own. « secretly since I was about 14 actually...».

ooo

They sat on the branch with their tea and cigarettes for a while. Lupin told her about what he had planned for her lessons. He was hoping they would finish dark creatures before easter. That would bring her up to a third year level.

His mention of dark creatures reminded her of something, « Remus? Can I ask you something very personal?»

His face turned serious, «If you are wondering wether or not I am a-». «I'm sorry, Remus, I shouldn't have asked» she interrupted him, « It's really none of my business, and I dont even care if you are or not, I was just curious»

«And a bit nosy» he added with a faint smile. « well, to answer your question, yes, I am a werewolf, and it's not a big deal that you asked. It's not like it's a secret, not any more at least».

« And the parents are ok with you teaching their kids?», Sarah blurted out before her interal filter could cencor the question.

« Well, of course they were not at first, but Dumbledore does have a way of talking people into seeing things from his point of view...», Lupin said and flicked the butt of his cigarette out in the snow.

Sarah offered him a second one, and he accepted gladly.

ooo

When she hadnt said anything for a few minutes, he asked her if it bothered her.

« No, I was just thinking...», she said and decided that she too wanted a second cigarette.

He asked what she was thinking about, and the reply was far from what he had expected it to be.

« About what a funny coincidence it was that I wore this particular t shirt today», Sarah said and with that, she took off her coat and jumper to reveal a pink t shirt with purple writing that said:

'Hug your local werewolf'.

After which she did as the t-shirt said, and gave him a big, crushing hug.

« But why...?», Lupin asked with a smile. Sarah put her clothes back on.

« Because there is no menopause for lycantropy...», she said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. Lupin laughed so hard he spilled tea all over his trousers.

ooo

It was just past noon when they got back to the castle, they had spent all morning roaming the woods. She had picked some winter-blooming roses on her way back and headed for her room to pratice an everlasting charm on them. She had never seen roses like this before, icy blue with long black stems and leaves, and had a scent that was vaguely familiar to her. She could not quite put her finger on it though. She did not go to lunch, but stayed in her room practising the everlasting charm.

It was nearly 5 o'clock when she finally managed to create an almost invisible mist that was absorbed by the roses. She had cast her first spell! Oh, she couldnt wait to tell Lupin.

She put her wand back in its box. She didn't feel the need to carry it around with her all the time. Not yet at least. She was planning on a hot bath, but seeing as she had spent the previous night in the astronomy tower, the bed suddenly seemed more appealing. She stretched out and figured she would just close her eyes for half an hour before taking the bath.

The flames in her living room fireplace turned green, and Lupins head poped up. He called for her, then his head vanished and seconds later it appeared in the bedroom fire.

« Wake up!», he bellowed, and Sarah got up so abrubtly, she fell out of the bed.

« Are you ready to go to the New years feast?», he asked as she was pulling herself off the floor.

The feast! She had fallen asleep and forgotten to get ready!

«I'll be there in ten minutes» Lupin said, and vanished.

ooo

She almost panicked! Showering so fast it seemed she was in and out before the water had even touched her body.

She put on an emerald green silk tunic, and looked in the mirror. The wide sleeves were only three quarter lenght and didnt hide the hideous scars on her forearms. With a dissappointed sigh, she took it off again, but then she realised something. She closed her eyes and with a tremendous amount of focus, the scars slowly dissappeared, leaving nothing but flawless, satin skin.

With a victorous squeak, she made a few other scars on her body vanish. Then she stood looking at herself in the mirror. Her skin looked like it had been airbrushed and retouched for hours by professionals. With a gratified smile, she put the tunic back on and tied a belt around her waist.

ooo

A knock on her door. «Come in» she bellowed form in front of her bathroom mirror,

she was adjusting the length and fullness of her lashes. «This is so much better than putting on make-up» she murmured to her reflection.

« Aren't you ready?», Lupin slumped down on a sofa.

«I'll be ready as soon as you dry my hair.» she came out of the bathroom, «how do I look?»

«You look amazing!» Lupin pointed his wand to her hair and it dried in an instant, « but I am not too sure about the slytherin green though».

«It's not Slytherin green. It is just green... jeez..», She protested and reminded him that even if it was 'slytherin green', she hadn't been sorted and was free to proudly wear any of the house colors.

He smiled, and led her out the door.

ooo

As they headed down towards the Great hall, she told him about the everlasting charm she had managed to cast on the roses. He gave her a big hug, and seemed proud of her. «thats great!» he beamed at her, «I think you'll make quite the witch, once you get some pratice.»

The four house tables were gone, and there was only one long table in the senter of the room.

Including the few students that had remined for the holidays, there was about twenty people sitting at the table. Just as Lupin and Sarah sat down on two empty chairs, Snape entered the great hall.

He was not alone, but Sarah didnt recognise the tall, muscular man that had entered the hall along with Snape. He was probably the tallest man she would ever see in her life. He was more than a head taller than Snape, who was a very tall man himself. He had rough, tanned skin. He was bald and had a short bushy brown beard, streaked with white. He didnt have a moustache though, and this made him look peculiar.

Dumledore waved Snape over to come and sit in the empty chair between himself and Sarah, and the other man sat down in front of her. Sarah was actually a little pleased she had Snape this close.  
She was all too aware that from next week she would be spending hours alone with him, and wanted a chance to talk to him before that. A normal conversation, between two normal people, that sort of thing, but just as she turned to greet him, Lupin caught her attention.

«Sarah, this is Rubeus Hagrid»

«Pleasure to meet you, Sarah» Hagrid reached out across the table and she shook his enourmous hand. « Severus tells me you are the latest additon to the staff. Been settling in alright?»

He did not look at all as he had been decribed in the books, but she could see how he had inspired the idea that he had giant blood in him. He was twice as broad as Lupin, and his biceps were the size of a human head. He could have almost looked scary if it had not been for his soft, black eyes.

« Oh yes, everyone have been most welcoming,» she grazed Snapes elbow with hers, almost on purpose, « and I'm starting to know my way around the maze of corridors and floors»

«I showed her around the forest today» Lupin said, with a hint of pride.

«I must warn you, Sarah, not to go roaming in the forest alone. At least not to begin with. It is far too easy to get lost in there, and some of its inhabitors dont take too well to strangers. If you feel like a walk, Im sure Remus can take you, and if he is busy. You can always knock on my door. Remus tells me you two have become good friends, and any friends of his is a friend of mine» He raised his goblet and toasted her.

She raised hers in return. « I might just take you up on that»

ooo

The feast was fantastic, there was probably enough food to feed 50 people, not to mention the wine.

She could not get enough of it! «I do take pride in the winecellar here at Hogwarts», Dumbledore told her, as she praised it.

Hours passed. Toasts and more toasts were made, and conversations flowed easily across the table.

She hadn't had a chance to talk to Snape though, even if he was right beside her.

Then Dumbledore stood up and announced that it was almost midnight, and that they should all step outside for some fireworks. Everyone were slighty tipsy at this time, except of course the five underage students, the two ravenclaw first years and three Hufflepuff fourth years, and Hagrid and Lupin, who were drunk as hogs, and walked arm in arm ahead of the crow, singing.

As the crowd made their way down to the lake, Sarah let herself fall behind and sat down on one of the many stone benches scattered around the schoolgrounds. To her cheer amazement, she was joined by Snape. He didnt say anything, but simply came and sat down next to her.

Soon Sarah started shivering. It was freezing and she had left her cloak in the great hall. The silk tunic did nothing to keep her warm, she might just as well have been siting there naked.

«I'll just run back up to the castle and get my cloak» she said and got up.

Snape, who was a little more daring than usual, most likely due to the wine, got up as well, grabbed her hand and pulled her towards him. « You'll miss it if you leave now, here, you can share mine»,

and in one fluid motion he pulled her close and wrapped his arm and the side of his cloak around her.

His cloak was thick, warm and big enough to keep both of them warm.

Sarah said nothing, but gently wrapped her arms around his waist to warm herself on him.

Her cheeks were flushed and her heart threatening to pound its way out of her chest. _«I've had way too much too drink»_ she thought to herself.

_5 – 4 – 3 – 2 – 1... HAPPY NEW YEAR!_

Everyone was cheering, and hugging eachother.

The sky was gleaming in red, gold, green, blue and silver. Two rockets exploded into glittering firebreathing dragons, roaring around them in the air. It was unbelievable.

There was no point in trying to speak with him. The cheering and singing from the crowd in front of them, and the bangs and roars from the fireworks, made it impossible to hear anything.

So they just stood there, perfectly still, watching the sky.

As the fireworks slowly died out, Snape, who still had his arm around her shoulder, pulled her in closer to him.

« Happy New Year», she said softly, and looked up at him.

«Happy New Year», He looked into her eyes, and then his gaze moved down to her lips. He licked his own lips and was just about to pull her even closer, when a very drunk Lupin and an even drunker Hagrid, nearly ambushed them. «HAPPY NEW YEAR!»

Lupin pulled her out of Snapes cloak and hugged her. Clearly oblivious to his intrution, he cried,

« Come on, more drinks at Hagrid's!», and before she had a chance to object, Hagrid snatched her up and threw her over his shoulder, and they headed towards his hut. She looked up to call for Snape to join them, but he was already halfway back to the castle.


	4. First semester

**Disclaimer:** _Rowling owns these people. With the exception of Sarah, and I'm not too sure about Hagrid... Call me J.K and we can work out some sort of joint custody thing ;-p_

ooo

**Chapter four: First semester**

ooo

A bright ray of sunlight pierced her eyelids, and woke her up. Her head felt like an elephant was standing on it. The party at Hagrid's had lasted well into the night. It had just been the three of them, but it had been fun. Or at least she thought so, most of what had happened after she had been kidnapped from Snape, was a blur. She could remember laughing a lot, and someone had slammed a bottle on the table and said « this is my own personal recipe, try it»

She had reached her limit at around 4:30 and half walked, half crawled back up to the castle. Lupin and Hagrid had still been at it when she left.

She had no idea what time it was, but the urge for coffee forced her out of bed. A quick shower later and she was headed for breakfast in the great hall. She felt like a walking corpse.

ooo

The great hall was deserted, except for Dumbledore, Professor Sprout and Snape, who had his nose buried in a book. From the half empty plates and cups, she could tell that most people had been there and left. Dumbeldore and Sprout seemed deeply engaged in conversation. She hoped they would not notice her.

« Good morning Sarah!» Dumbledore motioned for her to come sit next to him, « I didn't think you would be up until lunchtime»

«Good morning» she replied in a low hoarse voice and reached for the coffee.

« Hagrid's homebrew?» he winked at her knowingly. « I saw them steal you away, they are nice boys, both of them, but not the most sophisticated I'm afraid» and went on telling her stories about the trouble they had got into when they were in school.

Sarah couldn't bring herself to speak, merely nodded and drank her coffee in large gulps.

Dumbledores voice drowned out as her thoughs went to last night.

She thought of how he had pulled her under his cloak, and she had put her arms around him. His body had been warm, and firm. She remembered staring into his endless black eyes, and he had pulled her closer. She sighed and rested her head in her hands.

_«What would have happened if Lupin had not showed up at that exact moment? Would he have pulled me even closer? Would he have tried to... kiss me?»_

She was sure she would not have wanted him to do that, and thanked her lucky stars that they had been interrupted.

ooo

Lupin came into the hall now, and very slowly made his way up to his chair, as if every step caused him pain. He slumped down into his chair, and rested his head on the table. He was clearly still more than a little drunk. Not being able to stand another second of Dumbledore's unaturally good mood, she excused herself, took her cup and went to sit in her usual seat, next to Lupin.

She poured some coffee for him, and handed him the cup. He did not lift his head, but took the cup, and growled. She growled back. He lifted his head, but found it too straineous to keep it up, so he put his head on her shoulder. «Kill me» he said in a whisper.

« You smell like someone already has» she whispered back. He growled again, but smiled.

«I just got back from Hagrid's»

Giving up on the idea of trying to eat, they both left the great hall and went to Sarah's room.

ooo

Feeling as they did, they spent the rest of the morning lying on her bed and complaining about how sick they were. Now and then, one of them would remember something that had been said or done, and they laughed for a while, before continuing their whining and growling.

« I didn't even want to go for more drinks, I was perfectly comfortable where I was», Sarah complained. « Yeah, I bet you were comfortable under Snape's cloak...».

Lupin sat up with a jolt. « Hey! Why on earth... were you under Snape's cloak...? Is there something going on... ?», he teased her.

She grabbed her pillow and threw it at his head.

« No, you mongrel! I was cold and was going to go back to the castle to get my cloak, but he said that then I would miss everything and that we could share his. He was just being a gentleman ».

Lupin laughed and looked at her in disbelief, « Oh yes, I am sure, that if McGonagall or Sprout had forgotten their cloaks, he would have done the same for them» he said jokingly.

Sarah had no reply to this, for the thought of how McGonagall would have reacted to such an act, sent them both in a fit of laughter.

They settled down again, and Sarah sat up, « Can I trust you, Remus?», she gave him a serious look.

«of course you can» he sat up too.

« you have to swear not to tell this to anyone, not a single soul. Because I'm not even sure of it myself, I was really drunk and might remember it all wrong, and if it got out, I think Snape would literally explode»

« Sarah, you can trust me,» he took her hand, « nothing you tell me will leave this room.»

« Well you know when you and Hagrid came and snatched me away...well, I'm not sure of this at all, but I think...», she blushed, « I think he was about to... kiss me»

She had whispered the last two words.

Lupin gave a great roar of laughter « Snivellus, you old snake!»

« Well then, it was good we came to your rescue, eh?» he nugded her. «yeah..» she exhailed.

« But please dont tell anyone, not A N Y O N E! And especially not Sirius. It's embarassing enough as it is, and not to mention that I'm going to be spending every Friday evening alone with him, down in the dungeons»

She let out a sigh, and fell back down on the bed.

Lupin was still laughing.

ooo

Monday came and with it the start of term. The students had returned to Hogwarts Sunday evening, and at dinner, Dumbledore had announced the new member of the staff, and Sarah had stood up, desperately trying not to blush, and given a quick wave at the crowd. They applauded her, and she quickly sat back down.

She didn't have class with Burnett today, instead she had agreed read through the essays the fifth years had written during the holiday. She finished that before lunch and pulled out her own transfiguration book. She studied as much as she could about the theory behind the spells. Taking notes, reading and re-reading. She finished four whole chapters before she set off to McGonagall's classroom, to learn how to turn a match into a needle.

ooo

The week was over in an instant.

Transfiguration had started out really badly. It had taken her all three hours before dinner to master the spell. McGonagall had told her not to worry, the more she got used to her wand, the quicker she would master spells. And sure enough, by the time her two hours after dinner were up, she had mastered the spells in entire first chapter.

Charms had been easier, the spells were very basic, and Flitwick was impressed, told her to practise all she could until next weeks lesson, and he would see if she was ready to start the second year book.

Herbology had been a breeze, she paid attention to Professor Sprout's every word, knowing that a good knowledge of herbology would help her in potions as well. But still it was much easier than she had expected. She had a natural born way with plants.

Defence against the dark arts was just fun. Much owed to the fact that her professor was also on the fast lane to becoming her new best friend.

ooo

And now it was Friday. She had spent the entire day in the library so far. The rest of the week she had spent a few hours a day helping out Professor Burnett, with this and the other, but in a lucky coincidence there were no Muggle studies classes on Fridays, so that day was entirely devoted to potions. When she made her way down to the dungeons at three, she was nervous. Which made her feel stupid. After all they were both adults, that were a bit drunk, and nothing had actually happened, and yet she had not dared talk to him since New years eve.

ooo

She knocked on his door, « come in». She opened the door carefully, he was standing at his desk, examining different bottles and sorting them in three separate boxes.

« Hello Professor» she said in the most polite tone she could master and went over to the table closest to his desk, and began to take her potions equipment out of her cauldron.

He turned and looked at her, « I take it you come prepared?»

She nodded eagerly and smiled, « I've read the first year book, and skimmed through a few of the others, and I have a few questions. If you dont mind Professor».

« What is it you dont understand?», he asked.

« Oh, I dont have a problem understanding the procedures, it's just little, silly thing I am curious about.», she said and took out two books which she flipped through to show him.

« You see, I found the same recipe in both books. One calls for diced reed leopard caterpillars, and the other is identical except the author says that he prefers to slice them. Now I've looked through every book up to fifth year, and no where does it say if it makes a difference how you cut up the caterpillars. It makes sense that it would cause a change in effect, but as I could not find anything about it in the books, I thought I'd ask you».

Snape smirked and leaned back on the desk. « That is a very good question», he said earnestly,

« the difference in effect is minute, but there there is still a certain subtle difference none the less».

«Is that because when you slice, you spill less of the juices?», Sarah wanted to know.

He nodded, « Exactly». Sarah wondered which method was best.

Snape forgot about the lesson he had planned, and suggested that they make the potion both ways, so she could see for her self, and from there it snowballed.

Soon they lost themselves completely in discussions and explanations. He showed her, and she followed. Asking a million questions along the way.

They lost all track of time and forgot to go to dinner. The potions were finished and they spent hours debating and testing. All the while, Snape was leading the way, and with an eager Sarah half a step behind him. Until suddenly, they realised it was half past two in the morning. Her lesson had offically ended at ten.

She went back to her room soaring on clouds, her hair damp and greasy from the steaming cauldron, her clothes smelling like a thousand different herbs at once. _«It is the greatest subject in the world», _she thought as she climbed into bed and dozed off.

ooo

ooo

Weeks flew by and turned into months. She had lots of progress in all of her subjects now and she had really become used to her wand. She, who at first had seen no reason to carry it with her when she knew she wouldnt be needing it, had now become inseparable from it.

She spent most of her days reading and praticing spells, but also found time, mostly in the weekends, to go along Hagrid or Lupin and explore the forest further. Hagrid took her along to see the creatures he cared for. She had seen the Hippogriffs and Thestrals. The first time he took her to help him feed them, she had just stood there, gaping.

She had told Snape about it in Potions, she went on about how truly beautiful they were.

Their gleaming leathery skin, streched tight over what seemed to be nothing but bones. The huge black batlike wings.

« You can see thestrals?», he peered at her through the pink vapour rising from the cauldron between them. « Obviously», she said quietly and peered back at him, before focusing back on powdering her scarab beetle scales.

He wanted to ask her who she had seen die, but Sarah had already changed the subject by asking him what would happen if you mixed in scales of other types of beetles.

ooo

Potions-friday, as she had come to call it, was definately her favorite day of the week. She spent all day pouring over her potions books, and herbology books, scribbling useful notes here and there. Snape did not really follow the set lesson plans with her. He let her explore, experiment, she had free reigns in his classroom. They would jump back and forth between the various books, depending on what Sarah had read during the week, or if Snape had found something he thought she might find intresting. Some nights they would never get around to brewing anything at all, but spent hours just discussing various ingredients and methods.

He looked forward to Friday evenings as much as she did. She always showed up early, and never left before midnight at the very earliest. It was not planned this way, but they always got so caught up in what they where doing that they lost track of time.

The rest of the staff had even stopped excepting them to come for dinner on Fridays.

ooo

One particular night in early March, Snape had just recieved a fresh batch of bicorn kidneys and was showing Sarah the various ways to prepare them. Sarah was sitting crosslegged on the table, powdering a few that she had dried with a spell that he had taught her earlier, while he was chopping a few up so that they could be stewed. Both ebony and dragon heartstring wands were lying next to eachother on the table, his was an inch longer than hers, and they were talking loosely about Sarah's constantly accelerating progress in her studies.

Snape was telling her that he was not at all surprised that she mastered her magic as easily and quickly as she did. She was after all an adult and much more mature than the students, both mentally and emotionally, so it was easier for her to focus, to control her magic. As for the accelerating rate of her progress, he explained, was due to the simple fact that the more magic you knew, the easier you could learn new things.

Sarah looked at him. His head was slightly bent down as he was chopping and his hair had fallen down and covered his face. Only the tip of his nose was showing. For her, this had become the typical image of Snape. Whenever he looked down to focus on something, reading or whatever it was, his hair would cover his face like a veil, and he never cared to brush it back.

Suddenly it bothered her that she couldn't see him.

« I don't know how you can see anything like that» she said and surprised herself when she reached out with both hands and brushed his hair behind his ears.

Snape stopped chopping and looked up at her. She still had his head in her hands.

« There you are...», she whispered, unaware that she was thinking out loud. His eyes caught hers, and for a second they both froze.

Sarah turned beet red and withdrew like she had touched a hot stove. « Sorry, Professor», she muttered, jumped off the table and vanished into the backroom to get a jar for the kidneypowder.

When she came back out, it was as if it had never happened. She made a comment about how her rapid progress was more likely due to the fact that she had private lessons with probably the best in the field.

At this he laughed, and said, jokingly, that there was no need to kiss up to him, she was already well on her way to an O in potions.

ooo

She told Lupin, the following morning as they were going see Hagrid.

« He actually laughed?!» Lupin looked astounded, « you mean to say that the king of cranky, Severus Snape, actually made a joke, and laughed? And he wasnt being malicious or sarcastic?»

« No, and yes, he did, I swear!» she said and punched Lupins shoulder.

ooo

Sarah was pleased that she now felt as comfortable around Snape as she did with any of the other faculty members. At first they had been most at ease with each other when they didn't have to talk, or when their shared passion for potions took over and they lost themselves in the art, but now she found she could talk to him almost as easily as she could talk to anyone else.

ooo

She did not talk to him much outside of the dungeons though. It was impracital trying to talk to him during meals, because they sat at opposite ends, with over a dozen people between them, and she only rarely saw him otherwise. They sometimes ran into eachother in the corridors, and walked together if they were heading in the same direction.

Sometimes he would even come over to her at dinner, and invite her to come down to the dungeons after her lessons, to help him make some exciting new potion he had found, or something for Madame Pomfrey's stocks, but she still did not dare just show up uninvited. She wouldn't want anything to ruin the great times they had on Fridays.

She got along great with her other teachers as well. McGonagall and Flitwick had an ongoing friendly debate over which house she would fit best in. She stopped by Professor Sprout, occationally, when she needed some air, and Professor Burnett had even let her take over some of the classes. She now taught the third years and was making plans take the seventh years on an excursion to a muggle town not too far from Hogwarts, later in the spring.

She was even on first namebasis with all the teachers, even Dumbledore, after he had insisted several times. Well... all except Snape. She couldnt bring herself to call him anything other than Professor.

ooo

The last Friday in March, Snape was stitting behind his desk, drumming his fingers impatiently.

_«Come on!» _he thought to himself, while checking his watch. It was a quarter past three, and Sarah was not there yet. In fact the past five fridays, Sarah had come late for her lesson, every time with the same excuse. She had been in a meeting with Mcgonagall. So far it had only annoyed him slightly.

He was well aware that she did have other subjects she studied, and that she worked just at hard on them as she did in Potions, and it was not like they had limited time. As their lessons were on Friday, they could spend half the weekend there if they wanted to, but today was different.

He had dismissed his final class of the day early, much to the astonishment of his other students, and he was almost giddy with anticipation. He had a surprise for her today.

There was a knock on his door. _«Finally!»_ he thought before calmly calling « Enter».

Sarah walked in to find him, sitting at his desk, staring at her.

«Sit down, Miss. Kessler», he too had not ever used her first name.

« I have a challenge for you» he was struggling to keep the excitement out of his voice.

«Really? Tell me» she looked at him, puzzled.

«I want you to make me a potion to cure nausea, without causing drowsiness or any other side effects»

_«Not much of a challenge»_, she thought, and opened her bag to take out her things. Potions to cure nausea were amongst the most simple, most basic potions. First year level, if even that. She could follow the recipes in her sleep.

« There is a catch though» he was grinning now, « you can't use any of your books, or notes, but you have everything in this room and my personal stocks at your disposal. »

« What? Why not?» she asked.

« I want too see how much you have actually learned in our sessions, making potions from a set recipe is easy, but making one based solely upon your own knowledge, that requires skill and deep understanding of the various ingedients you choose to use. You can leave your bag here with me.»

She did as he said, took out her potions kit, blank parchment, quill and ink, and gave him her bag.

She sat down at the table in front of him, and started thinking, she went over everything and anything that Snape or Professor Sprout had said during their lessons.

ooo

For two hours there was complete silence in the room, nothing but the sound of quills scratching on parchment. He was correcting essays, she was writing down anything of consequence.

Her mind was racing,_ « I can do this. I have to do this!»_

She started darting around the room, examining vials and containers, boxes. Checking the color against the candlelight, smelling it. Every once in a while she would take something back to her table.

She went into the backroom which was his personal store, many of the containers in there were unmarked.

« Is this stewed batwings, or pickled flobberworms?», she asked holding a jar containing a dark brown pulp. He didnt even look up from the essay he was reading, « You should be able to tell the difference on your own». He was enjoying this so much! He glanced over to her table, all of the ingredients she had picked were absolutely used in various potions against nausea, but some canceled eathother out, and others could be poisonous if mixed together. He could hear her in the backroom, storming up and down the ladder. Oh, yes, he was really enjoying this. He smiled to himself and gave some unfortunate fifth year a D.

She came out of the backroom, her arms brimfull of jars and boxes which she took back to her table, she even took out bottles from her robe pockets. She lined everything up on the table, and just stood with her back to him, looking over what she had found, mumbling to herself.

Snape glanced at her table again, and hoped she was not planning on using everything on it.

She then started examining the contents of every container and separating her loot into two piles, when she had finished doing this she put back everything in the one pile. He smiled again, as he noticed she put everything back in its correct place.

ooo

It was now almost eight, she had not even so much as lit a fire under her cauldron. She wanted to be completely prepared before she even opened a single jar.

She rushed back into the backroom, and was by now talking out loud to herself.

«Kingnut, kingnut, where are you? Let's see kingbeetles, kingleaves, thyme? Dragonscales!?

What the hell kind of deranged storagesystem is this? How am I supposed to find anything in here? The cranky old git dosent even alphabatize his stocks» she sighed loudly.

She had clearly forgotten that he was still sitting at his desk, hearing every word she said. He didnt mind her calling him a git, this was all too amusing for him. « AHA! I found you!» she exclaimed victoriously and came out with a rather large black shrivelled dry nut in her hand.

She was now weighing, and measuring, adding a little here, removing something there. At times pausing, sitting down and making notes and calculations with her quill.

ooo

Finally she filled her cauldron with water, turned it to ice with her wand and lit a fire underneath it.

While she was waiting for the ice to melt, and start boiling. She was preparing more ingredients, making more notes, more calculations.

Snape had finished marking the essays long ago, and was now just leaning back in his chair, watching her every move. But he was invisible to her, she was too far into her own mind.

«Bloody freaking robes!, Freaking long sleeves that get caught up in everything!» she had ripped off her robes and carelessly thrown them aside, and started cursing like he had never heard anyone curse before, and he had been a Death Eater.

Underneath she was only wearing a spaghetti strap top and jeans. Her body was muscular. Not bulky, but with long, slender welldefined muscles. Then, for the first time, he noticed that the scars on her forearm were gone.

It hit him like a fist to the stomach. Envy. He envied her for having the ability to hide her scars so easily.

He looked away, keeping his eyes on her cauldron, steam was now rising from it. She had not put anything in yet, she was still cutting and smashing, and constantly having to brush her hair away from her face seemed not to help her mood at all.

Then she stopped, as if remembering something and closed her eyes. She took a long deep breath, and her hair started retracting back into her head, or thats what it looked like anyway. She opened her eyes again. Her hair was now as short as a boys. « Much better» she sighed to herself, still oblivious to the man behind the desk, who was watching her as if mesmerized.

She had calmed down a bit now, and had slowly started adding ingredients. Taking her time between each one, checking her notes to see if she said the right incantations, stirred the correct number of times, in the correct direction and making absolutely sure the potion was the right color and temperature, before adding the next.

ooo

When she was going to put in the kingnut, he watched her even more eagerly. They had never used kingnut before, in their previous lessons and there was a trick to opening it. He said nothing, wanting to see if she could figure it out on her own.

Apparently Sarah was further ahead in her reading than he had anticipated.

She held the kingnut over her cauldron in one hand, and placed the edge of her silver dagger right on top of the line. She twisted her dagger slightly, and a deep crack appeared all around it, where the line had been. She put her dagger down, and carefully broke the two halves apart. A thick black liquid gushed out of the nutshell and into her cauldron. She turned the flames up, just a few degrees, and waved her wand over the cauldron, making the potion stir it self. Three rounds clockwise, five counterclockwise, three clockwise, then ten counter-clockwise.

Then the potion, that until now had been a dirty grey, turned completely white.

She gave a squeak of excitement, she was on the right track. She knew she could finish this.

ooo

Snape looked at his watch, it was almost midnight. He was tired. « Miss. Kessler!»

She jolted backwards, dropping her wand and diving under the table to pick it up

« Bloody mary! You scared me half to death!» she was back up now.

« I'm sorry, Professor, I completely forgot you were here», she blushed a bit, suddenly remembering how she had been darting about, talking to herself, calling him a git  
_« Oh no! Had he heard that?»_

« I am going to retire now, you may stay here till you are finished. Just remember to clean up before you go. And remember to write down what you have used, how much of it, and the reasons why you have chosen each specific ingredient and spell.

Good night Miss. Kessler»

« Mmh», she mumbled, and did not see him leave. Her attention was back on her potion.

ooo

Snape left through the side door and into his personal quarters. He undressed and went to bed. He lay in his bed listening to her working, every now and then she would mutter something or give a small squeak of victory. He fell asleep thinking that even with the short boyish hairstyle, she was the most beautiful thing on earth.

ooo

ooo

Next morning he woke up with a jolt! He was eager to find out what had become of her potion.

He showered and dressed quickly. Then went into the classroom. Her table was still a mess, parchment, jars and utillites everywhere. _«Did I not specifically tell you to CLEAN UP, before you left?»_ he thought angrily.

He went to her cauldron, the fire had been turned down to the fainest glow, and inside was a bright bubblegum pink potion, the steam rising from it was light green and did not twist and curl, like steam tends to do, but was rising from the very center of the cauldron straight upwards in perfectly vertical lines. Then he saw her, asleep on the chair, leaned onto the table, her arms as pillows.

_«Had she been here all night?» _

He felt a tinge of guilt, since he had been so angry with her, thinking she had just left without bothering to clean up. From the parchments in front of her, he figured she must have fallen asleep while writing down her list of ingredients.

At first he figured he'd wake her up, but it felt too cruel.

He decided to carry her to bed instead, but seeing as her own room was so far away, he lifted her carefully from her chair and carried her back into his bedroom, where he lowered he onto his bed.

He took of her shoes, and pulled the covers over her.

«Professor?» she murmured, then turned around, hugged her pillow and went back to sleep.

ooo

He went out to test her potion and clear the mess.

«It is immaculate!» he announced to the empty classroom, after various tests and thorough examination.

He went to her desk and searched amongst the pile of parchments, scribbled with notes, calculations and codes. He found a crumpled piece of parchment. It was a list of ingredients, but she had crossed it out and scribbled the letters K.I.S.S. all over it. _«Kiss?»_ he wondered what that stood for.

Finally he found it, the list of ingredients, she had made for him.

She had hadn't even used half of the ingedients she had on her table when he had gone to bed.

It seemed she had abandoned her original recipe and done the whole potion from the top.

ooo

_'6 cotylae icewater_

_Three leaves from the gurdyrootplant, rolled up tightly and sliced into four equal parts _

_One ounce of pickled brownbeets_

_2 powdered newtstones_

_One kingnut_

_half an inch of unicornhair , too increase the potency of the other ingredients _

_and three pink Duckrose petals, to make the potion taste and odorless'_

ooo

She had then continued for two whole rolls, about the various effects of the key ingredients, and temperature settings, stirring, incantitions.

« Oh Sarah! This is so much more than I asked for» he whispered. He was bursting with pride. She was after all his student. He cleared the mess, bottled the potion, kept a few bottles for his own stock, and took the rest up to Madame Pomfrey, making sure she knew that this was all Sarah's doing.

After breakfast, he went to see Dumbledore. Now that she had shown him what she could do, he was planning another surprise for her.

ooo

ooo

Sarah opened her eyes and had no idea where she was. She was lying fully clothed in a kingsize fourposter bed. It was not too unlike hers, but much more toned down. Instead of guilded posts with thick velvet canopy, this bed was made of dark mahogany and there was no lavish canopy hanging from it. The posts were bare. The linnens were plain white cotton, yet felt soft and luxurious.

The nightstand on the left side had a couple of periodicals and a tall stack of books on it. On the other side there was a closet running the entire lenght of the wall.

Sarah realised she must have fallen asleep at the table, and wondered where the heck she was and who had brought her there. She picked up a few of the magazines. 'Tranfiguration Today', 'The Evening Prophet', 'Practical Potioneer'. « Snape...», she said quietly. It had to be him.

She put the magazines back and got up to examine the rest of the room. It was an L shaped room, and she turned the corner and into the main area. The room was twice the size of her living room, but then she had her space divided into three rooms, while this was one big open area. It looked like a small library.

Two of the walls were covered entirely by bookshelves, with two openings for doors. In one corner there was a small round dinnertable and four chairs.

Sarah couldnt help but smile. The mess of books, parchment and quills told her that, like herself, Snape used it as a desk. There was a huge black leather sofa in front of a small fireplace that was on the wall behind Sarah. The coffeetable infront of it was also heavily burdened with books.

The rest of that wall was dominated by a giant underwater window, with a view right into the heart of the great lake. _« No doubt with a powerful unbreakable charm on it»,_ Sarah thought, and wondered if this window was the reason Snape did not want Slughorns old room.

The windowseat was adorned with large black cushions, and more piles of books suggested to Sarah that it would be the perfect reading spot.

Now that Sarah had looked around properly, it seemed the room was overflowing with books.

Not only were the tables, shelves and a couple of chairs packed beyond their capacity, but there was even stacks of books on the floor beneath the shelves. It seemed the potions master had run out of space over the years and never bothered to make more.

She studied the racks closer. Eight or nine of them, contained hundreds of books devoted solely to potions. All arranged in Snape's demented sorting system, in her opinon.

Oh, yes, this was definately his room.

It was nothing like she had imagined it to be though. It wasn't really the bedroom of the great potions master and feared head of Slytherin. The infamous Death Eater turned spy.

It was just a mans room. A normal, mortal man who would sit and read in the windowseat.

ooo

_« Who is she? He has never brought a woman in here before..»_

She turned around, «Who's there?», but she was the only person in the room, and there were no portraits there either. She had by now gotten used to the fact that the portraits around the castle could talk and move.

_«Can you hear me?»._

There was that voice again! «is there someone here?», she was nervous now.

Sarah looked around. In the far corner, between the closet and the wall, there was a built in glasstank, reaching floor to ceiling and with a corner of it sticking out of the wall.

Inside it was a large treetrunk, with several thick, horisontal branches sticking out of it.

On one of them a Green Tree Python was hanging, its head resting in the top coil of its body. Sarah shook her head, « No way», but then again, apart from herself, it was the only living thing in the room.

_« Could it be the snake?»_ she thought, and the snake raised its head and looked straight at her

_« Yes, it very well could be»,_the voice said again. She realised that nothing was being said out loud, she was hearing the voice inside her.

«It's finally happened. I've lost my mind»she said.

_«You are not crazy, I am really talking to you»,_ the snake was looking straight at her, _« I am so plesased that you can hear me. It has been so long since anyone could hear me. He talks to me, but he has spent so many years closing his mind to outside intrution, that he cannot hear my replies»_

« You mean, Snape?»

_« I have heard people calling him that, yes» _

« What's your name?», she could not believe she was actually standing here, asking a snake what its name was.

_«He calls me Sabine, you may call me this also»_

« I am Sarah», she still had a hard time believing this. _ « Sarah...» _the snake slid down from the tree, through the charmed glass and towards her. She bent down, and let the snake slide up her arm, and it draped itself around her neck and shoulders. She gently caressed its smooth scales.

She turned towards the window, the lake water was clear, and she could see the faint outlines of a sunken ship far away. The lake had the same scene of makabre, yet breathtaking beauty as the thestrals had.

ooo

ooo

When Sarah didn't come to lunch, Snape wondered if she was still asleep. The image of her sleeping in his bed, of all places, crept into his mind and filled him with a warm sensation.

He made his way down to the dungeons straight after lunch. As he entered the classroom, he saw her robes were still in a pile on the floor, where she had thrown them last night.

He picked them up, thinking that she was probably still asleep, but decided to leave the robes on the sofa, so she would find them when she woke.

He went into his room, and saw her, staring out into the lake. Sabine was resting on her shoulders, and she was carefully stroking her tail.

She had not heard him come in. He cleared his throat. She spun round, « Oh, hello Professor!»

He found it odd that Sabine was so at ease and comfortable on her shoulders. Usually she never showed any interest in anyone but him. « Did you sleep well?»

« Oh yes, thank you for putting me to bed, I just woke up, and was about to leave, when I met Sabine, and also I was so intruiged by your view into the lake. I guess I lost track of time, I'll be out of your way in an instant.» She lifted Sabine from her shoulders and set her down the windowsill, where the snake coiled up in the gleam for the lake.

«How did you know I call her Sabine?», he had never told her about the snake, he was sure of that.

« Well...» Sarah hesitated, « she told me...»

« Are you telling me you can talk to snakes, Miss. Kessler?»

« No, she dosent exactly talk to me, it's more like...», she chose her words carefully, « I can scense her thoughts, and she can scense mine... if that makes any sense...at all».

_« Shut up, Sarah, you're babbling»_

« Really? And what else has Sabine been telling you?» he asked.

«Oh nothing, she was just so happy that someone could hear her. That it had been a long time since anyone could...because you never bring anyone... down...here...»

_«Shut up, shut up, before you put your other foot in it as well», _she told herself and felt really uncomfortable now, as though she had been caught snooping around in his most personal affairs.

« I'm sorry, Professor, I didnt mean to intrude. I'll just go.» she went and sat down on his bed to put her shoes on.

_«No, don't go!»._

He wanted to ask her to stay, to sit down on the bed next to her and... but she had already left the room. He followed her.

«I can't seem to find my robes, I'm sure I threw them in this direction.»

_«Her robes, where did I see them?» _He remembered he was holding them, she had been right to call him a git. He certainly felt like one. « Oh, I have them, here», she took them, and put them on with a faint smile. « Thank you again for letting me sleep in your bed, Professor, it was very kind of you», and she was gone.

Once again the image of her sleeping on his bed appeared before his eyes, and once again came that warm melting feeling inside him. It annoyed him that she called him professor. She called everyone else by their first name, even Dumbledore. «_Why the hell does she call me Professor?»._

He wanted her to say his name, he wanted her to whisper it to him._ «Severus...» _

«Dammit!», he snarled, went back into his room, and slammed the door shut.

ooo

In her rush to get out of the dungeons, Sarah had forgotten to ask what he thought of her potion.

Now she would have to wait a whole week to hear his opinion on it! Sarah walked straight past her room and kept walking, aimlessly, until she found herself in a part of the castle she had never been before. The north tower, right at the foot of the ladder leading up to the divinations classroom.

She was pondering wether or not to go up there, when a voice called for her

«Come on up, Sarah, don't keep me waiting»

o

o  
o

_authors notes: ´cotylae´ is an ancient greek mesurement of liquid. one ´cotyla´ is approx. one cup._


	5. Secretive Seers

**Disclaimer: **yes, it is still the same author I am ripping off. Thank Merlin for _her_ imagination!

ooo

**Chapter five: Secretive Seers**

ooo

Sarah climbed up the ladder, and found herself in a dimly lit circular room. There was an old lady standing by the trapdoor. Sarah did not see any bangles, and she was not dramatically draped in shawls either. She was a little plump, short and wore a very humble dark grey dress. Her pearlywhite hair was gathered up in a knot, not unlike McGonagall's.

« Hello my dear, I am Sybilll Trelawney, but of course you already know that don't you, Sarah», she said in a very mellow voice.  
She gestured for Sarah to follow and led her to a small table in the center of the room. On the table there were two cups, a small teapot, and a tray of cucumber sandwiches. Trelawney sat down, and so did Sarah.

« I decided to to wait for lunch until you came. I hope sandwiches are all right?»  
_« How...»_ but Sarah did not even phrase the question in her mind, before Trelawney answered her.  
« Well, you slept through breakfast and lunch, and I assumed that you would not have lunch in Severus' quarters»

Trelawney offered her a sandwich, and Sarah took it.

« But how did you know I was going to come here? I didn't even know I was going to come here?!»  
« The same way you knew that Severus would come for you» she smiled

Sarah wished she would call him Snape instead, his first name made her feel uneasy somehow.

« Why are you uneased by my calling him Severus? It is the boy's name after all.»  
_« Had she somehow heard?» _Sarah thought to herself.

« Oh I could sense it yes, much like you could sense the thoughts of that snake of his. Sabine, is it?»

Sarah gaped.

« Close you mouth child, thats not very ladylike» Trelawney looked at her and waited.  
Sarah pulled herself together and closed her mouth. « Much better dear. Tea?»

Trelawney poured hot tea for both of them while saying « I made jasmine tea for us, isn't that your favorite?»

Sarah clenched her jaws so she wouldn't gape again, but nodded.

ooo

« Now then. I am glad you finally felt ready to come up here. It is high time we discussed your gift of Sight».

Sarah thought of something, and heard a voice saying mockingly _« Use you inner eye to see the future»_

« No, child, sight is not reading tealeaves, or crystallgazing. True, they might be meager ways to help interpet visions, but true Sight is being able to communicate with your soul. You see, souls have their own means of communication, when we are earthbound however, this voice is often drowned out by all the disturbances around of. All newborns have this ability until they learn to speak and slowly forget how to listen. We can all hear our own soul's voice, which in effect are our thoughts, but we loose the abillity to hear others. Sight is not magic, all humans, magical and non magical alike, intially have this capability and could in theory learn how to listen. Witches and wizards find this easier to learn, as they have already accepted the fact that the world is not as solid and straightforward as it seems. To some, like you and I, knowing how to listen comes naturally. It is a unique gift passed down only from mother to daughter».

Trelawney offered her another sandwich, and knowing what Sarah was wondering, she went on.

« Yes, your mother could See, and so could her mother before her. This is not something that spontaneously appears. Every single Seer alive today can follow a direct bloodline back to the very first of us, Tiresias. This she passed on to her daughter, and she passed it on to hers, until you and I.

Not to forget your sister of course, who will pass it on to her own daughters. Infact your sister's Sight is very strong, even if she does not realise that she has it».

Sarah nodded. This was true. She had always had good instincts, but Roxanna's were uncanny. Which is why she had never been able to lie to her sister, because she spot a lie over the phone from across two continents. This explained alot about her sister. Like why she had felt she would make a good psychiatrist, which she would, once she finally graduated. Then a small wave of bitter sibling rivalry washed over Sarah. Again Roxanna had bested her.

« There is no need for you to feel inadequate, Sarah. You're a witch, and it will be much easier for you to hone your Sight up to, and maybe even beyond, Roxy's. Besides I believe her Sight saved your life once, remember?» Sarah nodded bitterly. She rememered all too well.

To her relief, Trelawney let the subject be, no doubt because she knew how unwilling Sarah was to talk about it.

ooo

« Before your unbinding, you could hear more clearly than you can now, yes?»

Sarah, who had just taken a bite of her sandwich, nodded. Ever since her magic was unleashed, everything was a blur of foggy dreams and daily headaches.

« Let me explain. The binding chams that were placed on you did not bind your Sight, for as I have already explained, it is not really magic. However it did narrow and restrict your channels of communication. So that you only occationally could hear another soul. However now that you are unbound, your channels have been burst open, and chaos reigns. The reason for this is quite simple. It is the equivalent of talking to one person, and having a hundred people talking to you at once. The more souls you can hear, the harder it is to hear anything at all. In our future lunches together, I will teach you how to focus on one soul at a time»

Sarah's thoughts went back to Sabine, and how she could hear her.

« Yes, dear, all living things have a soul and a voice, but you will soon find that familiars and other magical creatures, choose to speak to us more often than other animals.»  
« Is it because they know we can hear them?» Sarah asked eagerly.

« Indeed, child» Trelawney smiled, « Minerva told me you were smart, I'm glad to see that she was right. Of course, that girl is hardly ever wrong.»  
Sarah thought of how old Trelawney must be, to consider McGonagall a girl.

« I am old enough to know that age is of no consequence», Trelawney smiled, and poured some more tea for them both.

« She is not the only one that thinks so either. Severus spent half the morning in Albus' office, bragging about that potion you made. No, my dear, I will not stop calling him Severus, and I believe he would be glad if you called him by his first name as well.» She was glaring at Sarah now.

« I most certainly will not!» Sarah said, and blushed at the mere thought.

« Suit yourself dear, but I still say that he would be most pleased to hear you call him Severus. Now I have things to do, and so do you. Do join me for lunch when you feel like it.»

Sarah nodded and got up after Trelawney, who was now already at the trap door. She waited until Sarah had climbed down, then went back into her room.

ooo

The second Sarah stepped off the latter, she remembered a part of greek mythology she had once read. She climbed back up and was again greeted by Trelawney at the top.

« You were wondering...?», she said and actually let Sarah ask the question before she answered it.

« What you said about the priestess Tiresias. I am sure that I have read that her only daughter Manto, only had sons...», Sarah announced. « That is the myth. In truth she had two daughters. Now go on, Remus is wondering were you are», Trelawney answered and waved her off.

It was close to dinner now, and Sarah, who was still wearing her clothes from yesterday, went to shower and change. On her way, it dawned on her that Snape had indeed been bragging about her potion to Dumbledore. She actually jumped from joy, and ran all the way back to her room. She could not wait to tell Lupin!

ooo

ooo

Sarah and Lupin ate their dinner in a rush, then took the bigger half of a chocolate gateau and a jug of meade with them, and headed for Sarah's room, where they could talk more freely.

Snape watched them leave. They often did this, vanishing off to have dessert in private. It seemed over the few months Sarah had been there, they had become inseparable, spending every moment of their free time together. He wondered if there was something going on between them and a hint of jealousy growled inside him.

Back in Sarah's room, they were sitting crossed legged on cushions in front of the fire in her living room, having cake. The two loveseats were just as uncomfortable to sit on, as they were sickening to look at, and Sarah hadn't had the time to even think about redecorating the room.

She eagerly told him all about her potions lesson, and how she had fallen asleep at the table and woke up in Snape's room. « And what a room!» she rambled on about the window under the lake and the books.

« ...and all the books! My God! Books everywhere!» she exclaimed, and in her excitement she grabbed him by the shoulders and shook him so hard he spilled some of his meade.

« I am telling you Remus, I could just move in there today and happily spend the rest of my life, sitting in the windowseat, reading his books!»

«So basically what you are saying is that you would like nothing more than to go live with Snape?!» he teased her. She punched him in the shoulder. She had developed a habit of doing this, but he did not mind.

« Don't be silly! You now what I mean. It was the room and all the books that caught my fancy, not... not HIM! He is cranky, snarky, and strange. Sure he is brilliant, and he has a weird sense of humor, but weird in a good way, sort of, but still...he is too competitive and he never brushes his hair out of his face, so all you see when you talk to him is a mass of black hair and that huge nose, and you never really get to see his face, do you? And those eyes...»

« Sarah, you're babbling...», Lupin said. He raised an eyebrow and grinned widely.

« Well, I... oh shut the hell up Remus, and stop giving me that look!»

« What look?», Lupin said as innocently as a new born baby.

« That... nevermind», she sighed and went on tellling him about Sabine, after which he had made a comment about her « petting his snake», and started giggling. She punched him again but a little harder this time. It did not make him stop giggling though. She ignored it and told him about meeting Sybill instead. He agreed that she could be a little eerie at times.

ooo

«Sirius is coming today», he suddenly remembered. « oh, is it your 'time of the month' again?», Sarah teased him.  
« Sarah, you know I hate it when you call it that.»  
« And Remus, you know that is the very reason why I keep saying it» it was now his turn to punch her in the arm, although he did it much gentler than she normally did.

Sarah growled at him. He growled back.

« Come on lets go see if he has arrived yet» he got up and pulled her up with him.

ooo

Sirius would come to Hogwarts around full moon every month to fill in for Lupin. He always showed up two, three days earlier and stayed until a couple of days after the full moon. Sometimes he would pop in for the weekend, claiming that London was just too boring.

These visits were always memorable, especially if he was there during a weekend, when she had more time to spend with them.

They nearly always ended up utterly backwards drunk. Which nearly always resulted in the three of them being half dead at the breakfast table the next morning. In fact, the last time they had gone down to Hagrid's, and had not emerged from their rooms until dinnertime.

But on the actual night there was full moon, Sirius would change alongside with Lupin, into that big black shaggy dog, and they would roam the woods until dawn. Sarah could not come with them, for even though Lupin, thanks to the wolfsbane potion, kept his mind when he changed and was harmless, the woods were not safe for humans at night, specially not her, seeing as she didnt know nearly enough magic yet to be able to defend herself, and as she could not transform into an animal,

it would have been impossible for her to keep up with them anyway.

« You need to become an animagus, Sarah», Sirius had said again and again, « in the summer, when you have no more lessons. I can start teaching you if you want».

The first time he had suggested it, Sarah had complained that it would take years.  
« Years?!», Sirius had exclaimed, « it took us four months. Where do you get years from?».  
« I dont know...», Sarah had replied, and an idea was already forming in her head.

ooo

Secretly she had talked to McGonagall about this, and for the past couple of months she had spent as much time as she could, learning how to become an Animagus.

McGonagall had explained to her that since she was a metamorph, and could already alter the cellular structure of body at will, she would master it a lot quicker and easier than other humans, but she still hadn't. Initally she had hoped she would make it in time for Lupin's birthday, but March 10th came and went without her being able to transform yet.

ooo

Just as Sarah and Lupin came out of her room, Sirius was coming down the corridor to fetch them.

« What have you two been up to in there?!» he said in a mock shocked voice.

« Milady» he bowed deep before her, and kissed her hand. He could be very flirty at times, but Sarah had the feeling he was like that with all girls, so she didn't really like it. He was a bit too full of himself for her taste.

« Shall we?» he said as he took both of their arms into his and escorted them out of the castle and towards Hagrid's.

On their way, they filled Sirius in on the latest happenings at Hogwarts and just as they were knocking on Hagrid's door, Lupin said « and wait till you hear what Miss Sarah was doing this morning»

ooo

ooo

Sirius was on the floor, hardly able to breathe, he was laughing so hard. Lupin was giggling again too. Hagrid had thankfully been too mature to find it the least bit amusing. She was glad to have at least one person on her side. Hagrid poured her some more wine, as they tried to ignore Sirius, who was now whiping tears from his eyes and murmuring « She petted Snivellus' snake» before roaring with laughter again.

Hagrid shook his head, « Honestly! Will you two stop acting like a couple of first years!», but they didn't stop laughing for at least another ten minutes and throughout the night they would every now and then put their heads together and giggle quietly.

After a few hours and a couple of bottles of wine, Sarah and Hagrid were drunk enough to giggle with them.

ooo

It was almost three in the morning and on the table there where four empty winebottles, and one empty bottle of Hagrid's homebrew. As they got up to leave, Sarah could not even see straight, let alone stand on her feet. « Not to worry little sister», Lupin said and made to pick her up.

It was few weeks ago when Lupin had all of a sudden started calling her 'little sister', and as much as Sarah loved that he did, it still tasted bittersweet to her.

Sadly he was drunker than she was, so when he tried to lift her, they toppled to the floor in pile of arms and legs.

« I think you have to carry us both», Lupin said to Sirius, still lying spreadeagle of the floor and laughing. « Oh no! I have carried your drunken arse up to that castle far too many times. You will just have to walk up on your own», Sirius said and swooped Sarah up in his arms.

Lupin dragged himself up, still laughing and without Sarah weighing him down, he managed to find his balance, shaky as it may have been.

Sirius carried her all the way back to her room and put her on the bed. Being too drunk themselves, Lupin and Sirius decided why bother walking any further when her bed was big enough for the three of them. They threw themselves down on each side of her, and all three of them fell asleep instantly.

ooo

ooo

Sarah woke up at the crack of dawn, crushed between a snoring Sirius and Lupin growling in his sleep. She didn't mind them sleeping in her bed. It wasn't the first time they had shared a bed and she knew that neither of them would ever try any funny business. She was still too tipsy to feel hungover, and decided to get up. She slid carefully out of bed and took some clothes with her into the bathroom. She would call her sister today.

ooo

Snape was sitting alone at the breakfast table, reading one of his books. So far he was the only one there. It was after all Sunday morning and most of the school would probably not start coming to breakfast for at least another hour. He liked this. It meant that he could wake up slowly over his morning coffee in private, and be gone by the time the great hall started filling up.

He saw Sarah in the entrance hall. She was dressed in muggle clothes and did not come in to the great hall, but went straight out and was headed for the gates. It was an unusally cold morning, and he found it odd that she was sneaking out of the castle at this early hour. He made a split second decition, cast a disillusionment charm on himself and followed her.

He kept well back, and followed her out of the castle grounds and down the path to Hogsmeade. He soon figured out that she was certainly not headed there, because they reached a fork in the road and she turned left, instead of right, which would have led her to Hogsmeade. She had now been walking for over an hour and they were far from Hogwarts. She stopped. So did he, holding his breath, afraid of being caught. Then she put a white string in each ear, and continued walking.

They reached the outskirts of a small muggle village. She didnt venture far into the village but settled on a bench overlooking a fountain, and took a out a small device from her pocket. She pulled out one of the strings from her ear, and was soon talking into the small device.

ooo

She spoke in a language he didn't know, but every now and then she would say a phrase or two in english and sometimes he would catch the names "Sirius" and "Remus", but never his own.

He was leaning against a fence not too far behind her. He couldn't see her face, but he could tell she was happy about something because she sounded excited and kept laughing.

He felt a right git, standing like this, hiding and spying on her, but she was after all his student, and she had ventured far beyond the safe boundries of Hogwarts. It was his job to keep an eye on her, and make sure she didnt get into any trouble. At least that is what he kept telling himself.

Finally she said « You have no idea how wonderful it was to hear your voice, I miss you so much. I love you », then she stopped talking and put the tiny device back in her pocket.

He wondered whose voice it had been wonderful to hear. _« Who was it that she missed? That she... loved...?»_ At this last thought, jealousy flaired up inside him again, then setteled down when he realised she was gone.

ooo

_«Where was she?», _he hadn't noticed her get up, but just before he had the chance to worry, she came out of the bakery across the street. She was holding two rather large cups, and had a paperbag clenched between her teeth. _ « Two cups? Is she meeting someone here» _he thought.

She sat back down on the bench. Sipped one of the cups quietly for a while, then said into the air, « Professor, if you don't come and join me soon your coffee will get cold»

Snape was mortified! «_Had she known he was there all along?_»

He wanted to apparate back up to the castle, but he couldn't, she already knew he was there. He made himself visible again, and made his way towards her. His mind was racing to find a pretext. He was so utterly embarrased.

«Miss Kessler... I was just..I was trying to...», he was desperate to give her an excuse, a reason, any reason as to why he was there, but one glance into her eyes and his mind was blank.

Sarah just smiled at him, handed him the other cup and motioned for him to sit down.

« There's no need to explain Professor, I'm sure you have your reasons»

ooo

He sat down next to her, examining the cup she had given him. It was twice the size of any cup he had ever seen, and was made of thick brown paper. It had a lid, with a tiny hole in it.

« The lid is to keep the coffee warm longer, and the hole is what we drink through» she explained, noticing his bepuzzlement.

« I am sure you are wondering what I am doing so far out of bounds?».

There was that earnest, unconditional smile of hers again. The same smile that she gave him when he had first introduced himself to her. He couldn't look at her, and focused on the water fountain instead.

_« Dammit, stop smiling at me like that! Don't you know what does to me?»_

« I come here about once in a while to call my sister. As you know with all the magic at Hogwarts and the various charms keeping it hidden, muggle appliances, such as telephones don't work while I'm within the reach of the spells. So I have to come here, which is the closest muggle town I know of. You see, owls are great and all, but there is something different with actually hearing the voice of someone you love and miss».

« _Her sister! She had been talking to her sister!_», he was unable to hold back his smile, « _Of course she would say 'I love you' to her sister! Who dosen't love their sister?_»

« But still its not safe to sneak out of the castle like that, Miss Kessler, not telling anyone where you go», his voice was a bit harsh, trying to hide the humiliation of being caught. « What if something happened to you?», he said in a now softer and earnestly worried tone

« I wasn't sneaking anywhere, I have spoken to Albus about my weekly trips and he is fine with it. He knows where I go and when to expect me back. Croissant, Professor?» she offered him a pastry from the paperbag. He accepted. « How did you know I was..», he started to ask, but she answered before he even finished his sentence.

«The same way I knew you where hiding in the shadows on the first night we met, remember? I felt your presence».

He had forgotten about that, the night he came to her, he had been standing there looking at her, certain that she was oblivious to his presence. Then she had looked straight at him and asked if he going to speak to her, or just stand there and stare. He remembered that she had been expecting him.

« As powerful as your disillusionment charm is, it does not conceal your soul you know, merely your body» she said in an all knowing voice.

« Merlin! You sound just like Trelawney, woman!»

ooo

They laughed at this, and afterwards he no longer felt embarassed. It just felt so good, sitting here with her. Having her all to himself, outside of the dungeons, not having two think about the two mutts, Lupin and Black coming to take her away.

« I actually met Sybill yesterday, it was amazing! I had just left your dungeon, took a wrong turn and found myself at the foot of her ladder, and it turned out she had been expecting me! She had lunch ready and even my favorite kind of tea.»

« Well now you know what I felt, the night I came for you, expecting you would be shocked, but finding you had been waiting for me. I think you surprised me more than I surprised you that night», he said, « It was eerie, coming in to your living room and seeing the two cups and the fresh pot of jasmine tea.», he took a sip of coffee, « is that your favorite kind of tea?»

She was sitting facing him now, one leg curled up under her. « Yes it is, why?»

« Just curious», he smiled.

« She is going to help me develop and controll my skills» she nugded him while saying « soon not even the most accomplished occlumens can keep me out». « Miss Kessler, do you really think you can do what even the Dark Lord could not?», he was teasing her now.

« Is that a challenge Professor? Because you should know that I never back down from a challenge»

«_Not even if I dared you to kiss me?_» he thought.

ooo

« Professor? Speaking of challenges... you never told me what you thought of my potion?» she knew already what he thought of it, Trelawney had told her that, but she wanted to hear it from him.

« Potion? Miss Kessler, what on earth are you talking about?»

She gave him a light push « Stop teasing me, and tell me how I did»

He made a very grim face « I'm sorry Miss Kessler, I must say I was very disappointed after I tested your potion.» «What!? WHY?!», that was not what she had expected him to say at all.

« I was disappointed because I could find nothing wrong with it, sadly it was flawless.»

« Didn't I ask you to stop teasing me?» she almost shouted, but with a smile.

«Oh I'm not teasing, I rather enjoy being able to tell off my students. I am after all a cranky old git, who dosen't even alphabatize his stock, am I not?», he didn't look at her, merely took a sip of his coffee and smiled to himself.

She was quiet. Somewhat embarassed to find out that he had infact heard her calling him that, and also trying to find a suitable comeback. Finally she said « Come now, Professor, you're not old...»

« Are you insinuating that I am a cranky git?», he pretended to be mad.

« Oh not at all, I am telling you that you are one», she grinned at him.

In the same fake angry voice he said, « Thats it! 50... ah.. blasted! You don't have a house!».

Sarah chuckled, « Thats right, I don't, and you can't give me detention either, because I'm not technically a student, am I? Your weapons are useless against me».  
She smirked at him.

_« Don't you smirk at me! That is my smirk!»_

« Well, I guess you win this round, Miss. Kessler», he said with a smile, and made a mental note to take 10 points off the first gryffindor he saw.

She lept up and made an overly dramatic victory round around the fountain. Bowing, and neeling, shaking invisible hands, doing cartwheels. A few muggles who where passing by, looked at her and shook their heads. She didn't care. She finished her one lap, and came to sit with him again.

« Was it really...flawless?», she was serious now. «Yes, and I am quite proud of you.»

In her delight, she hugged him and said, « Well like master, like apprentice I guess» .  
He had been completely caught off guard by her hug, and was almost blushing.

ooo

«Oh no! I've lost track of time!» she had checked her watch and was shocked to see at it was almost 11 o'clock. « I told Albus I'd be back for lunch. Come on! It'll take us almost two hours just to walk back»

« Relax, Miss Kessler, you forget I am here. We can apparate back in time for lunch, unless you wish to leave now of course»

She sat down again, « I wouldn't mind staying here a bit longer» she said carefully, « Unless you want to go back now, Professor?»

« I find I am rather comfortable here» he said and smiled. Then he again noticed the white string she had in her ear. « What is that?»

« This?»She pulled out the string and took another small black device out of her pocket, « it's an mp3 player» « A what now?» he was a halfblood and had some knowledge of the muggle world, but it had been more than twenty years since he had lived amongst muggles.

« It is a device to play music with, let me show you» she gave him one of the strings, which he now saw had a kind of plug at the end « Put this in your ear» he did as she said. Then she pushed a few buttons, and he could hear music coming out of it. « Amazing!» he muttered

«Yes isn't it? To imagine this tiny little device can contain up to 30,000 songs! It needs to be charged with electricity to work though, but as we don't have that at Hogwarts, I've put some charms on it to make it work without. I did the same to my phone» she said and pulled out the thing she had been talking to earlier. Telephones he knew about, but they had certainly evolved since the last time he had used one. There was no dialer, no wires, and it was small enough to fit into the palm of is hand.

He could sense the traces of the chams she had put on it. « This is complex magic, Miss Kessler»

« I found them in a charms book I borrowed from the library, I did have to do it quite a few times to get it right, but I think I did it alright in the end», she gave a humble smile.

They sat on the bench, with one earplug each, listening to her music. He found he liked her taste in music, it was complex and varied, like her.

ooo

« Miss, Kessler, what were you doing with the Whomping Willow the other day?», he asked after about an hour of blissfull silence.

A few days before Snape had returned to the castle around five in the morning. He had been out on an assignment. As he walked up the path to the castle, he had noticed Sarah out on the grounds.

She had seemingly been teasing the willow, only to duck and jump out of the way as it's annoyed branches tried to whip her away. At the time he had been too exhausted, and had a nasty cut on his cheek that needed attending to. So he hadn't bothered going up to her to see what she was up to.

In the days to come he had pondered upon it, but could not even guess what on earth she had been doing.

He removed the earplug. She did the same and put her mp3 back into her coat pocket.

« I've been training martial arts since I was a kid. With all the recent events in my life, I forgot all about it. Then I figured I better start again, before I loose the skill, and Minerva has been badgering me to improve my physique before... Well, most of all, its just for fun. It feels great to completely empty yourself of all that built up energy», she explained, not at all surprised that he had seen her.

She had felt him there, but had been too preoccupied with dodging the willows attacks to turn and greet him.

« Martial arts? Isn't that some obscure muggle dueling styles from the far east?»

« I wouldnt call it obscure. It's a common skill amongst muggles today. There are courses and schools devoted to it all over the world, and anyone, from small children to old people, can take the classes if they want. It is actually quite popular», she said, happy that he had ignored her little slip.

« And diving head first into the Whomping Willow... is that just a random act of insanity, or does it serve a purpose?», he asked with a cheeky little sneer.

« I need an opponent, don't I? The willow is like trying to dodge a hundred swords at once. As you might have noticed that day, Professor, I'm out of shape and need the practice. That session wasn't too bad, but the previous one left me with a bruise the size of a quaffle on my shoulder».

Again they drifted into their usual comfortable silence. Sarah leaned back with a content sigh.

Her cheeks were a bit flushed and as he looked at her, she gave him a tranquil smile.

ooo

« How is it that you call the entire staff, even the headmaster, by their first names, yet you call me 'Professor'?», he suddenly blurted, and deep down dreaded her reply.

She sat up and tried not to sound sarcastic as she said: « maybe because everyone else calls me Sarah, yet you insist on calling me 'Miss. Kessler'»

Snape didn't say anything for a couple of minutes, and Sarah was starting to worry that she had somehow managed to offend him with her reply.

Then he turned to her. « It's nearly lunchtime, would you like to head back... Sarah?».

She beamed at him, «Perhaps we should, Albus knows where I am, but he's probably wondering where you are».

Snape nodded, « Yes, we probably should, before the knitters start talking», he said in an ominus voice. « The knitters?», Sarah looked at him.

« Oh, you know. Aurora, Irma, Poppy and Pomona», he said as he got up.

« Oh the knitters!», Sarah got it now. Sinistra, Pince, Pomfrey and Sprout were almost always huddled together in the staffroom, knitting and dishing out the latest in gossip and rumours, not at all concerned with the amount of actual truth in them.

Sarah was cracking up. « The knitters! That's just brilliant...».

They went up the road a little, so that they would not be spotted and apparated back to the Hogwarts gates.

ooo

ooo

« WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN!?»

They had run into Sirius and Lupin on the path up to the castle.

« I have been soo worried about you! We woke up, and you were gone. Gone. Gone. Gone! ». Sirius was clearly overdramatizing, he was grinning the whole time, while pretending to be angry at her.

« Are you still drunk...?», Sarah wondered.

« Don't! you! ever! run of like that again, or it'll be detention for a year, Missy», Lupin was waving his finger at her. « Oh shut up, Remus! Your mother hen impersonation stinks», Sarah said and punched him. He laughed, then grabbed her hand, « Come on lunchtime» and pulled her with towards the entrance hall.

« Wait! You two go ahead, I just need a quick word with Professor Snape and then I'll come join you»

She waited till they were gone, then walked back to Snape.

« Thank you for a perfect morning, Pro-», she stopped and almost blushed as she whispered, « I mean, thank you, Severus», before she turned and hurried off to catch up with Lupin and Sirius.

ooo

Snape didn't move for a few minutes. He wanted to remember this moment and was glad that Sarah didn't turn back to see him grinning like an idiot. He was finally Severus to her.

That was for him the perfect end to what he too felt had been a perfect morning.


	6. Familie Kesslers Buch der Zaubersprüche

**Disclaimer**: _dude, I am sick of these retarded disclaimers... I am more losing money by writing this than making it. think of all that time wasted that could be spent studying or working..._

ooooo

**Chapter six: 'Familie Kesslers Buch der Zaubersprüche & Buch der Zaubertränke', and a broken broom**

ooo

ooo

The staffroom at Hogwarts was, in effect, the knot that tied the entire castle together. Situated right above the entrance hall, it was the first room you came upon when you came up the stairs.

Armchairs and sofas all mismatched and random, were scattered around the room in groups. A long table seating twenty was placed in front of the windows and the chairs around it were all a random mix of colors, styles, and materials.

All in all it looked like whoever had decorated the castle, assuming that anyone had, had taken whatever was left over from the other rooms and just thrown it all in there.

Now what really made this room practical, was its many doors. Like the doors in the headmasters office, they were ports each leading to a specific part of the castle.

Apart from the main entrance on the first floor, one door led to the faculty floor, where the staff quarters were. One to the guest wing. There where four doors, each leading to a house common room, another one to the dungeons and one to Trelawney's tower. One led to the kitchens, and one to the hall where the gargoyle guarding the Headmaster's office was, and finally there was one that had been locked for so long that none of the current staff knew where it led to, including Dumbledore and Trelawney, who had been there the longest.

These doors were the most direct route around the castle, especially on days where the stairs were particularly restless.

ooo

It was in this room Sarah was sitting, head buried in advanced transfiguration notes that McGonagall had given her. She was so deeply focused that she neither sensed nor heard Sirius enter the room.

Not until he snatched the papers out of her hand, wondering what had her so enthralled did she even notice she was not alone. Sarah reacted with incredible speed, and snatched the papers back before he even had a chance to read a single word.

« Private love letters?», he asked with his usual slightly cocky smile.

« Yes», she said and stuffed them into her bag. « Who would send you a love letter?», he teased.

Sarah pulled out her charms book instead and flipped to the chapter she was reading.  
« I have been able to ensnare one or two hearts in my life», she said without bothering to look up at him.

Sirius crouched down infront of her and slowly pushed her book away.

One look into that perfect face and those amazing silver eyes, and Sarah almost forgot everything she had just read.

« I'm sure you've broken more than a couple of hearts before», he said slowly. Too slowly and suggestively for her liking. She focused back on her book.

« Remus is in Hogsmeade with the students», she said.

He lifted her legs, sat down and put her legs on his lap. All the while complaining about Lupin not being there.

« Well, that's what happens when you show up unannounced on a Hogsmeade weekend. There's hardly anyone here. Apparently Honeydukes is launching some new butterbeer filled cauldron cake, or something like that, and even the first and second years have been permitted to go».

« Well, let's go join them», he suggested. Sarah shook her head, « and give up on the chance of having the entire castle to myself all day? You can go, but I'm staying here».

« Then I'm staying here with you»

« Are you sure? I am probably the only one here, and I plan to study», she muttered while jotting down something in her book. He responded by summoning a copy of the Daily Prophet from across the room.

ooo

An hour later, Sirius had finished the paper long ago, and was just watching Sarah read. Boredom was slowly driving him insane. « Let's go to Hogsmeade».

« I told you. You go ahead, I'm busy», she said, still devoted to her book.

« I have my broom with me, let's go flying»

« No. I want to finish the next chapter, besides I don't even know how to fly»

« What do you mean, you don't know how to fly?», he asked in earnest surprise.

« I mean I don't know how to fly, as in the only thing I've ever used a broom for, is sweeping the floor...»

«Oooh... that's right you're a muggle...I mean you were raised as one...Sarah, do you know what this means? This means we have to teach you to fly!»

«NO! You are not getting me up in the air on nothing more than a stick of wood», she said and a shiver went down her spine as she remembered the last and only time she had been on a broom.

Sirius gave her a mischevious smile and tapped her book with his wand. It transformed into a brown mouse that squeaked and ran off.

« What the hell?!», Sarah shrieked. Not because she feared mice, but her charms book, filled with her precious notes, had just scurried off into a tiny hall in the wall.

« It's just temporary. The spell will wear off in five or six hours and then you can summon it back to you. Meanwhile, I can teach you how to fly»

Again Sarah downright refused, « I'm really, really scared of flying», she grudgingly admitted, and told him about the frenzied flight with Snape.

« But you can trust me. I'll be on the broom with you the whole time. We won't go too high up and not fast either. It'll be fun. I promise».

ooo

A lot of persuation later, Sarah and Sirius were on the quidditch field.

He got on the broom behind her, put one arm around her waist and gripped the broom with the other.  
Sarah was gripping the broomhandle so tightly that her knuckles were white.

After making sure Sarah was ready, he kicked off gently and let the broom hover in the air, a couple of feet above the ground. They circled the field slowly, and already Sarah was feeling a fluttering in her gut. He took his time, and explained step by step how she could control the broom to change speed and direction.

Gradually he increased their altitude and speed, and it was not too long before they were soaring around over the grounds. The butterflies in Sarahs stomach had long ago transformed into eagles.

She still didn't feel at all comfortable on the broom, but this was a slightly more enjoyable ride than the one Snape had taken her on.

« You're doing great!», Sirius shouted to her. He had both arms around her now, and had given Sarah a go at handling the broom. Sarah did not agree.

Then, Sirius did the unthinkable. He took control of the broom, and flew slowly towards the ground. About three- four feet above it he jumped off. « I think you're ready for a solo ride», he said and smacked her butt, to accelerate her.

« What?! No!», Sarah screamed, but she was already zooming across the grounds on her own.

Panickstruck, she tried to slow the broom down, but her mind was a blank and instead she made it go faster. « Sirius!», she screamed, and dissappeared amongst the trees at the edge of the forbidden forest.

Sirius heard a couple more screams, followed by a loud crash and swearing so loud that it could wake the dead. _« Oh, bugger!»_

He ran in the direction Sarah had vanished and was soon met by a furious Sarah coming out of the forest. Luckily for her, she had only crashed a couple of yards beyond the first row of trees.

She was cluthing his broom, there was a rip in her robes, revealing a bleeding gash on her leg and one could have almost sworn that steam was rising from her head.

« Are you alright?», Sirius asked, half laughing and half worried.

« Am I alright?! You bloody piece of half trashed slug vomit! How could you do that to me?!», she roared and broke his broom over her knee. « I trusted you!», she started hitting him with the bushy end part of the broom. « Lying, no-good, crude, vile, closet-Slytherin. I'd shove this broom up your arse, but you're so sick you'd probably enjoy it!», she screamed and threw the broken broom at him and went back up to the castle, growling profanities under her breath.

ooo

She went to the Hospital Wing to get Pomfrey to heal the cuts and bruises she had gotten. The cuts were healed with a flick of a wand, but Pomfrey was out of foxglove balm for her bruises, and sent her down to Snape to get more.

When she came in to his office, she was still too upset to notice that he actually seemed happy to see her. He handed her a jar, and she put her leg up on a chair, pulled up her robe, and started rubbing the thick yellow paste on the massive red bruise on her thigh. She was still growling slightly. He asked what had happened to her.

« Sirius goddamn Black!», she snarled, and breifly told him what Sirius had done.

« That does sound like their type of humor», he said, and Sarah noted the faintest hint of bitterness behind it. Just then someone knocked on the office door.

« If that's him, don't tell him I'm here. If I see him right now, I'll probably beat the crap out of him», Sarah whispered. The devilish grin that Snape replied with said it all.

« Severus, please...».

Snape opened the door only enough to see who it was. Sure enough it was Sirius, saying that Pomfrey had told him Sarah was there. « She left», Snape said and slammed the door in his face.  
The grateful smile that Sarah gave him, was worth ten beaten up Sirius'.

Sarah dropped down on the chair and proceeded to rub balm on a couple of more beginning bruises.

« I thought you were chaperoning the kids today», she said.

« Are you mad? And miss having the entire castle to myself, without a single one of those whiny little brats running around. I switched turns with Minerva, she was all too eager to try that new cake anyway», he said.

« This is really amazing!», Sarah digressed as she noticed the red marks that normally would have turned purple over the next couple of days slowly vanish. « You have to teach me this one».

Snape nodded and said he could teach her next Friday.

« Right, I better get out of your way», Sarah said and got up. Snape didn't protest, and the mountain of essays on his desk explained why.

Hoping to evade Sirius, she left his office through the door leading to the Slytherin common room, and from there she took the door leading to the staff room. From there she headed for her room, sore and aching all over her body.

ooo

Back in her study, Sarah went back to a little project she was working on in her rare and few spare moments, translating the two books she had taken with her from her family vault.

The first second she had spotted them it had been their titles that had caught her attention.

Sarah knew enough German to know they were the Kessler family spellbook and potions book.  
Unfortunately she didn't know near enough to understand half of what was written in there.  
This was driving her out of her mind, because the books looked ancient, and were thousands of pages thick, so she just knew that they would be filled with incredible things. Things that she did not have access to. Not yet at least.

After a while the fire in her study turned green, and Sirius poped his head in.

« I'm sorry...», he said and made puppydog eyes at her. « Piss off!».

« If you don't forgive me, I'll just go back to London then», he said sulkingly. Then he waited, probably expecting her to object in some way, but after minutes of Sarah ignoring him, he gave up and vanished out of the flames.

Sarah murmured further more inaudiable profanities and continued with the gargantuant task of translating her book.

She was undisturbed for hours, until she felt a familiar burning deep inside, and just then someone knocked on her door. She knew it was Snape.

« You forgot your bag in my office», he said as she opened. He handed it to her, and said goodbye, before she even had a chance to thank him for bringing it.

« Hey, wait! Can you read German?», she called after him. He turned and came back to her, « Sadly no. Why do you ask?». Sarah told him about the books.

« Why don't you just cast a translation charm on them?», he said condescendingly

« But I haven't even hear-»

«Oh, for merlin's sake!», he snapped and brushed past her in to the room. « Where are the damn books?». She pointed to the study, and even Snape could see that she did not approve of him snapping at her like she was one of the students.

So he did something very unlike him. He brushed his hair back from his face, looked her straight in the eyes, and apologised to her. And he was even sincere about it.

« Forgive me Sarah, I tend to forget that you have only been here a few months, and expect you to know as much as any other adult at this school. It feels like you have always been around, and you have come so far already. It slips my mind that you are just starting to learn magic ».

« I feel that way too, like this has been my home for ages», she said, astounded by his apology.

Snape traced the cover of one of the books with his wand, and the writing started glowing, before it vanished and reappeared in english.

« The Kessler family potions book?», he read and seemed somewhat lured by the title.

« Do you see why I wanted it translated. The other is the family spell book. They look like they've been in the family for tens of genetrations».

« Thought you didn't know German?», he said.

« I know a little. My grandfather made a couple of feeble attempts to teach us, but personally I was more intrested in learningother languages like Japanese and French**»**

Snape started to say something, but a cry from the fireplace cut him off.

« Saraaaaah... Saraaaaaaaaaah...», Sirius' voice said from the green flames, but he was nowhere to be seen. « this is your concience speaking... you muuust forgive Sirius... he is a great guy, and he really diggs you, and he is really...really soooorryyyyy...».

Then Sirius' laughing head poked out in the flames, « Oohh.. she has company...». He called back to someone on his own side of the connection.

« Didn't you say you would leave?», Sarah muttered, refusing to look at him.

« I have your charms book...», he said and held it out to her like a peace offering.

Sarah looked at Snape, « Excuse me one moment, Professor». She went down on her knees infront of the fire, took the book from Sirius and smacked him in the head with it while shouting:  
'LEAVE', 'ME', 'ALONE'.

Out of the fire came thuds from the book hitting Sirius and a few yelps of pain, followed by the unmistakable sound of Lupin laughing.

Sarah got up as the green fire vanished. « He is such an arrogant arse!», she muttered as she put the charms book away and brushed some ash off her robes.

Behind her Snape was quietly thinking that when ever he thought he couldn't possibly like her more than he did, she took it to a whole new level.

« Do you have time to teach me that translation charm?», she asked, and slammed the huge heavy spellbook on the table. He nodded. _« Who cares about bloody essays anyway?»_

ooo

ooo

It was Monday and also the first day of the Easter holiday. More than half the students had left on Saturday, so the halls, that were usually buzzing with noise, were silent and almost deserted.

« Sugar quills» Sarah said and went up to Dumbledores office.

He had sent her a note, asking her to come to his office. He had something he wanted to discuss with her. She knocked and went in.

« Sarah, come in, sit down.» he was as usual in an unaturally good mood. « Good morning Albus» and then to her amazement she noticed that Snape was here too, sitting in one of the two chair in front of Dumbledores desk.

« Good morning Professor» she said to him.

It was almost a month since their perfect morning, and even though she had started calling him Severus, it was only when they were alone.  
Otherwise she called him Professor.

Snape found that he did in fact prefer this. It made it even more intimate and personal when she said his name. Like it was their little secret. « Good morning Miss Kessler»

« Sarah, Severus and I have a little surprise for you. Shall I? Or would you like to tell her?» Dumbledore looked at Snape, who gestured for him to go ahead.

« As you know, if you want a proper job in the wizarding world, you must at least have taken your O.W.Ls. I know that we didn't plan on this yet, but you see, Severus here has been telling me how far you have come in your potions studies. We have dicussed it, and he has signed you up for your O.W.L exam in June»

Sarah was dumbstruck « He...» and turned to Snape, « you did WHAT!?» she glared at Snape, who glared back. Dumbledore who was looking from one to the other had noticed something, and it amused him greatly.

« Ah, but there is more, I have also talked to your other teachers, and they too agree, that with a little extra effort, you are ready to try for all your O.W.Ls, and get the whole thing over with, if you wish to of course...»

« May I have the day to think about it and give you my answer tomorrow?» she asked Dumbledore.

« Yes of course, my dear, take your time, but I think I will be needing your answer, by the end of the month».

Sarah excused herself politely and left. Snape excused himself too and sped after her.

Leaving Dumbledore alone in his office smiling at what he had noticed. _«There was definitely something there»_ he thought.

Snape caught up with Sarah. He took her hand and forced her to stop.

«Sarah... I thought you would be happy about this?»

« Happy!? Severus! How could you? I am nowhere near ready for that exam!»

« Don't be silly girl! You already understand potions better than half of the sixth years I teach!», he snapped at her, then calmly added « if it was not for the fact that you have to have your O.W.Ls first, I would have signed you up for the N.E.W.T level. Sarah you can do this, I know you can!»

« But Severus...» she almost whispered. « No! No buts! You can do this, you are the most talented student I've ever had. Now, you don't have lessons this week do you?»

« No, but i do have plans with Minerva after dinner»

« That's hours away, come on, join me for tea in my room?» he took her with him without waiting for her answer.

He had never asked her to come to his room before. He had wanted to for a long time, but he had not been able to get up the nerve to ask.

As much as she made him feel like a man for the first time in many years, she also managed to reduce him to feeling like a clumsy, insecure schoolboy again.

ooo

In his room, they lost all track of time, and spend half the day just discussing her exams.

«Severus, please understand what I am trying to say», she was lying on his sofa. Her head against the armrest and her legs on his lap. Sabine curled up on her stomach.

« I am a very competitive person. Its just not enough for me to just pass my exams. I must get top marks, it's just the person I am. If I don't get an O, I'll never be able to stop thinking about it. Specially in potions, because it's my favorite subject.»

« Sarah, listen to me», he dared himself touch her, but didn't, « I know what you mean, I'm like that myself, but I guarantee you that you can do it. In fact if you don't get an Outstanding, I'll...».

She gently placed Sabine on the floor and sat up, «You'll what?». She was so close to him, all he wanted to do was to take her in his arms and kiss her.

« I'll give you a thousand galleons, how's that?»

To his surprise, she shifted and sat on his lap, « That O is worth much more to me than that».

« Ten thousand galleons, a million, anything! Name your price! Just take that blasted exam!»

Sarah couldn't help but smile, «_Do you really have that much confidence in me?»_

« What do you what in return then? If I do get an O?».

He smiled at her, « Oh not much, a kiss on the cheek, and a 'thank you' will suffice, _when_ you get that O».

« If I do take the exam, will you give me unlimited access to your books, so I can prepare?», she asked and carefully brushed a lock of hair out of his eyes.

« Sarah, you already have unlimited access to my books, to anything in here».

« Even you?», she blurted without thinking.

« What? What do you mean?», suddenly his insides were burning.

«Nevermind, you know, I am starving, do you want to go to dinner?», she got up from his lap looking very flustered.

He most certainly did not want to go to dinner.

He wanted her to tell him what she meant. « Sarah...» he started, but she cut him off, « You know what, Severus, I think I will take that exam. Now, are you coming or not?», she was already in the doorway, waiting for him. Giving him a look that clearly said: _Drop it!_

« Yes» he got up, and went with her.

ooo

« Can I really borrow some of your books?» she asked while they walking.

« You can borrow all of them, If you want, you can come back with me after dinner and take some»

« Oh but I have that appointment with Minerva, remember?»

« What are you and McGonagall up to? Every time you show up late on Fridays, it is always because you have had an 'appointment with Minerva'»

« I can't tell you that, Severus, not yet»

He stopped, « Sarah, you know you can trust me ?».

She was a bit a head of him now, she stopped too and walked back to where he was. « Yes, and I do trust you! But isn't a girl allowed her little secrets?»

« But you don't trust me like you trust Black and Lupin» he said bitterly.

She took his hand, and with a gentle smile said, « Severus, I trust you just as much as I trust Remus, and even more than I trust Sirius».

This was only half true, because there was no one she trusted as much as she trusted Lupin.

« ...besides, none of them know this either. Severus please, just let me have my little secret and when the time comes. I promise you'll be the first I tell. But please no more questions ok?». She gave him a stern look he could have sworn she must have learned from McGonagall, and started towards the great hall again.

ooo

The truth was the next full moon was the first week of May, and Sarah was determined to be ready by then. It had already taken her a bit longer than McGonagall had first expected it would, considering her metamorph genes, and now she was sick of it.

She already managed to actually transform, but that was the easy part. The difficult part was getting you body to accept the transformation, so that it would not automatically try to change back to human form.

So far, the longest Sarah had managed to stay in animal shape, was a couple of hours, which was no where near good enough. The strain would always prove too much for her body and it would drain of energy far too quickly.

McGonagall had forbidden her to transform until she improved her physical stamina, which was why Sarah had during the last month, gotten up at four am almost every morning to train for a few hours, and had even, almost, quit smoking.

ooo

When she arrived in the great hall, she was surprised to find Sirius sitting with Lupin.

She was still mad at him. When he had come for the full moon the previous week, she had not said so much as a hello to him, despite his numerous apologies.

Sarah went to the table, grabbed an apple and said something about being too busy for dinner, before leaving the hall again. She went back to her own room, and stretched out on her bed with more transfiguration notes, on how to make your body accept the change, from McGonagall.

ooo

It wasn't long before she heard a scratching noise on the bedroom door, and the black dog came trotting in.

« how the hell did you get in here?», she grumbled before remembering that Lupin knew her password.

Sirius put his paws up on the bed and nudged her with his snout, while making the biggest, saddest puppy eyes imaginable.

« Oh, sod off! I don't even like dogs!», she half lied. He put his tail between his legs and started whimpering, loud and heartbreaking.

« Stop snivelling! I thought we were friends, that I could actually trust you», she said and pushed him off the bed.

He replied with a loud bark, and jumped on her, pushing her back on the bed. Then he started wagging his tail and rubbing his snout against her nose.

« Stop it, dammit get off me», she said, and the anger in her voice was slowly cracking.

Sirius started licking her face. « Stop... eww... please.. stop...Sirius..no, get away..stop that», she was pleading, and now you could hear how she was struggling not to laugh.

He only responded by becoming more eager, wagging his tail even faster.

« Alright, alright, I forgive you! », she cried in surrender. If she had thought it would make him stop, she was mistaken. For a now very happy Sirius, sat down on all four and continued licking her face and neck like crazy. Not only did the rough dog tounge feel disgustingly cold, but it tickled.

« Stop licking me!», she finally screamed, in between manic fits of laughter.

« Sarah...?»

McGonagall was standing in the bedroom door, looking slightly bewildered. Apparently the sight of Sarah lying on her bed with Sirius in animagus form stitting on top of her, could be interpeted in many ways. Wrong ways.

« Your door was open, we have plans remember?», McGonagall said, still trying to pretend she hadn't walked in on something that looked rather private.

Sarah pushed Sirius off. « I'll just wash my face and we can go» she said and went to wash away the slobber all over her.  
« Shame on you...!», McGonagall whispered to Sirius as soon as Sarah was out of the room.

He cocked his head to one side and gave her a rather confused look, before setting off towards his own room.

ooo

When Sarah returned to her quarters several hours later, she found both Lupin and Sirius, sitting at her table playing exploding snap. The moment she came in, Sirius came over to her and gave her a crushing hug.

« What are you doing here?», she asked.

« I got bored, and figured its easter anyway, why not come and stay the week», he said.

« I figured that much... but why are you here, now? It's past midnight»

« Well, we were going to Hogsmeade and wanted you to come along. We figured how much time could it possibly take with McGonagall, whatever you were doing, and decided to wait for you. Now what the bloody hell took you so long? What are you and Minerva up to..?»

« We are brewing a powerful lovepotion, to ensnare you two sorry mutts, and as much as I would love to hang out, I am tired, I have a very long day ahead of me tomorrow, so if you please?», she was holding the door open for them. They gave her a kiss and a hug, and left.

Finally, now she could get back to business. She locked and warded the door, and transformed. Then she settled on the floor, and went to sleep.

ooo

But the next morning she found, to her disappointment, that during the night she had changed back into a human. She washed up, ran down to breakfast, winked at Snape, sat down between the boys, took a large gulp of orange juice, took two bites of toast, grabbed an apple, and sped back to her room. She hadn't even been at the table for five minutes, and had not said a word.

It was the same at lunch, she came in, took one bite of her food, grabbed some fruit, and was gone.

Finally at dinner she decided she needed a proper meal, and took her time.

«You look exhausted! What have you been doing all day?»

« Can't tell you, its a secret» she finished the last of her pie, gave them both a kiss and was gone.

She locked her door behind her and transformed again. She had stayed transformed all day, only changing back to come to meals. She settled down infront of the fire and went to sleep. Tired from a very long day.

The next morning, she was again disappointed to find that she had changed back during the night.

_«This would not do»_

She had to get so comfortable in animal form that even when she was sleeping, her body would not change back without her wanting to. Only then would she show herself.

She went down to the kitchens and brought back a basket of appropriate food, then she notified McGonagall about where she would be, changed the password to her door, locked and warded it and even had a house elf temporaily close off the connection to her fires, so that no one could floo-powder in to see her.

ooo

When she didn't show up for any meals all of Wednesday or Thursday, Sirius, Lupin and Snape were all a bit worried about her, even though McGonagall had assured them that she knew what Sarah was up to, and that she was perfectly fine.

Lupin had been rather hurt and annoyed when he found out she had changed her password, and Snape had stopped by at least ten times and knocked on her door.

ooo

ooo

Finally, Friday morning she woke up, and looked down at her body. She gave a scream of joy, and jumped up. This made made an awful lot of noise, so she changed back to human form, took a long warm shower, got dressed, scribbled something on a piece of paper, pocketed it and went down to breakfast.

There was a great cheer from Sirius and Lupin when they saw her enter the great hall. She waved at them, but headed for Snape's end of the table.

She gave him the folded piece of parchment without a word, went to McGonagall and whispered, «I did it», winked at Dumbledore, who was after all the headmaster and knew what was going on, then she went to sit with the boys.

« Lovely morning isn't it?» she beamed at them.

« Where on earth did you disappear to? We haven't seen you since Tuesday!», Lupin complained.

« I have been working on a little surprise», she gave him a pat on the cheek.

« And you couldn't tell us where you went because...», « Because that's half the surprise, isn't it?» she said and patted Sirius' cheek this time.

On the opposite side of the table, Snape discreetly opened the small piece of parchment.  
It just said, '_I always keep my promises. Meet me at the far side of the great lake after dark'._

After dinner, the three dropped in at Hagrid's, where bottles of wine and homebrew were emptied at record pace, while the level of laughter reached an all time high.

Of course, a somewhat nervous Sarah tried to keep her own level of alchohol inntake to a minium and just nursed the same glass of wine for hours.

Finally the sun set and darkness enveloped the castle grounds. Feeling that the three men were too drunk to notice, she pretended to go to the bathroom, but instead slipped out the back door.

Confident that the huge black cloak she had on kept her camoflaged, she hurried over to the lake, and found a spot to sit and wait for Snape.

As it grew darker, and she became certain that Sirius, Lupin and Hagrid were too drunk to come looking for her, she transformed, and just as she did, she saw a small light coming out of the entrance hall, headed towards her. She withdrew into the shadows of the trees and waited.

ooo

«Sarah?»

Snape heard someting move behind him and turned around. In the light from his wand he saw a black horse, its coat and mane shimmering in the starlight.

«_ Where the ruddy hell is she?» _

«Sarah?» the horse neighed and wrinsked, «Sarah?» Where the hell are you?».

He turned and started walking further along the shore.

« You know...for someone as brilliant as you are Severus... you're pretty daft!»

« Sarah!» he turned back around, and there she was standing behind him, where the horse had stood, but the horse was no where to be seen.

«Oh come on! Surely you get it now!» she peered at him.

Slowly it dawned on him... _She was the horse?»_

« Sarah, you're an animagus!» the look of shock on his face was alone worth all the efforts she had put into this. « Bloody hell SARAH! When? How?»

« This is what I've been doing with McGonagall, this is why I've been late for our sessions»

« And the reason you vanished off the face of the earth for nearly three days?» He asked her.

« Yes, I didn't want to show anyone before I had fully mastered it, so I locked myself up in my room and decided not to leave until I had.»

« Isn't that pushing yourself a little too hard, Sarah? I was worried about you, I came to your door, I don't know how many times, but you didn't open»

« Well how could I have opened the door? I was a horse!» and with this she transformed back into the black arab mare and started sprinting around him in circles.

« Sarah, you are amazing! Truly amazing!»

The horse walked up to him, and nudged him. He stroked her neck and mane, it was every bit as beautiful as Sarah was. Once again she turned human, and they sat down on the shore. He blew out the light at the end of his wand and they just sat there, enjoying the darkness around them.

ooo

She had her cloak on, but they still huddled up under his.

They talked a little, when ever one of them felt the need, but must of all there was no need to talk. They were beyond that somehow.

After a while, she put her head on his shoulder, and took his hand. It said more than hours of conversation could have. He kissed her head. «Thank you for letting me be the first to see you»

She kissed his cheek, « I did promise, didn't I?».

He leaned back and pulled her with him. He was now lying on his back, and she rested her head on his chest. He had one hand under his head, and with the other, he was playing with her hair. Stroking it and carefully curling it around his long slender fingers.

« I can hear your heart» she said and yawned.

_« You can have it if you want»  
_


	7. Sarah, a doglover?

**Disclaimer:**_ see previous disclaimers_

**Chapter seven: Sarah, a doglover?**

ooo

The next morning, it started to rain.

They ran back up to the castle, but by the time they reached it, they were both soaked.  
Upon entering the entrance hall they once again ran into Lupin and Sirius, who were headed for breakfast in the great hall.

« Morning walk in the rain?» Lupin asked with a smile.  
« No, we fell asleep on the shore last night...», Sarah said without thinking, and instantly wishing she hadn't said that. Specially when she saw the weird grin on Sirius' face.  
« Oh... really..?» he said, and went into the great hall. After a few drying spells, Sarah, Lupin and Snape followed.

ooo

They had breakfast without a single mention of what Sarah had just said. Not until afterwards, when the three of them were in Lupin's room, playing exploding snap.

Out of nowhere Lupin said, « So are you going to tell us about it, or do we have to ask him?»

« About what?»

« About your date with a certain Professor?»  
« It was NOT a date!» Sarah stood up from the table, threw herself on the bed and stared at the canopy. _«It was amazing...»_.

Lupin sat down on the bed next to her, « So you were brewing potions, were you? When you fell sleep on the lakeshore»  
Sirius joined them, « Or maybe you were petting his snake again?» he chuckled. They were both lying on their stomachs, and peering at her. She turned around too.

« First of all...Sirius... EW! And it was nothing like that. I just had something I wanted to show him and we sat down by the shore afterwards and got to talking, and then we were lying under his cloak watching the stars, and we fell asleep»

Lupin looked at her, grinning, « If that's not a date, then I don't know what is?!»  
«Ok then maybe it became a date, or a datelike thing... but it wasn't planned as one. I just had something I wanted to show him».

It was hard to hear her now because she had buried her face in the matress.

The interogation went on. « So you just ran into him, did you?»  
« No I asked him to meet me there»

«So that's what was in the note you gave him at breakfast! I wondered what that was!», Sirius exclaimed, « and that's where you ran of to after you vanished from Hagrid's, ... you've been hanging with that Slytherin for too long»

« Why did you meet up down there, and after dark?»  
« Because it was something I only wanted to show him..duh!»

«So to sum it all up», Lupin said in his teacher voice, « you gave the Professor a secret note, telling him to meet you alone by the lake, after dark because you had something to show him. Something 'for his eyes only'. After which you cuddled up under his cloak, and did nothing but 'look at the stars', until you fell asleep in each others arms?»

«How did you know..» she had walked right into his trap. «Aha! So you admit you were in his arms!»

She gave up, she might as well just tell them the last bit too. « Not exactly, I had my head on his chest, and he was stroking my hair so gently, and the sound of his heart was almost hypnotic, so I fell asleep. Are you happy now?»

« You fell asleep listening to his heartbeat? Aaww, that is the cutest thing I have ever heard», Sirius patted her head, « You know what, Moony, I think Sarah fancies her potions professor»

« Waywe wuwt wa wittwe wiwy wit» Sarah said into the matress.

«What's that my dear?».

« Maybe just a little tiny bit» she admitted and turned as scarlet as the drapes on Lupins bed.

She then got up and slid herself under the covers. « I'm taking a nap!»

« Great idea! We haven't slept all night», they said simultaneously and they both slid under the covers too.

Sirius spooning Sarah, who was spooning Lupin.

ooo

* * *

ooo

Later that day, Sarah took her new potions book with her and ventured down to the dungeons.

« Busy?», she asked as she poked her head in to his office.

He looked up from behind a heap of scrolls on his desk. « Not more than usual», he muttered before his head vanished behind the parchment again. In Snape language this meant, 'yes, very, but not too busy for you'.

« It's just... I found this really exciting potion in that book you translated for me, and wondered if you had the time to help me make it».

Snape looked at the hundred or so rolls of parchment on his desk. If he got distracted now, he would probably have to stay up half the night to finish them. Then he looked at Sarah, standing in his doorway with that huge book in her arms and an avid smile on her lips.

« I was just finishing for the day», he said and marked the paper in front of him without bothering to read it.

« So what is this potion that can't wait til Friday?», he asked as they went into the empty classroom.

Sarah slammed the book down on a desk and flipped frenziedly through the pages.

«This one!», she exclaimed eagerly.

« Ten thousand tounges tonic?», he read.  
It was a draft of language. Who ever drank it would be permanently fluent in any language they chose to make it for. He skimmed through the recipe. It was fairly quick to make, maybe three to four hours, he calculated, but it was very complicated with endless minor details that needed a hundred procent accuracy.

« So you understand why I didn't want to do it alone...», she said as he read on.  
Snape grunted a yes. A small mistake and it would be useless. A big mistake and she might blow up the castle.

« I have never heard of this before...», he said, and started to browse through the book.

« I think it is something of a family secret. It says in the beginning of the book, that most of the recipes have never been published and urges you to keep the book only in the family and away from the prying eyes of outsiders», she said as she was darting around gathering the neccesary ingredients.

« And the first thing you do is hand the book over to an outsider?», he said as he re-read the procedure, to make sure he had not missed anything.

« Outsider?! Meaning you? You're not an outsider!», she called from the backroom, « Besides, the more I read the book, the more I feel my ancestors were too paranoid for their own good».

While waiting for her to come out, Snape flipped through the index. Each potion was listed with the name of the one who had made it, or at least added it to the book, and the date of the entry. The very first entry was from March 1209, and it went on through the ages until January 1995.  
From what Dumbledore had told him when he sent him to get Sarah, he knew that 1995 was the year her grandmother died, and Branan Kessler had sold his houses in the wizardworld and gone to live with Sarah's family.

He turned to the last entry. The final line caught his eye at once.

_'I write this with hope that it will not remain the last entry for long. B.K'_

« Where do you keep the diamond dust?», Sarah called again from the back room.  
«Next to the lacewing flies», he called back, and thought to himself that Branan's entry surely would not be the last one. Not if Sarah had a say in it.

« And where are the lacewing flies...?», she cried, sounding slightly annoyed.

«Third shelf on the right. The dust is in a blue unlabeled jar...», he said while returning to the index to browse some more. He could surely understand her excitement over the book. Then a name sprung out from amongst the rest. It was one of the names with the most entries. H.C. A. Von Nettesheim. He checked the dates of the entries. They ranged from 1501 to 1532. It had to be the same wizard.  
«Did you know you are a descendant of Heinrich Cornelius Agrippa. He is on the chocolate frogs, for goodness sake!», he called to her.

« Yes, Sirius mentioned something about that. He still has the entire collection or something...», Sarah said.

She was still rummaging around for the damn diamond dust. There were four blue unlabeled jars on the third shelf and none contained the dust. She found the lacewing flies on the second shelf, and the only thing next to it was a halfempty bottle of trollsemen. An uncommon, and revolting ingredient, mostly used for potions that involved growth of human tissue, like skelegrow and blood replenishing potions.

She cursed his storage system for the umteenth time, and began looking inside every blue jar she could find. « I can't bloody find it!», she shouted irritated.

With an exasperated sigh, he came to the backroom.  
« You just haven't looked properly!», he gnarled, and started to search around for the diamond dust. « There it is», he said and reached up behind her to take a ceramic jar off the fifth shelf on the left side.

Now they were standing face to face in the far too narrow room, and as their eyes met, a very ackward silence fell between them. Sarah brushed his hair back and took his face in her hands, slowly pulling him so close that their foreheads touched. Snapes heart startet pounding so fast that it was humming.  
«Severus...», she said in the softest whisper, and looked deep into his eyes.

Snapes heart stopped.

« That... is a green jar!», she snapped, took the jar from him and went back out in the classroom.

Snape leaned back against the shelves and tried to catch his breath, and make his heart start beating again. For a second there he had been sure that she was about to kiss him, and it had turned his knees to pudding.

« That's what I said, the green jar next to the fire centipedes », he said as he came out looking as perfectly composed as a marble statue.  
« Whatever... just don't say that I didn't look properly when not even you can make sense of your system, or tell the difference between green and blue», she teased.

Soon all their focus was on the potion and no one cared anymore what color the jar was.

« So why did you decide to forgive Black all of a sudden?», Snape asked while counting up exactly fortyseven grains of diamond dust, and sprinkling them into the now bubbling cauldron.

Sarah smiled to herself. « Let's just say he has a very dexterious tounge...», she said and surpressed what could have been a giggle. « He is still an arse though, and has the sense of humor of a five year old, but he's not _all_ bad..».

Snape gave a sort of annoyed grunt. « What language have you picked?», he asked to change the subject, and thoroughly regretted ever bringing it up.

Sarah had not thought of that, which was a rather big slip, because the ingredients included not only a dictionary and grammarbook of the language of choice, but also saliva from a person that was already fluent in it. She had been so excited when finding the recipe, that she had not thought of actually preparing for it.

« Right! Then I get to decide», Snape said and vanished off into his room, before quickly returning with two books, that he gently slipped into the cauldron before Sarah had a chance to see what they were. Soon the books dissolved and letters were floating around in the potion.

Sarah asked him what language it was. « You'll find out after you drink it...», Snape fleered.

After which he started stirring the potion triangularly, until he stopped, checked the color of the potion against the desciption in the book, and when he found it to be a match, he cleared his throat and spit in it.

A cry of disgust escaped from Sarah, and there was that rare low chuckle that was Snape's genuine laugh. « Stop laughing...I am the one that has drink it», she said and gave him a little shove.

She pushed him out of the way, and took over the stirring. « Same as all men... bloody perverts the lot of you...», she muttered not bothering to mask her smile. « May I remind you that this was your idea, Miss. Kessler...».

«Yes, yes, _professor_... my idea, so I am the one that drinks the others bodily fluids, ok. I get it. Its not funny».

« By the way, Hagrid is coming up to my room later with a couple of bottles of his latest experiment. Will you come as well?», she asked.

_« Dammit!». _This was the first time Sarah had invited him up to her room, and he really wanted to go, to be with her, but he knew that it meant that Lupin and, even worse Sirius, were guaranteed to be there. « I can't, I have too much to do after this», he said.

« Is it just because Sirius will be there?», she said.

« Frankly yes. I'm sorry, but I just can't stand the mangy cur», Snape said casually, « so don't try to persuade me, because you will not suceed in changing my mind».  
« I wasn't planning on trying to talk you into anything. I just thought I'd ask, because...well, I wanted you to come. How about we have a tasting of our own some other night, just the two of us?», she said and winked at him.

_« Did she just...? No, no, Severus, you are imagining things...»._

« I think it's ready», Sarah said before Snape had a chance to contemplate further on wether or not she had just asked him on a date.  
He conjured up a right sized goblet for her, and poured it brimful. « You have to drink it while its hot, before it separates».  
Sarah took it and smelled it. It smelled like dusty parchment, and had the similar color as well.

« Go on...», Snape said. She drained it in one go and forced herself to swallow the thick, creamy tonic.  
For a second she looked like she might throw it right back up.

« That bad?», Snape taunted her.  
«Worse... it tastes like warm, melted ice cream...», Sarah said, and tried to get the taste out of her mouth, « I hate ice cream...», she complained.

«Potesne me intelligere?», Snape asked. «Estne Latina lingua?! Latine loqueris?!», she exclaimed.  
«Ita est, et nunc, tu quoque…», he said.

« Is this a common language in this world?»  
« No, hardly anyone bothers to learn Latin these days»

« So you are probably the only one in the school I can share this with...?»  
« Probably...», he said, with a little smile.

« Latin...», she muttered as she was clearing away the potions stuff. It was too bad that the potion required a full moon cycles wait between each dose, or she would probably be making a new batch straight away. This was the coolest potion she had come across so far.

« So... I'll see you around, Severus», she said when they were parting ways at the foot of the stairs. Then she bit her lip and hesitated for half a second, before she kissed him on the cheek, and vanished up the stairs, blushing all the way back to her own room.

Ooo

ooo

The night of the full moon, Lupin didn't come to dinner. This was standard. Every full moon, he would sit alone in his room, and wait for the moon light, refusing anyone to be there while he transformed.

Sarah's heart bled for him. She had already covered werewolves with Lupin, and knew what a painful and messy ordeal an involuntary transformation was. Yet as she sat at the head table with Sirius, she couldn't help but feel a little excited that tonight she would get to go with them.

After dinner, Sarah and Sirius remained at the head table, and talked until finally the full moon shone in through the windows. « I have to go. See you in the morning», Sirius said and gave her a peck on the cheek. She waved him off, and waited until he had gone up the stairs, before she went out to the edge of the forest, transformed and waited.

She didn't have to wait for long, soon the massive wolf came running out of the castle, closely followed by the dog, who in comparison now seemed rather small.  
They headed straight for the forest, not too far from where she was standing. Sarah crossed the path she assumed they would take several time, and the Seer in her told her that both canines would find her scent strangely familiar and be curious about its source.

And right she was, soon she could both sense and hear them tracking her down. As a horse she could see 360 degrees, which had taken some getting used to. The first couple of times, it had made her seasick, but now she was learing to appreciate this. She could see everything except her own tail, and easily spot the two that were hunting her.

This weird bestial game of hide and seek lastet half the night, until Sarah began to tire of it, and stopped to graze in a clearing, while pondering with some amusement how refreshing the grass tastes. It was weird that the animal form came complete with animal tastebuds as well.She lifted her head and looked around. She had never been this far into the forest alone before, and was not all that sure of where exactly she was, but she was confident that they would manage to track her down. She could sense them closing in on her. Sirius more clearly than Lupin.

ooo

A few minutes later, one excited howl was answered by another one, and the dog launched himself on her. He was growling, but she could sense enough of the man inside to know that it was a playful growl. Lupin came up on her from behind, and they circled her, play hunting like a couple of kids in their parents backyard.

She could sense that both of them were surprised that she had not acted like a real horse no doubt would and ran for it, and that's when she realised that they hadn't recognized her sent, and probably took her for a real horse. _« Oh, this will be more fun than expected...so much for wolf-senses Remus».  
She threw her front legs in the air and took off, with both of them chasing her. After a while she was far ahead of them, and it seemed they were slowing down. She turned back and chased after them, bugging them until they set after her._

The dog, wolf, and horse played around until dawn was closing in and Sirius and Lupin headed back to the castle. She followed them back, but when they reached the entrance of the castle, Lupin darted up to his room, while Sirius transformed back to human.

He shooed her back in the direction of the forest. « Go on. Go! You can't follow us further. Go back to your herd», he said and slapped the horses rump.  
Sarah ran off a bit then double backed and followed him into the castle. « No! Go! Shoo!», Sirius cried, but Sarah just followed him further in.

Sirius stopped and pinched the bridge of his nose. « Dumbledore will kill me...», he muttered.

Despite all his efforts, that horse kept following him, until he started up the stairs. « Hah! You're stuck now. You can't come any further so you might as well go home», he said.

Sarah had no idea how she could walk up those steps as a horse, so she transformed back to human and started up the steps.  
« I can't believe you didn't recognize me», she said as she past a moonstruck Sirius whose jaw was dangling to the floor.

« Of course! Why didn't I realize that _that _was what you were up to with McGonagall!?», he exclaimed and ran up after her. « You sneak! I can't believe you kept this from me the whole time», he said and sounded more proud than anything else.

Sarah just shrugged her shoulders and winked at him.

ooo

Tired as they were, they took the short cut through the staffroom and directly to the guest wing where Sirius' room was. There they streched out on the bed, and meant to sleep, but instead they lied awake talking about Sarah's little surprise.

Sarah was feeling a bit ackward, being alone in bed with Sirius, but kept telling herself that it was no different than when Lupin was with them.

« I can't believe you did that for him Sarah, that was so amazing!» Sirius hugged her.

« Well it wasn't all for him you know, I really wanted to be one, and I wanted to be able to come with you guys. I just wish I had managed to do it in time for his birthday... that was my goal at first, but it was just a lot harder than expected», she said.

« And the fact that you had McGonagall in on the secret too... how did you manage that?» he looked at her, his eyes the exact shade as hers. « I very nicely asked her not to tell anyone until I had mastered it. She told Dumbledore of course, but kept her word and did not mention it to anyone. She is actually very nice, even though she is a very strict, demanding teacher.» Sirius agreed to this, « She is fair, even though she sometimes acts like she has a broom stuck up her ..»

« Sirius!» she had thrown a pillow at him and while trying to duck it, he lost his balance and fell on the floor.

Sarah laughed and streched out on the bed. It was still early, and she wanted a couple of hours rest before breakfast. The black dog jumped up on the bed and settled beside her.

Sarah scratched him behind the ear.

« You know I think I prefer you this way, Sirius ». The dog growled and licked her cheek.

ooo

ooo

Snape had just turned the corner when he saw Sirius and Sarah emerging from Sirius' room. They didn't notice him.

« Sirius, can't we sleep just a little? Please?» Sarah was pleading with him.  
« No, we can't spend the entire day in bed, girl. I get too restless, you know that. Oh don't give me that look missy. I know we didn't get to sleep, but I need air. Now lets go and see if Lupin's up»

Jealousy started groling and clawing away that Snapes insides._ «She had spent the night alone with Black? In his room?» _He felt sick all of a sudden.  
After they had made that tounge tonic he had thought that maybe she did in fact like him.

«_What did Sirius mean, we can't spend all day in bed? Had they slept in the same bed? Had they maybe...No, they couldn't have... but Black had said that they didn't get much sleep...Had she __really...? With BLACK!?».  
Anger was now roaring and rampaging inside of him. Shredding him up. Of course had he not been so blinded by his jealousy, he would have rememberd that last night was full moon. That they had not slept much because they had probably been out with Lupin._

He saw them again at the breakfast table. Lupin was not there. Sirius had his arm around Sarah and was whispering in his ear. Sarah giggled and blushed. Snape was sure he would throw up if he sat there another second, and left for a walk around the grounds. His mind racing «_ She couldn't have! She wouldn't have! Not with him, not with Black. NOT WITH THAT DIRTY MUTT!»_

ooo

Snape came upon them again, an hour later.

They were sitting under a tree, Sirius was leaning on the trunk, and Sarah was sitting in front of him, between his legs. Sirius had his head on her shoulder, one hand was guiding Sarah's wand arm in the air, showing her some spell, the other was around her waist.

She seemed so happy and comfortable in his arms. Like she belonged there.

_«There is definitely something between them», _Snape admitted unwillingly, _« how could I not have seen it coming? The way she lights up whenever he comes to visit. The way he is always touching her, holding her hand, playing with her hair. They make the perfect couple, both dark and attractive, same confidence in themselves, not caring what others think.» _It was so clear to him now. _« After all, how could someone as beautiful as she was possibly want me? Black had always had scores of girls after him. Why should she be any different? Of course she would choose the handsome confident Black, with that bloody 'dexterous tounge of his', instead of a cranky, inexperienced git like me» _

But he thought that she lately been so warm to him, so affectionate. In the last month he had been sure that she felt something too. _« She was no warmer towards you than she was to Lupin», _his insecurity whispered to him. _« Oh what a fool I've been, mistaking friendship for-»_

«Severus?» He looked up, Sarah was standing in front of him, looking at him in a questioning way. Black was coming after her.

ooo

Sarah had been focusing on the wand-movements Sirius was teaching her, when she felt a sudden fire inside her. It burned with anger, with pure rage. It was not her rage, though. It was not Sirius either. He just felt peaceful and at ease. «_But then who?»_

She looked around and spotted Snape stitting on a bench not too far from them._ «Why was he angry? Had something happened?»_

This was a rare thing. She was never able to read so much as a flicker of emotion from Snape, so she knew it had to be a thunderous, overwhelming anger he was feeling now, since not even he could contain it. Then she remembered something she had felt earlier that day, but not thought about.  
_«Oh fuck»_

«Wait here» she said to Sirius and ran up to see what was wrong.

«Severus? Are you alright? What's happened? Why are you angry?» she was sitting next to him now.  
«Who said I was angry?» he said in a cold calm voice.  
« You don't fool me, Severus. I could feel it, burning inside me, like a fire roaring with fury. Tell me, what's wrong?», she asked, already with an inkling of what it might be.

Sirius had caught up to them now. « Sarah, come on! I am leaving for London today, and you two have a whole month to talk before I get to see you again, You are mine today, come on.. come for a run with me» he turned into the dog, and had his front paws on her lap, panting and wagging his tail.

« Well I guess there is no point in trying to have a conversation with a mongrel like you around.» she said to Sirius and pushed him off her lap. Then she turned to Snape,  
« Don't think you get off this easily. I will talk to you later, in private.» she gave him a quick kiss on the cheek, transformed and ran off with Sirius.

Snape watched the black dog and black horse running towards the forrest. _« Damn them, the perfect bloody couple».  
He found himself thinking that how could she have known what he was feeling? She had seemed honestly worried when she came to him. Did she know why he was mad with fury? Did she even care? Had she not just proven that she would pick Black over him? But then again she was right, it would have been impossible to talk with that mongrel around.His anger mellowed a bit at the thought of her calling him a mongrel, and that she had kissed him on the cheek. So softly and affectionately._

ooo

At lunch he was both relieved and infuriated to see that Lupin was alone. Relieved because he did not have to see 'the happy couple', whispering and giggling, but also infuriated because if they were not here...Where were they? _«Probably saying their goodbyes back in her room», _that horrid voice said to him and a ghastly image of the two of them penetrated his mind.

He felt sick again, trying to resist the urge to run up there and rip her out of Sirius' arms.

Again he decided he needed air, and left. He spotted them standing right outside the gates. _«At least they weren't up in her room» _

Sirius was stroking her cheek. They both seemed sad. He then hugged her so hard that he lifted her off the ground. He put her down again, kissed her on the forehead and disapparated.

Snape went back inside, he didn't want her to know he had seen them. He was halfway up the stairs when she called for him to wait.

« Shall we have that talk now?» Her eyes were red and slightly puffy. There was an unmistakable sadness in them, yet she was smiling. _«Had she been crying? Crying because she would not see her love for a month?» _«I am busy, Sarah.» he started to walk away, but she followed. «No you are not, I will not drop it Severus, I want you to talk to me.»

« There is nothing to talk about, I wasn't angry, everything is fine.», _«Oh yeah, just peachy»,_ he wished that voice would shut he hell up.  
They were almost at the dungeons now. He sped up, so did she. She was almost running beside him now. But he beat her to the door and slammed it shut in her face. She was hammering on the door.

« Severus, I will not let you lock me out. I know there is something wrong, I can feel you with every fiber of my being. Talk to me, please? Don't you trust me?»

Snape was sitting in his windowseat, his head in his arms, trying to block her out. _«Leave me alone, wretched girl»  
__«I will not!» _someone said inside him, a softer gentler voice than before.

« Severus Snape! If you do not open this door, I swear on my mother's grave I will blast it open!», she was shouting now, her voice quivering.

This caught his attention, not because of the threat, but because Sarah had never mentioned her mother before. He didn't know she was dead.

« Come in then» he had flung the door open.

She went in and sat down on the sofa. He followed. « Talk to me» she beckoned him to come sit with her.

«... I...this is ridiculous! There is nothing to say...»  
Sarah took his hand and squeezed it, « Why are you so upset with me? What have I done, Severus? Please don't shut me out, just talk to me»

« I never said I was upset with you...» he tried to keep hid voice calm. « You didn't. But I know that you were, that you are. But I don't understand why? Is it really just because you saw Sirius and I coming together out of his room?»

« What?» He was so sure, that they had not seen her.

« You are a slow learner indeed,» she smiled at him now, kissed the palm of his hand and placed it on her cheek. « Don't you know by now that I can feel your presence when you are near me?»  
He turned to face her, stroking her hair._ « Merlin! she is so beautiful!». S_omething inside him wanted to tell her everything, how he felt, how he wanted her, but was use was that now that he knew she loved Sirius, and not him.  
« I just... I care for you. You are a dear friend to me and I don't want to see you have your heart broken. Specially not by that lousy no-good dog!»

« Oh Severus! there isn't anything going on between him and I. We are just friends, nothing more. Sirius isn't... he reminds me too much of... well, no there is definitely nothing going on there. It's sweet of you to worry about me though.» she gave him a warm earnest hug.

_« He reminds you of who? And if there is nothing going on, then why were you crying when he left?»_

He wanted so badly to believe her, but he needed to be sure. He had to make sure she had not slept with him. _«Anyone but Black!», _with an undetectable flick of his wand, he thought the word  
_« Legilimens»_

ooo

He could see her, being chased around the forest with Black and Lupin. Then leaving Lupin so that he could change back in private. He saw her and Sirius, sitting on the bed talking about her being an animagus and him transforming back to the dog. They were on the bed, but nothing was happening between them. Sirius changed back and said « lets go eat something»

He could see her as she was galloping away from the bench he himself sat on. Heading towards the forest again. He saw them sitting in a clearing, Sarah was stroking Sirius' hair, and both of them were crying.

Strangely he couldn't hear what they were saying. He moved closer, but the scene melted away.

« That's more than enough Severus!»

ooo

Sarah let go of him and looked nothing short of furious. « How dare you?!», she said in a low, yet frightening growl.

He fell on the defensive at once. « What? It's nothing different than when you read people, is it?»

Sarah let out a sarcastic laugh, « Are you comparing Sight to Legilimency? You idiot! Legilimency is just a vile, crude derivation of Sight, invented by men, jealous of the fact that only women have the gift. You pentrating my mind like that is nothing even remotely near what I do when I See».

« No? You bury your way into peoples inner private feelings just the same!», he said.

« There is a world of difference between what I do and what you just did. When I read someone, I see and feel only what their soul chooses to show me. Whilst Legilimency forces a person to reveal their most private thoughts against their will. Its the same difference as making love to someone, and raping them! », she cried angrily.

« I...», but he meant to argue back, but stopped as her words sunk in. He had never thought about it that way before, and was suddenly filled with self disgust that he had done that to _her._

«Oh Sarah! Please, I am so sorry! I just... I was worried about you, and I just had to make sure that.. that...»

« That WHAT!?».

« That... that you hadn't... with...». He let out a cry of frustration. How the hell was he going to get out of this without coming out looking like a damn imbecile?

« You thought that I had slept with Sirius didn't you?!». She flew up from the sofa and glared down at him with her arms crossed.

«Well...yes...» he admitted finally.  
« Do you really think that little of me? Do you really think that I would give myself to someone that easily!?». She was really hurt by this.

« NO! I don't... but you don't know him like I do. He changes girlfriends more often than people change their robes! He thinks he's some kind of Casanova, and girls actually fall for his depraved little act! I was just worried you might get hurt ».

Sarah came back to him, and sat down.  
« Severus, do I really look like the kind of witch that falls for anything with gorgeous eyes and perfect hair?», she was calm now.

« It is one thing that you feel protective of me, that's almost sweet even, but I can take care of myself. I always have, I don't need anyone protecting me, and nothing gives you the right to force your way into my mind!»

« Sarah, please forgive me. I didn't think about it like that. I didn't realise... I´m a git!», He was begging her now, casting all pride to the wind.

« I forgive you, Severus, but only because I value our friendship too much to want to lose it. Next time you are unsure about someting, just ask me instead. After all how can we be friends if you don't even trust that I am telling you the truth?», she got up again, « But Severus... if you ever, EVER! violate me like that again. Then this friendship will be broken beyond repair. Understood?!» She did not wait for him to reply, just turned and left him there to stew.

Ooo

ooo

After that day, Sarah almost vanished completely. After consulting a few of the professors, she did sign up for her O.W. Ls and was now preparing for them.  
Burnett had gratiously agreed to take over her share of Muggle studies, which had grown to about half of the classes, and Sarah did nothing but eat, sleep, barely, and study.

Lupin and Snape both missed having her around. Now they only saw her about once a week during the lessons they had with her. Sarah had stopped coming to meals even.

She would have lunch with Trelawney every day now, because she had signed up for the Divinations exam as well, and the other meals she would have sent to her study.

That way she could read while eating and save precious time. Lupin had joined her for dinner a couple of times, but had given up on the idea. If he was there she would only ignore him anyway, and dive in to a book, or a chart or something, and if he talked, she would shoosh him and point at whatever it was she was reading. All in all it was quite unsatisfactory for him.

Snape, who was a little more understanding of Sarah's desire to be the best, didn't even bother going to see her. Even during potions she was so caught up that she barely sensed his existence, so why would disturb her outside of class.

Sarah had even formed a study group with four Ravenclaw girls whom she knew from Muggle studies. They too were taking their O.W.Ls and they too were as academically competetive as she was. Together the five girls spent the whole of Saturday and Sunday studying. On sunny days they sat outside, in the far boundries of the grounds.

There was less people there, less distractions. Otherwise they sat in the empty potions classroom. Students often asked their teachers to use the empty classrooms for studies, but no one ever dared ask Professor Snape. «This is the benefit of having a staff member in the group», one of the girls had said, when Sarah told them that she had talked Snape into letting them use his classroom.

At first he had down right refused, he would not have a bunch of students messing around in his classroom unsupervised. Then she had reminded him that it was he who had told her that if she just took the exam she would have unlimited access to anything in the dungeons. « And besides, they won't be unsupervised, they'll be with me. I am a staff member, am I not?» she had said to him.

After a million pleases, and explanations to why they couldn't sit in Sarah's room, because she didn't want them invading her personal space, he had finally caved in, but assured her that if so much as a quill of his was out of place, there would be hell to pay.

It was infact the perfect place for undisturbed study, no student ever ventured down here except for classes, terrified as they all were of Snape. She found it amusing that the students were so afraid of him, if they knew the Snape she did... well no one would ever listen to him anyone.

ooo

The month of May went by and turned to June without her even realising it. Sirius had been on his monthly visit, but she barely even had a chance to talk to him.  
She went to dinner once, solely because of him, but then Lupin kept demanding her attention.

Actually she hadn't been able to find time to really talk to Sirius, since their conversation in the woods the last time he was here. She hadn't even sent him an owl after that, which he had sulkingly pointed out at dinner. « But I meant to, I just haven't had time to write, or floo you» she had tried to explain, but he still looked sad about it.

In fact he was so hurt that he didn't say even goodbye to her when he left for London again, which hurt Sarah, but she told herself that the next time he came, it would after the exams were over. She would have plenty of time to make it up to him then. And Hagrid? Well she could barely even remember what he looked like.

ooo

The entire staff was beginning worrying about her. With less than a week left to her exams, her lessons had ended and none had seen her since.

The talk in the staffroom usually included her, and how extremly hard she was working.  
« She is pushing herself way too hard» Flitwick said to Dumbledore one evening during a staff meeting which Sarah had been excused from.  
« Someone should talk to her. She needs to pace down, this must be unhealthy»

« You'll never get her to pace down» Snape had replied without looking up from his notes, « this is who she is. She was a top grade student at every muggle school she went to, and she will not settle for anything less than that now. But I do agree with you, she is pushing herself far too hard ».

« Oh now you are complaining are you?», Lupin had joined in the conversation, « who was it that put her up to this in the first place. Who was it that pushed her to sign up for the exams so soon? If she is pushing herself too hard, it's entirely you fault, Severus!»

« I told her to take her potions exam, I didn't think she would go and sign up for every bloody O.W.L there is!» Snape had snapped back. This was not entirely true, for Sarah had not signed up for the 'Care of magical creatures exam.

Snape and Lupin had continued arguing until Dumbledore had sternly told them to settle down, that this was not a contest to see who worried about her the most. He had already talked to Trelawney, who was now the only person seeing Sarah daily, and Sarah was fine. «She is a smart, strong girl and she was handling the stress without problem.»

« She is indeed a true lioness» McGonagall had commented, after which Flitwick had commented that only a Ravenclaw would be get so lost in her studies, and Sprout had argued with this, saying that only a true Hufflepuff would work that hard at something. The three then started their somewhat friendly bickering about which house she would have been sorted in.

Snape had listened to their arguments and quietly snorted. He could list at least twenty reasons why he thought she would have been in his house, but found it beneath him to argue with the other heads about it.

ooo

The two weeks of exams were over in a blink of an eye. She was sitting out on the grass with the rest of her study group. They had just finished their potions practical.

They were now going over the various exams, and comparing answers.

Sarah felt she had done quite well. She knew that she would pass all of them, but was sure she would get top marks in Muggle studies, she had after all been one for 26 years.

She was also certain of an O in divination, being gifted with Sight, she easily been able to read the examiner and he had been absolutely astounded. He had even asked her if she was related to Sybill Trelawney. Sarah had smiled and said «Technically, all Seers are related», then set off in a tirade about divination history.

It was Trelawney who in the end had convinced her to take her exams. She told her that she would do well in all of them, but had refused to tell her how well. « What is life after all without surprises?»

Sarah was glad she had listend to her, she too had a good feeling about this. She was worried about her potions mark though, not because she didn't feel she had not done well, but because it was the only subject where anything less than an Outstanding would not only dissappoint her, but Snape as well.

ooo

When she came to dinner, Snape was not sitting in his usual seat. Strangely enough he was sitting next to Lupin, with an empty chair between them. «New seating arrangements?». « Just to welcome you back to the land of the living» Lupin said « I think it is safe to say that we both missed you»

Sarah beamed at them. «You actually missed me?». «Of course we did, little sister!».

Snape said nothing, but he didn't have to, just the fact that he was sitting here, beside Lupin, waiting for her, proved to her that he had missed her.  
Lupin went on « The entire staff missed you. Some were even starting to wonder if you were still alive» She looked at him, not believing a word « They did not!»

«Well ok no they didn't, but we were all worried. You did go a little loopy the last few weeks.»  
Sarah laughed and hugged him « I always do before exams, its probably the reason I get top marks.»

She turned to Snape now, « So how've you been?»

She did not hug and kiss him, like she did with Lupin. He would never have let her do that, not here in the great hall infront of the staff and the entire student body. So she just smiled at him and very discretly took his hand under the table, squeezing it as hard as she could. He still didn't say anything, just gave her the faintest smile, and squeezed her hand so hard it hurt.

«So, how did it go?» Lupin was demanding her attention again

«Oh I think I did fairly well. There wasn't a question I didn't answer, but we will see in a month what my results are.»

« Oh you don't have to wait a month» Snape finally spoke « the results come to the school after about two weeks, then they are registered in the school archives, before the letters are sent out to the students. They..» he pointed out towards the students, «have to wait a month, you only have two weeks of waiting. Dumbledore won't bother sending you a letter when you are right here. You are staying for the summer, aren't you?»

She hadn't really thought of that « I don't know... are you?» she looked from Snape to Lupin and back.

They both nodded. « About half of the faculty stays in the summers. Personally I'll be gone for three weeks, I have some business in Argentina, but I'll back soon», Lupin told her.

«Well then I think I'll stay as well. It'll be nice having Hogwarts all to ourselves, not having to worry about classes and students, won't it?» Again Sarah looked from one to the other. Again they both nodded.

ooo

The last days of term seemed to take ages. There were no classes. The O.W.Ls and N.E.W.Ts were over and last week was for the minor end of year exams. After being so very busy for so long Sarah found it very boring not to have anything to do. Lupin and Snape were busy oveseeing the exams, and even though she daily owled, and flooed with Sirius now, the days seemed to creep by so slowly.  
She spent most of her time with Hagrid, helping him out in the forest. It was alright, but she didn't have quite the same relationship with Hagrid. They got along great, and were friends, but it was not the same as with Lupin.

ooo

Finally it was Friday and the students had left on the previous day.

Sarah and Lupin were lying in the grass under their favorite tree, chatting about nothing in particular.  
« Sirius is thinking of coming to stay for the summer» Lupin stretched and gave a yawn. She could clearly see the wolf in him. « Dosen't that man have a life?» Sarah was waving her wand, practising some wand movements.

« He gets lonely in that big house. He's all alone there...and doesn't have much to do other than substituting me and the rare, occational mission that Dumbledore sends him on»  
«Really? Somehow I always imagined him having a trail of girls coming in and out of that house.»

Remus sat up « What gave you that idea?»  
« A certain professor may have commented that Sirius changes girls more often than most wizards change their robes...».

« Well it is true that he used to be like that. He can be quite the charmer you know, but after Azkaban and all that happened in the second war... I don't know, he changed a lot after that. He is not the carefree Padfoot he used to be. He has never said anything, and acts normal, but I can tell. Some wounds never heal», Lupin looked really sad for his bestfriend.

« I know what he went through in Azkaban» Sarah said after a long pause, « he told me, the day after that full moon I came with you. He told me what it had been like after the war. The feelings and thoughts that trapped him for twelve years and what it's like now. I know what has broken inside him» Lupin was taken a back by this. Sirius had never mentioned a word about his days in Azkaban to anyone before, and he downright refused to talk about anything related to the war, or Harry.

ooo

« What about you then, Remus?» Sarah said, to change the subject, «How come you don't have a girl or two waiting on you hand and foot?».

Lupin just looked at her. « Me? Are you joking?»

« No, why do you say that? You are one of the greatest guys I have ever met. You are always laughing, easy to talk to, trustworthy, kind, smart...I could go on forever, and not to forget that you are also quite handsome.»Sarah meant every word, but Lupin still looked at her in disbelief « and not to forget that once every month I turn into a foul vicious beast that would kill even my own mother...»

« But you have your potion don't..» Lupin cut her off « And what happens when if I forget to take my potion? Lets say I get married and have kids, and one night I forget my potion. How could I ever risk endangering people I love like that!»

« But Remus, surely you would never...» but he cut her off again. « You know I almost married Tonks. We were engaged and living together, and for a few months I almost had myself fooled into thinking that I could have a normal life. A family. Reality caught up with me far too quickly. In my bliss and foolish happiness, I forgot to take my potion in time.»

Lupin stopped talking, he was clenching his fists so hard his knuckles turned white. Tears were flooding his eyes, and his voice threatning to burst. « I almost killed her that night! If it hadn't been for her amazing talents as a witch, I would have. Oh Sarah! How could I ever risk something like that happening again? What if I had killed her? Or even worse, what if I had turned her into the same monster I am?» Tears were running down his cheeks now, « I left her the next morning. I love her too much to dare risk anything like that happening again. I could never look her in the eyes after that, after she saw the dark evil monster that lives inside me. The monster that I am!»

Sarah took his head and forced him to look at her, « Remus! You are not a monster! and anyone that thinks so is not worthy of your love. For there is no one more gentle and kind than you are! Don't you dare call yourself a monster again, do you hear me?!»

ooo

Lupin broke down in tears, and when Sarah put her arms around him, she was amazed by how infinitely small he suddenly seemed. Like he had never grown out of that little kid that was ravaged by the wolf. «oh Remus... don't you see that your biggest flaw is that you have abolutely no confidence in your own virtues», she said while she still held him.

As she held on to his shivering body, it felt like she was absorbing his pain. Like a dry sponge thrown into water. It swelled up inside her, and numbed her own feelings, like a drug. It felt selfishly good. She tore down all barriers that Trelawney had taught her to set up, and greedily drew his sad and bitter emotions to her, and she didn't let go until she could feel nothing other than what Lupin felt.

When Sarah went to bed that night, she was still high on Lupin's pain, as it were.

She spent a long time just feeling every nuance of it. It was a strange sensation, feeling someone elses anguish. She felt it so clearly, and yet it was distant and couldn't touch her, because it was not hers.

It was like watching a really scary movie. The fear feels real, yet you can enjoy it, because deep down you know that it isn't.  
As she fell asleep she had all her channels open and her guards down.

Ooo

ooo

Snape woke the second the wards on the backroom went off. « Bloody students», he muttered as he got out of bed. Too tired to remember that the students had already left.

Who he found in the backroom, was of course no student. It was Sarah.  
She was way in the end of the room, emptying the contents of his potions cabinet on the floor. She was wearing nothing but a far too large t shirt and was standing barefoot on shards of broken glass, and pools of potions from the bottles that didn't have unbreakable charms on them.

« What the hell are you doing?!», he shouted.

« I need that potion!», she said, but it seemed that she was talking more to herself, than to him. There was pure hysteria in her voice. « I know he has it! I know he does! I need it! I need to get them out of my head!», she screamed, and fell to her knees on the floor and rumaging frantically after what ever she was looking for.

« What is going on? What's happened?!», he asked, but she didn't respond to him.

He went over to her and pulled her to her feet. « Sarah, tell me what is going on!», he screamed at her.

She wringed herself free and ran out into the potions classroom leaving a trail of bloody footprints behind her. She started tearing out the drawers of his desk.  
« Where is it?! I know he has it! We made it together! I went to Pomfrey, but she wasn't here. I don't know where the hell her room is! They won't leave me alone! I need that potion!», she screamed again, and was pulling at her hair.

Snape put his arms around her and tried to hold her still. « Sarah! Wettle down, tell me what's happened», he said and tried to keep his own voice calm.

Again she fought against his grip and freed herself, but her knees failed her and she sank to the floor, pulling her hair, screaming. « How can I!? How can I calm down, they won't leave me alone! I can feel them crawling under my skin! GET THEM OUT OF ME!» She was clawing at her skin now, bloody scratchmarks appearing on her body and face.

She looked straight at him and whispered, « Sirius...help me..», before her voice burst and she started weeping, still clawing at her own skin.

From a secret space behind one of the shelves, Snape took out a small flask containing a milkywhite potion.  
He sat down on the floor with her, gripping her arms with one hand so that she couldn't hurt herself anymore. With the other he almost forcefed her the potion. They sat huddled on the floor, waiting for the potion to take effect.

She was still trying to free her arms. She was still calling for Sirius. Begging him to kill her, to let her tear the monsters away from her skin. He held her hard, refusing to let her go. Whispering to her that is was going to be alright, that he was Sirius and that she was safe with him. As the potion started working, she calmed a bit, still weeping. Her voice cracked and hoarse.

He carried her to his bed, she was falling asleep now, he still wouldn't let go of her. Still whispering words of comfort in her ear. She did not seem to hear him, she was sobbing quietly into his chest. Murmuring, « Sirius, I'm scared», before the potion finally came to full effect and she dozed off.

Ooo

_end notes: please, **please review** people. I love to get feedback. I hope you like it, but if you have complaints, I'd love to hear those too.._

Translation of the Latin: "can you understand me?"- Snape  
"Latin? you speak Latin?" - Sarah  
"yes and now, so do you..."- Snape


	8. Vesuvian Lilac Moss

**Disclaimer: **_see previous disclaimers!_

ooo

**Chapter eight: Vesuvian Lilac Moss**

ooo

* * *

The next day, Snape woke up late. It was close to lunch.  
Sarah wasn't in the bed, and he found her sitting in the windowsill, looking out into the depths of the lake. Tears were still streaming down her face. Her hair was a dirty shade of white.

« Sarah? What happened last night? What happened to you?». She didn't answer. He sat down in front of her.

« Sarah?», she didn't even seem to notice he was there. Kept staring out of the window. His heart was bleeding for her. All joy was gone from her usually radiant eyes. All color drained from her face. She looked as if a dementor had sucked out her soul. «Sarah, tell me what happend» He put his hand on her cheek, she pushed it away. Still with her eyes fixed upon something invisible out in the lake.

He was so worried about her. She looked sick. Her face and body covered with bloody marks. «Please talk to me...» He put his hand on her thigh, she pushed it away again. « Ok, just sit here, do not leave, and I will get Lupin».

He did not want to fetch Lupin, he wanted her to confide in him, but all that mattered now was helping her.

When they returned to Snape's room, she hadn't moved an inch. She was still sitting by the window, staring at the same spot, silent tears running down her face. Lupin was horrorstruck when he saw the state she was in. « What have you done to her?!» he turned and yelled at Snape.

Snape, being understanding of his concern for Sarah, explained what had happened last night. How she had been screaming, clawing herself, almost trying to rip her own skin off. Lupin fell to his knees in front of her. « Sarah? Please! I beg you! Tell us what happened...»

She did not respond to him either, nor would she let him touch her. « Sarah you have to tell us! How are we going to help you if you won't tell us what happened?». Sarah closed her eyes. _« Sirius!»_

ooo

There was a very gentle knock on the door, and Trelawney came in. « I'll take over from here boys». « Sybill.. how did... how did you know..?»  
« Don't insult me, Remus! Am I not Sybill Trelawney?».

She gave them both a very stern look. « Now Severus, I take it you don't mind us taking over your quarters like this?». He shook his head, « You have me and my quarters at your disposal, Sybill». She smiled at him.

« I will be needing a potion to ease her pain and make her feel happier. Something that will energize her rather than calm her, but not from your stores, make it fresh, it needs to be warm. Make it sweet and make sure you put some of this in it». She handed him a small glass bottle with a golden oil in it. On the bottom there was a single white flower. Snape looked puzzeled, « essence of jasmine?».

« Yes boy, are you questioning me?»  
« No ma'am, not at all, I will get started immediately.» He went out and started on the potion.

She turned to Lupin now, « Remus, send for Sirius, not by owl, floo him from the fireplace in Severus' office. Sarah and I need some privacy». Lupin nodded and left the room as well.

Trelawney sat down on the sofa._ « Speak to me child!»  
__« I can't...» _No words had been spoken between them.  
_« Sarah, it is not real! What you saw, what you felt. It is just an illusion. It didn't happen.»  
« But you don't know what it did. I could feel it. You don't feel dreams. You don't feel illusions»._

ooo

Lupin put his head in the emerald fire and told Sirius to drop whatever he was doing, apparate to Hogwarts at once and come to the dungeons. Sirius didn't even ask why. He instantly turned on the spot and was gone. Not five minutes had passed before he came in through the classroom door, panting as he had ran non stop from the gate.

«What's going on?» He looked from Lupin to Snape. Lupin explained what had happened.  
« She refuses to speak to us, she just sits there, staring at nothing. I'm really scared for her. It's like... like something inside her has died ». Lupin looked terrified when he said this. « Sybill is with her now. I don't know why, but she asked me to send for you».

Sirius knocked on the bedroom door, and went in. He too was sickened by what he saw.

She barely looked human. Matted white hair, still damp from sweat. The light from the lake giving her skin a greenish glow. Marks all over her, deep shadows under her eyes. It broke his heart to see her like this.

« Let's get you out of here» he said and swooped her up into his arms. She did not resist him, or speak, or even look at him. She merely closed her eyes and rested her head on his shoulder. He then left the dungeons with Sarah.

Lupin and Snape made to follow, but Trelawney stopped them.

« You two stay here, and finish that potion. They will be back by the time it's done».

ooo

Sirius took Sarah outside in the sunlight, he walked and walked till he found a place out of sight, away from the school, away from everything. He sat down with her in his lap.

She still did not speak, or react in anyway, but the sunlight felt warm and comforting.

Sirius felt warm and comforting.

Slowly her mind began to clear, slowly she realised where she was. Sirius did not speak to her, merely kissed her face, her arms, her hair. He kissed the wounds on her cheek and neck. It felt soothing to her, but she was still too far gone to be able to say anything. They sat there for what felt like hours, and slowly Sarah could feel the warmth of the sun, of his body, melting the ice in her veins.

ooo

* * *

Meanwhile, Trelawney and Lupin were sitting around one of the student tables in the potions room, Snape was hovering over the cauldron on his desk.

Lupin wanted to notify Dumbledore, but Trelawney told him it was not necessary.

« This is not as serious as it may seem...», she said casually.

« Not serious? What the heck happened to her?!», Lupin demanded to know, and basically stole the question right from the tip of Snapes tounge.

« Sadly Remus, this is not an uncommon phenomenon. Dark souls sometimes invade people's mind, forcing us too relive painful memories, or creating horrible images. For a normal person, this is merely a nightmare, one wakes up and it is over. Sometimes the bad feelings may linger for a few hours, but still they vanish. For a Seer however, dark souls invade the Seers very soul, causing her more pain and suffering than you can imagine. As Seers are so receptive, the invation does not restrict itself to the unconcius mind, but to the concious mind as well. This means that even after the person wakes up, the nightmares continue. The more receptive the seer, the more real the visions. Sarah might not be the strongest of Seers, but she is rather receptive none the less, she has still not yet discoverd even half of her skills, and she is aslo unexperienced and has much to learn when it comes to controling her gift. Unfortunately this has made her experience even worse, as the visions passed through the realms of her mind and even caused her physical pain ».

Lupin had never heard of such things before « What exactly do you mean? Is it like when a dementor attacks?»

With an impatient sigh Trelawney shook her head.

« If only you boys had been wise enough to take Divination while you were in school, I wouldn't need to explain this to you. Especially you, Severus. All that time spent learning Legilimency and Occlumency, and not a second spared to understand the true forces they are drawn from ».

Trelawney gave them both a very dissapproving look.

« This is nothing like a dementor, a dementor feeds on your happiness and leave you nothing but your saddest memories. An invasion like this can force you to relive not only your own worst memories, but make you feel even the pain of the memories of the ones you love. They can also create visions of horror, and make you think that it is real. Sarah was shown awful, disgusting images. She is now sure that it has really happened to her. She thinks her soul has been ripped to shreds, her body violated in the most gruesome ways. ».

« But why...?» Lupin asked.

« I do not pretend to know, no one knows, just as no one knows why Seers are granted visions of the past, present and future. Maybe it's for their own amusement? Maybe they are simply expressing their own pain? », Trelawney said in her as always mellow voice.

« So you are telling me that they, it, whatever...did this to Sarah for no reason?»

Lupin was furious.

« Probably. A mark of true evil, is just that. Inflicting pain without reason, or cause. It does not matter now, Sirius will bring her back to us, and I will continue to teach her how to understand her visions better. Hopefully by the time this happens again, she will be learned enough to know that the images she is being shown are mere lies».

« It will happen again?» Snape looked up from his cauldron.

« Oh yes, Severus, it will happen again and not only once. It is, I'm afraid, the price all Seers must pay for their divine gift. All we can do is hope that by that time she will have understood the importance of focusing a little less on things like potions, and more on her own protection. Then maybe she will have mastered the techniques I am teaching her enough so that they will not affect her. Of course, she wouldn't have been affected this strongly, had you not given her that potion, Severus. I know that at the time it seemed the right thing to do, to calm her down. However, it made matters worse, because it trapped her in a subconcious state. I'm not saying that it is your fault, because it is not in any way. I am just saying this so that the next time it happens, you will better know how to deal with it ».

« But where does Black fit into all this?»

Snape had been wanting to ask that ever since Trelawney told Lupin to send for him. « She would not let Lupin or I touch her, yet he... just picked her up and walked out of here». It would have taken a deaf and blind person not to notice the jealousy behind that statement.

Trelawney, as always had an airy answer to this too.  
« It seems that she has decided to trust him with her secrets. I believe you know a little about this, Remus. All the private conversations the two have been having lately. If I'm not mistaken, they have been flooing each other every day since her exams were over. She refuses to share the details of their conversations, but that's her perogative really. Whatever they talk about, it has created a bond between them. A rather unlikely bond, if you ask me, but then who can really predict these things...».

Lupin nodded. He had in fact noticed Sarah spending hours talking to Sirius through the fire, but they would fall silent as soon as he entered the room. He had never asked them, because the sadness that always filled the air afterwards, told him enough. « He trusts her with things he dosent even dare tell me...», he said quietly to Trelawney.

« Yes. Because they see in each other a familiar pain. This bond, the fact that she has trusted him, and only him, with her inner demons, will allow him to reach her and bring her back».

_« Damn that Black! Always in my bloody way», _Snape thought bitterly. It bothered him greatly that she had once said that she trusted him more than Sirius, and apparently that had now changed. _« Dammit! Why couldn't you have bonded with me, Sarah?»_

« Severus, this is not the time for thoughts like that. The most important thing is Sarah's well being, you can worry about that some other time. Incidently if I were you my dear, I would not worry at all, just be patient, trust her». Trelawney peered at him, «Now when your potion is ready take it back to Sarah's room, I think they are heading back now ».

She told Lupin to stay behind and help Snape finish up, at which Snape instantly protested. « I can work more effectively on my own»

Trelawney gave him a look and waved Lupin with her. She left the room while muttering something about the audacity of kids today, and that he should have realised that she wanted Lupin to help for a reason.

ooo

* * *

Sarah felt the sun in her eyes and opened them, «Sirius?»

He kissed her forehead. « I was beginning to worry about you», he smiled at her. « Oh Sirius it was so horrible» and she started crying. It was not the panicked, frantic weeping of the night before. It was much calmer, a cry of relief that he was there and she was no longer alone.

She felt his calmness filling her up. « Do you want to go back to the castle? I can carry you back if you want?» she nodded.

He helped her up and wrapped his summer cloak around her. She was still wearing only that tshirt she slept in. « Do want me to carry you back?», Sirius asked when he noticed that walking seemed to pain her. « No, thanks. I'm fine », she said, but before she had even finished saying it, he had already picked her up. Sarah didn't protest. She was too tired and had to admit to herself that the cuts under her feet hurt like hell. She put her arms around his neck. « thank you for staying with me last night», she said and kissed his cheek.

Sirius want quite sure what she meant by that, but he just smiled and said,  
« Sarah, I will always be there for you».

ooo

When they entered Sarahs room, Trelawney and Lupin were waiting for them.

« You took longer than I expected», Trelawney said to Sirius, as if he had been to the corner store to get milk.

Sirius sat down on the couch and Sarah remained in his arms. Lupin knelt in front of her, he made to take her hand, but she pulled back. « Are you alright little sister?»  
« I am. I think I am...», she said and turned to Trelawney to ask what had happened.

« There will be plenty time to explain later. Severus is bringing you a potion to help lift your spirits, then you and I can talk».

Sure enough just as she said that, Snape came in, holding a large beaker full of steaming hot potion, a couple of vials and some cotton.

The second he saw Sarah sitting on Sirius' lap, her arms still around his neck, his eyes narrowed and unwelcome thoughts came to him. _« How could there not be something between them? Why would he look at her like that, if they are 'just friends' ?»_

He sat down on the opposite sofa and set the beaker on the table between them. « Let the potion cool off a couple of minutes before you drink it, but no longer. Also I have some essence of Dittany for your wounds», he said to her.

Sarah gave him a faint smile and a thankful nod.

« You know, you really scared me last night», he almost whispered to her. « What do you mean? Why did I scare you?», Sarah wondered.

She let go of Sirius and shifted down onto the sofa beside him instead. « Don't you remember? You came to me. You were panicking an-». « Severus, this is not the time», Trelawney turned to Sarah « I will explain all of the nights events to you in due time, for now all you need is that potion ».

Sarah reached for the beaker and sipped the potion. It tasted just like hot, fresh, sweet jasmine tea. « Did you make this specially for me?», she asked Snape.

He gave her a little nod. Sarah's face broke into a delighted smile.  
« Severus, that is the sweetest thing. Thank you», she said earnestly. He returned her smile with a tiny little smile of his own, while thinking that Sybill Trelawney was indeed the most clever person in the world.

Sarah sipped her potion, and gave him another little smile. She was almost amazed that he would even bother customizing a potion specifically for her, when both he and Pomfrey probably had several ready made that would have the same effect.

« You should probably dab that Dittany on your wounds», Lupin said, and came to sit on the table. He took the bottle in one hand, and Sarah's arm in the other. « Don't touch me!», she spat and withdrew from him like prey from a predator.

« I'm sorry... it's just.. I'll do it myself», Sarah said and emptied the beaker, even though the potion was still a little too hot to be shot down in one go.

« Sarah. Let me». Sirius took the vial of Dittany from Lupin. Sarah shook her head, protesting that she wasn't invalid, and was fully capable of dabbing some blasted Dittany on her own damn wounds. At this Sirius whispered something in her ear, something not even Trelawney knew what was, and Sarah let him take over without another word.

ooo

Snape looked at them, Sirius genlty dabbing the marks on her arms, her neck, her face, her thighs. He was touching every inch of her, every now and then he would kiss her cheek, or whisper in her ear.  
It seemed that they were oblivious to anybody else's existence but their own.

How he envied Sirius at this moment. He so desperately wished that he was the one soothing her pain, the only one that would give her comfort. He wanted to be her hero, the one who had rescued her from where ever she had been.

He was about to stand up, when a look from Trelawney pinned him to the sofa.

_« You never listen do you, Severus. I tell you to be patient and the second you see something you don't like, you are headed out the door. Don't mind Sirius. Trust her, or she too will slip right through your fingers»_

ooo

When Sirius had finished and the wounds on Sarah's body were quickly healing, he put his arms around her and pulled her close. She put her head on his shoulder and he kissed it as he took her hand into his.  
They seemed afraid to let go of each other, as if both their lives depended on them being able to hold on to one and other.

Despite what Trelawney had just said Snape felt as if someone had kicked him in the chest.  
_«Sarah definately belongs to Black»._

ooo

« Remus told me you might stay here for the summer?» Sarah looked at Sirius. « Will you?»  
« Yes, I'd much rather stay here with you lot than alone in London ».

Sirius pulled her even closer as he said this. «But I think you need to rest now, Sarah. Maybe we should leave?» He looked around the room.

«No, no, no, in fact the last thing Sarah needs is to be alone», Trelawney told him. « Why don't you kids take her out for some fun. That's the best thing for her now. Better than any rest or potion, is the company of dear friends»

«Alright then!», Lupin got up and clapped his hands together, « Who's up for dinner and drinks in Hogsmeade?»  
« That does sound good actually! But you have to come too!», she was talking to Snape, who was already headed out the door.

« I can't..I'm busy..», he said.

« Busy are you? Have to prepare for classes tomorrow? You are coming and thats the end of it. Did you not hear Sybill just say than more than anything I needed the company of my dearest friends? Such a company would never be complete without you »

« I really cannot, I have to-». « Severus, please? Just this once?», she pleaded, not interested in his exuses.

How could he have said no? Not when the guilt of knowing that while Sirius had helped her, he had only made things worse, was eating away at him. Not when she looked so tiny in that shirt that was at least three sizes too big. Her hair snow white from fear. Begging him to come and either not noticing, or ignoring the frown Sirius made when she did.

« All right, I will come, but I still have to clear the mess in the classroom first», he said defeated.

« Remus, go help him», Trelawney almost ordered, and shooed them out the door before either could protest.

After she had all but kicked the two out. She turned to Sarah. « Here is a little something, to help you through until tomorrow», she said and handed her a brown laquer box that she might just as well have pulled out of thin air. With a quick explination, and instructions, Trelawney left as well, leaving only Sarah and Sirius.

« I should probably take a shower» Sarah said as she examined the dried streaks of blood on her body. Sirius nodded, « I should probably give you some privacy...», but he didn't leave. He just sat there holding her hand. She looked down, « Will you stay in the bathroom with me?».

« I... I'm scared...», she said quietly and reluctantly. As if it was the most humiliating thing, admitting that she was scared.

ooo

* * *

Later the four headed down to Hogsmeade. On the way they stopped by Hagrid, and soon there were five heads walking down the path to the village.

They took their time, going to Hogsmeade, it was still early in the evening and they were in no rush.  
It was a bit silent and ackward at first. It was the first time that Snape had joined them for anything. She was glad that he had finally ran out of excuses, and glad that Hagrid was there.

Hagrid was probably the biggest buffer she could find to put between Sirius and Snape. Maybe it was because he had been the gamekeeper since before their schooldays, and had been pulling them apart ever since they were about ten, but for some reason, if the two started something, it seldom took more than an 'enough', from Hagrid to send them back to their corners.

Not even Dumbledore could pull that trick out of his pointy hat.

She was still holding Sirius' hand. She feared of letting go, for reasons unknown to herself, and she could feel that Sirius felt the same strange unreasonable fear of letting go. Like she was magically tied to him, and if the tie was broken, she would fall back into the nightmare he had pulled her out of.

The Three Broomsticks was buzzing with noise. They had walked in on open stage night and the pub was overcrowded with hopeful entertainers and spectators. One glance at Snape expression was all Sarah needed to suggest the Hogs Head.

The Hogs Head, on the other hand, was almost deserted in comparison, with only three witches sitting at the bar, under a sign announcing that today Venison stew was on the menu.

Aberforth greeted them with a friendly grunt and nodded towards the back room, where the only table big enough to seat them all was.

Sarah and Sirius sat on one side, and the other three across from them. Still Sirius has Sarah's fingers entwined in his.

Aberforth came to them with a enormous tray of wine, bread, goatscheese and a large pot of stew. As he placed it in the table, plates, goblet, and utensils appeared on the table.

While they ate and drank, and listened to Hagrid and one of his numerous tales of something utterly weird that had happened to him once, Snape leaned back and discreetly watched Sarah. Her hair was back to its normal color, identical to Sirius'. The color was back in the complexion and she was laughing again. The fire was back in her eyes. As she tried not to fall of her chair while laughing at Hagrids punchline, she caught Snape's eye, and noticed him looking at her. With a shy smile, she blushed and looked away.

A bit later he noticed that even though she was talking to Lupin, she kept glancing over at him. He though about what Trelawney had told him. Then he mulled over the fact that even though she was holding Sirius' hand and talking to Lupin and Hagrid, most of her attention was still on him.  
_« Maybe the old Seer had a point...?»_

Then Sarah took out that lacquer box that Trelawney had given her. Inside was a light purple colored dried grass, and cigarette rolling paper.

He knew what it was. Vesuvian Lilac Moss. A strong and rare drug that was extremely difficult, if not almost impossible to come by, unless you had the right connections, or knew how to grow it.

« Where did you get that?», Snape, Lupin and Hagrid asked almost in unison.

« Sybill thought I could do with a pick me up, and gave me enough to share with you guys», Sarah said with a little wink. « You got that from Trelawney?», Hagrid laughed, « that woman never ceases to surprise me!»

« According to her, Seers swear by it to get over particularly bad visions», Sarah said and was already rolling the moss and handing it out. Lupin snatched the first one, and lit it up at once. It seemed it was certainly not his first time on the moss, as they called it.

Something Sirius was quick to point out. In fact it soon became apparent that only Sirius and Sarah were first timers to the drug. Hagrid used to have a small secret patch in the greenhouses, until some kids had stolen it, and Dumbledore had forbidden him to grow more.

Lupin had come across it through a couple of werewolf friends, if one could call it that, and Snape didn't say where he had tried it before, and was relieved that Sarah didn't ask.

ooo

« You know what we need with this moss?», Hagrid asked.

« Fairy shots», came suprisingly enough from Snape. He pulled at his already half smoked moss and inhaled deeply before exhailing the thick lilac colored smoke.  
Hagrid gave him an approving smile and went to the bar.

«What's that?», Sarah wanted to know. « A shot of firewhisky and absinthe topped off with a little fairy blood», Snape explained, « it is an experience, believe me».  
« Fairy blood huh? Isn't that mainly used as a base for antidepressants?», Sarah asked.

Snape nodded, « and to ease psychotic hallucinations... how did you know that? Fairy blood isn't even a subject unless you are studying to be a healer». He looked at her, slightly impressed.

« Well, my dearest professor, there is a genious little thing called a book. Filled with knowledge it is, and one can buy them, on pretty much any subject that one finds interesting. One can even buy and read ones that contain infomation beyond what one is required to know», Sarah said and poked her tounge at him.

« Watch your tounge, Miss Kessler, or you might find it in detention along with the rest of you», Snape said with a sly smirk.

Sarah blew a ring of smoke at him, « That's what I'm aiming for...».

« Right, Fairy shots all around!», Hagrid announced as he put three bottles and five small glasses on the table.

It didn't take more than some moss and a few rounds of Fairy shots before the group were sailing both high and low. Any awkwardness was gone, and for tonight, they were just five people enjoying the first night of a summer together.

ooo

They were on their second bottle of wine, and no one knew how many shots they had gone through. Sometime after the ninth round, they had lost track. Hovering above their heads, was a thick cloud of pinkish smoke from the moss.  
Sarah seemed completely restored to her old self, even though she and Sirius still had not let go of each other. Throughout the entire night he was either holding her hand, or sitting with his arm around her.

About the same time as Snape poured the last drops of the third wine bottle in to his goblet, and Sirius emptied shot number 15, Lupin and Hagrid started singing. Loudly.  
Lucky thing that by now, they were the only patrons left.

« How come... you are not drunk?», Snape asked Sarah while trying to figure out if the real her was the one on the right, or the one on the left.

« because she can hold her liquor better than you can, Snivs!», Sirius barked in a laugh.

« You... shut the hell up...pomeranian...», Snape said, and tried to curl his upper lip in a sneer. « You´re not that scary when you can't even bloody focus!», Sirius laughed in between hiccups.

« No, no, she's always like this when she's drunk. You wouldn't know that she has had a single drink until she gets up» Lupin joined in.

«Yeah until she gets up and falls right back down again», Sirius sniggered, «like that time at Hagrids, remember, I had to carry her all the way to her bed, cause she couldn't even stand stand on her feet». The five of them started laughing, then Lupin rememberd something.

« Hey, hey! Paddy! Remember what day that was? That was the day she petted his snake!», he pointed at Snape. Lupin and Sirius roared with laugher.

« Are you still not done with that?». Hagrid shook his head, but laughed with them all the same.

«What?», Snape looked at them questioningly.

So Lupin told him about what Sarah had said about Snape's room.

« And she went on and on about what a fantastic place it was and how she could spent the rest of her life there, sitting in the window, reading your books. So I teased her and said 'so you dream of moving in with Snape' and she told me to shut up and punched me so hard! Has she ever punched you? No? Well, better hope she doesn't cause it bloody hurts! Anyway she punched me then said...».

He could not speak because he was giggling so hard he was red in the face, « Ok ok, she said that you had this», he giggled some more, «fantastic big snake, and she had petted it and it felt so good to touch, warm and smooth and..». Both he and Sirius were now laughing so hard, they were flat on the table. Sirius was murmuring, « She petted his snake», between every roar of laughter!

Snape looked at Sarah. It was hard for her to read the expression on his face. « You actually said that!?», and then he too gave a great roar of laughter, and almost lay flat on the table. « It was fantastically big was it?». More laughter, more giggling.

Sarah just sat there, both a bit angry at 'the boys club' and yet happy that at least the three of them were having fun together, even though it was at her expense, and it wasn't even remotely funny.

After about half an hour of the guys laughing and a hundred more comments about how she had been so impressed by 'Snape's snake', she was sick and tired of it. If it hadn't been for her still needing to hold on to Sirius, she would have up and left.

Finally she was rescued by Aberforth, who came over to their table and told them he was closing now and they had to leave.

ooo

Halfway back to the castle, Sirius spotted the quidditch pitch. « Ooh...lets go flying!»

He dragged Sarah with him and ran to the broomsheds. «Come on Sarah, hop on» He had mounted a broom, and threw one in her direction. « But...Sirius...»  
«What's the hold up, Sarah? COME ON!» he was nagging now. « Sirius, there is no way you are ever getting me back on a broom», she said through clenched teeth and tossed the broom back at him.

« Oh, for Merlins sake, it will be fun!», he said. «NO! you are not getting me up in the air on nothing more than a stick of wood.» Sarah was actually backing away from him now. Lupin, Hagrid and Snape had finally caught up to them. Sirius threw brooms at them aswell, « Come on, you lazy sods!»

Lupin refused, « I am not getting on a broom, I'll be sick if I fly now», and Hagrid agreed with him. Snape however, got on his, and they took off. Soaring rather clumsily around as they were dead drunk.

As Sarah watched them zig zag in the air, the phrase ´don't drink and drive', came to mind. «Is that safe?» she asked Lupin.  
« Not at all, but they're big boys, complete idiots, but big boys...»

Sirius was trying to do figure-eights, but it looked more like a B. Snape was flying upside down. « How can they do that? Without getting sick I mean?» Sarah laughed.  
« I have no idea...», Lupin shrugged his shoulders.

He took out a flatened pack of cigarettes and offered Sarah one. She took one, and commented on the fact that he actually had cigarettes. Lupin always bummed off her.  
« I confiscated them off a student last week», he said with a grin.

« What are those gits up to now?», Hagrid wondered and pointed at the two drunken buffoons who were racing to see who could do the most loop de loops.

« Those two will turn anything into a bloody 'wand weighing'...», Sarah laughed. « You know, he's just showing off for you..», Hagrid said, meaning Snape.  
« I know! He is such a kid!», Sarah laughed and thought he meant Sirius.

Snape and Sirius were now so high up that they were almost invisible in the nightsky. Suddenly they started on a vertical dive towards the grounds.

« Oh no... damn fools are playing 'chicken'», Lupin muttered as the blur that was the two wizards, rushed towards the ground. He started to explain the game to Sarah, but she told him that they had the same game in the muggle world, where it was played with cars instead.

She barely had time to finish her sentence before the two crashed into the grass infront of them.

For a moment there was complete silence.

Then Lupin stepped over to where Sirius was lying on his back. « Are you dead?», he asked and nudged the possible corpse with his foot.

« The bleeding maniac sped up right before we hit ground», Sirius said in a yammer of pain.

« I did not! You slowed down, which makes you the official chicken», Snape said after he cast a spell to heal his broken shoulder. He moved his arm around, and got up when he found it was completely healed.

Sirius had it worse. « I think I broke my back...», he complained to Lupin, who shook his head. « You're not sixteen anymore, you twit!». Then he gestured for Hagrid to help him.The healing spell needed, took the power of two wands.

Now that the pain in his back was somewhat gone, Sirius got up and started arguing with Snape on who had won the race.

« Forget them, come join me for a drink.» Hagrid motioned for them to join him. Lupin followed right away, but Sarah was calling for Sirius and Snape to come with.

« I almost forgot about you...», Sirius said as he took her hand. He kissed it apologetically.

ooo

At Hagrids, a bottle of homebrew was being emptied fast. Sarah had long since reached her limit, and was just puffing on a cigar Hagrids had given her. She was smirking a bit showoffish and blowing perfect rings of smoke at Snape, who couldn't decide if she was flirting with him or not.

« Hagrid, turn on the wireless, we need some music», Lupin asked.

« Allright, what kind of music you want?» Hagrid was turming the dial on the wireless.  
« Anything except for ...», Sarah stopped talking. She had noticed something on a high up shelf behind Hagrid. Her jaw dropped. She got up slowly and walked towards it. « Hagrid... where did you get this?»

« Oh, darn! I had forgotten about that. It was supposed to be your birthday present», Hagrid said. Sarah reached for it, « May...may I...?» Hagid nodded and Sarah took it down from the shelf.

« You bought this for me?», she said as she examined the sword in awe. « Well, I thought you might like it», he said with a humble smile.  
« Are you kidding?! I LOVE it!», Sarah exclaimed, enchanted by the sword in her hand. Slowly she withdrew it from its green scabbard and the polished blade shone in her face.

« Are you seriously getting your pants in a knot over a sword?», Lupin teased. « This isn't just any sword, this is a samurai sword, ... this is beautiful!»  
« How can you tell?» Lupin asked. « I spent two years in Japan studying the art of the samurai»

«What is a samurai» Sirius asked. « Ancient japanese warriors» Sarah mumbled, still mesmerized by the sword.

Deep in her own thoughts, she walked out of the hut.

« What's up with her?»

All four guys followed her out. They found her swinging and slashing the sword through the air.  
« This is amazing! It's perfectly balanced ». She moved the sword so fast they barely even see it, only hear the sound of it slashing through the air.  
She made her way towards the scarecrow on the pumkinpatch and swung the blade at it's head. Nothing happened. « HAH! you missed!» Sirius teased her.

Sarah said nothing, lowered the sword and gave the scarecrows pumpkinhead a slight push. The tophalf fell to the ground. «...and it's razor sharp!», she panted excitedly.

« How did you learn to do that!?», Snape was gaping at her. « didn't I just explain I spent a year in Japan studying it?», she said. « Yes, but studying an ancient art is one thing, you yield that sword as if you have never done anything else!» Snape said back, slightly in awe.

«Well I have had alot of practice. Remember I told you I studied martials arts since I was a kid... well, this is one of the styles I trained. That was the reason I went to Japan. I took classes back in my hometown for years, and was so facinated by the art, I decided to study it more closely. So as soon as I became of age, I left for Japan. » she said in a matter of fact voice.

« We could sure have used you during the w-», Sirius bit his tounge.

The silence that fell was so heavy, you couldn't have cut it with a chainsaw even. Suddenly no one knew where to look.

ooo

« So what other hidden talents do you have?», Snape asked and everyone else were just as happy to pretend like nothing.

Including Sarah, who sat down on an oversized pumpkin. « Well... I can speak about five languages, actually six now, with the latin. I'm a fairly good cook, and I know how to ride a motorbike. Hey...speaking of that... don't you have a motorcycle, Sirius?»

«It got smashed ages ago...». Sirius looked really sad about it. « Too bad... I miss riding a bike, nothing quite like it...», Sarah got up and went back in.

She had one last drink with the boys, and dozed off on Sirius' shoulder. « Just put her in my bed» Hagrid said « it's quite alright.» Sirius lifted her and carried her into Hagrid's bedroom. Snape heard him lay her down and kiss her goodnight. He heard Sarah ask him to stay with her.

Sirius did not come back out.

He closed his eyes and could not keep the images of Sarah and Sirius away. He saw them entangled together, kissing, touching. He could see her arching her back, biting her lips in delight, her legs wrapped around Sirius, her fingers in his hair. Whispering in his ear, begging him to come with her.

He could hear her so clearly. _« Please, come with me, Sirius. I want you to come. I need you with me»_. But Sirius was saying no, that he didn't like it. He didn't want to come. It scared him, he said.

_«Wait, this isn't right somehow...»._

Snape opened his eyes. It was daylight outside, and Sarah and Sirius were apparently arguing in the kitchen. He felt an endless reliefas he realised it was just a dream.  
He pulled himself off the couch he had fallen asleep on, and went to the kitchen.

ooo

* * *

Sarah was, of all things, baking in the kitchen, she had a large lump of dough in front of her, and was going at it with all her strenght. Sirius was standing beside her, throwing pinches of flour into the air and watching it as it snowed down on Sarah. She didn't seem to mind, or even notice.

As soon as he entered the room the two fell silent.

« Fine, I'll come with you. Let me go back to my room to shower, and I'll meet you up there», Sirius said to Sarah. Sarah shook her head. « You can't leave me... shower here, and we'll go up together». He agreed, kissed her cheek, and shoved his way past Snape to go shower. Snape was too tired to bother start anything with him right now. So he ignored him and let him pass.

«You know you can do that with magic», Snape said and pointed at the dough. He was now slowly starting to feel the effects of yesterday.

« Where is the satisfaction in that?», she chirped.

« Why are you so damn cheerful? I mean... don't you feel like.. well like shit? After all that, you know yesterday...» Snape said while deciding he had to sit down. He was seeing three of her.

«Ooh yeah! Wait, I'll make you feel better in a second». She put a tall glass in front of him, filled it halfway up with water, some sugar, a pinch of salt and a twist of lime. With her wand she made it stir, and turned it into sparkling water, she then topped it off with a generous amount of vinegar, muttered some spells over it and gave it too him.

« Drink this and you'll feel human again» She smiled at him, waiting.

He eyed the glass suspiciously, before emptying it in one go. Sure enough, as he felt the bubbles in his throat and stomach, the room around him stopped spinning, his head no longer threatning to implode, his stomach no longer feeling like a stormy sea. « Something from the family Potions book?»

She shook her head. « The drink it self is from my 'muggle days', we used to make it when we were hungover, to settle our stomachs, but now I've given it a twist of magic. Adding spells to cure headaches and fatigue».

« Did you put a cheering charm on it as well?», Snape asked as a fantastic good mood was warming him up. She blushed slightly, as she put the scones to bake in the oven. « Well... I did on yours, I woke up in such a great mood that I didn't really need one». « ...and you figured you didn't want to see just how cranky I could be when hungover...», he said while the cheering charm kept his mood up.  
« Well... yes, to be honest», she replied in a smile. Then she handed him a huge cup of steaming black coffee, and poured one for herself as well.

Snape looked around for the sugar bowl. « I already put two cubes in it, and no, I didn't stir», Sarah said.

« How did you know that?».

« Are you kidding, Severus? I've been sitting across from you at the breakfast table for six months. You always do the exact same. Black coffee, to sugars, not stirred so that only the last sips taste sweet. You cut your toast diagonally into four pieces. Blueberry jam on two, and butter on two. You never eat the last piece with butter. Instead you take a pear and head for your office».

Snape shook his head. « You spy on me during meals?», he teased.

« I observe. I notice details. Which is a good thing, or I would never have been any good at things like Potions». He agreed to that. Proper attention to detail was really all you needed to get your head around Potions.

« I'm sure if you think about it, you can tell me exactly what I have for breakfast every morning». She said it almost as a challenge.

He thought about it for two seconds before it dawned on him that is was really a trick question.  
« You never have the same thing for breakfast two mornings in a row», he said smugly. The more he thought about it, the clearer it was. _« I have spent far too much time watching you...»_

« Nevertheless, you have the same routine every single morning. You start out with a cup of green tea, which you only drink in the mornings, and while you sip that, you browse the table and plan your meal. Infact you spend more time planning your meal, than actually eating it.You fill your plate in the same meticulous, methodical way you prepare for a potion. You divide your plate into sections, filling each up with various food groups, and you don't just randomly pick whatever you feel like.  
You have a perfect balance between greens, bread and things like cheese and jam. You fill your plate with the exact amount of food you eat. Not a single olive more or less. You pour yourself half a goblet of whole milk, and a full goblet of juice. What juice you drink depends on what food you have picked, so you never pour your juice until you have finished filling your plate. Finally, when you have everything ready and set, you eat and tie the entire meal off with a cup of sweet jasmine tea. From all this I gather that breakfast is your favorite meal, because it is the only meal you devote so much attention to».

« Wow...», Sarah muttered.

« Ah, but there is more», Snape said. He was on a roll now.

«If you are having a good morning, you'll go for something salty, but if you are in a bad mood...  
then you go for the sweet things. If you have a book with you, you have cereal, because then you are too preoccupied to think about what you are eating. If you are hung-over, you don't eat at all, but drink two cups of coffee, and I do believe you like your coffee exactly the way I do».

Sarah nodded in awe. « Oh, yes, I almost forgot. When Black is here, you hate having to sit next to him. Because he eats off your plate, and completely throws you off balance!», he added victoriously.

« Wow...», Sarah said again, clearly impressed, « you are good!». « Well, I am an experienced s-... observer..», he said.

ooo

« So do you want your usual toast, or are you brave enough to try my scones?», she asked as the timer charm on the oven went off.

« You don't have to make me breakfast», he said.

She didn't reply to this as she placed the basket of hot scones on the table and dissappeared into Hagrid's cold pantry. « He doesn't have blueberry jam. Will you survive on marmalade just for today?».

« Marmalade will do just fine. What? No. Sarah, you shouldn't be doing this. After what you went through, you should be relaxing or something...», he protesed.  
« What I went through? I had a bad dream. You make it sound like I just gave birth to quintuplets...», she said as an array of things came out of the pantry and landed neatly on the table.

She came to sit down and absent mindedly started preparing her plate, « I happen to love making breakfast. It relaxes me, and I actually missed it since I came here», she said so quietly he couldn't quite tell if she was talking to him, or just thinking out loud.

He calmly sipped his coffee and watched her as she went through her breakfast routine. She still had a dusty coating of flour in her hair.

« Stop it», she said to him all of a sudden, and broke his trance.

«What?»

« Stop grinning at me like that», she said. « I never grin», he said and became aware that he was in fact grinning.

« It's not nice make fun of people just because they have certain ways they like to do things», she said and flicked a sugar cube at him, which he caught it with remarkable speed and ease. « It's not that. You have flour in your hair, you know».

« Blasted Sirius...», she said with a certain smile.

He thought of his dream, or rather nightmare, and wondered why she had woken up in such a damn good mood. If he hadn't been so certain of the strength of his block, he might have thought she had sensed what he was thinking. For just as he thought it, Sarah told him that she had the most amazing dream. « I dreamt I was falling into fire».

He asked her how that could be translated into a good thing.

« It's not so much the images you see that count, as the feeling that lingers after the dream. In this case I woke up feeling that I was in love and the world was perfect. It only lasted a few minutes, but it was still enough to cheer me up».

« Have you ever been in love?». He bit his tounge. He had never intended to actually say that out loud.

A hint of darkness fell over Sarah's face. He could tell she was trying to smile it away, but was almost failing. « Once...», she said.

Curiosity got the best of him and he had to ask her what had happened. « We had a few months of bliss together, and then he left me», she said completely without emotion.

« What do you mean, he left you?! Why did he leave?» _« What kind of brainless moron would leave you?!»_

« He just...one day he was there, and the next he was gone. And I can't think of any reason except that life is bloody unfair. WHY the hell are you interrogating me?!», Sarah all but yelled at him.

She excused herself and went to the bathroom. When she came back a minute later, everything seemed to be fine. She sat down with smile and reheated her cup. They didn't talk again, but between those two that wasn't really a problem.

ooo

The sweet silence broke when Sirius came back, showered and ready to go. He slumped down next to Sarah, facing her. « You ready?», he asked and grabbed a scone of her plate. He bit off nearly half of it and washed it down with her coffee.

Sarah glanced over at Snape and rolled her eyes. He smirked back.

« What?», Sirius asked and finished the scone. Sarah gave him a smile and pushed her plate towards him. « Just an internal joke. You had to have been there», she said.

Then she got up and fetched herself a new cup.

« Do I really have to come with you?», Sirius complained as he ate her breakfast.

Sarah glanced over at Snape. « Dammit, I explained this earlier», she said through clenched teeth. « Can't you wait and go to Trelawney when you feel better?», he said, seemingly oblivious to the obvious fact that she didn't want to discuss this if front of Snape.

« I feel just fine», she said but it was directed more at Snape than Sirius, « and Sybill is already waiting».

« Alright then. Let's go». Sirius got up and practically shoved Sarah out of the cottage.

Now alone in the kitchen, Snape poured himself another cup while pondering upon what had happened to make her snap like that, just at the thought of it.


	9. Results and no results

_See previous disclaimers_

ooo

**Chapter nine: results and no results**

ooo

* * *

It took Sarah and Sirius almost three more days before they were seen alone. For three days they spent every single moment together. She seemed to be terrified to be without him. He even spent the nights in her bed, just the two of them, as she still wouldn't let anyone but him touch her.

She still refused to talk about what she had seen, but Trelawney knew and had given Snape and Lupin an explination, a small mirror into the hell that she had been dragged into. Snape understood why she refused to have anyone but Sirius touch her, but he still wished so desperatly that he had been her hero, instead of the one that had made things worse for her.

After about a week, Sarah finally felt safe enough to sleep alone at nights.

ooo

The morning after her second night alone, she was brushing her teeth, when a folded paper crane came fluttering into the bathroom.

It was a note from Dumbledore. It asked her to come to his office at once. Sarah checked the time. It was only five past six in the morning, but she decided that when Dumbledore said at once, he meant at once. Not even bothering to get dressed, she threw a dressing gown over her t-shirt and didn't even give her self time to put on trousers before she rushed off to see the headmaster.

« Come in, come in, good morning Sarah, I have a little something for you here», Dumbledore said as she came in, and was looking through an enourmous pile of parchment.

« Ah here it is!», he looked at the parchment he had withdrewn from the pile and smiled. « your O.W.L results are in, here you are and congratulations », he handed her the letter. Sarah browsed it and was shocked. « Can I... may I...» she stuttered.  
« Oh yes run along and tell him my dear, I do believe I have is password here somewhere», Dumbledore said, and quickly shuffled through some papers.

As Sarah vanished out the door, Dumbledore was smiling and thinking that maybe finally things would start to happen.

ooo

« Severus! Severus! My results are here!»

She had run into his bedroom and jumped up onto his bed. « Sarah...? What is...how...?» he sat up, looking at her jumping up and down like a child on christmas morning. She had a letter in her hand.

« My results! My grades are here!», she exclaimed, still jumping. Now it dawned on him what she was talking about. « Well, how did you do...?»

She stopped jumping and sat down on his lap, one leg on either side of his. He could feel the warmth of her bare thighs and gulped. « Are you ready for this...?» she asked and started reading outloud. « Ordinary wizaring level results... bla bla bla...here it is. Sarah Kessler has achevied...» Then she listed her results subject by subject. Ten Outstandings.

« Sarah! Thats just... wait, Potions...how did you do in Potions...?»  
Sarah smiled at him and started pretend to search down the list, still sitting on him, only inches away from him. « Potions...potions... let's see... where is it?».

«give me that!»  
He ripped the letter out of her hand. The list of O's looked like a small black chain, and there it was; Potions: O.

ooo

« Why, Miss Kessler, I do believe you lost our bet», he remembered. Sarah threw her arms aroung him, squeezing the life out of him, while kissing him on both cheeks, over and over again.

« Thank you! Thankyouthankyouthankyou! Thank you for being absolutely merciless with your standards and constantly pushing me beyond what I think I can do».

« You are welcome», he said with a sleepy smile.

She smiled back, and as she was sitting on him, forgotten were all reservations, and ackwardness. It felt like she belonged there, like she had always been straddling him like that. She still had her arms around his neck, and suddenly she was kissing him.

And this was no little kiss either. It was so fierce and passionate that Snape couldn't remember if he had ever kissed anyone before her. It eradicated anything and everything that had preceded it.

She was pressing her body against him, as if she couldn't get close enough. His hands acted completely on their own as they moved down towards her bottom. He lifted her even closer to him. They were almost merged together. He untied the belt on her dressing gown and slid his his hands under the back of her tshirt. Her back was smooth and silkysoft, her hair smelling of jasmine, the sweet taste of her lips, her warm tounge. Her fingers were entangled in his hair, and she was pulling at it to the point where it hurt.

He loved it! All of it!

The room around them seemed to have vanished, he could hear fireworks. He could feel his heart exploding with love. He felt her breasts pressed tightly against his bare chest, and yearned to touch them, to caress them. He longed to kiss them, to taste her skin. His hands were still wrapped around her back, and as he moved one hand forward to further explore Sarah's body, he felt his own body really wakening and beckoning for her. That's when he panicked.

On the other side of the kiss, Sarah could hardly breathe. She had never imagined in her wildest dreams that kissing Snape could have such an effect on her. The second their lips touched, it had set her entire being on fire. At same time she was going crazy. She could feel him holding back, and could not understand why. How could it not be clear how much she wanted him. She wanted him so much that it hurt. She wanted those hands that were clutching at her back to make their way all over her body, to completely take posession of her. She wanted Snape to just claim her for his.

She pressed down on him, and could feel him harden beneath her. His pulse was pounding hard, making every inch of her skin vibrate with excitement, with lust. She pressed against his growing erection even more, and her hands trailed down towards it, when all of a sudden Snape froze completely, and pulled back.

ooo

Snape was so flustered all of a sudden, that he didn't see the endless dissappointment in Sarah's face when he broke the connection. « Oh... », Sarah said and backed down too. She turned beet red and looking downright mortified. « I... I am so sorry... I'll just.. I shouldn't have done that. I guess I better leave...», she stammered.

Snape didn't want her to leave. He wanted to roll her over on her back, and explore every inch of her with kisses. He wanted her to be his, and only his. He longed to stay in that bed with her the rest of the day, the rest of the summer, the rest of his life!

She climbed off him, fixed her dressing gown, and said in a low thin voice, « See you at breakfast, Severus...», then she left him there.

If Snape had not been so caught up in his own frustration and disappointment at her leaving so suddenly, he would have noticed how down right sad she looked as she left, but he threw himself back on the bed and let out a cry of exasperation. _« I scared her off! Dammit!» _His desire and love for her was still throbbing in his veins.

He got to his feet, and made his way to the shower. He would have to try and pull himself together before going to breakfast. The cold water felt harsh and rough compared to her warm soft body.

ooo

Since it was summer, there were only about 10 people left at the school. The great hall was closed off, and all meals were served at the smaller meeting table in the staffroom.

Snape came last to breakfast and was happy to see that Sarah was deep in conversation with Lupin and did not seem to notice him. He thanked his lucky stars for this. He didn't know if he would be able to look into her eyes, ever again.

Dumbledore told the table about Sarah's results, and while everyone were congratulating her, Snape couldn't help but notice that both Sirius and Lupin seemed surprised.

_«So you didn't run to tell them? Like you ran to me?» _

He liked that thought. That he was the one person she wanted to share it with first. The one person she had kissed. The thought of their kiss made the room brigther somehow, made his skin burn with longing for her touch. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Sarah glance at him, but the second she saw him look back, she looked away and appeared to be very uncomfortable.  
_«Maybe she regrets it? Maybe thats why she pulled away so suddenly and left. That's it isn't it. In her thrill, she kissed me without meaning to do it... Oh no, the way I reacted to her. Of course she felt that... no wonder she can't look at me»._

Sarah was stealing glances to see if there was any reaction at all in Snapes face. He had completely ignored her from the moment he had entered the room. She caught him glaring at her once and just wanted to disapparate. _« He must be furious at me for jumping him like that...»_

And Dumbledore, who could easily see the increased tension between the two, shook his head and hoped that they would dare be honest with each other by the end of the summer, or he would loose his bet with Trelawney. He had been a damn fool to bet with her in the first place.

ooo

* * *

« Oh, Remus, I' ve made such a damn fool of myself!», Sarah exclaimed and let her self fall back onto the sand.

They had gone done for a swim in the lake. Sirius was already in the water, but Sarah wanted to talk first.

« What have you done now?»

« When I got my results, I got really excited and ran to tell him. So I got a little carried away, and burst into his room without knocking, jumped onto his bed and his lap, and as if that wasn't bad enough. I got really carried away...and I kissed him».

« You kissed Snape?!», Lupin laughed.

«Oh, I didn't just kiss him. I was about two seconds away from raping him», she said and buried her face in her hands.

« Really? How did he take it?»

« not at all the way I hoped he would. At first he kissed me back, but I think I just caught him off guard, because he just froze and pushed me away».

« What? What do you mean?», Lupin asked, genuinely surprised.

« I mean just that. As soon as it became rather apparent that I wanted more than just a kiss, he all but threw me off the bed. It was so utterly embarracing. I really thought he fancied me, and now I've really made a mess», she complained.

« It was all just so confusing. One second he is completely in on it, or so it seemed, and then he did a complete 180, and you should have seen him at breakfast. He was glaring at me, and he seemed so angry... I don't know if I ever dare talk to him again ».

« If you are confused, why not read him and find out how he really feels?», Lupin suggested.

« Because I can't. He blocks me out. Trying to read Snape, feels like running head first into the castle wall. He has a fortress around his thoughts and feelings, and except for a rare crack here or there, he is a complete blank».

She looked at him all frustrated.

« Sarah, I think you are looking at this from the wrong angle. This is Snape we are talking about. You can't expect him to act like normal men would. I've never even seen him show interest in any particular woman, not that I'm saying he dosen't like girls, but he seems very peculiar in these matters. I say it again. This is Snape! You invaded his most private domain at six in the morning, and all but raped him, as you say. If he hadn't been pleased about that, at least to some level, he would have cursed you into next month. I think he might in fact fancy you, but you need to be patient, give him time to come around and figure it out».

Sarah gave a loud exasperated cry. « But I want him now!»,

« Was it that good a kiss?», Lupin smirked.

« Oh, it was the best kiss! Just like his potions. Full of nuances and subtleties. It felt like being hit with a Fiend Fire curse. I had stand under an ice cold shower for half an hour just to cool off again!», she said and decided the cold lake might help with that. So she got up and ran in to join Sirius.

ooo

* * *

Another week passed, without a word uttered between them about what had happened that morning. They were both being polite to eachother, but by now everyone had noticed how things between them had changed. They would never be alone together anymore. Even in the corridors, if one turned a corner and noticed the other one, he or she would turn back and take another path.

None of them dared look into the others eyes. They both missed each others company greatly, but none of them dared be the one to take the first step.

Snape was his usual cranky self, snapping at anyone and everyone, and Sarah always seemed unaturally cheerful, but she would spend a lot of time alone. Subconciously waiting for him to come to her.

ooo

* * *

Snape was in Dumbledores office, going over some plans for next term when out of nowhere Dumbledore said, « When are you going to stop be so damn proud?».

« I'm sorry headmaster, I'm not quite sure I know what you are talking about?»  
« Don't act a fool, Severus, you know perfectly well that I am talking about Sarah. Why don't you just tell the girl how you feel?», Dumbledore gazed at him over the top of his half-moon spectacles.

Snape had long ago stopped asking Dumbledore how he somehow knew everything that went on at Hogwarts.

«...but it's not that easy, she... she does not want me and I would rather have her as a friend than not have her at all». He tried to explain, but Dumbledore just said, « and what a glorious friendship you have now, barely saying a word to eachother. I am not blind, I see how she looks at you, hoping you'll say something other than 'would you please pass the coffee' and how do you know that she does not want you? Have you ever actually asked her?»

« Well...no not in so many words, but she probably knows how...I figured that she.. », Snape was struggling to to the words to explain.

« You figured that she what? I tell you this, Severus, I'm not exactly the right man to know how relationships with women work, but I do know this. If a girl jumped on to my bed at six o'clock in the morning and kissed me. I'd take that as a pretty sure sign that she fancies me...».

« But there were circumstances around that, she had just got her exam results back and she got a bit carried away that's all. She didn't mean anything by it».

« And yet...», Dumbledore got up from his chair, following Snape to the door, « she could have run to anyone. Why didn't she run to Sirius or Remus? Why, she was here in my office first, why didn't she kiss me? Why did she come running straight to you? Think about that, Severus, and stop being so damn proud. Sometimes one must dare make the first move, even if it does mean leaving oneself completely vulnerable».

Snape left Dumbledores office, deep in his own thoughts, arguing with himself. Was Dumbledore right? Or was he? He was not paying any attention to where he was going, and as he turned a corner, he crashed into a stack of books.

ooo

It was Sarah behind the books. « I am so sorry! I didn't see you», she said and dove down to gather the books. She didn't look at him. Snape knelt down on the floor with her, « Here let me help you..». « No, I can manage, it's quite alright, I don't want to keep you from where you were going and-».

Snape took her hand and she fell silent.

« Let me help you Sarah» He looked at her. She smiled at him. « Alright, if you insist...». He nodded and smiled back, « I insist»  
She piled the books in his arms, took a few herself and they headed for her room.

« Do you always buy books by the wagonload?», he teased.

« Usually no. I ordered all the advanced text books, so I can use the summer to really understand the theory, and have a head start when the term starts», she said, « and while I was going over Flourish and Blotts booklists, I found around a dozen books that just seemed intruiging, so naturally I had to buy them as well, then it got a little out of hand. Long story short, I've spent an entire months wages on books».

He had to smile. He had been in that situation himself a couple of times. Going to the shop with one particular book in mind and coming out with twenty that caught his attention.

« Sacra Forda!», Sarah said as they reached her door, and it clicked open. « That's your password?», Snape chuckled. « why not? No worse than your 'Cave Fatuos'», she said.

She held the door open for him, and he stepped into what was now an almost empty room. All the furniture was gone, except for the bookcases and the rug on the floor.

«What have you done?».  
« I started redecorating one day, but got distracted, and I havent had time to finish it. I don't even know how I want it yet...», she said and looked around the half empty room.

She went into the study, and placed her pile of books on her already over cluttered desk. He followed and when he didn't know what to say or do next, he said, « I better be off then».

«Wait! ehrm.. I was about to play a game of wizards chess, and it's alot more fun to be two. Care to join me?»

« I'd love to! I mean... yes».

They took the chess board to her bed, as it was much more comfortable than sitting on the floor. Now that he was with her again, he realised just how much he had missed her this past week. He was so at ease around her, like her mere presence lifted an enourmous weight off his shoulders.

ooo

« I give up», he sighed as she in one move shot his game plan to pieces. « There is just no beating you is there?». It was their third game and Sarahs third victory.

« Where the hell did you learn to play like that?», he asked and leaned onto his side.

« My dad is a chess fanatic. When Roxy and I were kids, chess lessons were just as mandatory as learning how to read. My dad and Roxy have won dozens of tournaments and things like that, but I only play for fun. The rules are exactly the same in both games... only difference I find is the live pieces», she said and looked at her black pieces that cheering for their victory.

She moved the board off the bed and onto the dresser, and came to lie down next to him.

« Why do you always insist on being black?», he asked and streched out beside her.

She turned on her side to face him. « Because there is , in my opinion, a great tactical advantage to forcing your enemy to make the first move. Then I can step back and with a greater overview, know where I should position myself ».

Snape turned to face her as well. He took her hand and entwined his fingers into hers. « So...am I your enemy then, Sarah..?», he asked softly. She looked into the deep pools of sable, and could feel the warmth of his hand melting her. Quietly her breath hitched. « Are we still talking about che-» BANG!

Her main door was slammed open, and Lupin came running in to find her. « Come on little sister, we have a surprise for you!»

Both Snape and Sarah were up in a hearbeat.

« Remus, what the... you can't just come barging in like this... what if... you know..», she glanced in Snapes direction, but Lupin just laughed. « You better not be! Now come on!»

He dragged her with him. She gave a small wave at Snape before dissappearing out the door.

ooo

« So what's the big surprise?» she asked while running to keep up with Lupin. « Can't say, come on, down to Hagrid's».

Hagrid and Sirius were waiting outside the hut. They both beamed at her, looking almost giddy.

« I had to drag her out of bed with Snape», Lupin told Sirius, and they both gave a chuckle.

« It was NOT like that, we were playing chess». Sarah punched Lupin a lot harder than ususal. «OUCH! ...meanwhile the chess board was on the dresser, way out of reach», he laughed and rubbed his arm.

«Alright settle down you three... they'll be gone if we don't hurry», Hagrid said and started walking towards the forest. « What? What'll be gone? Sirius, tell me!», Sarah pleaded but he just shook his head and motioned for her to come. She saw Lupin wasn't coming with them, and asked Sirius why.

« They sense the wolf and it frightens them», he replied.

« Who? Who senses it?», but he didn't answer this, just shooshed her and made her follow.

They walked in complete silence for what seemed ages.

ooo

* * *

Sarah saw light, behind bushes and trees in the distance. She looked questioningly at Sirius but he shooshed her again. They slowly drew closer, cowering so far down they were almost crawling.

And then she saw what all the fuss was about. Unicorns! A whole herd of unicorns.

Sarah was so awestruck by the sheer beauty, that she fell to her knees.

« Stallions...», Hagrid whispered in her ear, « they are a bit more trusting, specially of girls, so you could try and move a little closer. We'll wait for you here».

It took Sarah almost a minute to be able to move her limbs, tears were flooding her eyes. Tears of joy, happiness and love. It felt like she was standing before divinity itself.

She had read about unicorns and knew that their presence strengthened all the good in their surroundings. She moved closer inch by inch, she was still cowering behind a big bush. She wanted so badly to be closer to them.

An idea was slowly forming in her head, but she didn't know if she dared. She moved a bit closer, out of Sirius and Hagrids reach, and quietly turned into the black mare. She then, step by step, headed towards the unicorns, all the while focusing solely on anything good and pure she could think of.

A large stallion noticed her, he took a step back. She stopped. She could sense his emotions like she could sense Sabines. This was what she had hoped for, Trelawney had told her that magical creatures often choose to talk to Seers, because they knew they were listening.

_«Not one of us...»,_another stallion lifted his head. One by one the unicorns where lifting their heads and curiously looking at her.

She so badly wanted this to work. She didn't move a muscle, and she thought of every happy moment in her life, she thought of love, of laughter, running in the woods with Sirius, making potions with Snape, hugging her sister. She showed them every single good emotion she could think of, hoping they would understand she was no threat to them.

A stallion approached her, she felt he was the head of the herd. He greated her much like horses do. Putting his head against her neck and mane. She did the same. _« ...run with us black mare..»_

They flocked around her, neighing and wrinsking, and they all took off at once including Sarah.

Sarah was galloping with every ounce of her strength to keep up. The unicorns ran so fast, they were but a silvery white blur around her. She felt as if she was flying, she could no longer feel the ground under her hoves, and even though she was crashing through bushes and branches, she couldn't feel it.

They galloped for what seemes like forever, and yet only a second. The unicorns stopped to graze in a clearing. She had no idea where she was. It was the deepest she had ever gone into the woods, and the first time she didn't have someone with her. She did not care about this. She could stay here forever, and the world outside would never be missed.

ooo

Suddenly the unicorns seemed uneasy, eager to run off again. She so badly wanted to go with them, but she could hear Trelawney whispering to her that it was time to come home. She probably wouldn't have listened had it not been that she had completely drained herself trying to keep up with the unicorns. They took off again, and Sarah stayed behind.

Too tired to stay in animal form, she changed back to human, and sat down on a rock, panting from exhaustion. Now that the unicorns were gone, she realised how truly dark the forest was. Pitch black as night it was, and her human eyes were not nearly as strong as her animal ones.

She rested for a while until she was certain she could feel which path led to the castle, then she slowly headed down that way.

« You are far from home human!» a voice cried behind her. She turned around and saw a centaur standing there, bow and arrow at the ready.

She bowed her head just a little, knowing she must show them the utmost respect and in no way offend them. « Greetings centaur», she said humbly.

« Why are you here? You are not welcome here!» he still had his bow raised, aiming at her. « Forgive me if I have unknowingly strayed into your territory. I was running with the unicorns and I seemed to have lost my way. I am only trying to get back to Hogwarts.» she said very calmly.

« She lies! No human could keep up with the unicorns!», a second centaur snarled. She hadn't even seen him, standing behind the first one. He stepped forward now. His horselike body much bigger than her sleek arab forms. He was dark grey, with a black tail. The skin on his torso and face, a lighter shade of grey. He had black eyes and hair.

« I was not in human shape, I was...» she decided against explaining and transformed once again. _« I was in this shape», _she hoped he would talk to her like this.

_« I saw you, you were the black mare with the unicorn stallions...». _The first centaur seemed astounded. He lowered his bow, only slightly and took a step forward, examining her, reading her.

_« The unicorns trusted me to not be a threat, can't you do the same. I do not lie when I say that I did __not mean to trespass on your grounds centaur...» She felt a bit more confident now, at least he knew she was not lying._

_« If you only point me in the direction, I shall make my way to Hogwarts at once»_

_« I still do not like that you are here. Our woods are not for humans!». _He tensed up again.

_« Surely these are not really your woods, or ours. Does not this forest, like all things on our planet, belong to all of it inhabitants?», _she said still trying not to offend, but she felt she made a good point.

_« You seem less obtuse than most humans», _the black haired centaur said.

_« Coming from a centaur, I will take that as the deepest compliment»_

_« What is you name, Seer?», _the front centaur asked as he lowered his bow completely. Sarah gave him her name, and knew enough not to ask him his. In centaurian tradition, only the superior is allowed to ask someones name, she remembered reading.

_« I am Magorian, to my herd, and now to you. My second-in-command is Bane, and he shall make sure you return to your own herd»_, he said, and left with further delays.

Bane gave her a disgruntled look and galloped off. Sarah blindly followed.

ooo

* * *

Sirius and Hagrid had watched Sarah move closer and closer to the unicorns. To their shock she turned into the arab mare and started approching the stallions.

« Sarah...no. come back!», Sirius whispered, but she didn't hear him. They watched helplessly as one by one the stallions took notice of her. Hagrid made his way to Sirius.

« That girl never stops amazing me...», he whispered as the head stallion greated her. Then the stallions gathered around her, and they all took off.

« Sarah!»

Sirius got up and cried after her. She was gone, the light of the unicorns dimming away as they galloped further and further away from them.

« What is she thinking!? She can't just take off like that!». Sirius was furious with her. « She'll be back, we'll wait for her here, and she'll come back», Hagrid tried to calm him, but Sirius was too worried for her. « She's never been in these parts of the woods before, and never been alone. The unicorns were headed straight for the centaurs territories. Wait here, I'll see if I can catch up to them».

He transformed into the dog, and ran of in the direction Sarah and the unicorns had gone.

ooo

Sirius came back about an hour later. « I can't see her anywhere, nor the unicorns. They are gone»

He sounded worried and scared. Suddenly there was a loud crack. A houseelf stood before them. « Note from Miss Trelawney to Master Black», he handed them the note and was gone. The note said: _'don't worry about Sarah, she is safe'_

« That Sybill creeps me out sometimes..», Hagrid said and shook his head. « But if she says Sarah's safe, then Sarah is safe. Come on, lets to back to the hut and wait for her there.»

Sirius was somewhat reluctant, but came anyway.

ooo

Lupin who had been sitting alone in Hagrids hut, having tea, saw them coming out of the forest, but couldn't understand why it was just the two of them.

He came out of the hut, « where is Sarah?». « She ran off with the unicorns», Hagrid said proudly. « She did what?».

Lupin looked from one to the other in amazement, then started looking around, as if he was excepting Sarah to jump out from behind one of the pumpkins or something like that.

« She just took off, just like that. Without any concideration to her safety alone in the woods», Sirius said angrily. « But I'm sure she is safe around the unicorns, no forest creature would harm her while she is with them», Lupin tried to assure his friend.

« And what if she comes away from them? What then?», Sirius cried and kicked a hole in a pumpkin.

« Hey! Don't be taking your anger out on my pumpkins! Let's go in and have tea, I'm sure she'll be back soon. Sybill told us not to worry». Hagrid led Sirius back to the hut. « Sybill? Where did you..?», Lupin started to ask, but Sirius just handed him the note and went in.

« that woman is scary!», Lupin exclaimed as he came back in after them.

ooo

Hours went by and still there was no sign of Sarah. Sirius was pacing the room now, desperately waiting for her arrival. He was wringing his hands in anger and mumbling incoherently.

« I can't take this anymore» he exclaimed, threw a handfull of Floo powder in the fireplace and poked his head in. After about fifteen minutes he extracted his head from the green fire and said, « Sybill still insists that Sarah is safe. She tells us to go to dinner and not to worry».

« Well I still say that if Sybill says not to worry, we need not worry», Hagrid said and got up.  
« Let's go have dinner, I'm sure Sarah will be back soon». Lupin agreed with Hagrid and they went up to the castle to have dinner.

ooo

* * *

At dinner Sirius did not say much, he kept his gaze out the window and towards the edge of the forest.

Sprout was the last to come to dinner, along with Flitwick. « Where is Sarah? I have the greatest little story to tell her», she said as she sat down in the chair Flitwick held out for her. « Well... we took her to see the unicorns, you know how they come near here sometimes, and well...she ran off with them», Hagrid answered.

At this there was alot of «What's» and «hows» and «whys» around the table.

« She was closer to them than us», Sirius explained, still looking out the window, « and I don't know what got into her, but she transformed into that horse, and walked right up into the herd. I tried calling her back, but as I had to whisper so that I wouldn't scare the unicorns, she didn't hear me. The herd somehow accepted her presence and they all ran off together».

« Why didn't you run after her!? She can't be out there alone, she doesn't know nearly enough to be able to protect herself!», Snape roared at him.

« Of course I ran after her! Do you think I was about to just leave her there? I could not see them after a while, and unfortunately-». «What?! Let's all hear your brilliant excuse», Snape was becoming furious now.

« Well, if you let me finish! I could not see them as I said, and I was following her scent, but I lost track of her...I lost her scent, so I went back to Hagrid thinking maybe she would be back by now, but she was not. And then a houself brought a note from Trelawney telling us not to worry, that Sarah was safe».

Snape snorted at him, « Even as a dog you are useless..».

« At least I am not useless as a man...», Sirius shot back. « I think you have time and time proven that that is exactly what you are», Snape sneered.

« You talk to me about being a man, when you are thirty-eight years old and can't even grow a beard?», Sirius sniggered.

Ignoring the last remark, Snape leaned over the table, towards Sirius. « If _anything_ happens to her, I will kill you with my bare hands», he whispered, just high enough for Sirius to barely hear what he said.

« What makes you think _you_ have any right to say something like THAT!?», Sirius shouted. He got up so fast his chair fell back, and drew his wand instantly, but Snape was faster. No sooner had Sirius got his wand out and Snape was already pointing his at him.

Then an earsplitting 'SMACK', made everyone jump. Hagrid had slammed his palm on the table and was now glaring angrily at the both of them. « Sit down», he said calmly, but his eyes were on fire. As if someone had turned a switch, both wizards tucked away their wands, and sat back down.

ooo

Dumbledore gave Hagrid an appreciative smile. « If Sybill says she is safe, then I see no reason for us to worry about her. Although running off with unicorns... that is rather an amazing feat, is it not..?», he said and gave a chuckle. Before anyone could answer, he said, « there she is now, isn't that her, the black mare?»

Pretending he needed to shift to see her out of the window, Dumbledore moved one chair over, making an empty space between him and Snape.

Everyone got up from their seats and looked out the windows, and sure enough, at the edge of the forest was a black arab mare, and a centaur. They saw the centaur give her a short bow, and head back into the woods and the horse turned and headed for the castle. A few minutes after the staff room door, one of them, opened and Sarah came in. She looked positively radiant.

« Hello, have I missed dinner?» Sarah said, as if she had merely lost track of time in the library.

« No my dear, you are just in time» Dumbledore said and waved her over to sit in the empty place he had made.

Sirius glared at her. « Where the hell did you run off to? Don't you know how worried I was when you just vanished?!». « Oh come on Sirius, the unicorns asked me to run with them. How could I possibly turn down such a thing?». « What do you mean, they asked you?» Snape said, for Sirius was not saying anything, just glaring at her with his arms crossed.

« well... I talked to them, the same way I talk to Sabine. They were uneasy at first, saying that I was not one of them, but I showed them that I too knew of love and laughter, and well they decided to trust me after that and asked me to come running with them. So I did »

« I thought you could only talk to snakes?» Lupin asked.

« No, no, you are mistaking it with parseltounge. Seers can communicate with all creatures that have a soul», said McGonagall.

« Exactly, I remembered that today, and figured that if I could just show them that I was no threat. That they would let me near them..», Sarah said and poured herself some water.

« It was still a dimwitted thing to do», Sirius grumbled. « Alright mommy! I know that it was a stupid thing to do, to run off deep into the forbidden forest without you, but you have to understand. How could I possibly_ not _do it? The most amazing creatures in the history of the world, asked me to come with them. When would I ever get another chance to do something like that again?»

Sirius had to smile now. She did make a damn good point, he would have done the exact same thing.

« And the centaur?» Dumbledore asked. Sarah told them how she had been practially held at arrowpoint while they interrogated her about why she was trespassing on their territories.  
« Believe it or not, you probably saved my life today», she said to Snape. « I told you that book would come in handy...», he said with a faint smile.

Weeks earlier, Snape had lent her a book on centaurs, saying that if she insisted on running around in the forest with Sirius, she would need to know how to handle them if she were to run into one. « Maybe there is a little Seer blood in you», she said with a smile.

« So that was Bane with you. I thought I recognised him. He is a mean creature that one!», Hagrid said.

« Actually I thought he was rather pleasant. Once he trusted the fact that I really didn't mean to trespass. He calmed down, and led me all the way home. He even said that I was welcome to explore the forest, but it would mean my head if I strayed into their areas again»

« And from that you gathered that he was pleasant?», Hagrid laughed.

«Well, maybe I just have a soft spot for mean and cranky», Sarah said with a certain smile.

She looked at Hagrid while saying this, but under the table, she gently placed her hand on Snape's thigh and squeezed it. She had put her hand a bit further up on his thigh than she had meant to. Snape said nothing, but was happy that the tablecloth hid his reaction to her touch.

ooo

ooo

* * *

ooo

Password-translations:

Sacra Forda!: Holy Pregnant Cow!

Cave Fatuos: Beware of fools

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did you like it? did you hate it? click the review button and let me know. please.. I am practically begging here

Chapt 10: Things soon become more tense between the two, and when Snape comes to his room one day to find Sarah there... what will he do?

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	10. Days of Summer and Nights of Frustration

_I didnt not steal this from J.K Rowling. Well.. I DID, but only the characters, and the world they live in. Story is all mine! muhahah!_

* * *

ooo

**Chapter ten: days of summer and nights of frustration**

ooo

The next day, Lupin was leaving for Argentina for three weeks. Sarah was finding this harder than she had imagined she would. She had barely spent a single day without Lupin since they first met in Diagon Alley. Only during exam preparations and when she had locked herself in her room to master the tranformation had she gone a whole day without talking to him, but even then he had been there, in the same castle. Now she felt awful, the thought of three weeks without her bestfriend was too sad.

She still had Sirius there of course, and Snape, but none of them could ever replace Lupin.

« Do you have to go?» she found herself asking.

« Well yes, but I'll be back soon, and don't think that I won't miss you like crazy either. I've gotten quite used to being beaten up on a daily basis», he smiled at her and stroked his upper arm, where she would usually aim her punches, « but I'll have the bruises to remember you by while down there».

« you don't have bruises...I never punch you that hard, just enough to keep you in place», she smiled and punched him. This was their thing and only their thing. She never punched Sirius or Snape, just Lupin. He growled at her, she growled back and hugged him. He hugged her back, crushing the wind out of her. Then he pulled back, said good bye to Sirius and disapparated.

« I'll be all alone now», she said to the place where Lupin had been standing. « And I am just something the cat dragged in?» Sirius said to her.

«No more like the dog, wouldn't you say?» she answered. « Oh shut up, come on let's go for a swim». He took her with him back through the grounds and towards the lake. The giant squid was resting in the shallows. She didn't quite feel comfortable with that squid, although it was harmless, even almost tame. There was something about the sheer size of its tentacles that made her stomach churn.

Then an idea popped into her head. « Wait here, I'll run and get something to make our usual swim more interesting», and she ran up towards the castle.

ooo

Snape was as usual in the dungeons, sweating over a cauldron of something. This time a very sinister looking black potion, it had the texture of tar, and was bubbling in the same way that heated tar does. She forgot why she came « Ooh, what's that?», she bent her head over the cauldron, smelling the fumes to see if she could recognise anything.

« That is skele-grow» he said, by now used to her poking her head in and asking a milion questions.

« I'm making it now so that Pomfrey has it ready by start of term, it needs about a month to age. By the time its ready, it'll be bone-colored», he explained. « How do you make it?», she asked starting to examine the various ingredients Snape had on the table. « Dragonblood?» she held up an unmarked bottle. He nodded, she opened the lid and smelled it. It burned her nostrils and airways, she gave a cough, and a flame shot out of her mouth.

« Oh yes I probably should have warned you. That is unprocessed blood, and you really musn't inhale the fumes» he smiled. « But you didn't on purpose...?», she gave another cough, a smaller flame shot out.

He laughed, « Well... oh don't worry, a few more coughs and it will be out of your system». He started explaining to her how to make it, different precautions, how you must not put in a single drop more than you need of the dragonblood. « If you do, the growth will never stop, its quite horrorfying».

After a while there was a knock on the door and Sirius came in.

« Where did you go to? I've been waiting for ages! I ran into Minerva and she told me she had seen you come down here».

«Oh that's right, the gillyweed! I came and saw Severus making skele-grow, and I completely forgot about you!»  
She turned to Snape, « Could I have some gillyweed? You see, we were going for a swim, and well, I felt like making it more fun.»

« The jar is in the backroom», he said without looking up from the cauldron, this was a particularly tricky part of the prosess.

« Hey... you... did you...?» she called from the backroom.

« Yes, the old git alphabatized his stocks, and it took me quite a while to do it so make sure you put everything back where it belongs!», he said still focusing on the cauldron.

« Will you come with us?» she called again from the backroom. She came out with a handful of gillyweed. «please?», she asked and brushed his hair out of his face for him.

« I can't leave the cauldron just yet», and it wasn't just an excuse. « Alright then, but I might just swim by your window». She kissed him. Her lips lingering on his cheek just a little longer than needed, then she handed half the gillyweed to Sirius, and they were off.

ooo

The gillyweed felt like worms in her mouth, but when she finally managed to swallow, she felt the effect. She was being suffocated, she couldn't draw breath. She did as Sirius and dived under. The icy water filled her mouth, but it was a comforting feeling. Her hands were now webbed and her feet flippers and she could prepel herself in the water with incredible ease. She set off with Sirius to explore the lake. They both had their wands strapped to their legs in case they came upon grindylows. But she knew that they kept in the very depts, hidden amongst the tar. They rarely ventured in the open water.

The green water of the lake was wonderfully peaceful and silent. There weren't that many creatures living here, mainly the giant squid, the merpeople and well the grindylows. And fish of course, but nothing they needed to fear.

Every now and then they would pass a mermaid or a merman. This was not out of the ordinary, they often swam with them up at the surface. Sarah decided to find Snape's underwater window. She swam along the cliff wall that the castle stood on, She first saw a huge window that was in the Slytherin common room, it was summer so the common room was deserted. _« no fun there» _she thought and swam further.

She could see it now. It was funny, from the inside, the window was so large, but out here compared to the lake, and the cliffside, it seemed tiny. She swam all the way up to it and hammered on it. Hoping he would be able to leave the cauldron, and hoping the unbreakable charm would not choose this very moment to fail. She waited a while and knocked again, she didn't want to rush him, she knew he could hear her. The door to the classroom was open, but she guessed he couldn't leave his cauldron and swam away.

She swam deeper, down to three mermaids that where circling Sirius. _« Even with non-humans he is a charmer» _she thought to herself, smiling at how the three mermaids were compeeting for his attention. She felt a slight vibration in the water, _«Could it be?» _She swam back up to the window. It had been him, pounding on the window. He had come into the room just in time to see her dive deeper.

She beamed at him. Started swiming loop de loops in front of the window. They couldn't talk, and his mind was too closed for her to reach him that way, but she still wanted him to know she was happy he heard her knocking. He just stood there smiling at her, his hand on the window.

ooo

_« She is so damn beautiful!»_ he thought to himself as he watched her. She was wearing a simple black bikini, not too revealing, but he found it extremely flattering, and her usual waistlength dark hair was floating around her like a cloud of silk strands. The light from the surface playing on her skin.

She swam back close to the window, all the way up against it and put her hand on the glass where his was. She looked into his eyes, _« Please, please hear me. Let me speak to you, let me in», _she beckoned him, but he could not hear her. _« Damned occlumency» _she thought. She didn't move though, just floated infront of the window, her hand on his, with the glass between, gazing into his eyes. Her legs slowly paddling to keep her position. He too did not move, merely stood there and watched her, taking in every delightful inch of her beauty.

Sirius came up to her now, and motioned that their hour was almost up. Then he swam towards the surface. Sarah lingered for a few moments, then she kissed the glass where his mouth was on the other side and swam up after Sirius.

As she made her way up she could feel the gillyweed stop working, and by the time she broke the surface she was gasping for air. They swam back to the shore, and laid down beside the giant squid, letting the sun heat up their bodies.

« That was amazing! Can't believe we haven't thought of using gillyweed before! We are definitely doing that again!», Sirius exclaimed lying on the sand, panting for air.

« Well we can't use up his whole stock of gillyweed can we, he needs it for Remus' potion, but I'll order some, because that was truly amazing. I wish Remus was here though, I miss him already...», she said and fell back on the hot sand.

« So...flirting with mermaids? I didn't know you could speak mermish», she turned on her stomach, letting the sun kiss her back. « oh yes, well, thats one of my many hidden talents », Sirius said.  
« you mean flirting, or speaking mermish» but Sarah answered this one herself « ah who am I kidding, it has to be both».

They spent most of the day there on the shore, going in and out of the water. Until it became too cold, and they were too hungry. They put their robes and shoes back on and went to dinner. Snape however, did not come to dinner. Afterwards she went down to see him.

* * *

ooo

He was still hovering over the cauldron of black tar like potion.

«mind some company?» she asked. She didn't want to disturb him if he was too busy. « not at all, but if you are going to hang around, you better make yourself useful», he smiled at her. She smiled back « right, what tantalizing task do you have in mind for me»

Snape gave her an evil grin, « well, I am out of troll semen, so you can milk some for me. The testicles are in the burlap sack in the back room»

She gave him an appaled look, « How about I stir, while you go milk your own semen?».

Still grinning he shook his head. « If you want to learn all there is to know about potions, then you have to learn this as well. Get the sack, and I can talk you through how to extract the semen without losing any of its properties». He continued where they had left when Sirius had come, explaining about the potion. Teaching her.

She loved that he never said that anything was too advanced for her to learn about, as long as she showed interest he was keen to explain and teach. He also never said that he didn't have time for her questions, even when he was working on something really hard, and it needed his complete attention, he would shoosh her, but he would still let her watch.

When they had finally finished, he sent for some food from the kitchens and they went into his room.

« So it needed aging for about a month?», she said making mental notes.

« Yes, its hard to tell the exact number of days, it depends a lot on the freshness of the ingredients and specially what species of dragon the blood comes from. So you have to leave it for three weeks, and after that you daily inspect it until it has the right color. Its also vital that there is no vapour coming from it», he explained as he was sitting down to eat.

Sarah curled up in the windowseat, Sabine slithering towards her. « And what if it has the desired color and its still slightly fuming?», she asked as she lowered her arm and let the snake coil up and around her neck.

« Well then you put in too much dragon blood and the potion can't be used». Sarah grabbed a book that lay on a cusion, 'Seers and the Secrets Senses'. «Been reading about me I see...» she said with a smile.

« Yes, after that night, I decided that if I knew more, I could handle it better if it should happen again», he answered.

She said nothing, but started to read. He finished his dinner and took another book he was reading. They didn't say much, as always they didn't need to. Once and again one of them would say, « listen to this...», and read an interesting passage from their book, but most of the evening they sat in silence.

ooo

Suddenly Sarah got up and said, « this just not comfortable enough!» and she took the snake and the book with her to his bed.

_« You are hoping he'll join you?», _Sabine said to her, coiled up beside her on the bed. _« Well yes, but he doesn't seem to notice... I could probably be lying here naked and he wouldn't even look up from his book.»_

_« That I think he would notice», _Sabine said and gave a hiss. Sarah knew this was Sabines way of laughing. _« maybe I should try it then», _she smiled at the snake.

« It is unusually hot down here tonight», She said and took off her robes. She threw them on the couch. Underneath she was still wearing that black two-piece.

Snape had of course noticed that she went to his bed, and it was all he could do to keep himself from jumping her.

He couldn't see her, because the bed was around the corner, but his stomach, along with other parts of his anatomy, gave a jolt as he saw her robes being tossed towards the couch. She missed and they landed in a soft pile on the floor. The thought of her halfnaked in his bed, made his throat dry and his mouth water, at the same time.

He thought of how she had stayed infront of his window. How beautiful she had been,_ « as always...»_ then he remembered her kissing the window before she swam to the surface. He wanted to kiss her again so desperately, but he didn't dare go over there. He looked back down at his book, and continued to read the same three lines over and over again. He could not concentrate on anything other than the fact that she was in his bed again.

ooo

It took him the whole of two hours to dare go over to her. Sarah was lying on her stomach, waving her legs in the air. She was laughing and Sabine hissing.

He was now used to the two of them being able to communicate, in the beginning it had slightly creeped him out. « What are you two girls hissing about?», he said as he sat down on the bed.

« Nothing that would interest the potions master..»

Sarah turned over onto her back. She gave him a smile and streched a little, arching her back towards him. Her breasts swayed a little. Suddenly he felt the fabric of her bikini top was far too tight and revealing. He could make out the slight bumps of her nipples. He swallowed and looked away.

_« Doesn't seem like he'll do anything tonight...»_ Sabine hissed and slid back to her glass cage.

« Well... it is rather late... maybe I should go?», she said to Snape, hoping he would pin her down and refuse to let her leave.

«... you know...» he started, and paused to clear his throat three times. « You could sleep here. It is very, very late, and if you are tired, why go all the way back your room, when you are, in effect, already in bed?». Snape clenched his jaws, and refused to blush.

« Are you sure I'm not imposing?», she asked. He answered by going to his closet and getting a pajamashirt. « Here, I only sleep in the bottoms anyway...», he said and tossed it to her.

« Alright, turn around so I can change», she said.

« No need. I will change in the bathroom, so you can change here», he said, and left the room.

ooo

When he back out, Sarah was leaned against the cornerwall, dressed in nothing but his shirt. She had her arms crossed and a smile on her lips that he didn't know how to interpet. It seemed she was waiting for him.

She greedily watched him as he was standing before her. He was in fairly good shape, not all big and bulky like Hagrid, but more slender and with just a hinting of mucles. His skin was the very definition of porcelain. Completely hairless, smooth, and pale. He had a few scars here and there. Some had healed well, some not so well.

Sarahs eyes involuntarily fell to his left arm. He didn't have the mark. There was a patch on his forearm where the skin was just slightly darker, more grey in tone, but that was it.

Snape felt her eyes all too well, and almost held his breath while waiting for the inevitable questions. He already had his anwers ready. He had been asked a million times over by almost anyone that he crossed paths with since the first war.

« So... I guess I am really sleeping here then...», she said with a smile that seemed to assure him that the questions he dreaded, would never be asked.

« I guess you are...right, you sleep on the bed, and I will sleep on the sofa», he said, then conjured up a pillow and some sheets.

_« What?!» _Sarah had not seen that coming, and suddenly felt like an idiot.

Snape straighted the sheet over the sofa, and now that his back was turned to her, Sarah could see the biggest scar he had. It was a couple of inches wide and ran diagonally from the top of his right shoulder blade, and vanished beyond the line of his trousers on his left hip. It was the most recent of his scars, and almost looked like it was still healing. _« Who stabbed you in the back, Severus?»_

Her curiosity over his scar quickly passed, as Snape laid down on the sofa. Sarah tried not to stare at him, tried so hard not to let him see the wanting look in her eyes.  
She wanted to grab him and pull him to the bed. She wanted him to want her, but she couldn't read anything off him at all. _« Damned freaking occlumency»_ she thought to herself again.

Snape on the other hand was mustering all his focus on not letting her feel his desire for her. He knew from before that when he felt something too strongly, she could read it, but he refused to have that happen now. He feared that if she sensed it, she would be out of the door in an instant, like she had done the morning she kissed him.

« Good night Severus» she sighed, and went back to the bed. « Good night Sarah».

They both pretended to fall asleep, but in truth both of them lay awake for hours longing for the other, neither daring to take the first step

ooo

When he woke up the next morning, both she and Sabine were gone. He showered, dressed and went to breakfast. There he found her at the table, an empty chair reserved for him beside her, and Sabine draped around her shoulders.

« Good morning», she beamed at him, « I hope you don't mind. I'm going to Sybill after breakfast and she really wanted to come. You were asleep and I didn't want to wake you» she said in a whisper, so not everyone around the table would hear. Not that they didn't know that something was going on, in fact by now, the whole staff had noticed the tension between them.

* * *

ooo

They would sometimes talk about in the staffroom, when neither of them, nor Lupin or Sirius was there. « Oooh! imagine if they got married!», Pomfrey had said and Sprout had almost squeeked,  
« They could get married here, at Hogwarts, and what if they had BABIES!». The two old spinsters started giggling with excitement.

« It's funny, I would have figured she would go for Remus. They have been inseparable since her first day at Hogwarts, always running off to be alone. Hardly ever see one without the other», Flitwick shot in.

« No, not her and Remus, they are friends, aren't they, he calls her little sister for godness sake. Now if I had to bet I would have thought she would fall for Sirius. Now there is a perfect couple if I ever saw one», Hooch said over her periodical. Pomfrey and Sprout nodded in agreement.

« Maybe she can't decide. It sure seems to me that Sirius is taken with her. Did you notice how worried he was after that awful night she had? He did not let go of her hand for three days, they even spent the nights together. Not that I'm insinuating that anything happened, but he did not leave her side for an instant, did he?», Sprout said. « Well if I had the choice, I sure know who I would choose», Pomfrey giggled hysterically then said, « but I still say she does not look at Sirius the same way as she looks at Severus. No, there is certainly something there...I would wager my wand on it».

« As long as it does not interfere with their work, I have no objections», McGonagall said and scowled at the two women acting like little girls. «...but I do wish they would stop circling each other like that. Isn't there something we can do? To give them a slight push in the right direction?», she had said in a softer voice, but not wanting to admit that she too was imagining a Hogwarts wedding. It would certainly not be the first time two staff members had fallen in love.

« Now, now Minerva», Dumbledore had walked in just in time to hear the last part, « one should not meddle in matters like these. It is better if we just let them unfold and let the two kids figure it own on their own».

He did not tell them that he had only five minutes ago told Snape that he should stop be so damn proud and show Sarah how he felt.

* * *

ooo

Sarah was up in Trelawney's room with Sabine.

« So you see my dear, by doing the small exercise I taught you, you will be able to control the, let us say door, to you soul better. For sometimes you will find that you need to close it. It's rather like ones home. Having guests is right fun, but sometimes one wishes to be alone, and sometimes, there are people we do not want to let in... do you see what I'm trying to tell you?», Trelawney looked at Sarah, who was absentmindedly stroking Sabines head. She had for weeks now been teaching Sarah about how to be able to 'weed out', as Trelawney called it, undesirable connections.

« Yes Sybill, and I have been doing them. I was just thinking of a dream I had last night. I don't know if it was real, or what it was», Sarah said still focusing more on the snake then on Trelawney. « Tell me child...» Trelawney said.

« It was the start of term feast and we had come to the sorting ceremony. There was a long line of first years waiting to be sorted, and I noticed two of them. A boy and a girl, holding hands, waiting for their turn. I noticed them because they looked so alike, both dark brown wavy hair down to her shoulders, the same twinkle in their dark eyes. They both had a certain confident smile, it was clear that they were not nervous about being there at all. I thought that they had to be twins, and... if felt so connected to them, like they were mine».

She looked at Trelawney, hoping she wouldn't laugh at her. « And you are wondering if this is just a dream, or maybe something more...?». Sarah nodded.

« As I have told you before, Seers see things that are, things that have been, things that will be, and sometimes... things that might have been. I can't tell you what your dream means, or even if it means anything. Only by looking into yourself, will you learn how to read your visions», Trelawney said. Her tone revealed a hint of annoyance that Sarah still seemed more preoccupied with the snake, than listening to her.

« So I'm going to have twins one day...?» Sarah asked.

« Is that really what the dream tells you?».

« I don't know, I think so...», she said sounding doubtful, « but I'm definately not pregnant! Nor is it likely that I will become in the future!» Sarah said, a hint of panick in her voice.

« Ah, I take it things are not going as planned with Severus?» Trelawney smiled and sipped her tea again. « What do you mean 'as planned', we haven't planned anything, we aren't even a couple!». Sarah blushed. Trelawney laughed a little, « My dear, I wasn't saying that the two of you are planning to start a family, I was thinking of the fact that you clearly want the boy».

« Well, yes maybe... I don't know, I don't think he wants me though. If it wasn't for that damned occlumency, at least then I could have known where I had him, but I might as well be trying to read emotions off the air. I hate that!» Sarah exclaimed.

« Ah, yes that occlumency does make it tricky, but in time you will be able to read beyond that. Meanwhile, have you ever considered merely telling him how you feel, and see what he replies? Sometimes, one must dare make the first move...». « But I did take the first move, I did kiss him remember, but he didn't respond to that at all. If he really wanted me, why didn't he just... just...», Sarah blushed and whispered, « why didn't he just take me when he could have had me?»

« Darling Sarah, not even seers can understand why men do the things they do, or in this case don't. Just remember the first principle of Sight».

« I know, I know... look beyond what's not there...», Sarah sighed.

Trelawney raised her cup at Sarah and gave her a wink. She knew very well about Severus' feelings and why he did not dare approach her. But she, like Dumbledore, felt that the kids should figure it out on their own. Somethings ought not to be meddled in. _« and if I don't intervene, then I win that bet with Albus...»_ Trelawney thought to herself while closing the trap door after Sarah.

ooo

After lunch Sarah went down into the dungeons and got the book she had been reading last night. She found herself a tree down by the lake and started reading. Sabine was still with her and was now basking in the sunlight a few feet away from her.

She knew could see Sirius and Fang, Hagrid's boarhound, running around, but she felt like being alone. She was too frustrated, too annoyed by Snape deliberately shutting her out. After a while, the heat from the sun was making her head ache and she went to seek refuge in the cool dungeons.

ooo

Snape had been away from Hogwarts since after breakfast, and when he came back it was close to midnight. He was drained of both physical and magical energy, and almost dragged himself to his bath. He went straight to the shower. It had become a routine over the years.

Whenever he returned from a tough mission, he would shower before even setting foot in his bedroom. He had never thought about it, but it was almost as if he needed to cleanse himself off the negative force, so that it wouldn't follow him to his bed, and his dreams.

When he finally came into his room, he found Sarah asleep in the windowseat. The book she was reading lying on the floor beneath her. His heart leapt at the sight of her. He picked her up and carried her to the bed, and pulled the covers over her, before going to sleep on the sofa.

He didn't even care to wonder why she was there. All that mattered was that she was again sleeping in his bed, and that alone brightened the dark day he'd had.

* * *

ooo

The next couple of days, it was much the same. Sarah would spend most of the day with Sirius, and in the evenings she would come to him. The previous day they had not even gone to dinner, but sent for it in his room. She would always decide to read in his bed, instead of the sofa and always stay late enough for him to offer her to sleep there. However he always slept on the sofa and gave her the bed. The sofa was too hard and made his back ache, and his neck stiff, but he did not mind at all.

As long as she spent her nights with him, he was beyond happy. He had not yet dared touch her though, and unknown to him, Sarah would complain about this to Sabine. _«Four bloody nights I've been here, how long before he takes a freaking hint?»_

The next evening he was streching his back. It was now stiff and painful from too many nights on the sofa. « Does your back hurt?», she asked him. « It´s nothing. Happens all the time», he lied. « Wait, I'll get something for you», she said and was out the door. She came back after a short while with a green bottle in her hand. « What is that?», he asked.

« That is your remedy, now take of your robes and lie down. I'll massage your back», she said and waved him over to the bed. He did as she told him. She strattled him, sitting on his thighs and now he could feel a stream of warm scented oil on his skin. Slowly she smeared the oil all over his back and neck, with long strokes going from his hairline, down to his lower back, and back up again.

She rubbed his back with experienced knowing hands. It was driving him crazy.

« What is that oil?» he asked, trying to keep his mind from the thought of her touch. « It's a little thing I made for Remus. He is always aching the days after the full moon, and I made him this to rub on his joints and muscles. It is fairly simple. I made an infusion of coconut oil and a few leaves of belladonna, to ease the pain. Only about two leaves per pint of oil though », she explained to him.

He nodded, a bit proud of her knowledge. She had used just enough belladonna to numb his pain, without ...well, without killing him.

« So you do this to Remus all the time?», he asked. « No, he insists on doing it himself. He is too self concious about his scars, and too guilt ridden to let anyone take care of him», she said and traced the scar on Snapes back with her finger.

She bent down and almost gave into to the urge to kiss it, before she realised what she was doing and stopped herself.

« You know, there are already many potions for aches and sore muscles», he told her in his teacher voice. «Yes I am well aware of that, but they were all so complex and strong. Not a single one that doesn't cause side effects, and with some you have to take another potion just to counter the them. Besides all of them are meant to be drunk, which in turn affects the whole body, even where you are not hurting. This way you can treat only the part of your body that actually hurts, and with no side effects at all», she went on while making circular movements up and down the sides of his spine.

A moan escaped his lips. It felt so good! He felt like the lump of dough she had been pounding at Hagrid's. He tried to remember the last time anyone had touched him like this, but nothing came to mind. « It doesn't smell like coconut oil» he said.

« I put some jasmine blossoms in the infusion, just to make it smell better»

« I love the smell of jasmine», he moaned. His body was responding to her touch now, and he thanked the heavens he was lying on his stomach so that she could not see it. « What else have you done to it», he asked trying to keep a clear head.

« Nothing else, I was going to put a heating charm on it, but I figured the friction does that anyway, and its best to K.I.S.S» She could feel him melting under her touch, and was hoping that he would finally do something, anything, turn around and kiss her, touch her, ravage her til morning.

« What is that 'kiss' thing, I've seen that scribbled all over your notes», he asked. « It stands for Keep It Simple Sarah, it's to remind me not to overcomplicate things. I use it when I cook, but I find it can be applied to potions as well».

«That's just brilliant», he turned his head and smiled at her.

Silence fell between them, as both of them were too busy concentrating on maintaining their selfcontrol, to remember to talk. Sarah massaged him until his skin had absorbed all of the oil and she didn't know how much longer she could keep herself from kissing every inch of his back.

ooo

« So are you feeling better?» she asked him. His back had stopped aching ten minutes ago. « A little»

She climbed off him, but he still lay on his stomach, waiting for his body to calm down, and til it was safe to get up. « I'll just go wash the rest of the oil of my hands». She dissappeared into the bathroom.

« Are you staying here tonight?», he called after her. « Not if it means you have to sleep on that awful couch again», she replied, « I'll sleep on the couch tonight and you sleep on the bed». She had no real intention of sleeping on the couch.

« There is no way I am letting you sleep on the couch!», he said, getting up from the bed and walking over to her. « Well then I guess I'll be going back to my own room», she said as she came out of the bathroom.

« We could... both sleep in the bed...», he said carefully, « it is certainly more than big enough for two people» _« Yes, yes! Finally you get it!», _Sarah thought and said, « I guess we could do that».

Again he tossed her his pajama shirt, which he had started thinking of as her pajama shirt.She took it with a smile and went back into the bathroom to change.

ooo

When she came back he was already changed and in bed. She got in under the covers and turned to him. « Well...» she smiled at him, thinking _« kiss me!»_

Snape turned on his side and rested his head in his hand. For a few seconds he just looked at her. He reached out, took a lock of her hair and curled it around his finger. He let it drop and brushed it away from her face. Sarah smiled expectingly at him. He smiled back, and licked his lips. Then he leaned in, and Sarah closed her eyes.

He kissed her on the forehead and said, « well... good night then», and turned his back to her.

For a few minutes, Sarah didn't move, or say anything, or even breathe. She just gaped, stupified, at the back of his head.

Sabine, who was curled up on the top beam of the bed, hissed at her. _« He is really daft isn't he?!» _Sarah looked up at Sabine. The snake hissed again.

« Severus...?» she whispered, but he pretended to be asleep. _« oh the idiot!» _she thought to herself.

She wanted to touch him so badly, and thinking that he was sleeping, she gently put her arm around his waist and kissed his shoulder. She then slowly fell asleep herself.

Snape heard her whispering his name, but he dared not turn around. If he did, she would see how much he desired her right now. When she put her arm around him and kissed him, it felt like he had been struck by lightning. He took her hand into his and wished he was brave enough to do more.

ooo

Just before dawn the next morning, Sarah woke up to find herself in his arms. Sometime during the night, probably in his sleep, he had turned around and had wrapped both arms around her. He was now holding her close to his chest.

Sarah smiled to herself, she moved as close as she possibly could. She could still smell the oil on his skin, it had blended wonderfully with the herbs that he usually smelled like. She decided not to get up, she would savor this chance to be in his arms as long as she could.

She wrapped her arm and one leg around him and closed her eyes again.

ooo

Hours later he woke up. She was in his arms, and she had one arm around him. Holding him tight. With her leg wrapped around his, she had locked him in so he could barely move. Not that he would want to move. He wanted to lie there and just look at her. Feel her body so close to him, with nothing but a thin piece of fabric between them. He couldn't help himself, and very gently kissed her lips.

She stirred, and he pulled away.

«... good morning...», she said and opened her eyes. He let go of her, and she carefully lifted her leg off him. « Good day is more like it», he grunted. « I'm taking a shower, stay here and we can go up to lunch together», he made his way to the bathroom. « If you want to wait for me of course»

« I'll wait, sure, but I wouldn't mind a shower myself», she hinted.

« I'll be out in a second». He did not take the hint. _« He is very slow that one» _Sabine lowered her body down from the beam and onto Sarah. _«Very slow indeed» _Sarah yawned and leaned back, letting the snake slither over her and onto the floor.

Sarah buried her head in the matress. The bed smelled like the two of them, and she didn't want to leave it.

His second in the shower turned out to be closer to an hour. Sarah remained in the bed, waiting until he came out of the bathroom, his hair wet and his body smelling of some herbal soap.

« It's all yours now».

Sarah went into the bathroom, and closed the door, but didn't not lock it. Sending a silent prayer that he would join her to the heavens. She showered rather quickly, and when she came out she realised she had left her robes in the bedroom.

« will you please hand me my clothes and my wand», she popped her head out, and was hiding her naked body behind the door. He did so and she closed the door again. She put a cleaning charm on her clothes and underwear. Thinking how much easier life as a witch was. In the muggle world, she would have had to out on the same dirty clothes from yesterday, but here, she merely waved her wand and her clothes were as clean as if they had been freshly laundered. She dried her hair and made a long braid that fell over her shoulder.

« There I'm ready, are you?», she came out of the bathroom, he was waiting for her on the sofa. « Let's go then, I am starving!» he held out his arm and she took it, « very gentlemanly of you», she smiled.

* * *

ooo

When they entered the staff room, eveyone were seated. They had all noticed that Sarah and Snape came in arm in arm, and seeing as they had not been there for breakfast, there was not a single person who did not think to him or herself, _« it's finally happened!»_

Unfortunately they soon realised that the sexual tension between the two had only increased.

« What the hell are they doing down in the dungeons then?», Sprout said to Pomfrey after lunch. Her dreams of a Hogwarts wedding were slowly fading.

« I don't know, but its certainly not that!», Pomfrey replied, she too slightly disappointed. « Can't we slip them a love potion in their drinks and lock them up until they have?», Sprout suggested jokingly.

They stopped talking as they turned a corner and saw Sarah heading in their direction. «Hello Sarah» they said in unison. « Poppy. Pomona», Sarah said without stopping. She had a bowl of popcorn in one hand, the latest issue of the Prophet in the other and was headed for her room.

In her room she sat down on the rug infront of the firplace, and waited for the color of the fire to change. She didn't have to wait long before the fire turned blue. It was the color of the international floo-network. Lupins head popped into the flames. He greeted her with a warm smile, and wondered how she was.

Sarah shrugged, « I could be alot better. Here is your Prophet», he handed him the newspaper through the flames. Lupin unrolled it, and exclaimed from joy when he read the headline. « He got Thorfinn Rowle. I can't believe it, I never thought he would be able to track him down!».

She didn't ask him who 'he' was. Deep down, she figured she knew that already. « I thought all the Death Eaters were either killed or in Azkaban?», she asked.

Lupin shook his head while reading the article. « No. No, they scattered to the winds as soon as they found out he was dead. The Orders and the aurors have captured and convicted tens of dozens, but there were hundreds, and most of the higher ranking ones vanished like dust in the wind».

He rolled up the paper and put it aside. « But we'll get them all eventually...», he said confidently.

Then Lupin gave her a look. A look that said that was enough talk on the subject. Sarah nodded agreeingly, and lit a cigarette which she handed to him through the flames, before lighting one for her self.

ooo

« So...tell me the latest on mission Snape», he said with a slight smile. The groan that Sarah let out, was enough to say that the mission was failing, at best. « a week, Remus, almost a whole bloody week I've been in his room, sleeping in his bed. Nothing, nada. Not even a glance in my direction...».

Before Lupin could say anything, she went on. « Last night, he suggested we both sleep in the bed, and when we were lying there face to face, inches apart... do you know what he did? He kissed me, on my FOREHEAD, and went to sleep...»

He laughed and Sarah flicked a popcorn at his head, saying it wasn't funny.  
« are you sure you are sending out the right signals? I mean, maybe he thinks you just spend the night there because its the coldest room in the castle...», he suggested.

« Oh, I have been sending out signals galore! I've done everything except grab his nuts and demand that he fucks me», she exclaimed only partly joking. « I don't think you should do that though...», Lupin said with a grin. Sarah told him not to be daft, and pulled furiously on her cigarette.

ooo

« you know, I had a dream about you last night», she said out of the blue. « Really?», Lupin asked with a cheeky smile. « I dreamt I killed you».

«What?!».

«Yes. You were the wolf, and you were standing before me, growling, ready to pounce. But I attacked you first. I took you by the jaws and tore you in two», she said very casually.

He gave her a somewhat disshelved look and asked if she was mad at him for some reason. Sarah tilted her head and looked at him. « whatever gave you that idea?», she asked earnestly.

« So why are you telling me this?».

« I don't know, just figured you ought to know...».

« Do me a favor, Sarah. The next time you decide to kill me, at least tell me in advance. So that I have time to make up a Will or something...», he laughed.

After a few moments pause, he asked if she thought it meant something. « Not all my dreams are visions you know. Some are just products of my delerious mind».  
Lupin nodded looked at her, still with a slight puzzeled expression.

Soon the subject drifted back to Sarah and her disasterous attempt at seduction.

ooo

For perhaps the tenth time, Lupin reminded her that the object of her desire was Snape, and she should not expect him to react like other men. Again he told her to be patient, that maybe he just needed time to take the hint.

« Take the hint?! The first night... he went into the bathroom to change, and when he came out I was standing by the bed, waiting for him, completely naked except for his shirt, and I had only even buttoned three or four buttons. He didn't even look at me, just turned and went to sleep on the damn sofa!», she said, and told him about nights of walking around in only her bikini, « let's face it. It is just water resistant underwear really...».

She told him about spending close to an hour rubbing oil on his body. « Who can't see the ulterior motive there?!», she exclaimed and tossed her cigarette into the fireplace, for a second forgetting poor Lupin, who had to duck.

« Seriously, Remus. You're a man. If a girl, any girl you found even remotely attractive had acted around you, the way I have been with him. What would you have done?»

Lupin pulled on his cigarette one last time, put it out and grinned. « I would have shagged her brains out the first night...». «Exactly! Any other man would have gone for it the first night. I've given him five times that, and he is clearly not interested, so I am giving up on the whole damn thing».

He protested to her giving up. She needed to be patient, he said. But Sarah shook her head. « I refuse to humiliate myself any further. What the hell was I even thinking, hanging around him like some 'marysue' fan-girl. No, I need to keep some dignity and selfrespect, and accept the fact that he has no interest in me. We're just friends, and I can live with that...».

« A what?», Lupin asked. « What the hell is a 'marysue'?».

« Oh, forget it. It's just a stupid muggle term», Sarah said and lit another cigarette.

She spent the remainder of that day with Sirius and Hagrid, and after dinner she didn't go down to the dungeons, but went to her room and merged herself in her sixth grade transfiguration book.

* * *

Snape waited for her half the night, refusing to give up on the idea what she would come. Finally, he fell asleep on the couch, still waiting for her.

She didn't stop coming to the dungeons altogether. She would still stop by and hang with him, spend a few hours or more there. But she would now always steer clear of his bed, and she would always leave soon, before it got too late.

ooo

* * *

ooo

Hey look! It´s the review button... Press it, give me a few words of feedback.

Chapter 11: Sarah gives Snape one more chance to claim her for his own. Will he take it?

* * *


	11. Eloping

_same disclaimer as always. only story is mine, characters have been knicked from the brilliant mind of J.K. Rowling_

* * *

**Authors notes:** I am sorry for the late update, but I have had SO much going on in my life. Things have been chaotic to say the least! to Mr. darcy... Snape is ona tiny vacation for about two chapters, but will be back witha vengeance after that ;). Please endure.

* * *

**Chapter eleven: Eloping**

ooo

* * *

ooo

« Why dont we go to London for a couple of weeks?», Sirius asked Sarah, after she had exclaimed that she was bored. « what?», she looked at him.

« yes, come on, Remus wont be back for another week, and there is still five weeks til start of term, why not take a holiday of our own. We'll go to London and if we are bored there, well the whole world is waiting to be explored », he said taking her hand in excitement.

« and we'll have time for all of that in two weeks?», she peered at him.

« you keep forgetting that you are a witch now! With the combination of apparation and port keys, why we could travel the world in two days!», he said somewhat dramatically.

« can I... can I think about it? I am off to see Severus, I'll think about it and answer you later, is that ok?», she asked.

« sure! I'll see you at dinner then», he walked with her to the edge of the stair leading down to the dungeons and gave her a kiss on the forehead. She wanted to think about this, because secretly she wanted to see what Snape thought of her going away with Sirius. She had still not given up hope that he might feel the same for her, as she did for him.

* * *

ooo

After two cups of tea she finally said it.

« so... Sirius has asked me to come stay with him in London for two weeks». He put his cup down and looked at her, « what? Why? Dont you spend enough time together as it is?»

« well I told him that I was a bit restless and bored, and he suggested that we should go away together». She sipped her tea, somewhat happy that his intial reaction had been what she had hoped for. « and you are actually going?» he asked. « well.. I havent said yes yet... I said I would think about it.»

« well... you... you... CANT!» he exclaimed. « and why cant I...?», she asked and took another sip of her tea.

« because.. well, its just not right! It just isnt!», he said angrily. « why isnt it right?... we are just two friends, going on a trip», she said and continued before he could answer, «and even if he does have some other intentions, which I know he doesnt, but even if he did. I am single, arent I? It not like I am already taken. Its not like _someone else_ had claimed me as his!». She stared right into his eyes when she said it.

« but...», he was grasping for words now, he could not let her leave.

« But what?!», she got up, glaring at him. « give me one reason not to go! Other than the fact that you hate him. Severus, please! Give me one reason why I should stay here with you and not go with him. One reason, any reason and I wont go!»

She waited for him to say something, she was practically begging him not to let her go. He wanted to say 'dont go because I love you, because you are mine', but every time he opened his mouth, the words refused to come out.

« fine! if you have nothing to say to me, then I guess I'll be seeing you in two weeks!», she all but screamed at him and left. Slamming the door so hard behind her, that the underwater window vibrated.

Snape fell back into his chair. _« Snivellus, you idiot!»_

ooo

She went up to Sirius' room and knocked on the door, he had barely opened before she said, « you know... I am feeling very restless here. I could really do with a trip or ten».

« well then its settled! I'll notify Dumbledore, and you go pack, and we can leave after dinner».

« why wait till after dinner? I can pack quickly and you tell Dumbledore, and we can have dinner in London», she said.

« alright, we can do that. Now run off and pack, I'll meet you in the entrance hall in ten minutes». « deal!», she said and ran to her room.

ooo

She was so angry with Snape! She could tell that he didnt want her to leave. _«but why had he not said anything, why had he not stopped her? Oh the foul git!»_

Quickly she grabbed the things she needed to bring, and stuffed them into the bag with the enlargement charm on it. With a quick overview to see that she had everything she wanted to bring, she threw it over her shoulder and left the room.

« are you ready?» She met Sirius on the stairs leading to the entrance hall. « yes sir!»

« well then come on». they headed out the castle and towards the gates. « I told Dumbledore where we were and that we will send him an owl if we leave London, so he knows where to reach us» Sirius said as they were almost jogging down the path, both eager to set off.

The moment they passed the gates, they barely even stopped, Sirius threw his arms around her and they were gone. Had they lingered for even a second she would have heard Snape calling for her.

He came out of the castle just as they reached the gates. «SARAH!» he called for her, but they had already disapparated.

He had realised a second too late that she didnt tell him she was leaving with Sirius because she wanted to go. She had told him because she hoped he would stop her.

_« Severus you bloody fool! You had her within reach and you just let her go»._

ooo

* * *

ooo

Sarah and Sirius apparated to a small back alley, close to Grimmauld place.

As they were headed for his house, Sirius seemed almost giddy. « Oh we'll have so much fun! Just you wait and see» he said while opening the door and letting her in.

She wasnt sure what she had expected the house to be like in real life, but it was nothing like that.

Sure in a way it was clear that once this had been a house of grandeur and wealth. Sure you could see that Sirius had done what ever he could to make it liveable and warm again. The paint on the walls and carpets on the floors all seemed new. Too new, as if hardly anyone had walked on them since they were laid. The rooms were all full of light and decorated in warm, bright, vibrant tones, clearly an attempt to keep the darkness out.

Against all attempts to turn the house into a home, there was a deafening silence to it. A vast feeling of emptiness.

Sarah found herself thinking that even a ghosthouse would have a stronger presence, a clearer feeling that at least once there had been life here, but there was not so much as an echo of it. The huge house, was drowned in darkness and loneliness. She found herself looking around for a certain houseelf, but it soon became apparent that he wasnt there. There was no one there.

Only Sirius.

« Come on, I'll show you to your room», he said and lead her up the stairs. On their way, they passed the portrait of his mother. The curtains were drawn back, and the old lady was obviously yelling something, but there was no sound.

« it took seven simultaneous silencing charms to finally get her quiet», Sirius said in a little laugh, « it will have to do until I figure out how I can get the damn thing off the wall. When I painted the walls, I even tried simply painting over her, but it wouldnt stick...sometimes I stand here and annoy her. Saying things like 'whats that mother? You want me to marry a muggle? Well anything you say mother'. See, now she heard me and she is off again», he pointed at the painting.

True enough, the woman was pacing and screaming, kicking aside the chair she had been posing on. « Now, now Mrs. Black, thats not very ladylike is it?», Sarah teased her. This made her so furious she simply left the painting. Sirius laughed. « see, it's fun to annoy the old hag!».

ooo

They went to out to muggle London for dinner, seeing as all Sirius had in his pantry was various types of firewhisky, mustard and some mouldy bread he had forgotten to chuck out before coming to Hogwarts for the summer.

After dinner, Sarah suggested that they just head out into the streets and see where the wind takes them. Sirius completely agreed.

It was almost dark when they left the resturant. They flipped a coin to see if they would turn right or left and just walked, for hours. Just talking about all things and nothing. Sarah told him about the eight months she had lived and worked in London, before she got too restless and moved again.

« I do hope you dont feel that way about Hogwarts. If you left, it would never be the same place again. You would take all the fun with you» Sirius said. « I think Remus would loose his mind, he has grown very attached to you, he really does love you.»

« I love him too, he is the closest friend I've ever had», she said and meant it.

« not to mention that if you left, Snape would make hell on earth for those poor students, he would be so upset, he would probably even take points from Dumbledore», he said with a chuckle. « oh I'm not so sure about that», she protested and told him how she had given him one last chance to tell her if he wanted her, and he had just stood there and let her leave. « I dont think he would really care.» she said, « if I stayed or left».

Sirius could have argued with this, but did not. Instead he said, « and I would not miss you at all». She looked at him, « not even a little bit?. He shook his head.

« not even a drop, because if you ever decided to leave, I would come after you».

She hugged him, « you are so sweet! No wonder they say girls fall for you by the dozens».

Sirius looked around on the gound. « what girls? Where? I only see you, and you are standing. Who says that anyway?». « well Severus told me to watch out for you, that you would surely break my heart», she said in a laugh.

« I break your heart? No I think he meant to say that if anyone breaks your heart, I'll break their necks. Did he tell you this today?», he looked at her.

«oh no ages ago, after that first talk we had in the woods, that morning he saw us come out of your room and he thought we had spent the night together». « but we did spend the night together», Sirius said. « No he thought we had.. you know.. spent, the night, together...?».

A sudden realisation came to Sirius, «oooh... he did, did he?».

« he did and he was furious! Telling me that you would certainly break my heart, and that you were no good».

Sirius asked what she had said to this. « well I told him the truth, that I already knew you were no good, and that it would take more than unaturally good looks to make me fall», she gave him a smile.

« well one cant argue with the truth can one?», he said and pretended he was eyeing himself in a mirror. Sarah counted to three as she walked away from him, then... «hey, what do you mean you said you already knew I was no good?!», he pretended to be angry and set after her, « come here and I'll show you who's no good!»

She gave a scream of laughter and ran. They passed some muggles who looked at them, probably wondering what was going on.

They came to a winecellar, and went down. They shared a couple of bottles and headed back to grimmauld place. Even though Sarah had her own room, they both climbed into Sirius' bed. It felt nice sleeping next to eachother. Sirius' skin against hers did not give her the same burning sensation as Snapes felt. He just felt warm and comforting. They were not so much a man and a woman sleeping half naked next to eachother, they were just one and the same. She could never have shared a bed like this with any other man, just Sirius.

The following week they spent playing tourists, first in the wizard world, then in muggle London.

ooo

* * *

ooo

Back at Hogwarts, no one had ever seen Snape in a worse mood. It wasnt his usual bad temper, where he snapped and growled at everyone. He didnt snap or growl. He didnt say anything, and if asked something he would only grunt a yes or a no. They hardly saw him, he showed up for meals and barely even that.

« I saw him sitting down by the lake earlier today», Hagrid said when someone had wondered where he was. It was dinnertime, and he was not there, he had not showed up for lunch either.

« down by the lake? What was he doing there?»

« he wasnt doing anything, just sitting on a bench, staring at nothing», Hagrid replied.

« well, its obvious that he is not exactly happy that Sarah left with Sirius, isnt it? Did I not say that she would choose him. They are the perfect couple. Perfect!», Hooch said to the table.

A few heads nodded in agreement, but Hagrid said, « there is nothing like that going on between her and Sirius».

« then why would they all of a sudden run off together like that?», Sprout asked him. « What if they have eloped! Oh wouldnt that be romantic!», Pomfrey exclaimed, and the two women set off in their usual talks about weddings and babies. It seemed they didnt really care who got married as long as someone did, and soon.

ooo

Snape was missing Sarah like crazy. He could hardly breathe. The castle was so empty without her, without a head popping in on him down in the dungeons asking if he wanted company. She had only been gone a week, but it seemed like an eternity had passed since he last smelled her jasmine scented hair. He couldnt concentrate on anything.

He still had quite a few potions to make for Pomfreys stocks but without her, sitting on the table next to the cauldron, asking questions and taking notes. It just wasnt the same. He couldnt focus without her, all he could think about was the fact that she was not there. That he had lost her.

He even found himself sometimes staring out his underwater window for hours, one hand on the glass, hoping somehow she would come swimming up to it. He had to force himself not to constantly think about what she was doing. Alone with Sirius, in that house, but at night the images of them haunted him. He saw them everywhere, in every bedroom, on the floor, in the stairs. He couldnt even close his eyes without seeing a sickening image of them.

What bothered him most though was the fact that she had stood before him in his room, pleading with him to give her a single reason not to go._ « give me a reason, any reason to stay here with you and I wont go» _If he had just said it then, she would be here with him now.

ooo

Lupin came back to Hogwarts that night, and the next morning he was surprised to see that neither of his friends were there. In their haste to leave, they had forgotten to tell him about their plans.

« where are Sarah and Sirius?» He asked Snape first, but Snape didnt answer, just finished his coffee and left. Lupin turned his question to Dumbledore.

« the two of them found Hogwarts a bit boring without you, and decided to leave for London. I got an owl from them yesterday and it now seems that London was not sufficently fun and they have gone to Japan», Dumbledore told him. « Japan?! What are they doing there?» Lupin asked him.

« they neglected to mention that, but they'll be back here in a week and I'm sure they'll have lots to tell then».

« and whats up with him?», Lupin gestured towards where Snape had been sitting between them. « oh I dont think it's too hard to guess why he has such a dark cloud over his head. It's been there ever since she left».

ooo

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ooo

Sarah and Sirius were having dinner at the resturant where she had worked while living in London. She was telling him stories about her life in Tokyo, and how much she had loved it there.

« Let's go then!» he said. « what, you mean to Tokyo?» she asked. « yes, I'll arrange for a portkey tomorrow, and you can show me all the places you've been talking about» he said and gave a wink at the waitress who was eyeing him from the table next to them. « you think about it while I go to the restroom» he said and left the table.

As soon as he was out of sight the waitress came and sat down on his chair. Sarah knew her from when she had worked here. She was a few years older than Sarah, but they had always gotten along well. « Sarah, that one is absolutely gorgeous! where ever did you find him? Is it serious?», she whispered across the table.

« Jennifer, he is just a friend, or more a collegue actually», Sarah said, not finding the need to whisper. « where do you work now?», Jennifer asked. « I work at a school, as the m-... as an assistent to the social studies professor» This wasnt too much of a lie, Sarah figured.

« Is that him?», Jennifer asked eagerly. « Oh no, he is..», Sarah didnt quite know how to translate 'he substitutes the werewolf that teaches defence against the dark arts while waiting for the astronomy professor to retire', so she just said, « he teaches self defence».

«ooh that does explain his perfect body, did you see those buns? I would love to just..». Jennifer made a biting motion in the air. Sarah had too laugh, in four years Jennifer had not changed a bit. « hello ladies», Sirius said. « Sirius, meet Jennifer. We used to work here together, and we were just catching up» Sarah said.

Jennifer got up to give Sirius his chair back and Sirius took her hand and kissed it, saying, « Pleasure to meet you Jennifer». This made Jennifer red as a tomato and she could not stop grinning.

« why dont I bring you two dessert on the house», she said and went to the kitchens. « your charm does come in handy sometimes», Sarah raised her wineglass at him. « well its nice to know this old dog, still has it in him», Sirius raised his to her.

ooo

Jennifer returned from the kitchen with two gigantic slices of chocolategateau, drenched in warm chocolatesauce. « the house speciality on the house, for my old friend, and for my new», she winked at Sirius whilst setting the plate in front of him. She then gave Sarahs shoulder a not so discrete squeeze as she passed her. « Charm her anymore and she'll kidnap you back to her place», Sarah teased in a whisper.

The chocolategateau was as rich and fantastic as Sarah remembered. Even Sirius was nodding with every bite, saying « Oh yeah, this has got to be the best thing I have ever tasted!»

Sarah didnt tell him that she used work here as the assistent to the pastry chef, and that the cake was infact one of her recipes. « I know how to make it, if you should ever crave it again», she merely said.

« So have you thought about it?», he said in between bites of cake. « tokyo? Well I say lets go for it!», she exclaimed then ate her last piece of cake.

ooo

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ooo

The staff was just sitting down to have breakfast, when a huge owl flew in through the window and dropped a letter in Lupins lap. It took a piece of fruit in its beak and took off again.

«It's from Sarah and Sirius!», he announced.

« well read it!». This was Pomfrey, who was very eager to get some new gossip.

Lupin opened the envelope, it was a picture of the two of them. He turned it around and read the letter on the back of it.

_« Dearest Remus. Sorry we ran off without telling you, but you know us. We got restless. We are going to a dragon colony in Wakkanai on friday, since Sarah has never seen live dragons. After that we are headed for Edinborough, to get something. Thats a surprise, so dont ask, and we'll be back at old hoggy Hogwarts on sunday. Sarah sends all her love to everyone and says to tell you that this is the best damn honeymoon ever! I must say I agree. All our love, mr and mrs Black.»_

Snape was sitting opposite Lupin and as he read the letter outloud, Snape could see the photo of Sarah and Sirius. She had her hands full of bags and parcels and he was hugging her so hard that he lifted her off the ground. They were beaming at eachother, and looked completely happy.

It broke his heart.

It was Pomfrey who pulled him out of his thoughts when she exclaimed, « are you telling me they got MARRIED!?».

Most around the table reacted the same way. « I dont know» Lupin said, « it says that they're on honeymoon, but that is probably a joke! Sarah dosent love Sirius, she...» Lupins eyes met Snapes.« well she dosent love Sirius! I mean of course they love eachother, but they are not IN love!», but no one around the table seemed to be listening to him. « I cant believe they got married!» Sprout said full of excitement. « Did I not tell you that they were the perfect couple? Made for eachother, they are. Absolutely made for eachother», Hooch exclaimed, happy that she had been right all along.

Snape did not say a word. He kept looking at the picture still in Lupins hands. Finally he quietly got up and left the staff room. The picture was passed around and between comments of how happy and radiant they looked, no one noticed that Snape had left.

ooo

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ooo

The next morning Sirius had arranged for a portkey to take them to Japan that night. Sarah had once again packed her bag and was waiting for him in the kitchen.

On the table there was a tattered old newspaper, this was their portkey. Sarah was greatly amused by this. « I've never traveled by newspaper before», she told Sirius as he came into the kitchen. He too had packed a small rucksack, which without a doubt contained much more than it seemed to fit.

The newpaper startet glowing, « well time to go», Sirius said. He took her hand and both of them put their other hand on the newspaper. Something hooked her navle and she was dragged into a spin. Spinning and spinning until suddenly the hook let go, and she felt herself falling. Her hand slipped out of Sirius' and she landed on the hard ground with a loud thump! « are you alright?»

Sirius was standing over her. He was used to portkeys, and had soared gracefully to the ground.

She was lying on her back, in what seemed like a mudpuddle, because she felt something moist making its way through her jeans. « ouch!» she said, not moving an inch. « why didnt you warn me there would be a rough landing ahead?» she held out her hand, he took it and pulled her up.

Then he started laughing, «your bums all covered in cowdung!». She looked at the spot she had landed, right on top of a steaming pile dung. « great! Now I'm covered in fresh shit!» She gave a sigh of frustration. « not to worry, your knight in shining armour is here!» Sirius said and aimed a powerful cleaning charm at her bakside.

They walked along a small courtyside road, until they came upon a young girl. Judging by her clothes, the portkey- agent had arranged for them to convinently land in wizarding Japan.

To Sirius' amazement and amusement, Sarah stopped the girl, and started speaking japanese. Sirius just stood there for a while watching the two witches rambling on in, what was to his ears, rapid jibber-jabber.

Finally Sarah turned to him to explain. « Obviously, we are not in Tokyo, but in a wizarding village not too far away. She is going to take us to a ryokan, and we can use that as headquarters and journey on from there.» she then turned to the witch said someting and gave her a slight bow. « you too», she said through clenched teeth to Sirius, who mimicked Sarah by putting his palms together and bowing his head.

The girl led them into the town, and to a traditional style inn. The girl said goodbye and skipped off down the street, while Sarah and Sirius went in.

ooo

Again Sarah took control and went straight to the man standing in the reception. Again Sirus watched as the two engaged in rapid conversation.

The receptionist looked from Sirius to Sarah and said something to her. Sarah turned to look at Sirius and winked at him, before turning back to the receptionist and nodding. She said something which made him break into a smile and congratulate Sirius.

As he didnt understand what had been said, and why he was being congratulated, he simply smiled and thanked the man.

The receptionist called for a woman and sent her off to prepare a room for them. It didnt take long before she came back and escorted them to the room.

Sirius noticed that before going in, Sarah took her shoes off, again he followed her lead.

After a few more bows and courtesy phrases, they were finally alone. « I can see why you love it here», he said examining the sliding paper doors and windows, the tatami mat on the floor, the low table, which had a steaming tea pot and two cups waiting for them.

The sight of the teapot and cups, reminded her of the night Snape came to get her. She shook the thought out of her head, _«I will NOT miss him!»_

They sat down on the custions to have tea and plan a bit further. The reseptionist had given them a map of Japan, but it was no ordinary map, it showed Japan yes, but instead of railwaystations, and busstops. It had marked out pure wizaring areas and towns, and places where it was safe to apparate and disapparate unnoticed in the muggle areas, and if you wanted a closer view of an area, you just needed to read the name, and it would zoom in.

« why did he congratulate me?», Sirius suddenly remembered to ask. Sarah smirked at him.  
« well... he asked if we were a couple, and I might have lead him to believe that we were on our honeymoon...».

«why?», he asked in a laugh. Sarah shrugged her shoulders. « I dont know, it just fell out of me...».

Sirius made a solemn face, and conjured up two rings with his wand. « if we are pretending to be married, we need rings dont we? I'm not going to have them talk behind my back and say that I'm too cheap to buy you a ring».

She laughed. « Sirius I really dont think..», but he shooshed her and with an air of deep formality he said, « Sarah Kessler, will you take this ring and be my fake wife for as long as we are in Japan?»

She went along and held out her hand saying, « I do».

He made a big deal of putting the ring on her finger, and it actually fit perfectly. It was now her turn, she made her voice very solemn and said, « Sirius Black, will you take this ring and stand by me as my fake husband, through apparations and disapparation until a portkey does us part?»

He supressed a laugh and said, « Indeed I do!»

She put the ring on his finger and said, « I now announce us fake husband and pretend wife. You may _not_ kiss your bride!»

They laughed for a while before Sirius said, « Now? Where do we go first mrs. Black?».

ooo

The first day Sarah took him around the old neighbourhood where she had lived in. She dragged him along to all the old spots she used to hang out in. He was all too eager to come along. They stopped to have lunch in a small ramen-shop not too far from where Sarahs old apartment was. The old man behind the counter remembered Sarah, she had after all had lunch there nearly every day for over a year. He handed them two huge bowls of beef ramen. «Do as I do» Sarah whispered and she put her palms together and said « itadakimasu!» before devoting herself utterly and somewhat noisly to her bowl.

After lunch they went to an all wizarding area of tokyo to do some shopping. « ...and we need something for Remus. Oh no! Did you tell Remus we were leaving Hogwarts?». Sirius shook his head. « I didnt either, he is coming back today, expecting to see us bored out of our wits without him. If we had told him, he could have come and joined us!», Sarah said.

Sirius put his arms around her, « I guess, but isnt it nice being just us?». She gave him a smile and wiggled out of his hold. « I guess...», she said while examining a kimono robe.

She was still looking around in the kimono-shop. There were hundreds of different colors and patterns to choose from. « you know.. I didnt much like you at first..» she said to Sirius, who had disappeared behind a mountain of fabric. « how come?», his voice said from behind the stacks of silk. « I thought you were a bit arrogant and well, cocky... not to be trusted, specially not after the broom disaster », she said earnestly.

Sirius came over to her, «what changed your mind about me?».

« well, after we spent that first day alone together. You really talked to me, and I saw the real you. The person behind the act. And him, well.. him I love», she looked up at Sirius. « you know I love you too» he said to her. She nodded, and he kissed her forehead.

Sarah went off to pay for what had to be half the shop, when she saw a beautiful kimono on display in a glasscase behind the counter. The emerald green silk, shone like real emeralds. It had silver trimmings on the edge of the sleeves and the bottom hem, and there were black and silver dragons embroidered all over it. It cost twice as much as anything else in the shop.

« thats handwoven silk, and real silverthread. It's all done completely by hand, No magic», the shopekeeper explained to her. « it's quite uniqe. I only made the one before I decided it just took too much time without magic, and the price becomes too high».

Sarah nodded still in awe. It was expensive. It cost more than she made in a month, and if she included all the other robes she wanted, it would be nearly twice that.

« dont you want something a little less... Slytherin..?». Sirius had come to the counter now, and was making a face at her.

« it is not Slytherin just because it's green and silver», she muttered while mentally calculating wether she could afford it or not. « It's got snakes on it!», Sirius protested. « how about that red one?». He pointed to a very pretty set displayed in the shop window.

« it's dragons, and I am not wearing red. Who am I? Santa Clause?», she said, rather annoyed at the childish protest, and almost just to spite him, she cast all budgets to the wind.

« I'll take it!», she said in japanese to the shopkeeper who was now grinning from ear to ear.

« I still say it's too Slytherin...», Sirius muttered and pouted like a spoiled little child who did get his way for once. Sarah rolled her eyes at him. This part of Sirius she could live without and never miss.

« You know what Sirius, that is the single most beautiful item of clothing I have ever seen. If wearing it makes me a Slytherin, then call me Salazar!», she snapped, handed half the contents in her moneybag to the shopkeeper, took parcels and left the store. Sirius followed, looking rather sheepish.

ooo

« are we all set now? Let's go to the owlery and send the parcels to your family, and lets send a letter for Remus, so he doesnt think we've forgotten all about him».

They went to the nearest owl office. On the way the passed a man who was taking instant pictures of people for a small fee.

« Lets take one», Sirius said and pulled her with him. « oh im not so sure, I dont really like being photographed» she protested, but it was no use. Just as the flash went off Sirius hugged her and lifted her off the ground. She laughed out loud, «let me down!».

They looked at the picture, and there frozen in time was Sirius hugging her off the ground and putting her back down. Both of them were laughing and the Sirius in the photo picked Sarah up again and this time he twirled her around. « thats a very good picture, let's send it to Remus», Sirius said.

They spent two more days in tokyo, where Sirius was introduced to sushi, sake and karaoke. After that they set off to explore the wizarding part of Japan, the hot springs and they even had a picnic on top of mount Fuji. Getting up there was of course no problem, as they simply apparated.

That week in Japan was probably the best time the both of them had had in years.

ooo

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Chapter twelve: What was it that changed Sarahs mind about Sirius? Why did he go from someone she could barely stand to someone she trusted with her deepest secret? And what exactly is this secret? Stay tuned.

ooo

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_GAH! pleeeeeeaaaaase review!! If you do.. me love you loooong time! XD_

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	12. Sarah and Sirius

_My story, not my characters...jadda..jadda.. you know the drill.._

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**Authors notes:** thanks to a quick beta, I got this up quickly.. more to come in following days..!

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ooo

**Chapter twelve: Sarah and Sirius**

ooo

Sarah gave Snape a kiss on the cheek, transformed, and set off after Sirius. _« Why is he so angry? I can feel he is angry with me, but why?»_ she was thinking while trying not to outrun Sirius.

They ran side by side, through the forest, until they came to a clearing. Sirius came to an abrupt stop and changed back into human form. « Let's rest here» he told Sarah, and she changed too.

« Do you think Remus is ok? He seemed in a terrible state when we went to see him..» Sarah asked Sirius, while sitting down on her cloak. « He'll be fine. He's been doing this all his life.» Sirius said and sat down next to her. « So I still can't believe that you are an animagus!» he exclaimed to the trees.

He sounded his usual self, but as he came to sit with her, he did not feel at all like he used to. She turned to look at him with curious eyes. He felt so different than the cool breeze that was his essense. If the sensation had been a scent, she would have thought something had died, and was rotting away. Yet it was alluring somehow, for it was so strong, emitting from him in waves.

« It's not that big a deal! You make it sound like I discovered a cure for werewolf bites or something.» Sarah said. She didn't like all this commotion about how amazing it was that she was an animagus. Had not Sirius been the one to tell her that it was a common thing - something many people were - and now he was making such a big deal of it. It bothered her, and it bothered her even more that as an metamorphmagus, it had been expected that she master it within one- two months, yet it had taken her nearly twice that. She was embarassed by that, and him sounding so amazed, made her feel that he had never thought she could do it. She changed the subject, and wondered when he would start talking about the feeling that was growing inside him like a tumor.

Sirius didn't. He went on and on about random things. He joked around like he always did. He laughed and teased. She went along with his banter for a while, ignoring the pink dragon between them, until the feeling was so strong. Until she could feel it so well, she could actually smell the foul decay burn her nostrils.

«STOP IT!», she cried suddenly, ruining the punchline of his story. He looked at her questioningly.

« Stop faking! Stop pretending! Just let it out, before it chokes the both of us...», she said in a subdued voice. He looked shocked for a slight second, before remembering that hiding it from her might not be as easy as hiding it from everyone else.

She got up and kneeled infront of him so she could look into his eyes. He looked away, knowing what she was doing. « I can't tell you about the war», he said, and sounded angry.

« I don't want to know about the war. I want to know about you» All light faded from Sirius' face. In an instant he looked like an old tired man.

« Is it really as horrible as they say it is? Dementors and all that?» she asked him. « Yes it is», he said in a same slow indifferent voice.

ooo

He had never talked about Azkaban, not with anyone. Yet now he suddenly felt an urge to tell her, tell her everything. « No, it's nothing like what they say it is. No outsider can ever understand the true horror that is Azkaban», he got up and started pacing around her, trying to find words that would describe even remotely what it felt like.

«The horror of Azkaban is not that you are imprisoned and shut out from the world. It's not the dementors either. It is the fact that you are not so much imprisoned by walls, but by your own pain and suffering. You wake up every day with the worst feeling of emptiness, you go through the day feeling empty, the food tastes like nothing, and everything is just grey. A mist of sadness and anguish covers that place. You feel nothing, absolutely nothing. It's like they have already taken your soul and you are but an empty shell. Dry and meaningless, ready to be crushed at any moment. You go to bed every night feeling empty and isolated and-». «-all you pray is that you never wake up again...», Sarah interrupted, not really meaning to, she was looking out into the trees. A dazed look in her eyes, as if she was daydreaming.

« Yes! That's just what I was going to say» Sirius said surprised. « your senses are really growing strong Sarah.»

She kept her eyes towards the trees, not wanting to look at Sirius. « I don't know how you feel because I can read your emotions. I know how you feel because I was trapped in that same prison for years». Her voice was cold and bitter. Her eyes still focusing on a treetrunk far into the forest.

«You were?» he asked, not really believing that a girl like Sarah, so vivid and full of life, could ever have felt such pain, « will you tell me?». She didn't answer this, instead she told him the one thing she had never told anyone, « When I was growing up, I was best friends with the boy living across from us in our street. His name was Leonard. We were the same age, and we went to the same school. I can't tell you how we got to know eachother, because I can't remember. We were friends almost since the day we were born. Darius, Leonard, and I».

«Who's Darius?», Sirius pondered outloud but mostly to him self. « Darius was my twin. He died when we were eight. I can tell you that story another day», Sarah replied.

« After we lost Darius, Leo and I became inseparable. We were joined at the hip almost. Hanging together from breakfast til bedtime. I guess it was a natural progression. First we were best friends, then best friends who practised kissing on each other, and then best friends who didn't want to kiss anyone but each other. I loved him, I really did».

ooo

Sarah paused and took a deep breath. She fished out a pack of cigarettes from her robe pocket and lit it by tapping the end with the tip of her wand. She had done the spell so many times by now that she barely even had to think the words. « He would have hated that I started to smoke...», she whispered to the wind.

Sirius sat down in the damp grass in front of her, but Sarah looked beyond him, still at that random trunk. _«What happened Sarah?»_

She glanced at him once, and answered his question as if he had said it out loud.

« After graduation, my dream was to go to Japan, while he had been accepted to the academy of arts in Paris. It didn't pose much of a problem really. We kept in touch in every possible way, but after a little over a year, I'd had enough. I packed up and moved to Paris. For a few months, it was bliss. He studied his art, and I took french lessons and went to culinary school. I already had three years of culinary training from back home, so I only needed one year to graduate. Sirius. It was heaven. All my life I have felt out of place, and struggled to find somewhere I belonged. The exception before I came here, was that time with him in Paris. I felt I had finally found my place, my life. And then I got pregnant. It wasn't planned of course, we were only twenty, but he was thrilled. He was always more mature than me. So ready to settle down. We waited until my first trimester had passed, and then we were flying home to tell our parent´s the news in person».

As Sarah paused to lit a second cigarette with her first one, Sirius looked at her without a word. Tears were streaming down her face the whole time, yet her voice remained calm, and icy. Almost hateful. With what felt like a kick in the chest, he realised where this story was going, and why she was referring to Leonard in the past tense.

« It was Febuary and the roads were icy. I don't remember much. Nothing at all actually. We were on our way to the airport. The car slid on some ice probably. It got out of control, and I woke up five days later in the hospital. Alone. Well, my grandfather was there, but Leo was gone and so was my daugh-». Sarahs voice failed her.

She drew strength from the deepest corners of her soul to be able to carry on. « There were... complications. So I can never have children. My whole newfound purpose in life was ripped from me in an instant. He had left me and took with him my heart and my sanity». She hid her head in her arms and began quietly sobbing.

« Sarah...» Sirius had no words. All he could do was hold her.

« So when you speak of feeling nothing, Sirius, of having your soul sucked out and left as an empty shell. I have felt that too. I spent seven years like that. Completely empty. I know what it is like when the world has lost all color and sound. When whatever little food you manage to eat, tastes like nothing. You sleep, but you don't really sleep. Days merely turn into nights, then back into days. But you barely notice it. You are trapped and isolated from the world, but not by walls and bars, but by your own hopelessness. Your own desperate longing for the world to end».

Sirius was crying now, for her and for himself. « I never thought you of all people would understand the agony of it. You don't deserve to feel such pain. It's too unfair!» he said bitterly. « That's what kills us isn't it, the randomness. It is just not fair!» Sarah cried into the woods.

They talked for hours, both of them being able to express their pain for the first time in their lives.

ooo

« I can't talk about these things with anyone else», Sirius said. « You see it in their eyes. Ever since I escaped Azkaban, they look at me, as if they are expecting me to break apart. Like I am some fragile porcelain figurine held together by the weakest of glues. Even during the w-», he fell silent and drew a deep breath, « even during the war, I was treated like a three year old, who needed to be protected from what was going on. Always whispering behind my back. 'don't tell him', 'he won't handle it', 'keep Sirius out of it'. If I am the old Sirius, the one they remember from before all this happened, at least they can treat me like a normal person. That's the Sirius they handle».

« It is easier not to tell them. I have never said a word about it to my family. It's easier without them gawking at you. As if they are expecting you to fall apart every second. I never told them that I had been pregnant. Can you imagine how they would treat me if they knew. Just like you said. Like I was held together by the weakest of glues...», Sarah sighed. « It was bad enough after I came home. I know exactly what you mean. They kept whispering about me, thinking I couldn't hear them. I left as soon as I could. Back to France, graduated, then moved to Oslo. A city I grew tired of far too quickly».

« At least you handle it better than me. I constantly feel as if I am drowning», Sirius muttered.

« Handle it better than you? Who said I handled it at all?», Sarah pulled up her sleeves, and with a little effort she revealed the hideous scars on her forearms.

« Sarah...», Sirius exclaimed, « it looks like you were mauled by a lion...». Tears glittered in his eyes as he kissed her scars and wrapped his arms around her.

«After that I just became numb...», Sarah muttered into Sirius' hair. « Our own personal hell..», Sirius muttered back, « even though it's been years, and the physical wounds have healed, no matter how much I laugh, or how truly happy I am... there is still-». «-a part of your soul that the light won't reach, that remains dead and cold», she had finished his sentence now.

« Yes, exactly» he said, and kissed her cheek.

ooo

They sat in silence for a while, then she said, « Will this be our secret? I don't want people here to know about my past ». He kissed the palm of her hand, « this will be just between you and me».

She got up now, not having the strength to talk about it anymore, « Are you leaving for London today?». He got up too, « Yes, I have things to do, will you follow me to the gate?».

She took his hand and they didn't transform, but walked back taking their time. As they were walking back, Sirius got up the courage to say something he had been biting back for hours. « You know... Magical healing is far, far more advanced than what muggles can do. If you went to a healer, I mean... it might not take more than a spell or a potion to heal you. So you can have-» « I know that, Sirius. I know that, but... not yet», she whispered.

Outside the gate, he wiped a tear of her cheek, « I'll miss you, will you write to me?».

« I will, might even floo you later today» she said, and he hugged her so hard he lifted her off the ground. Then he kissed her on the forehead and disapparated.

She headed back to the castle. She saw Snape heading back into the entrance hall. « Severus! Wait!», she called and ran after him. She caught up with him when he was halfway up the stairs.

« Shall we have that talk now?» she said, her eyes still red and gleaming with sadness.

ooo

* * *

ooo

« Sarah! Can you help me with this wretched thing?» Sirius said frustrated. « You still can't do it? After four days?» she came over and helped him tie the sash around his kimono.

They were getting ready for bed, and putting on the simple sleeping robes provided by the inn. Sirius and Sarah had had fair amounts of sake and his coordination was not at it's peak. As she was tying the sash for him, he said nothing. Just looked at her.

« There! That's not too tight is it?» she asked, and looked at him. He didn't say anything, but pulled her towards him and kissed her.

She kissed him back, it felt good and safe. He held her tight against him, and she had her arms around his neck. His lips were soft and warm, and the kiss tender, but there was something that felt off. Something that did not feel right. She pulled back with a careful smile. Sirius still didn't say anything, but returned her smile.

They lied down in the futon they shared, and she crept into his arms. He was strong and it felt like home. They did not kiss again.

« Sarah? I love you. In a perfect world, I would have proposed to you for real» Sirius said softly. He kissed her hair, pulled her even closer, and they went to sleep.

ooo

The next morning Sirius woke up as Sarah was pouring tea for them. They were leaving for the dragon colony today, and she was too excited to sleep anymore. « I put a wake-up charm on you. Figured we could do with an early start.» she said to him, as he got up. He went to wash up, then came and sat down beside her. She was talking about how she was looking forward to going to see the dragons. He took her hand and she fell silent.

« I am not some prize in a contest, Sirius», she said, refusing to look at him. « I know that. I was not trying to make you choose me over _him_. I meant what I said last night. I love you, more than I've ever loved a woman, but the world isn't perfect. I'm too damaged, too broken to be able too..» he said, « if I had only met you before...before all of that... when I was young and carefree. I would have claimed you as mine and never let you go. Regardless of you feeling the same way or not. I feel that there is a bond between us, unbreakable and eternal, something more than friendship. I feel we belong together, even if it's not as lovers. I feel it goes deeper than that. Like we each have one half of the same soul».

« You know what Sirius? Maybe we do, but I feel we need each others friendship a lot more than we need to be a couple. You make me feel whole again, and I can't imagine living my life without you as a part of it.» Sarah said to him, and kissed his cheek. « I know what you mean.» he said and kissed her gently on the lips. She smiled at him, and said « Come on! The dragons are waiting!»

ooo

* * *

Chapter thirteen: Coming Home. 

So now that they have had their fun, Sarah and Sirius return to Hogwarts, but will things be the same as before she left?

* * *


	13. Coming Home

_ah...to hell with disclaimers!_

* * *

**Authors notes:** _Now I know some of you didnt approve of my last chapter, but I promise you it sets important foundation for future events, and when you read thoose chapters... you will think back at chapter 12 and be happy that they /did/ connect._

* * *

**chapter thirteen: Coming home**

* * *

ooo

* * *

Since Lupin got the letter from Sarah, Snape had not slept, eaten, or done anything but stare blankly ahead of him. He would lie in bed and stare at the ceiling. He would go to the bathroom to shower, but instead he would just stare at his own reflection. He would stand in front of his window and stare into the dark depts of the lake.

He had been on top of the astronomy tower all day sunday, perched on the ledge, staring out at the view, but not really seeing it.

All he saw was the picture of Sarah and Sirius. How happy they looked, laughing together. He could see the love in Sirius' eyes. The same love that he felt, but had been too scared of showing. He didnt even think about the fact that they might be married. That was too much for his heart to be able to even imagine. « Severus?» a voice said behind him, but he didnt bother turn around to see who it was.

It was in fact Lupin, who had seen him go up to the astronomy tower early that morning, and since he had not seen him since, he was actually worried about him. « Severus, she has not married him», he said, knowing well what was bothering Snape. He still did not respond to Lupin.

« will you listen to me, Severus! It's not Sirius she loves.» Lupin put his hand on Snapes shoulder.

« Leave me alone, _Moony_!» he said through clenched teeth. « I will, but I'll say this first. Sarah is not in love with Sirius.» Lupin said and left.

Snape desperately wanted to listen to Lupin, but decades of anger and bitterness refused to let him believe the werewolfs words.

ooo

It was almost dark now, and from a distance he could hear the unmistakable roar of an engine. A light was coming up the road towards the Hogwarts gates. He saw the two figures on the motorcycle and knew at once who it was. It was them. They had returned. The motorbike stopped right outside the entrance hall. He could see now that Sarah was driving and Sirius was sitting behind her.

Lupin came out to greet them, and Sarah almost jumped off the bike and into his arms. She had her legs around his waist and her arms around his neck. He could hear Lupin laugh and say, « I missed you too little sister!». He then put her down and gave Sirius a hug.

« Do we have a lot to tell you!», he heard Sarah say, before they dissappeared into the entrance hall. Snape was now caught between not wanting to see the 'happy couple' and desperately needing to see Sarah. He decided to go see her.

The staff had crowded around them. Snape had just stepped down from the last step when he heard Mcgonagall exclaim, « Sarah! is that...is that a ring on your finger?!». He did not stop, but turned and continued down the stairs to the dungeons. On his way to his room he slammed every single door he passed.

Had he gone to join the crowd, he would have heard Sarah and Sirius explain about the pretend marriage, and the fake rings

ooo

Sarah was all too eager to come back home. The past two days had been so exciting and she couldnt wait to tell Lupin all about it. She had missed him an awful lot, and even though she refused to admit it to herself, she missed Snape even more. They had portkeyd from Wakkanai to Edinborough to get Sirius' new bike. They would have reached Hogwarts a day earlier, but Sarah had insited they drive the bike, instead of flying it.

« sometimes the journey itself is half the experience», she had said to Sirius in a very philosophical tone. In the end he agreed that it had been fun to drive. They hadnt seen or done anything special on their trip from Edinborough to Hogwarts, but just the experience of the two of them on the road had been fun. Sirius had let her drive, and was rather surprised that behind the handlebars she turned into a speed freak. She almost scared him at times, going so fast that the countryside was but a blur. Finally at dusk they saw the tall towers of Hogwarts. « we're home!», she had cried out, not really caring if he could hear her or not.

As she pulled up to the castle, Lupin came out of the entrance hall. She had barely turned off the bike, before she jumped at him, flinging her legs and arms around him. « Oh Remus, I have missed you so much!» she said kissing both his cheeks and forehead. He gave her a good squeeze and laughed, « I missed you too little sister!» and kissed her before putting her down and hugging Sirius. « how was Argentina?» Sirius asked him. « Argentina? Screw Argentina! How was your trip?», Lupin said. Sarah laughed. «do we have alot to tell you!» she exclaimed as they were heading in to the entrance hall.

The staff was having dinner when they heard the engineroar of the motorcycle. As Sarah and Sirius came into the hall, they all came down to greet them, eager to see if they really had gotten married. They were showered with hugs and in the mids of all the commotion, Sarah spotted Snape heading down the stairs. Her heart nearly lept out of her chest, and it was all she could do to stop herself from running up to him and throwing herself into his arms. Mcgonagall noticed the ring she still had on her finger, and nearly screamed.

When Sarah looked back to the stairs, Snape was gone. _«so you didnt even bother saying hello...», _Sarah thought bitterly while Sirius was explaining about their so-called honeymoon.

They were led into the staff room. They had been traveling all day and they were hungry. They had brought gifts for everyone. For Dumbledore they had three bottles of the best vintage sake. He wiped a small tear and said that he had not had sake for half a lifetime, and gave them both a hug. They passed around all the gifts and recieved all their hugs. Finally Sarah annouced that she was utterly exhausted and excused herself from the table. Lupin and Sirius followed.

ooo

In Sarahs room, she started unpacking and withdrew three large boxes from her bag. They were sitting in her bedroom, as the living room was still empty and unfinished.

The first she didnt open, simply put in her closet. The second she gave to Lupin, she had bought him a whole collection of books on dark creatures in Asia, something she knew his personal library lacked. « Now you only need to complete the section on Africa», she told him as he opened the box. He was thrilled. Giving her another crushing hug, and thanking her.

« whats in that one?», he asked and pointed to the third box. Sarah didnt answer, but called for a houseelf, gave her the box along with instructions on where she must place it.

« oh.. for him!» Lupin said knowingly. Sarah said nothing, she was still very hurt that he had just walked passed them in the entrance hall and not even cared that she was back.

Sarah, Sirius and Lupin spent half the night telling eachother about their trips. Lupin told them about the vampires he had gone to study in Argentina, and they told him about London, and Jennifer, about karaoke, and the dragoncolony. None of them mentioned the kiss or the talk they had the day after. This too was something only between the two of them.

« so when did you decide to get a new bike?» Lupin asked Sirius. « I had been whining to Sarah a few times that I missed having a motorbike, and while in London, she finally smacked me upside the head and told me to stop complaining and buy a damn bike. I got it the same place I got the old one», Sirius answered. « you mean that insane old wizard in Edinborough? Is he still alive?» Lupin laughed. « he must be three hundred years old!». They both laughed.

Sarah wanted to talk more, but was really tired, so she stretched out on the bed and fell asleep. The two guys pulled the covers over her and went off to their own rooms, to continue the conversation.

ooo

* * *

ooo

Snape was lying in his bed staring at the ceiling. Sabine curled up next to him. He heard a loud crack out in the room, and another one immidately after. _«what are the houseelves up to?», he thought and got up to see what was going on. A houseelf had left a large box on the coffeetable. It was wrapped in silver and had a green ribbon tied around it._

He opened the box. Inside there was a letter, two smaller boxes and two large bottles. He looked at the boxes. One contained dozens of small bundles of white fur and the other hundreds of small shimmering white scales. The largest bottle was full of a deep blue liquid, thick and bloodlike and the other bottle a clear liquid, that to an untrained eye could have been sparkling water. He finally opened the letter.

_« Severus. You wont believe what they had at the dragoncolony in Wakkanai. A Siberian Icebreather! Did you know that there are only five of those in the whole world? Who am I kidding! Of course you know! Well, anyway after a long discussion with the dragoncharmer, I managed to persuade him to give me some fur, scales and blood from his dragon. I knew you didnt have it in your stock and figured 'how often does one come by such rarites?'. Silly me couldnt keep from smelling the bottle and as you might have guessed, it ended in me coughing ice for the rest of the day. I even have a bottle of dragontears for you. How did I get her tears? Easy, I broke her heart. Sarah.»_

ooo

* * *

ooo

The next morning Snape came late for breakfast. Most had been there and left. In fact when he came into the staffroom, the only people there were the 'Knitters', who had ganged up around Sarah in one of the larger sofas.

Sarah had knitting needles in her hands, and Pince was teaching her how to use them. As soon as he walked in she gave him a pained, pleading look. He stepped up at once. « Sarah!», he said angrily, « you said you were coming down to help me today. Did you forget?!».

« Oh my, I must have forgotten», she said as her face broke into a relieved smile. « I am sorry ladies, I did promise Severus I would help him». She got up, and the 'Knitters' looked thouroughly disappointed, but did not protest. Snape led her out of the staffroom, and when outside she hugged him in gratitude.

« They were interogating me, and I couldnt think of a way to get out of there without being rude. They were trying to make me one of them», she said in an ominus voice.

Snape chuckled, « Dont worry. I will never let them turn you into a 'Knitter'». As he said this, his spotted the ring she was wearing. It wasnt on her left ringfinger, where custom claimed one would wear a wedding band, but on her right. His smile faded, and he wanted to ask her if it meant that she wasnt married, or if it was just her and Sirius going their own way as usual.

« you werent at dinner yesterday...», Sarah asked carefully, feeling the change in atmosphere, « I had alot I wanted to tell you...». Snape snorted. _« i can imagine»_

« I was busy. I am working on something new, and it needs my full attention», he lied, and started to walk away. «wait!», Sarah called and jogged after him. « Can I help? We already said I was helping you today, and I do want to talk to you. I have a few funny stories, and some exciting ones...».

« I said, I am busy!», he snarled and picked up his pace.

Sarah stopped and shoot him an offended look, before heading off in the opposite direction, not really sure where she was going. It was the first time ever he had said he was too busy for her.

ooo

* * *

ooo

Days passed without a word being uttered between Sarah and Snape. In fact they didnt even see eachother. Snape refused to leave his domain, and Sarah refused to venture anywhere near it.

She would spend as much time as possible outside the castle, swimming with Sirius and Lupin or roaming the more familiar parts of the forest. A place she was certain that the risk of running into the Potions Master was minimal. She would prefer to do this alone, but there was always a certain black dog running beside her. Even times where she had expressedly said that she wanted to be alone, she could sense him trailing her, staying out of sight, but close enough.

She supposed she should feel grateful. It was a sweet thing to do, protecting her like this, but it was annoying the hell out of her.

ooo

* * *

ooo

« You got the gillyweed?» Lupin asked.

It was an exceptionally hot august day, and Sarahs birthday. It was too hot to do anything but go swimming. Sarah had ordered a whole batch of gillyweed for their own personal use, so they would not need borrow from Snape. She still had not spoken to him.

« right here, sirs!» she said and handed them each a handful of the foul looking slimy weed.

She swallowed her own handful and dove into the water. It was sweet relief to be submerged like this. All sound was blocked out, except the occational singing from the merpeople and random thoughts from the giant squid. Usually when they went diving, she would keep to the far ends of the lake. Away from the cliff wall where Snapes window was. Today however she was swimming alongside a mermaid, talking to her the way she talked to all magical creatures, when they unintentionally came by Snapes window.

* * *

Snape was sitting in his windowseat, like he so often did these days. He was holding a book, but hadnt read a word for hours. He had his knees to his chest, and his chin resting on them. Unknown to most this was the standard Snape 'thinking-position', which he unknowingly curled into whenever he had a lot on his mind. Which was often. He was looking out the window, and kept telling himself that it was because view out into the calm lake helpt clear his head.

But the truth was that he sat there almost every day, hoping to catch a glimpse of her. He knew that she had bought quite a large order of gillyweed, and that she, Sirius and Lupin now spent a couple of hours each day, exploring the depts of the great lake.

He never saw her though, as she intentionally kept as far away as she could from where she knew his window was. Today he was again sitting here, deep in his thoughts and longing, when she slowly drifted by, on her back in the water, her long legs slowly paddling her forward, busy conversing with a mermaid.

She was wearing that same black bikini, and her hair floating around her. In his sheer joy of actually seeing her, he forgot that they werent really speaking to eachother anymore, and pounded on the window.

* * *

Sarah felt the vibration in the water, and looked around. She was only a few metres away from Snapes window, and there he was pounding on it to get her attention. She too was so happy to see him, that for a moment she too forgot that they werent on the best of terms. She swam up to the window and again she put her left hand over his right, with only the glass between them. She smiled at him, she missed him so much. All she wanted to do was to get through the glass somehow. She had both her hands on the window now, desperately longing to be with him. Then she remembered their last conversation, and how he had snarled at her. Her heart sank again and the joy that had for an instant light up her face vanished.

She looked at him, _« what is the point...?» _she said, then kicked off from the glass and vanished into the depts of the lake.

* * *

Snape had been overjoyed when she actually swam up to the window, and placed her hand over his. She seemed happy to see him. _« I miss you», _he thought as she was looking into his eyes. She was still smiling at him, not able to hear his thoughts. Then her smile faded and she seemed endlessly sad. She mouthed something to him, something he didnt catch, and swam away.

ooo

She swam ashore, barely waiting for the gillyweed to wear off, this didnt matter as she felt she couldnt breathe anyway. She fell on her knees in the sand, weeping into her hands. Sirius and Lupin came not too long after. « whats the matter, Sarah?» Lupin put this arms around her. She drew breath and wiped her eyes, « nothing I just lost track of time and felt as if I was about to drown. It just scared me» she lied. Sirius and Lupin exchangd glances, both of them knowing she was not being honest about this, but deciding not to bother her with further questions. Sirius kissed her hair, « come on, let's go get ready for dinner, it is your day after all» he winked at her.

ooo

* * *

ooo

Sarah had specifically told Dumbledore that she did not want a big fuss on her birthday. Staffmembers birthdays were always celebrated with an overly decorated staffroom, and a party lasting far into the morning hours. Usually Sarah was all for birthdays, and over-the-top celebrations, but this year she did not feel up to it.

She showered and sat down on the bed trying to figure out what she would wear. She had the box with the green kimono next to her, but she didnt feel it was quite the right occasion. She felt like saving that for something really special. She rumaged through the robes she had bought in Japan, and finally settled on a satin one. Creamy white, with bronze and gold embrodieries. It played beautifully against her golden sunkissed skin. She sent a well aimed summoning charm out the window and soon white blossoms came soaring in through the window.

She cast an everlasting charm on them and braided them into two thin braids on eitherside of her face. She then pulled the braids back and braided them together into one. It looked like she had a thin garland of flowers on her head.

Her hair hung loose around her in large perfect curls. She had made it even a little longer than usual, almost down to her bottom, and it was a deep shade of golden brown. She looked at her self in the mirror. She gave frowned a little. Had she still been in the muggle world, she would have felt appropriately dressed for a costume party, but she figured that in a world where people wore robes and cloaks daily, she could wear almost anything she felt like. With a shrug, she went to Lupins room.

ooo

Sirius opened the door. He said nothing, just gaped at her. « Is there something wrong?» she asked him. He still looked at her, « No, its... you look magical!», he said flabbergasted. « I guess that quite fitting considering I'm a witch...» she winked at him.

« Lupin is showering, when he gets out, we can all go to dinner». He sat down on Lupins bed and Sarah leaned back in the two seater in front of the fire.

« so where is this secret place you're taking me tonight?», she asked. Sirius shrugged and came to sit in one of the armcharis opposite her.

For a long time, he didnt say anything, just looked at her. Finally it was bothering her.

« what is it Sirius? Why are you staring?» she said, feeling like a shopdisplay.

« I was just thinking how that git could have you sitting on top of him, kissing him and not do anything about it», he finally said.

She gave him a stern look, « can we please refrain from mentioning him today?». She wanted to be able to enjoy her birthday, without thoughts of 'that git'. She was happy that they were taking her out to dinner. At least that way she didnt have to sit and stare at his empty chair at the table in the staffroom. Knowing that he was so obviously avoiding her hurt. More for each meal that passed without him.

Lupin came out of the bathroom, dressed and ready. « Sarah! You look fantastic!» he exclaimed.

« shall we?» Sirius was holding the door open, his hand outstrechted towards Sarah. She took his hand, and the three of them headed out.

ooo

The great hall was made to look like a japanese garden, with a large pond filled with waterlilies and in the middle of it an island where the diningtable was placed. There were small islands in each corner of the hall, on each a large stone lantern. Stepping stones made a path through the grass and pond over to the island where the table was. Instead of the usual hundreds of candles, there were hundreds of paper lanterns floating in the air, and from somewhere there came the unmistakable clunking of a bamboo water fountain.

Everyone was sitting at the table waiting for Sarah and the boys to come. Even Snape was there. He had not intended to go, but Dumbledore had gone down to him and told him that enough was enough.

That he should start acting like a grown man and stop hiding in the dungeons like a little kid. He had been reluctant at first, but Dumbledore had all but ordered him to be there. He was already regretting listening to Dumbledore, when Sarah came into the great hall. Sirius was covering her eyes with his hands, guiding her in to the room. Snape nearly fell of his chair when he saw Sarah.

_« she looks like a godess! », _he thought while strugglig to keep from staring at her. Sirius removed his hands, and Sarah saw what they had done to the great hall. She was speechless. She made her way across the stepping stones while saying, «Albus! I told you I didnt need a big fuss. This is so beautiful! It's far too much». She had made her way to the small island now and hugged Dumbledore who had stood up when she came in. Sirius and Lupin were right behind her. Dumbledore hugged her back and said, « Oh no my dear, of course I wanted to make your first birthday at Hogwarts special, but this...» he gestured around the room « this was all Sirius' doing».

She turned to Sirius, « you did all of this for me...?».

He took her hand and kissed it, « Happy Birthday, Sarah».

« Oh Sirius...» she flung her arms around his neck and hugged him. He gave her a quick but tender kiss on the lips. One by one the staff came over to give her a birthday hug. Snape remainded seated but after a terrifying look from Dumbledore, he got up to give her a hug. He came over to her, and all his anger and jealousy vanished as he got to take her into his arms. All he felt was his profound love for her.

ooo

After missing her for so long, the feeling of being allowed to hold her again was undescribable. Sarah felt the same way, she too had missed being in his arms, and now she did not want him to let go. She hoped that time would slow down and let her linger in the moment longer.

« Happy birthday Sarah», he whispered in her ear, his heart refusing his arms to let go. « Severus, you have no idea what it means to me to see you here», she whispered back. They reluctantly let go of eachother. Both desperate to hold on, yet both hurt and angry at eachother.

They sat down and Dumbledore made a champagnebottle pour itself in everyones glasses. « Let us all raise our glasses to the youngest member of our little group. Happy Birthday, Sarah. I'm sure I can speak for all of us when I say that these eight months you have been here, you have found a special place in all our hearts».

Dumbledore winked at Snape when he said the last part. Everyone toasted Sarah and the food appeared on the table. They ate and drank their fill and then the plates cleared and a gigantic triplelayer chocolatecake with dark chocolate icing appeared on the table. It had twentyseven gold candles. « remember to make a wish before you blow out the candles» Lupin told her, « but be careful what you wish for, because in this world, birthday wishes actually might come true».

Sarah closed her eyes and opened them. Her eyes met Snapes who was sitting exactly opposite her. She looked him straight in the eyes and held his gaze while blowing out every single candle.

« what did you wish for?» Sirius asked and took her hand. Sarah glanced over at Snape again and said, « I cant tell you Sirius, this one wish is one I so intensly want to come true, that I dare not do anything to jinx it. If it ever does, I'll let you know».

Snape noticed that Sirius had the exact same ring as Sarah on his right ringfinger aswell. He had a bad feeling of what this meant, but refused to think about it now.

ooo

« Now as tradition is, the birthday girl must cut the cake and hand out the pieces» , Lupin said and gave Sarah a large sharp knife. « alright, now where I grew up, the superstition is that if your piece of cake stands on your plate and does not fall while handed to you, you will be married within the year.» Sarah said. She then proceeded to cut the cake and hand out pieces to each and every one at the table. This little game made it a bit more intresting. Every piece was followed closely as it was placed on the plate and handed to whomever it was intended for. So far, every piece had fallen.

« This one is for you Severus», Sarah said and carved a large piece for him. It stood up while she placed it on the plate, and she handed it to him with a steady hand. He took it, and it was still standing. The table applauded him. « Looks like you'll be getting married» Sarah said and winked at him. Snape turned a light shade of pink. « dont worry, its just a game after all» she said again.

Sarahs own piece fell to one side as soon as she lowered it on the plate. « oh darn», she said and sat down to finally taste the cake. « well you _did_ just return from a honeymoon », Sirius said to her. Everyone at the table except Snape got the joke and laughed.

After second helpings of cake and lots more champagne, someone suggested that it would be nice to dance. With a flick of Dumbledores wand the pond turned to a dancefloor. Suddenly classical music was playing as from invisible speakers. Sarah didnt even care where the music was coming from.

ooo

« Milady?» Sirius was being very theatrical, bowing before her and offering her his hand. This made Pomfrey, Sprout and Hooch giggle like schoolgirls.

She took his hand, and he escorted her out on the dancefloor. « I dont know how to..» she whispered. « not to worry, just let me lead» he whispered back, and sure enough, she let him lead and they twirled and twirled. Soon more people were joining inn. Even Mcgonagall was being led out by Lupin now. Dumbledore was already twirling Pomfrey. The music and dances were all classical, and nothing like what Sarah was used to, but she figured this was to be expected as all of the staff, except her, Sirius, Lupin and Snape, were over the age of 70.

Everyone was dancing now, except Snape and professor Burnett. Snape was watching Sarah dancing around the small island with Sirius. Her long satin robes billowing around her legs, her hair being tossed here and there. She moved with graceful, fluid motions. He wanted to leave, watching her with Sirius was torture to him. Yet he was so enthralled by her, he could do nothing but sit and watch.

Sarah and Sirius came back to the table for more drinks. They were laughing at something. «come on Sarah! Dance with me some more» he beckoned her before she had even sat down. « No Sirius, I...» she whispered the rest in his ear. « alright then» he said somewhat disappointed, bowed and kissed her hand again without taking his eyes of her. Then he went to Burnett, and offered her his hand in the same overly theatrical manner. She took it and they went to dance leaving Sarah and Snape alone at the table.

ooo

« why arent you dancing?», she asked him. «I dont dance», he said in his deep low voice.

« Can I ask you a favour?»

She looked at him with a little smile. « as long as it does not involve dancing».

« Will you walk with me back to my room...» she said to him. He did not say anything, but stood up and offered her his hand. She took it and they discreetly left the great hall. Everyone was having so much fun dancing, that no one noticed them leave.

They did not speak to eachother while walking to Sarahs room. They didnt take any of the short cuts, and he held her hand the entire way. When they reached her door, the comfortable silence yieled to a more strained and ackward one.

A part of her wanted to ask him to come in with her, but a louder voice was saying,

_«let it go Sarah, he does not love you». _Snape wanted to kiss her, but he kept thinking about the ring that both she and Sirius was wearing._ « Let it go Severus, she does not love you»._

Suddenly he pulled her in for a hug. As he squeezed her in his arms, Sarah could feel their hearts beating in unison. She thought of that last day before she had left for London, how she had begged him to tell her to stay with him, but he had just looked at her and said nothing. An unwelcome feeling was building up inside her. She hugged him harder. As if it was the last time she would see him.

« happy birthday» he said again, still hugging her.

As he pulled back he saw her eyes were brimming with tears. « whats wrong Sarah?», he asked and brushed his thumb over her cheek. She smiled said, « oh nothing, I'm just drunk and overwhelmed. Thank you for walking with me. Good night». She went in and closed the door behind her, not wanting him to see her crying.

Snape headed for his own room, feeling that she had lied. As he undressed, he saw that one of the flowers she had braided in her hair, had come loose and was caught in his hair. He put it on his nightstand, and went to sleep, dreaming of her.

ooo

* * *

ooo

It was now less then two weeks til september 1st and the relaxed, slow summer pace, sped up as everyone was busy preparing for start of term. Sirius was leaving after the full moon two days after Sarahs birthday. It had been hard on the both of them, they had spent pratically every second of the whole summer together, and the bond between them had been strenghened immensly. The day before he was too leave, they spent the entire day alone together.

« after two months with you, I think I'll go crazy alone in that house» he called to her. Sarah was in the bathroom changing out of her swimwear.

She agreed, « it'll be so weird, waking up and not having you there. No Sirius at breakfast, no Sirius to go running with, no Sirius...»

He drew out his wand as she came out of the bathroom, « give me your right hand». She did as he asked. He put the tip of his wand on the ring on her hand, and muttered something. The ring glowed for a second, and then returned to normal. She took it of and read what was now engraved inside the ring. « Sirius, that is...» she had no word to decribe what she felt at this moment. « mine says the same, I thought we could keep them.» he said and again he kissed her. His kiss was as tender and loving as before, but again without the burning desire that she had felt when kissing Snape. There was just an underlying sadness to it.

« are you rea-» Lupin had just walked in and stopped midscentence when he saw they were embraced in a kiss. Sarah and Sirius broke apart. « I...», Lupin cleared his throat, «...came to get you two for dinner»

He looked from one to the other, a very puzzeled look on his face. « Oh great, I'm starving!» Sirius exclaimed, pretending nothing that happened.

Not at dinner, nor at the small party they had at Hagrids after, did Lupin mention what he had seen. Not until the next day after breakfast, when they had said goodbye to Sirius and he took off on his flying motorbike.

ooo

Lupin turned to her and said « So he finally told you how he felt about you?»

« you knew?» she asked him. « of course I knew, I've been his best friend for thirty years, havent I?» he replied, « the way he looks at you, specially the last three, four months. Oh I knew, but I didnt think you felt the same about him».

She hesitated, not really knowing how to explain, « It's a bit more complicated than that, Remus. He told me how he felt in Tokyo, but we talked it through and...well we both agree that it would have never worked between us. That it's not really a romantic thing, but something different. Like we share the same soul, we belong together, but not as a couple.» She looked at him, hoping he would understand what she meant. « is that why you are still wearing the rings?» he asked.

« you remember when I told you I knew what was broken inside Sirius? Well, I know because the same is broken inside me. The reason it could never be us is that the same pain that keeps us from being together, is the very foundation for the bond between us».

« but then why were you kissing?», he asked. « It was not like that, it was just a goodbye kiss, since he was leaving. It wasnt... it didnt feel like» she sighed « like when I kissed Severus..».

« so you still have feelings for him?». Lupin looked at her, questioningly. « Yes. I mean no, I've decided I'm not going to feel that way about him anymore».

Lupin laughed a little, « Sarah, you cant just decide that you dont love someone anymore...».

« No but I can decide that I'm going to ignore my feelings and move on. There is no point when he does not feel the same about me».

Lupin looked at her. She seemed so sad. « Sarah, I dont think thats true. When we got your letter, and everyone thought that you might have actually married Sirius... well, Snape was devastated».

« he was...?!»

« yes, it seemed the very idea that you might be taken, tortured him. He seemed utterly heartbroken.»

A flicker of hope light up inside Sarah. « thank you for telling me Remus» she said and kissed his cheek.

ooo

* * *

End notes: I realised something while going through this... When I scetched the outline for this story, it came with a prelude. A glipmse into the future, and the way the story was written was so that it looped up until it hit the prelude. If what I just said made any kind of sense... any way, I strayed from what idea, but now I feel maybe some of the details in the story will make more sense if I do have a prelude...

So I ask you, should I upload a prelude to this? Tell me what you think and I´ll listen ;-) and as always... thank you for reading.

* * *


	14. Second Semester

_Authors Notes: First of all to Mr. Darcy: Yes, of course I meant "prologue". Forgive me, but I tend to think in musical terms. _

_Secondly, I am so /unbelieveably/ sorry for the delayed update! Please, please forgive me and I promise you that the story will be concluded by the end of the year. RL has taken up a great deal of my time, and even though I have the entire tale scetched out and drafted, I still have blanks to fill in and I have been so uninspired for so long now. Glad to say that has changed and I am actually writing again. So I am uploading this, then I will start to fix the "Sarah & Sirius" chapter, since many seemed confused by that, and I will upload the prologue as soon as I tweak it a bit more, so that I am satisfied with it. _

_so, here you go, finally: _

**Chapter fourteen: Second semester**

* * *

Sarah knocked on Dumbledores door. « come in» he called from inside his office. « I brought you a copy of the lesson plans and schedule for muggle studies», she said as she came into the room.

She noticed Snape, standing with his back to the window, looking rather angry. Sarah gave him a faint smile before she turned to Dumbledore again, « I'm sorry Albus, I didnt mean to disturb»

« Oh you are not disturbing, I am only trying to persuade Severus to give remedial potions to his weakest students. There were too many that failed their potions O.W.L. last term» Dumbledore said with a smile. « If I have told you once, I have told you a milion times. I do not offer remedial potions. If they cant cope with what I so desperately try to teach them, it is not my problem!», Snape said angrily and slammed his hand on the windowsill. « in any case, I am too busy. With the regular lessons, and Sarahs, supervising the Dueling Club and all the detentions, I simply do not have the time».

« You know Severus, you are not required to hand out _that_ many detentions...», Dumbledore said with glittering eyes and a smile. Snape almost squeaked in offence and shot him a poisonous glare. Sarah focused her eyes on a door high up above their heads and bit her lip to not start laughing.

Then Dumbledore looked from Snape to Sarah, and an idea was quickly forming in his mind.

« All right, so you refuse to give remedial potions, but what if Sarah does it?» He looked at Sarah, waiting for an answer. « me...? but I couldnt possibly...», Sarah stuttered before Snape said, « that sounds good to me. We'll have to compare schedules to see when we can fit it in to both yours and mine».

Sarah could do nothing but stare at him, « but surely, I cant be teaching potions, remedial or otherwise. I mean its different with muggle studies, I spent 26 years as a muggle, but potions... thats just too-» Dumbledore cut her off this time, « Nonsense. You would only be teaching the fifth years, so it would not be anything you do not already know, and exceptionally well too, judging from your grade and what Severus keeps telling me. If you dont have any other objections than that, I think you will do an excellent job». Sarah looked at Snape. « do you really think I can do this?»

Snape gave her a single nod.

«Alright then, I guess I can at least try...», Sarah said hesitantly. Dumbledore beamed at her. «It's settled then! You and Severus can work out between yourselves when it suits you best. Just give me a heads up before the start of term».

* * *

Sarah and Snape left the headmasters office together. « You know, I really think you'll make a good potions mistress», he said to her as they were walking down to lunch. Sarah laughed, « Potions mistress...isnt that the exaggeration of the year!»

«Does this mean I get to scare the magic out of the students?», she teased. « yes of course, that is mandatory, one of the perks of the job in fact». He winked at her and for a moment they were back to what it was like between them before all the events of the summer.

Upon entering the staff room, both of them froze in their track. « Sirius!» Sarah cried out. Sirius who was standing at the other end of the room, talking to Lupin, ran up to Sara, lifted her of the ground and spun her around. « Have I missed you!» he said to her, still holding her up in the air. Sarah glimpsed Snapes expression and told Sirius to put her down.

«How can you _possibly_ have missed me? You've only been gone three days!»

Sarah pulled back from his hug. She was happy to see him, but having caught the look on Snapes face she was a bit annoyed that he was here. She had finally gotten back some of the old familiarity they had, and here Sirius was pushing him away from her again.

« well I figured that three days was more than enough time without you. There is still a week til the students return and I want to spend that with you», Sirius said not noticing that she wasnt exactly overjoyed to see him.

« thats great» she said trying not to sound too eager, but at the same time wanting Sirius to know that she was happy he was there.

After lunch she was dragged off to Hogsmeade. They didnt return to the castle until well into the night.

* * *

For three days she was dragged around almost against her will with an overly excited Sirius. She wanted to talk to Snape, she needed to talk to him. Not just because they had to make arrangements about the potionsclasses, but also because she wanted to see if there was some actual truth to what Lupin had told her. She had not yet had the chance though, for Sirius demanded her full attention and companionship the entire day and well into the night. Finally on thursday before the start of term, she woke up dead early, in between Sirius and Lupin.

She slid out of bed, got dressed as quietly as she could and went down to the dungeons. She had Snapes password and could have walked right in, but decided to knock. He opened the door, still groggy and half asleep.

« I'm sorry, I didnt mean to wake you, I thought you would be up by now», she said carefully. « It dosent matter», he said while rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, « I would have woken up soon anyway. What is it?».

« well I was thinking that we should probably set up the lesson plans. I've been meaning to come see you for three days, but I couldnt get away from S-. Well, I mean I finally got the chance now, and if you dont mind, I thought we could get started».

« well come in while I wash up and we can get this over with».

She had not been in his room since before London. Sabine came over to her as soon as she entered the room._ « we have missed you»_

_«we?» _

_« oh yes, he has definitely missed you...» _Sabine looked over at Snape. Loyalty to her master kept her from wanting to divulge too much about what the mood in that room had been like since Sarahs last visit.

Snape took some fresh robes with him and dissapeared into the bathroom. « shall I send for some tea and breakfast?» Sarah called after him. « Coffee!» he called back from behind the door.

Sarah did just that, and as she was waiting for Snape and for the breakfast to come. She found herself wondering what would happen if she just walked right into the shower and kissed him. She didnt of course. He came out of the shower and they sat down to have breakfast and to work out the schedule. Snape found that as long as he didnt think about the whole 'Black-thing', as he called it, he could actually relax and enjoy himself around her.

* * *

« alright how about this, you only have two early lessons in muggle studies on fridays. I can switch my own after- lunch double potions to tuesday, that way the classroom is free after lunch on fridays, until our little lesson at five. You can have your potions class then», he said after playing around with the puzzle that were their schedules for about half an hour.

Sarah didnt answer, but smiled dreamily.

« are you paying attention to this? What are you grinning about?»

She smiled even wider. « '_my_ potions class', I like the sound of that. If this goes well, I might just set my eyes on your job». She nudged his shoulder.

«Let's see if you can theach these airheads anything first». He gave her a smirk and returned the nudge.

« oh dont worry, I think most of the kids do lousy in potions because they are too preoccupied with not pissing you off to focus, you grouch. Just you wait till I tell them about the Professor Snape that _I_ know. That'll make them relax. You'll see». She nudged him back again, and this time he caught her hand and didnt let go.

« and just exactly _who_ is the professor Snape that _you_ know?»

« well he is a man that likes to _pretend_ that he is this terrifying snake, mostly because the mean part of him likes it when the students get unsure and dont even dare to look at him, but in real life he is a joker and he is also very sweet, more a fluffy little kitten, than a snake».

She made to pull her hand back, but he didnt let go. She raised an eyebrow at him and he gave her a little smirk.

« You cant tell them that! Years of carefully building up a reputation. Students telling their younger siblings that 'when you start at Hogwarts just dont cross Snape, or he might pickle you in one of his jars'. I am the legendary snake of the dungeons, you cant turn me into a bloody kitten», he said jokingly. She replied with a small stereotypical witches cackle.

« by the way, I forgot to thank you for that gift. That was fantastic! Its almost impossible to get anything from an icebreather, them being so damn rare and all, and even the tears. How on earth did you get her tears?» Snape exclaimed, possibly to draw their attenions away from the connection between them.

« I told you, I broke her heart. Easiest way to get a girls tears, dragon or human.» Sarah said, and pulled her hand out of his. Snape was quick to change the subject, « and just the fact that you even remembered me while... well thank you Sarah».

« How could I possibly ever forget about you?! I l-», she bit her tung, « so did you miss me?».

Snape looked at her, then looked away. He wanted to say 'yes, I nearly died without you. I couldnt eat or sleep or breathe. Dont you ever leave me again', but a small whispering yes was all he could muster.

With a careful smile, Sarah took his hand and entwined her fingers into his.

He turned to look at her again, and she looked him straight in the eyes. His deep black eyes, that always made her heart skip a dozen beats. « I missed you too, Severus».

That certain magical silence fell over the room. Snape squeezed her hand just a little and Sarah licked her lips. Both of them were wondering what would happen if they just kissed the other one, but at that exact moment there was a loud knock on the door that broke the spell. Both Sarah and Snape thought, _« I'll kill whoevers behind that door!». _

It was, of course, Sirius. « so this is where you are. I woke up and you werent there. Did you forget we are going to Diagon Alley today?»

Then he noticed they were holding hands. He had clearly interrupted something, and deep down he liked that.

« I had to come down to set up the remedial potions lesson plans. I cant just ignore my job and go running of with you, you know». « what? Why are you taking remedial potion? I thought you were excellent at that». She laughed. That finally broke the tension in the room, « I forgot to tell you! I'm not taking remedial potions, I'm teaching it!».

« That's fantastic! That this rate, you'll be a fully fledged professor in no time».

He came over and hugged her. Snape noticed she pulled away rather quickly, _« trouble in paradise?»_ he thought to himself and almost smiled at the idea.

Sirius almost dragged Sarah with him out of the dungeons. They had planned to go spend the day in Diagon Alley. Not that they had any particular business there. It was more for fun, or as Sirius didnt want to admit to Sarah, he just wanted to be alone with her.

* * *

It was the second of september. Sarah was having breakfast in her offical seat at the stafftable, between Lupin and Burnett. Sirius had left on sunday, without a goodbye kiss this time. Sarah had not had the chance to talk to Snape since the morning in his room. She had decided that all of that would have to wait. Between muggles studies, potions and her own lessons, she had a more than full plate and if she wanted to finish her N.E. the following june, as planned, she needed focus.

Yesterday at the start of term feast, the four Ravenclaw girls she had prepared for her exams with came running to her to tell her that they all had got Outstandings on all of their exams. They were overjoyed to hear that Sarah too, had acheived the same results. Following breakfast there was the usual handing out the students schedules and signing up for classes. Sarah was delighted to find that more than twentyfive fifth years had signed up for remedial potions. A whole classroom of students that were hers. It was different than the muggle studies third year classes she taught. There she merely followed Professor Burnetts lesson plans, but this was her own class. Her domain, her setup.

She had no classes today, so she went to the staffroom, and started on the sixth year defence against the Dark Arts book.

Her schedule had changed since before the summer. She now had defense againts the dark arts on mondays, followed by herbology on tuesdays, charms, transfiguration and once again potions on fridays. She had classes to teach on wendesdays and fridays, friday being the busiest day of her week, with two double muggle studies before lunch, then three hours of remedial potions, then her own potions lessons. She had also set aside an hour a day to grade essays and assignments for Burnett. Luckily Snape would be handling essays and exams for her potions class, but she still had her days packed. She had after all in addition to all this, the studying she needed to do for the subjects she was studying on her own. Arithmancy and Astronomy. She had cut back out Ancient runes and History of magic to clear her shedule for Mcgonagalls special Human Transfigurations class. That was a two-part class only offered to the seventh-years. The first semester was dedicated the Animagus-study, and the second to transfiguring other humans.

She would also be learning to apparate after the new year, something she hadnt been allowed by Dumbledore to sign up for last semester, because he feared her magical knowledge just wasnt enough yet. To top it all off, she was still having lunches with Trelawney to learn the true art of divination.

She had not really had time to think about what she wanted to do after 'graduation', but had noticed that throughout the staff, there was an assumtion that she would stay as Hogwarts to teach,

During the first week, Sarah was starting to fear that perhaps she had bit off more than she could chew.

The advanced classes were much more difficult than she had expected, much more demanding of her time. She was also expected to start mastering unspoken spells at this level. She had cast unspoken spells more than a few times, but it had always been unintentionally. Times when her head was so crammed with thoughts that her hand and wand almost acted on their own. She was determined, however, to repeat last years success and get top marks on all her subjects. She would not settle for anything less.

By lunchtime on friday, and she was exhausted, yet exhilirated that in half an hour she would have her first potions class to teach.

* * *

« So, are you ready?» Snape asked as he was clearing his things to give her the desk.

« Ready to embark on my secret plan to steal your job? Oh yes!», she said and sat down in his chair. She put her legs up on the table, and her hands behind her head.

« see... I _belong_ behind this desk», she said and winked at him.

« I cant argue with that but as I've said before, let's see if you can teach these dumbnuts anything».

« Severus, I believe we have a bet on our hands...» she said, getting back up from the chair, « I bet you that within three weeks, that is after their first assignment, every single one of my students will have gone up one grade from what they got on their previous one. Do you take the bet?».

« well, what do I get when I win?» Snape said in an overly cocky voice. « that is irrelevant, because you _wont_ win, but when I do, I get one favor. One single request that you _cant_ say no to», Sarah said, mimicking his tone. « As long as it does not involve dancing, or being nicer to the students, I'm up for it. But if I win, and be sure I will win, I get the same. A single request that you have to agree to»

She moved closer, they were nose to nose now, staring at eachother.

« You're on, kitten» she whispered just as the students were entering the classroom. « they're all yours» Snape said with a slight bow, and went into his quarters.

He sat down on his favorite spot, the windowseat, picked up the book he was reading, and listened to Sarah talking to the students.

* * *

« Hello class» she said in a clear, very different voice than the soft tone she normally spoke to him in. There were some half hearted murmurs of hello, and scratching of chairs being pulled back.

«STOP! That will not do at all!» Sarah said in a loud voice, so stern that it even made Snape jump.

« Get up! All of you! Stand behind you chairs. Those of you who know me from mugglestudies know that I have very few rules in my classes. Number one is simple politeness. From now on when you enter my classroom, you will stand behind your chairs until I tell you that you maybe seated, and when I say 'hello class', I expect a proper response. Let's try again. Hello class!». Twentysix voices said « Hello Miss. Kessler» in perfect unison.

« Now you may be seated» Sarah told the class. He heard the students sitting down quickly and in perfect silence, no one daring speak out of turn. Sarah went on, « Now, you are the first remedial potions class in twenty years! That is just embarrasing. A school like Hogwarts should not have to teach remedial anything. I have been stuck with you, as professor Snape calls you, dumbnuts. I am well aware that that is an awful thing to say, so my plan is to make him have to eat his words. I intend to turn this remedial potions, into the advanced potions. If you do as I say, I will make sure that you not only pass you O.W.L, but get top marks aswell. There will be little actual potions making in this class. You do that in Professor Snapes classes, here I will teach you the art and science behind making potions. I will teach you to understand and know the ingredients. When you understand the prosess behind it, making the potion itself is as easy as cake. Now does everyone have their book on page 36? Excellent! Let's begin..»

Snape had never witnessed Sarah teach before and was astounded by the authority and knowledge in her tone. She sounded as if she had done nothing other than teach potions her entire life. She was so stern and demanding, that she could have easily given Mcgonagall a run for her money. He stretched out, smiling and thinking that if possible, he loved her even more now.

« now, for next week I want you all to read the first three chapters of 'the hundred most common magical herbs and their hundred most common uses is potions'» he heard Sarah say and knew she was wrapping up the lesson. There were some disgruntled moans and murmurs of protests from the students.

SMACK! Sarah had slammed her hand down on the desk. « Rule number two; there will be no moaning in my class! Most of you are here because you have been slouching off for the past four years, that means that you will have to work at least twice as hard to catch up to your fellow students. And yes, miss. Graham, I am fully aware that the book was not on your lists, that is why there are 26 copies reserved and waiting for you at the library. I want two rolls of summary on the first three chapters, and remember that I am a seer, so if you dont do it, or copy of someone elses, I will know and there will be hell to pay. If you think that Professor Snape can turn bad, you do not want to cross me! If anyone has any problems or questions, come to me during the week and I will be happy to help. Class dismissed».

Snape waited until he heard no more students in the classroom and came out. « so it seems I'm not the only one that has a mean streak.» he smiled at her proudly. « I never expected you to be so naturally gifted at teaching».

« Oh it isnt natural at all. The recipe for a good professor was quite easy to figure out. I took a handful of my favorite professors from old universities, and extraced the qualities I liked about them, added a little of Remus' kindness, and a touch of Minervas sense of fairness, and just a sprinkle of a snarky potions master on top for that extra...», she smirked, «...intimidation».

«more than a sprinkle from what I heard...», he smirked back.

Her whole face broke into a smile. « well, maybe I am more fond of snarky potions masters than most». Then there was a slight tinge of pink in her cheeks, for just a second before her face turned to normal.

« I was really impressed by that little speech of yours. So you plan to make me eat my words, are you? How are you going to pull that off with that lot, I have no idea. Half of them barely even show up for classes, and expecting them to do their homework... I wont believe it until I see it».

« Severus, you of all people should know that there is often more underneath the surface, than meets the eye. Just you wait and see, Professor Snape, just you wait and see».

* * *

The following friday, Snape and Sarah were heading for the dungeons together. « so you think that they have done as you told them, that they have even bothered showing up?» he asked, as they came upon the classroom.

Sarah didnt have to answer this, for as she opened the door to the room, there were twenstysix students, standing behind their chairs, waiting for her. On the teachers desk, there was a tall stack of parchments. « hello class!» she said as she and Snape made their way to his desk. « hello miss. Kessler» said twentysix voices in perfect unison. « and...?».

« hello professor Snape» they said, once again almost as one.

She looked over at Snape, « hello class» he said reluctantly. Sarah counted the rolls of parchment on the desk, «...and twentysix. Excellent! Five points to each house, since you all learned your first lesson. Do as I say. Now, professor, what was it you asked me again?», she looked at Snape, a teasing smirk on her lips.

« It dosent matter» he grunted. « very well», she turned to the class again, « are there any questions related to your homework?»

Over the next two weeks, Snape noticed that Sarahs students had dramatically changed their ways in his classes. From being perfectly apathetic in class, or so nervous they could barely speak, they were now asking questions and showing actual interest. Outside of class, there was barely a time he saw Sarah without one or two students around her, wanting something explained. He had now given them their first essay, and was slightly nervous that he might actually loose the bet. Not just because of his pride, but because he was nervous of what Sarah might ask of him.

Finally the third friday came, and all of the essays were handed in. That evening, during Sarahs own potions lesson. He sat down to grade them, while she was experimenting with a recipe from her book.

* * *

At around nine he had finished. He leaned back and sighed. She noticed he was done, and came and sat on his desk. One leg dangling, one resting on the arm of his chair. « well...?» she said.

He sighed again, « looks like I lost the bet. They all have gone up at least one grade, some even two».

Sarah threw her arms up in the air, « YES!».

« did you bewitch them?» Snape asked her, not really joking. « No, Severus. Now I believe I have a request that you cannot say no to...».

« it better not be any leude sexual favors», he said, while deep down kind of wishing it was.

« Dont be so perverted!»

She gave him a gentle kick in the shoulder with the leg she was resting on his chair, « it is very innocent. My sister turns thirty on the 29th, and she is having a party the weekend before. Next weekend that is. I am of course going home to celebrate with her, and she has invited my friends to come with me. Remus and Sirius have already said yes, and I want you to come too».

She looked at him, waiting for his answer. « she has invited _me_?», he asked in slight disbelief. She nodded, « yep! I have told her a lot about you, and how close we are. She _specificall_y told me to ask you if you would like to come. Will you come? Please?».

He exhaled, « when are we leaving?».

« Seeing as I rarely get to visit my sister, I am going for the whole weekend. Friday morning til sunday evening, and the two pups are staying that long as well, so I want you to be there the _whole_ weekend» she said, « and before you start complaining that you have classes to teach, and head of house duties. I have already talked with Dumbledore, he thinks its a great idea that you come along, and has already arranged for Professor Vector to take over your friday classes, and your duties for the weekend». She beamed at him now.

« you arranged this before even asking me?» he gave her a very angry look. It was the same look that he gave his students, when they messed up their potions. It terrified them, and had on more than a few occations made a student cry.

It did not work on Sarah though, she merely laughed. « well, I knew I was going to win that bet, didnt I. Now are you saying you are not coming? Are you not a man of your word Professor Snape?»

She gave him her 'angry teacher' look now, it sent shivers down his spine. He had never seen that look before. « If that is the look you give your students, no wonder you have them whipped into compliance».

« well, yes, but I would never whip you. Severus, not unless you asked me to» she said with a smile. _« Is she flirting with me? No, __she couldnt be. She is married to Black»_ he assured himself. « so you are coming?» she asked. He nodded. « Excellent!», she exclaimed and jumped down from his desk. She went over to the table where she had been working and gathered up her things.

« but I dont have any muggle clothes» he suddenly remembered. «that has been taken care of» she said as she left his classroom.

* * *

« Sarah, I was thinking...», Dumbledore said one morning as he and Sarah were headed to lunch together. « You have a way with Severus. He seems to have... a soft spot for you... cant you try and convince him to come to this years Halloween costume ball? I try every year of course, but every year he mysteriously vanishes after classes that day».

« well, Albus, if he dosent like Halloween, it is hardly my place to-». « No, no, you misunderstand. You see its his birthday, and I know for a fact he goes off to spend it alone, and forget about the entire event. I would really like to see him actually enjoy his day. Just once»

« I thought his birthday was in january...?». She looked at him puzzled. Dumbledore shook his head.

« so he is a Scorpio.. that _does_ make much more sense than a Capricorn», she said to herself and turned to Dumbledore. « I'll see what I can think up, but I wont force him to do anything he dosent want to!»

Dumbledore laughed. « Oh I have a feeling _you_ wont have a hard time talking him into it...».

When they arrived at the Great Hall her class came running to her. They all had potions with Snape on thursday mornings, divided into two groups. Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs at eight. Gryffindors and Slytherins at ten.

They all had their essays with them, wanting to show her their grades, knowing that tomorrow she would not be there. Most had Acceptable, but a few had Exceeds Expectations.

« this is fantastic!» she said to them, pretending she had not been there when Snape was grading them. « and to think, after a mere three weeks. Imagine how much more you can do within the end of year! Let's say twenty points to each house! Now huddle up, I have an assignment for you. As you know I wont be here tomorrow, but that does not mean you are let off. I want you to use the time we would have had for lessons to find me six of the ingredients we have been studying. Right here in the Hogwarts grounds. You will do this the whole class together, and I want individual reports on the things you have found, where you found them and their properties. from Hufflepuff, and Mr. Rosbach from Slytherin will be in charge of the little excurtion. Is this alright with you two?» she looked at the boy and girl she had mentioned.

They nodded eagerly. « This is about working together as a class. House rivalries will be set aside. I want you all to cooperate, even on the reports. Remember, if you dont, I will know... Now if I dont see you until I leave, have a great weekend and see you next week»

She smiled at them, and went to sit at the staff table. The group of students dispersed to their various house tables. She loved that class. She loved teaching. She loved teaching potions! _« someday, I might really be after your job Severus», _she thought to herself and winked at him as he was coming to the table.

Snape saw her winking, but couldnt understand why.


End file.
